Childfree by Choice #2

[CheshireLove]

I also don’t like the concept that “Christmas is for children”. Santa Claus is for children, Christmas is for everyone (who wants it).

Christmas is for children? Christmas is for me to have a week off work and drink a whole bottle of Baileys.

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

I don't want kids. Never did, never will. My partner doesn't either. I'm 35

It's hard to boil it down to a single reason why not, when I feel no maternal instinct. Here's some reasons though why I don't find it appealing, in no particular order:

1. Takes too much time and energy for something I've no interest in. I enjoy travel in particular (the adventurous type) and kids would throw that out of the window. Feel I would have zero freedom. Even going to the supermarket becomes a chore.
2. I have mild mental health issues and would be concerned a child would not be sensible to add to the mix...it took me a long time to be happy and to be able to relax and don't want to disrupt that.
3. I don't enjoy being around children. Find it boring. Prefer adults or animals.
4. Scared of childbirth and feel uncomfortable about physical aspects.

I find it hard to relate to a lot of women my age as childrearing takes over their lives, understandably. However most of my friends are mostly male anyway. I never had many female friends.

 

[Falkor]

Ooh, I didn't know this was here until I saw it mentioned in another thread - going to go back and read the first one in a minute.

I'm in my mid 40s and knew from about 5 that I didn't want children - I have a very clear memory of a friend being really excited because she was allowed to go and see their neighbour's new baby that evening and I just couldn't understand why that was remotely interesting. I've never had a maternal urge in my life and 2 dogs, 3 horses, a flock of sheep and a husband is quite enough to be looking after without adding children into the mix!

 

[OhhBacon]

Found this thread, found my people. Have read all of this one-need to go back and read the first one!
My thoughts; I’m mid 40’s and childless by choice, my choice being I didn’t settle for the wrong bloke and have a baby because ‘it was time’. I have never been convinced I wanted kids but kind of thought if the right bloke came along maybe that would change. Although thinking back now I have never really wanted kids and that goes back to a very very young age.

So I’m now mid 40’s in a great relationship but also in a great place in life.
I have a good job, good finances, my own property, have travelled widely, have good family and friends, enjoy nights out, walks, theatres, art and can still get involved in lots of opportunities because I have time.

Interestingly I do have more friends without kids than with them. Possibly because when people have kids they drop out of your life and find other friends with kids. But can honestly say the friends I have without kids are the most interesting people I know. Although if you are in a group of friends who are having kids then you need to get out there and find opportunities to make more friends.

With my friends we can talk about books they have read, exhibitions or theatre they have seen, places they have visited, many of them are doing evening classes….for their own enjoyment, they have interesting jobs, they are interested in cooking and different sports or exercise…they are so much more than just their kids.

Going out for dinner with friends who have kids is quite dull, inevitably the conversation becomes all about the small people because the adults just don’t have time to do anything else.

What frustrates me is that I constantly feel I have to say, ‘I don’t have kids’, when I meet new people as they always assume I do.

I really think the concept of having children should be talked about more in society, it is a decision and it is a huge one. People have counselling before getting married but not before making the decision to create a whole person. I also hate the discussion around having a baby….that baby is a baby for a few months you are having a whole person that will grow through all stages, are you ready for that?
Have you considered child care, finances, your time, school holidays etc etc because I am constantly shocked by things parents moan about. School holidays have been there since before your child was born, why haven’t you considered this before having your children?

Anyway that’s my thoughts, I know a few of you on here are quite young but I can honestly say you can live a fulfilling, interesting, purposeful life without kids.


*I‘m the same as a few of you in that if it was a choice between visiting a friend who has a baby or a friend with a puppy….I’m with that dog as quick as!

 

[mrsbucket]

I hate having to pretend to be interested or like kids. I got my nails done the other day and the beauticians 6 year old boy was there. He made a bee line for me (please don't) and started talking to me and told me the nail colour I should have. The place was packed so I had to talk to him and engage with him. He was clambering all over the place and on me.
I could see the other customers thinking how cute whilst I was thinking fuck off. I just want to be left alone, get my nails done and leave. I can't bear it.
I remember I flight I took years ago a family allowed their very young kids to run around and climb over the passengers. I'd had enough when their little girl, with her sticky hands wouldn't let go of my arm so I prized her off me and had a go at the parents.
Another time when I visited Anne Frank's house an awful family allowed their kids (old enough to be respectful...in their tweens) run around and everyone was quite upset by this so my mum bollocked the kids and they nealry shat themselves

This is the story of my life! I hate how parents assume you are going to find their kids as charming and adorable as they do.

I have a very small and very cute dog who unfortunately is a child magnet. We were in the pub last weekend and a kid (about 3 or 4 years old I'm guessing) came over to stroke him. That in itself is fine but he proceeded to hang around our table for our whole visit annoying me, my husband and our dog. And the parents did nothing! I go to the pub to have a relaxing drink and a conversation - not to entertain someone else's child!

(Don't even get me started on kids in pubs because I could moan for hours!)

 

[CatCafe234]

Choosing pets over babies is ‘selfish and diminishes us’, says pope

Pontiff laments ‘denied parenthood’ and people who ‘substitute cats and dogs for children’

www.theguardian.com

I'm giving this the Pete Campbell shrug

View attachment 966278

Strange definition of selfish from the figurehead of an organisation that holds billions of dollars-worth of hoarded wealth whilst encouraging overpopulation in some of the world’s poorest countries, but ok.

