Childfree by Choice #12 I care about my life, not my death.

[KYLIE]

Saw a woman on tiktok whose husband passed away around a year ago. She's popped up on my FYP a lot and is clearly not processing the grief in a healthy way... She is saying she is now doing IVF with his frozen sperm, against the wishes of his family. So now her whole account is about having IVF as a widow on the NHS (No idea how she's managed to blag that) ... as a single woman..... What. The. Hell.

Her tiktok is now a shrine to this incoming child of a man who died a year ago. It is so creepy. She nukes any "negativity" so her comments are just filled with people wishing her well and I'm sitting there like ?!?!?

I wish people thought a bit more before having kids. So many people bring kids into dysfunctional situations, poverty, (already) broken homes, getting pregnant after 5 minutes together, single-parent households, etc. I know of a girl who has managed to get a 4-bed council house after having kids with 3 different men over about 8+ years, but the working middle-classes get zero help to buy a home, etc. A friend of mine with a child has a brand new flat (that she then moved her new boyfriend into!) paying duck all rent on it in comparison to what someone without a child renting privately would pay...

Kids. The easy way to getting a cheap home, eh. All you have to do is pop one out, claim homelessness, live in a hostel for a few months and boom, brand new council new build given to you. Probably right next door to someone who just paid 450k for theirs.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Was in Costco yesterday- got to the tills and there was a kid IN the trolley where you put your food (big bug bear of mine as it is unhygienic) and one literally hanging off the side so it could have tipped at any moment on her. Mum was on her phone, could not give a tit. All of a sudden this lady comes marching over, “GET OUT OF THE TROLLEY AND STOP HANGING ON IT, HASN’T YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU ITS UNSAFE?!” I swear to god, the entire population of Costco turned round in amazement at this woman.

The mum? Couldn’t have given less of a tit. Honestly, barely looked up from her phone. No wonder teachers are finding it hard at the moment and quitting in droves. Parents are just oblivious and not willing to actually parent their children anymore.

 

[whoareyouu]

Was in Costco yesterday- got to the tills and there was a kid IN the trolley where you put your food (big bug bear of mine as it is unhygienic) and one literally hanging off the side so it could have tipped at any moment on her. Mum was on her phone, could not give a tit. All of a sudden this lady comes marching over, “GET OUT OF THE TROLLEY AND STOP HANGING ON IT, HASN’T YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU ITS UNSAFE?!” I swear to god, the entire population of Costco turned round in amazement at this woman.

The mum? Couldn’t have given less of a tit. Honestly, barely looked up from her phone. No wonder teachers are finding it hard at the moment and quitting in droves. Parents are just oblivious and not willing to actually parent their children anymore.

Go on that woman!

I hate it when people sit their kids in the food part of the trolley. It is gross and more times than not the child is capable of walking.

I shop in places that do smart shop so I can put my food straight into the bags.

 

[GlitteryKitten]

Those ads make me realise how carefree my life is. Not having to constantly check that everything is screwed tight incase kids eat something. And leaving whatever I like laying about (I'm a messy person).

When we got a cat we got a few child safety measures for him (window limiter so he doesn't jump out on a warm summer night and door bumpers so the doors don't trap his tail when there's a breeze) and that was enough faff for me.

When you go to a toddler house and they have catches on all the kitchen cupboards, soft bits on the edge of tables and gates on the stairs...i just think nope, I couldn't do that.

I'm always anxious when my friend brings her 3 year old to my house! It's not child-friendly and he's prone to opening cupboard doors

 

[MavisBeacon]

I'm always anxious when my friend brings her 3 year old to my house! It's not child-friendly and he's prone to opening cupboard doors

Same! Mr Beacon and I have a lovely house full of highly breakable and dangerous things. Having little kids here is incredibly stressful

 

[ChastityDingle]

I told a relative, some years ago, who had a very unruly child, and was dropping big hints about visiting, that my home was not suitable for small children.

At least not ones who were never told 'no' and had no respect for anyone or anything as a result. I didn't say that bit.
And other relatives did visit with small kids but there was no way I was having that stress in my home.

 

[Smca53]

I was at the end of my tether yesterday morning, trying to get off a train at rush hour to get to work, and some knobhead with a pram shoved the pram in front of everyone at the door to let the kid press the button to open the door. Except they had a combined IQ in the minus figures because he was strapped in and three feet too short and she was like “you can do it! just a little closer!” bleeping hell its 8.45am, you’ve got a load of working commuters trying to get past to get off the train, move out of the bleeping way

 

[AshMay]

I feel like as time goes on I'm getting less tolerant of kids. I think I just value my peace more and more. Thankfully there aren't many in my close circles yet but in future I know I'll be putting boundaries in around kid-free events/meetups and not having them round my flat. It feels mean but it's nothing against them personally, I just want to protect my peace/time/home sanctuary etc! Plus it's nicer to catch up with people without the distraction.

And in day-to-day life I'm always thankful I've chosen this path because it rarely (if ever) looks anything but boring, tiring and tedious

For people who have been sterilised, if you feel comfortable sharing it'd be interesting to hear more about the procedure too x

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

I had to have my eldest fur baby (cat) put to sleep earlier, she was 16 but it was very sudden as she started having seizures. She was literally like my child and has spent every night for all those years sleeping on my bed. Yet I've already had a 'well I wouldn't get upset over it as I'm more pragmatic that animals don't live forever' - ironically not from someone with kids (or pets I might add) but it still stings! I'm never having human kids so they really are like my babies.

 

[mousey]

I had to have my eldest fur baby (cat) put to sleep earlier, she was 16 but it was very sudden as she started having seizures. She was literally like my child and has spent every night for all those years sleeping on my bed. Yet I've already had a 'well I wouldn't get upset over it as I'm more pragmatic that animals don't live forever' - ironically not from someone with kids (or pets I might add) but it still stings! I'm never having human kids so they really are like my babies.

