Ahh, in today’s vlog you can tell how highly she thinks about herself and her filming, from the way she talks about creating these vlogs, development in her editing vs “resting on her laurels”. While her editing is mostly solid, she really is convinced she’s a very unique creative.
Yes, I agree. And then she goes on to fill the rest of the vlog with what she wore each day in her normal, I forget what this is, kind of slipshod way. Very creative (sarcasm).
Also, it's clear to me that it dawned on her after last week's vomit of thoughts about quitting b/c it will be different after the pandemic, even though she whinged all the way through about the pandemic restricting the content, she had a lightbulb moment of, oh my God but what else am I going to do that gets me so much stuff for so little effort? So proceeded tout de suite to backpedal into I need to stretch myself artistically to counter her opinion of herself (and others regarding her post Dean content) that's she doesn't do anything groundbreaking, in fact, she doesn't do much at all.
As far as her relationship with Dean, who knows? I've needed to live alone before. Some people continue to live alone and within partnerships. Some people prefer low grade misery with someone over being alone (not a judgement, it can be a a choice). Some people like a lot of friends, others are fine with 2 or 3 real ones. Etc. etc. Normal does not exist. What one thinks is weird is another's ideal.
That said, when you have a vlog honesty and sincerity is appealing. You can be a controlling, closed person on Instagram but it's not going to make video content compelling. If she opened up more about her surrounding life, and not necessarily her relationship, it could go along way. She's so jammed up that I feel being on youtube is not right for her.
Loneliness is exceedingly common among women her age. It's not necessarily a character flaw and I don't think there is any shame in it. It would be nice to hear about that and that would endear her to those who feel the same. Anxiety is crippling, but it's become an easy to say you are anxious to avoid discussing real feelings because people feel internal shame about what they are really anxious about and the more one is anxious the worse things that enable it (not going out, not developing friendships) become (in addition to brain chemistry). A self perpetuating loop of increasing severity unfortunately.
The pandemic is isolating even for introverts. After college, friends move away, it is harder to connect with people b/c more effort has to be made and the skills to do this are lacking in those who have led a rather sheltered existence and it can be a hard transition in non-pandemic times. I suspect Dean provides her some relief from this loneliness but it makes it harder for her to branch out and help develop a community. But I don't know and I don't think she does either, or even contemplates it to that level.
the fact that BB agonizes over every little thing goes to show how truly staged her whole life and persona online is. anyone who is truly unique, original, and creative, doesn't fret over whether something they do fits in with their ~aesthetic~ they just do it because it's part of who they are.
So well put. Exactly. Agonizing on how something will be received and true creativity are opposite poles.