 

[Influencing is not a job]

I'm childfree and am unsure if I would like children in the future. I have always been on the fence but watching all of my friends that have children have completely turned me off it to be honest. The constant complaining, the no sense of self anymore... They don't do anything outside of their child and most conversations become about their children. I'm not being selfish, I understand we will talk about their children as they are a big part of their lives but they aren't their only part. They constantly make me feel like I don't know anything about living or that my opinion is no longer relevant because I have no children. It is not an existence that I desire to be honest.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

My friend's husband is a police officer. They don't have kids. Guess who's on nights all over Christmas so that any of his colleagues with kids can "Be with their family".
He's pissed off because it's what always happens. As he said, just because he doesn't have children doesn't mean he doesn't have a family. He'd like for once to be able to spend Christmas with his wife, parents, siblings etc.

Why are 'parents' always the first to be looked after and to hell with anyone else?

Also I'm not being funny but if the parents sign up to being a police officer they should expect that sometimes working nights at Christmas and other times comes with the territory. The entitlement of the general public really is something else

 

[PinkMariner]

My friend had a baby yesterday - she has just shared her birth story, including being 8 days overdue, having some kind of balloon contraption rammed up her vag, being left inflated like a beach ball for 24 hours and then shoving a sprog out that weighs 10lb.
Why the hell would anyone want to do that!!!!!!!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

This is from the memes thread. I’m glad to be childfree and single, Whoopi’s quote is so relatable.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I wonder what they would say if we turned around and asked them "why do you want children?"

I think about this so often tbh. I know a few people who hated being pregnant and moaned the whole way through, a couple who had really awful births, then they’re moaning incessantly about having a newborn and posting essays on Instagram about how hard it is…one really doesn’t seem to like her kids at all, she works full time and gets home really late then is always out on the piss with her friends all weekend while her husband actually does activities with the kids, all while moaning about how hard it is being a Mum. This may sound uncharitable but honestly? There are some people where I think, why on earth did you have kids if all you’re ever going to do is moan about it? You know you didn’t HAVE to have them, this was a choice? I find it really baffling. I wonder how many people actually think about whether they want to go through pregnancy or birth or if they really want to even have children at all. I asked my Mum this once and she just rolled her eyes and said ‘not everyone overthinks like you’

 

[Gem_woody]

When I see a baby, I just feel nothing lol
#deadinside

 

[aimz_yeah]

On the dating thread on here I got a bit of slack for telling a guy to f off. Within his two opening messages he "joked" about the easy life of a gp(we were both medical) and he just gets his secretary to make his cups of tea. Then when I said I worked with children he said "great, you can look after our kids".
I didn't say much at first but then when he pushed I told him to F off. He got hurt and said it was just two jokes in bad taste but I thought it just showed what he was liked. And to degrade my hard earned career to being his childcare was insulting.

 

[ChampagneBox]

This is what I always think when my boyfriend says he wants kids…do you really want kids or do you want a perfect idealised life with kids? He gets stressy when I bring up the possibility they might be difficult or have a disability and says I’m overly negative but I’m just realistic. After two weeks he’ll be back to work and I’ll be left holding the baby quite literally!

 

[Norfolking Good]

Sunday was nice, hubby and I were chatting away in bed till 11am then I went to the gym while he shot stuff on his PS5 then wrapped presents while downing Baileys. Oddly at no point did I feel selfish, lonely or worry about who was going to look after me when I’m old. I like our life and fair play to those with kids, but it’s so not for us.

 

[judgejohndeed]

A small rant on the topic of bad parents: the other night I got home quite late from work (11:30 ish) with my hands absolutely full of papers, laptop, some dinner etc. So I accidentally - and it really was a complete accident - let one of the doors to my building slam. And by slam, it’s a fire door, so it’s not like a huge slam anyway, it’s just slightly louder than I would’ve done on purpose if that makes sense. Cue the annoying man downstairs immediately flying out to moan that I’ve slammed the door when his kids are sleeping and have school…the same kids that he lets screech underneath my window during the work day (at 4pm onwards if I’m working from home) and were outside yelling ‘AHhhhhhHhhhHhhHhHh’ at 8am on a Sunday yesterday. Talk about double bloody standards

 

[judgejohndeed]

I recently found out someone I know is pregnant, the baby was a happy accident (I don’t know what the correct term for this is - not planned? But she’s happy about it, not throwing shade here at all) and they’re moving city to buy a house. But the partner wants to carry on commuting to this city, so he’ll be doing well over an hour there and then again back in the evening. She’s already said she’s worried that she’ll never see him and she doesn’t want to be stuck alone with the baby all the time. It makes no sense to me people like this tbh, he’s obviously not going to be there and she’s already saying she’s not going to be happy about it? I feel vicariously nervous for her tbh

 

[judgejohndeed]

I always find the ‘what if you change your mind?’ question so weird anyway…what if I do? Then I’ll have a baby if I decide I want one, or if I can’t have a baby I’d try to adopt, and if none of that works then I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. This isn’t like a decision you’re forced to make and then you’re bound to for the rest of your life. Actually, having a baby is the choice that you’re pretty much stuck with! I’d be terrified to have a baby not being 100% sure and then end up wishing I hadn’t, but people with kids don’t seem to even consider that.

 

[ChampagneBox]

Anyone else feeling particularly gleeful that they don’t have to spend their wages on kid’s presents, or piss around with a plastic elf each night?

I’ll just be over here with my Baileys, pondering how to spend my disposable income, and napping whenever I want

Me knowing I only have to spend money on myself and bf oh and Christmas cheese

 

[Saddlesoap]

Every day I am amazed that people still want to bring children into this world. I have colleagues that are talking about starting families in the next couple of years. Are they oblivious or just blinkered?