Childfree by Choice #2

[Into_the_tunnel]

Just popping on to say how much I agree with all your comments here.

Mrs T and I haven’t had lots of “why haven’t you had..” comments, because my side are generally child-free anyway and her side think lesbians can’t have children (long story and very very sad).

However, this year I have noticed that we have been treated as though we are incapable and much younger than our just over 40 years because we obviously don’t have the maturity required to choose to have children (I don’t know if I am expressing myself correctly here). Her parents admonished us for saying we were going to buy a slightly bigger car (needed for Mrs T’s commute), when her younger brother who earns far less (but has 2 kids) is fine to have 2 massive SUVs. Our neighbours either tell us off for things or imply we need help in the house when the younger ones ( with kids) are left alone.

Baffling.

 

[Shineyshine]

Just popping on to say how much I agree with all your comments here.

Mrs T and I haven’t had lots of “why haven’t you had..” comments, because my side are generally child-free anyway and her side think lesbians can’t have children (long story and very very sad).

However, this year I have noticed that we have been treated as though we are incapable and much younger than our just over 40 years because we obviously don’t have the maturity required to choose to have children (I don’t know if I am expressing myself correctly here). Her parents admonished us for saying we were going to buy a slightly bigger car (needed for Mrs T’s commute), when her younger brother who earns far less (but has 2 kids) is fine to have 2 massive SUVs. Our neighbours either tell us off for things or imply we need help in the house when the younger ones ( with kids) are left alone.

Baffling.

This resonates with me. We, not often, but occasionally over the years, get comments from friends with kids that imply we’re incompetent or childish ourselves because we haven’t grown up (ie not had children). I don’t think my husband notices, and I just shrug it off. I put it down to the fact that it’s the only thing they can feel as though they can get one up on us. I think they see us free and easy, still able to do as we please, and it irks them so they have a little dig with the only thing they’ve got We’re childish, big whoop, if that’s all they’ve got I’ll take it

 

[ElectricDreams]

The boring part resonates with me. I find children boring (younger ones especially). I cant imagine spending each day trudging to the park watching them play, forcing conversations with other parents etc. Then having to play with them constantly to keep their minds active because you feel guilty about putting them in front of a screen. The daily life of parenting seems incredibly dull. And I live a dull life already but it’s stress free.

One of the main reasons I gave up childminding was the boredom factor. I can't put into words how mind numbingly boring it is to stand in a freezing cold park or a sweaty soft play centre. I hated small talk in the school playground and trying to fill the days with new and exciting activities when all they wanted to do was watch telly or play with the same old things day in day out.

Yes I got a lot of joy out of seeing the children grow and develop, and I had lovely relationships with all of them, but 90% of the time, it was very mundane. Being a parent would be a bit different as the children would grow and discover new interests, so parenthood would be constantly changing, whereas I've been on a treadmill of constant toddlerhood.

I think this is a huge reason why I haven't had kids. I think I might have got broody if I hadn't worked in childcare, but I'm kind of glad I got a bit of an insight before I committed to anything!

 

[OhhBacon]

One of the main reasons I gave up childminding was the boredom factor. I can't put into words how mind numbingly boring it is to stand in a freezing cold park or a sweaty soft play centre. I hated small talk in the school playground and trying to fill the days with new and exciting activities when all they wanted to do was watch telly or play with the same old things day in day out.

Yes I got a lot of joy out of seeing the children grow and develop, and I had lovely relationships with all of them, but 90% of the time, it was very mundane. Being a parent would be a bit different as the children would grow and discover new interests, so parenthood would be constantly changing, whereas I've been on a treadmill of constant toddlerhood.

I think this is a huge reason why I haven't had kids. I think I might have got broody if I hadn't worked in childcare, but I'm kind of glad I got a bit of an insight before I committed to anything!

This is really interesting because I also think some of my lack of desire for children came from working with children. I don’t recall ever being broody; growing up I don’t ever remember really wanting children but when I started working with them I realised the huge commitment and actual boredom they bring.
That cute baby become a demanding toddler, then a time sapping school child then a challenging teenager. There is no stage in their life that I think is fabulous from birth to adult…is hard.

When you work with children people will assume you want your own….for me it is the opposite, am happy to educate the, but also delighted to send them home and have ‘me time’!

