Meetup.com is pretty goodHope this doesn’t derail the thread too much but I wonder if anybody may have any advice.
Recently realised that between the pandemic, changing jobs, working from home, some friends moving to different countries and other friends having kids and disappearing, our social circle has shrunk to nothing. I appreciate that my age group is mostly busy parenting and new social circles are formed around schools and sports clubs for the kids.
We have a lot of good friends living abroad but that’s not enough for regular interactions.
Pandemic restrictions notwithstanding (as hopefully they won’t last forever!), how do childfree couples go about making new friendships?
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Meetup.com is pretty good
I'm pretty close with a lot of my colleagues who are between 25-33 (I'm 37). I find the younger ones very difficult to relate to, so when they have children I think I will struggle. In my main friendship group, I'm the only childfree one and I find it very frustrating, you're not mean, you are being honest - it's one of the reasons I don't want them. One of my friends said to me 'its hard work having two children' - well yeh, I could have told you that!
ETA; sorry that's written so badly, I clearly need to go to bed!
I used to be very close with colleagues at an old job but to make a long story short, I got very badly burned and wouldn’t be getting close again to colleagues in a hurry. My current job is 100% remote regardless of the pandemic, so I haven’t met any of my colleagues in person, and mostly I deal with people I manage directly, so a close relationship would be out of the question regardless. Ironically the remote thing really works for me and my mental health so I wouldn’t want to change that at all.
I feel like I really tried when my friends had kids but it didn’t work out. It was impossible for them to talk about anything else. Obviously it was the biggest thing to ever happen to them, and I wanted to be supportive but it was not sustainable.
I feel like I could have written this myself so you are definitely not alone! I've lost a couple of friends to parenthood, and even the ones who are child free don't seem to want to make the effort anymore. I'm not sure if it's a symptom of my age group (early/mid thirties).
I still have a couple of close friends but mostly I just hang out with my husband. I'm joining a gym in the next few weeks so might meet some new people in classes etc.
I find it can be a bit of a two way street sometimes. I met up with some of my partner’s friends a few months ago and all they talked about were their kids…not one of them made me feel included/asked me a question about my life, so now I find I don’t want to particularly make an effort with them either!
100%.
And I found if you try to say anything they can be dismissive, like if you mention you’re tired. You can’t possibly be as tired as they are.
Busy? Omg you can’t be busy without kids. Etc etc.
Really off putting.
I think I said this further back in the thread but I think some parents think if you’re childfree you have some kind of mega glamorous, carefree life…errr no we still have family/money/health/work issues to deal with, but of course it all pales in comparison with the struggles of parenthood…
This is so true. It’s incredibly depressing when friends have children. Such a wrench.
Most of my social groups are child free but also single so I find the issue is me being the only one in a long term relationship and I get excluded on that front. I lost two friends to motherhood as the conversations were so painful and boring, they had nothing but the kids to talk about. My husband is fine with his free friends from school he sees once in a blue moon, I see my parents quite a bit too.
I joined a Facebook group for local 20-30 year olds and met a lovely group of ladies and we meet up once a week for drinks and things.
I joined a Facebook group for local 20-30 year olds and met a lovely group of ladies and we meet up once a week for drinks and things.
I cut off a friend for this a few years back, I was finishing my PhD whilst also starting another professional postgraduate course and omg I have never been so tired in my life. I honestly was living on 4 hours’ sleep max for months. My friend had a 1 year old at the time and I met up with her, she told me outright I looked exhausted and I had horrible eyebags etc. I didn’t volunteer any information about how awful it was, I wasn’t complaining - she just straight up told me. So I said ‘yeah, it’s really hard at the moment, I’m so tired’ and she just launched into this unprovoked tirade at me about how I couldn’t possibly be that tired because I didn’t know what it’s like to have a baby and one day when I had one I’d look back and think this was nothing, and that 4 hours sleep was more than she would get with a baby. I don’t think I’ve ever been so pissed off, honestly just so insensitive and unnecessary. Apparently she did the same to another mutual friend of ours too so at least it wasn’t just me I guess
I had 2 very close friends from childhood, who both went on to have kids. I tried my best to stay in touch with them, but met ups always revolved around the kids and they would never meet up without them. It got to a point where I couldn't stand it any more, I was going through some stuff that I wanted to share with them but wasn't appropriate for little ears. I let things fizzle out if I'm honest.
I don't have many people I would call friends. I have one other childfree friend but she's just got into a new relationship so she's tied up with him and now it's a kind of thing where I have to meet both of them or neither!
I do have a few friends that I met through the gym, we're not friends in that we go out together or meet up outside of the gym but we are very supportive of each other and we enjoy doing our classes together. Most of them have older kids or have younger ones but the gym is what they do to relax and have a break from them, so the conversation is not dominated by kids! I love my little gym group!
I'm going through this currently as two of my closest friends had babies this year and I'm feeling pretty lonely and distant. I don't know if thepandemic is playing a part, but it just feels like people aren't making any effort anymore.
When they announced their pregnancies on the same weekend (they don't know each other) I had this feeling of dread and everything I worried would happen has happened
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Family friends have thankfully stopped asking, sorry telling me, that I'll change my mind about children when I meet "Mr Right". My response was always that "Mr Right" will not want children. Any dating profile I've had in the past has also made it clear. I dont think it's fair that we cannot make a choice for sterilisation until you've had x amount of kids either. I'm mid 30s now, I made my mind up in my early teens and its never going to change either.
I do love my friends children but I'm glad AF they're not mine! I love being able to do what I want, when I want. I also do not want photos of your kids and I will not go aww aren't they sweet as I don't think they are
. Happy to be a cat lady, they're hard enough work and I don't have to pack up the house to go to the shop lol
I do love my friends children but I'm glad AF they're not mine! I love being able to do what I want, when I want. I also do not want photos of your kids and I will not go aww aren't they sweet as I don't think they are
. Happy to be a cat lady, they're hard enough work and I don't have to pack up the house to go to the shop lolI have an appointment at the doctors (over the telephone) to discuss sterilisation. I’m 31 in a very long term relationship and have never wanted children and never had my partner. I have anxiety and depression so as well as never wanting kids and i probably wouldn’t cope with them! I am hoping I can have the sterlisation operation.
Don’t ask. Demand it. Don’t be fobbed off with “you might change your mind”. Best of luck.
I wish I were brave enough to do this! I definitely don't want kids and I'm a bit older than you but I don't have the fight in me to do it.
Choosing pets over babies is ‘selfish and diminishes us’, says pope
Pontiff laments ‘denied parenthood’ and people who ‘substitute cats and dogs for children’
www.theguardian.com
I'm giving this the Pete Campbell shrug
Give me all the animals!!Choosing pets over babies is ‘selfish and diminishes us’, says pope
Pontiff laments ‘denied parenthood’ and people who ‘substitute cats and dogs for children’
I'm giving this the Pete Campbell shrug
View attachment 966278
Strange definition of selfish from the figurehead of an organisation that holds billions of dollars-worth of hoarded wealth whilst encouraging overpopulation in some of the world’s poorest countries, but ok.Choosing pets over babies is ‘selfish and diminishes us’, says pope
Pontiff laments ‘denied parenthood’ and people who ‘substitute cats and dogs for children’
I'm giving this the Pete Campbell shrug
View attachment 966278
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