Sorry to hear that, and I hope you’re ok. Ignore that person, people who don’t like animals are worse than those who don’t like kids imo lol. Pets are truly dependent on you as they can never say when they’re hurt etc, often just getting on with it until it’s too late. But we give them the best lives we can while they’re still around!

 

[whoareyouu]

I had to have my eldest fur baby (cat) put to sleep earlier, she was 16 but it was very sudden as she started having seizures. She was literally like my child and has spent every night for all those years sleeping on my bed. Yet I've already had a 'well I wouldn't get upset over it as I'm more pragmatic that animals don't live forever' - ironically not from someone with kids (or pets I might add) but it still stings! I'm never having human kids so they really are like my babies.

I am so sorry to hear this. My cat is 17 and I dread the day. X

 

[Smca53]

I had to have my eldest fur baby (cat) put to sleep earlier, she was 16 but it was very sudden as she started having seizures. She was literally like my child and has spent every night for all those years sleeping on my bed. Yet I've already had a 'well I wouldn't get upset over it as I'm more pragmatic that animals don't live forever' - ironically not from someone with kids (or pets I might add) but it still stings! I'm never having human kids so they really are like my babies.

I’m so, so sorry to hear this. Ignore the idiot that said that, and just feel sorry for them that they’ve never had the joy that comes with a close connection with a pet. It’s brutal losing a pet, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Take care of yourself

 

[ChastityDingle]

I was at the end of my tether yesterday morning, trying to get off a train at rush hour to get to work, and some knobhead with a pram shoved the pram in front of everyone at the door to let the kid press the button to open the door. Except they had a combined IQ in the minus figures because he was strapped in and three feet too short and she was like “you can do it! just a little closer!” bleeping hell its 8.45am, you’ve got a load of working commuters trying to get past to get off the train, move out of the bleeping way

It's like when stupid adults let kids play with self service tills or ATMs.

No darling, press this button... ugh

 

[sleepflowers]

I was at the end of my tether yesterday morning, trying to get off a train at rush hour to get to work, and some knobhead with a pram shoved the pram in front of everyone at the door to let the kid press the button to open the door. Except they had a combined IQ in the minus figures because he was strapped in and three feet too short and she was like “you can do it! just a little closer!” bleeping hell its 8.45am, you’ve got a load of working commuters trying to get past to get off the train, move out of the bleeping way

I remember once a parent with an enormous pram once tried to push through a crowd of people waiting at the tube gates at rush hour because the extra wide barrier was a 'priority lane for children'. She very quickly got told by everyone that there is no 'priority lane' on the tube

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

Was in york today and the evil eye pub had kids in it what does that pub have for them

 

[Jane Porcupine]

I feel like as time goes on I'm getting less tolerant of kids. I think I just value my peace more and more. Thankfully there aren't many in my close circles yet but in future I know I'll be putting boundaries in around kid-free events/meetups and not having them round my flat. It feels mean but it's nothing against them personally, I just want to protect my peace/time/home sanctuary etc! Plus it's nicer to catch up with people without the distraction.

And in day-to-day life I'm always thankful I've chosen this path because it rarely (if ever) looks anything but boring, tiring and tedious

I feel exactly the same! Apart from that lots of my friends DO have kids and I've recently put the boundaries in place that you mention. Up to about a year ago I used to put on a good show of being welcoming to their kids but it got to the point where I realised I just don't enjoy being with the kids. Plus the thing other posters have mentioned about kids not knowing how to behave in someone else's home and parents not doing anything about it.

I don't know why it took me so long to realise, but one day I just thought, I didn't choose not to have kids to spend my free time having to deal with other people's. So I stopped.

 

[pinkmug]

Recommendation: I've come across a channel called Silver and Solo, and the lady running it has talked about some later life decisions as someone without adult children to take care of her in the future. I found her videos for thriving while living alone interesting and helpful too.

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

I had to have my eldest fur baby (cat) put to sleep earlier, she was 16 but it was very sudden as she started having seizures. She was literally like my child and has spent every night for all those years sleeping on my bed. Yet I've already had a 'well I wouldn't get upset over it as I'm more pragmatic that animals don't live forever' - ironically not from someone with kids (or pets I might add) but it still stings! I'm never having human kids so they really are like my babies.

I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful cat. She'll be over the rainbow bridge, and catching up with all the four legs we've loved and lost.

Not sure how anyone can be "pragmatic" about death. Not a single living creature lives forever, FFS!!

 

[whoareyouu]

So fed up of being dropped in it at work because kids are poorly, need taking somewhere etc. This person is married and their other half doesn’t work!

 

[orangehead]

So fed up of being dropped in it at work because kids are poorly, need taking somewhere etc. This person is married and their other half doesn’t work!

I’ve been talking to a friend today who is frustrated about exactly this. She works with a woman who has three children, two in school, and her husband is a stay at home parent and if a child is sick or anything she has to stay home because her husband can’t cope, she’s often late from doing the school run, leaves early to pick them up sometimes, has time off to take them to appointments etc. I’m not sure someone who can’t cope with more than one child at a time should opt to be a stay at home parent to three children!
The reason my friend is so annoyed about it today is she has two children herself, one is same age as her colleagues youngest and they’re starting school in September so they were discussing that and my friend said she’s be much better of financially not having to pay for childcare and said her colleague must be looking forward to being better off as well when her husband goes back to work but apparently he’s still going to be a stay at home dad so they don’t have to pay for childcare during the holidays and half terms and my friend is dreading next summer holidays because she knows that she’ll be paying for childcare and doing half her colleagues work while her colleague doesn’t pay for childcare and shirks her work because her husband can’t cope with three kids.