Just to add, I am genuinely surprised by how surprised parents are about the demands of children. As often their first experience of this is when they have their own kids!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

One of the main reasons I gave up childminding was the boredom factor. I can't put into words how mind numbingly boring it is to stand in a freezing cold park or a sweaty soft play centre. I hated small talk in the school playground and trying to fill the days with new and exciting activities when all they wanted to do was watch telly or play with the same old things day in day out.

Yes I got a lot of joy out of seeing the children grow and develop, and I had lovely relationships with all of them, but 90% of the time, it was very mundane. Being a parent would be a bit different as the children would grow and discover new interests, so parenthood would be constantly changing, whereas I've been on a treadmill of constant toddlerhood.

I think this is a huge reason why I haven't had kids. I think I might have got broody if I hadn't worked in childcare, but I'm kind of glad I got a bit of an insight before I committed to anything!

I think working with children was the final nail in the child bearing coffin for me too.

I have loads of reasons for not wanting kids, my own difficult upbringing, my own mental health problems, a desire to live as stress free as possible, but working with kids also put me off hugely!

 

[Jane Porcupine]

My mum is staying here for Christmas. Her sister (my aunt) is very high maintenance and appeared to fall out with us on Christmas Day because we weren't texting her throughout the day. My aunt and uncle are childfree.

We were talking about my aunt's behaviour last night and my mum said several times, "I think it's jealousy because she doesn't have children." Or, "I think she's lonely because she doesn't have children."

I said, you do realise you are saying this to my face? I don't have have children either!

My mum has always readily accepted that I didn't want them, and then conversations like this happen and you realise actually they *do* think there's something missing in your life.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Two days around the dysfunctional members of my family was enough reassurance that my husband and I made the right decision. Christmas day also had no kids as my cousin was at her in-laws, so we could drink and swear with abandon, even my relatives remarked how nice it was adults only.

 

[Shaunaftw]

This resonates with me. We, not often, but occasionally over the years, get comments from friends with kids that imply we’re incompetent or childish ourselves because we haven’t grown up (ie not had children). I don’t think my husband notices, and I just shrug it off. I put it down to the fact that it’s the only thing they can feel as though they can get one up on us. I think they see us free and easy, still able to do as we please, and it irks them so they have a little dig with the only thing they’ve got We’re childish, big whoop, if that’s all they’ve got I’ll take it

Aren't adults that are (the good kind of childish) the best people out there though? One of my best friends at work is what I'd describe as childish and he just we just laugh all day which makes the day/job go better! The world is a bad enough place as it is. One of the few things I remember of my father from when I was younger is that he was very childish too, it's great to have parents that are just big kids.
Maybe childish is the wrong word for what I'm trying to describe but I'm I act the same was with my dog. I'm like a 10 year old running and playing with him like a loon, he loves it and so do I. People probably see us playing and think 'God grow up' but I couldn't care less .
Nobody should take themselves too seriously! I do wonder how much people regret the decision that they've had children and probably envy us for choosing not to!

 

[Shineyshine]

Aren't adults that are (the good kind of childish) the best people out there though? One of my best friends at work is what I'd describe as childish and he just we just laugh all day which makes the day/job go better! The world is a bad enough place as it is. One of the few things I remember of my father from when I was younger is that he was very childish too, it's great to have parents that are just big kids.
Maybe childish is the wrong word for what I'm trying to describe but I'm I act the same was with my dog. I'm like a 10 year old running and playing with him like a loon, he loves it and so do I. People probably see us playing and think 'God grow up' but I couldn't care less .
Nobody should take themselves too seriously! I do wonder how much people regret the decision that they've had children and probably envy us for choosing not to!

Good point! I’d like to think we’re fun people to be around

 

[Inforapenny]

I was a teacher for over 10 years. Guarantee that'll put you off kids for life.
I think my husband and I have a more genuine relationship than so many of my friends who are in relationships because they want or have had kids together.
One friend from school posted all the time over look down about her loved up relationship/husband of 10 years only for them to now be over. They have 2 boys, looks like he's not in their lives but I wonder did they stay together for years because of the kids and just pretended to be happy

 

[Anne1448]

There must be a correlation between being in close contact with kids regularly and people who do not want kids.

The only people I know in my entourage who had kids either grew up as only child in a small family or they are religious.

No one in their right mind would want to have kids after dealing with them on a daily basis.

When I look after my nieces and nephews for a few days my finances, quality of life, mental health and well-being all go down the drain. Simply doing groceries, cooking, cleaning, going to the park and having to deal with tantrums for a few days is enough.

