35 years of the person thick and desperate enough to be a part of my life. He's everything I am and more; a bad parent and lazy. He's calm because to be anything but takes effort. He takes life one step at a time because he moves like a turtle and is often wobbly through drinking. He makes me laugh because, quite frankly, I'd giggle at him forcing a rusty nail through my big toe. I feel like I've won the lottery if I make him laugh because he's such a miserable bloody bastard. Trying to rouse laughter from him is near impossible. He doesn't in anyway resemble our son Stan, who has Sticklers, but Mark doesn't. He's had my back from day one, literally, he stares at it every night wishing he had the guts to reenact the famous shower scene and free himself from my grasp. I can't believe he's stuck around but he's literally trapped between my two tits and can't get out (trying to release himself a la 127 hours style hasn't even freed him). He's never shown an ounce of love. How could anyone love me more than I love myself? He's the stepdad you've dreamed of. Never buys our kids new clothes, shoes, eats more than them, neglects them and deprives them of a decent childhood. He won't even admit our Stannie has Stickers. His step-son even begged him to teach him to tie his shoelaces today, even gave up two, yes TWO of his mini pepperamis but Mark refused because he loves ME ME ME only. I get butterflies, or nausea, from all the tapas we scoff, washed down with vino. He's constantly got a 'headache'. I want to hold his hand but he refuses but I know he adores me. I'm always fighting his corner. I'm often in some form of Sumo pose, thong up my crack, waiting to fight anyone who even dares look at him (cos he's so irresistible). He's never online. He works in IT but he's literally never online. He uses a blackboard and chalk in his office. He's even learning to grasp a biro now. He never smiles, just stands blankly looking like the serial killer he is. You're just gonna have to take my word for it, he's a great, great man (they said the same about Fred West
). I love you vacuum.
or maybe she dressed down so not so many blokes would be eyeing her