 

[ElectricDreams]

I used to constantly remind myself when I was working with kids, that I get to have them when they are (usually) on their best behaviour. However stressful or boring I was finding it, at least I wasn't dealing with trying to run a house at the same time, looking after them when they were sick, or dealing with their tantrums. I was essentially getting the best bits, but even they weren't great!

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

There must be a correlation between being in close contact with kids regularly and people who do not want kids.

The only people I know in my entourage who had kids either grew up as only child in a small family or they are religious.

No one in their right mind would want to have kids after dealing with them on a daily basis.

When I look after my nieces and nephews for a few days my finances, quality of life, mental health and well-being all go down the drain. Simply doing groceries, cooking, cleaning, going to the park and having to deal with tantrums for a few days is enough.

I think you have a point…I have much older siblings: I became an aunt at the age of 12, so at family gatherings etc, it was always the assumption that I’d look after/entertain the little ones. I remember thinking then that I would not want to do that 24/7…so I think my siblings unwittingly put me off having kids even then!

 

[Beaversabout]

Aren't adults that are (the good kind of childish) the best people out there though? One of my best friends at work is what I'd describe as childish and he just we just laugh all day which makes the day/job go better! The world is a bad enough place as it is. One of the few things I remember of my father from when I was younger is that he was very childish too, it's great to have parents that are just big kids.
Maybe childish is the wrong word for what I'm trying to describe but I'm I act the same was with my dog. I'm like a 10 year old running and playing with him like a loon, he loves it and so do I. People probably see us playing and think 'God grow up' but I couldn't care less .
Nobody should take themselves too seriously! I do wonder how much people regret the decision that they've had children and probably envy us for choosing not to!

I know what you mean. I say child like, you can be child like in your heart but also a grown up kind of... I'm like that with dogs too. I just love them so much. If I see a dog especially one with a little jumper on I'm like ahhh!!!
I don't feel the same way with babies or kids though. I love my neices and nephews but I like that they are growing up because I can relate to them more. I also like finding gifts for them because i know what they like.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Most of my cousins have now have kids, yesterday was the first time we got asked if we’re planning any and asking my mum when will she be a grandma. To be fair to my mum she said she didn’t think she will be. I think they expected us to be interested in the kids but we just wanted to play with the dogs. Though my husband has agreed we can have one finally!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

When people ask my mum has she got grand children, she always tells them she has a “grand cat” she loves my cat.

I do think she was gutted deep down that I won’t have kids, but I have two older brothers who don’t have kids either, so it’s not my sole responsibility! And recently she’s seen all her friends who are grandparents being run ragged because they have to look after their grandkids. I think she’s secretly happy now she doesn’t have any responsibilities.

 

[Katinkahosszu12]

So much respect for childfree people after looking at ioan Alice drama. I'm thinking I want to be childfree too

 

[LaBlonde]

When people ask my mum has she got grand children, she always tells them she has a “grand cat” she loves my cat.

I do think she was gutted deep down that I won’t have kids, but I have two older brothers who don’t have kids either, so it’s not my sole responsibility! And recently she’s seen all her friends who are grandparents being run ragged because they have to look after their grandkids. I think she’s secretly happy now she doesn’t have any responsibilities.

i think my mother has had the same realisation too! i always felt slightly sad for her that both my sister and i don’t want kids as she really would be a lovely grandmother, but i think her friends are starting to be more honest with her about what grandparent life is like and i’ve pointed out to her that (given that i’m not great at spending time with kids) she’d be having any hypothetical ones of mine 99% of the time

one of her friends has all three of her grandchildren (aged 5 and under) four days a week and sometimes overnight on a saturday and just looks exhausted. i want my parents to enjoy their retirement and be able to go on lots of holidays (which they love to do) so my guilt about it has subsided a bit recently!

i love that she has a grand-cat

 

[Norfolking Good]

Neither me or my sister have children although she is having fertility issues whereas I’m quite happily child free.
Even my mum has admitted all her friends bore her to tears with the grandkids stories of how they are wonderful are and no one’s grandkids are as good. Just makes me tired even thinking about it

 

[Inforapenny]

In the last 2 days I've slept 22 hours because over Christmas we were travelling to see family and interacting etc and it's never the same in a different bed.
I'm still exhausted but if I want I can sleep for 12 hours, bliss.

We're moving soon and we went bed, carpet and sofa shopping today. Lovely creams and subtle colours, grown up beds etc
I did think kids would ruin my interior design and furniture