Borderline Personality Disorder & Clinical Depression.

[rainbowlemon]

Ugh, I'm massively on a low rn. I've been

Spoiler: Spoiler: SH

burning myself again

and preoccupied with suicidal thoughts

Hate the fact I'm going to have to live with this illness for the rest of my life. Like I'm bleeping done.

*impatiently waits for inevitable mania to hit*

I feel pretty much the same. All I've done is cry. I emailed the charity Maytree today who offer email and telephone support. Could you do similar? Sometimes it helps just to get a reply back.

I also emailed asking a new T for a crisis session too, even if it might seem dramatic. but you have to do whatever it takes to stay alive.

What small thing can you do for yourself right now to help you feel better ? Can you get into bed and just binge watch youtube videos or movies?

 

[Emmy44]

TW:
Tonight I got so angry, slamming doors, screaming and punching a wall (triggered by me purely being fed up, and my partner being happy and wanting to spend time with me- guilt), to having very intense SH and suicidal thoughts, to the point I started to plan in my head, then half an hour later I’m feeling back to my usual ‘down’ self, but not suicidal anymore. Is this a typical BPD episode, or could I be struggling with something else entirely? I don’t know my own brain anymore

 

[Thank(space)you]

TW:
Tonight I got so angry, slamming doors, screaming and punching a wall (triggered by me purely being fed up, and my partner being happy and wanting to spend time with me- guilt), to having very intense SH and suicidal thoughts, to the point I started to plan in my head, then half an hour later I’m feeling back to my usual ‘down’ self, but not suicidal anymore. Is this a typical BPD episode, or could I be struggling with something else entirely? I don’t know my own brain anymore

For me, that sounds like a bpd episode. However if you're worried please discuss with your GP

 

[rainbowlemon]

TW:
Tonight I got so angry, slamming doors, screaming and punching a wall (triggered by me purely being fed up, and my partner being happy and wanting to spend time with me- guilt), to having very intense SH and suicidal thoughts, to the point I started to plan in my head, then half an hour later I’m feeling back to my usual ‘down’ self, but not suicidal anymore. Is this a typical BPD episode, or could I be struggling with something else entirely? I don’t know my own brain anymore

In my opinion cycling through a range of emotions is very common. We never learned how to mange our emotions the normal way,

Complex PTSD though also includes emotional regulation difficulties +sudden mood swings and suicidal thoughts so I think it is possible for some to be misdiagnosed.

One moment, please...

cptsdfoundation.org

From the Charity email they sent yesterday they also said ". We are offering up to 5 weekly befriending calls. The calls are aimed to provide emotional support and where possible to help assist with signposting Information for ongoing support."

Also I love Dr Ramani

 

[Emmy44]

For me, that sounds like a bpd episode. However if you're worried please discuss with your GP

Thank you for your reply. I’m currently on a waiting list to be assessed by a psychiatrist, not sure how much longer I can wait tbh

 

[Emmy44]

In my opinion cycling through a range of emotions is very common. We never learned how to mange our emotions the normal way,

Complex PTSD though also includes emotional regulation difficulties +sudden mood swings and suicidal thoughts so I think it is possible for some to be misdiagnosed.

One moment, please...

cptsdfoundation.org

From the Charity email they sent yesterday they also said ". We are offering up to 5 weekly befriending calls. The calls are aimed to provide emotional support and where possible to help assist with signposting Information for ongoing support."

Also I love Dr Ramani

This is really helpful, thank you!

 

[VomitCulture]

In my opinion cycling through a range of emotions is very common. We never learned how to mange our emotions the normal way,

Complex PTSD though also includes emotional regulation difficulties +sudden mood swings and suicidal thoughts so I think it is possible for some to be misdiagnosed.

One moment, please...

cptsdfoundation.org

From the Charity email they sent yesterday they also said ". We are offering up to 5 weekly befriending calls. The calls are aimed to provide emotional support and where possible to help assist with signposting Information for ongoing support."

Also I love Dr Ramani

thanks for posting this, it was a really interest watch!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Ugh, I'm massively on a low rn. I've been

Spoiler: Spoiler: SH

burning myself again

and preoccupied with suicidal thoughts

Hate the fact I'm going to have to live with this illness for the rest of my life. Like rn I'm bleeping done.

*impatiently waits for inevitable mania to hit*

Sorry if ive missed it but have you been diagnosed with BPD? Im just wondering with what youve been through (your other threads), maybe its complex ptsd?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Sorry if ive missed it but have you been diagnosed with BPD? Im just wondering with what youve been through (your other threads), maybe its complex ptsd?

The GP wouldn't refer me, so no formal diagnosis.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

The GP wouldn't refer me, so no formal diagnosis.

thats awful. You can self refer to MH services as well, or try another GP x

 

[Chip1984]

Sorry if ive missed it but have you been diagnosed with BPD? Im just wondering with what youve been through (your other threads), maybe its complex ptsd?

This is really helpful info, as so often CPTSD is misdiagnosed as BPD.

I've been diagnosed as BPD but I often suspect I've been misdiagnosed. My new therapist pointed out to me last week the amount of trauma I have experienced (and am still, to an extent, still experiencing) and I actually found myself saying that if external things were different, I don't think I'd have been diagnosed with BPD.

Saying that, things still happen that make me think my diagnosis is right - for example, my Dad told me to "shut up" today for getting angry over something; I'm 37, had years of therapy and different medications and me explaining how he can support me but he still doesn't validate my feelings! I dunno, mental health is such a minefield.

Sorry if I've hijacked, I just wanted to vent I suppose! Love to everyone on this thread; BPD/EUPD and all mental illness is such a shitter!! Xx

 

[L.S]

I'm on week 4 or 5 of CBT

This week's 'homework' is called worry time.

I have to find time in my day to write down my worries, then think what I'd say to a friend who was telling me these worries. Then rip it up and do something like yoga or washing up.

Up until now it's been helpful but this is pointless for me.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I'm on week 4 or 5 of CBT

This week's 'homework' is called worry time.

I have to find time in my day to write down my worries, then think what I'd say to a friend who was telling me these worries. Then rip it up and do something like yoga or washing up.

Up until now it's been helpful but this is pointless for me.

I'm on a cbt course for the 50 millionth time over the past 25 years.. I know it all and have learned a lot but once the darkness hits me im far too gone (not sure how else to explain it) to start thinking about coping strategies etc .

 

[L.S]

I'm on a cbt course for the 50 millionth time over the past 25 years.. I know it all and have learned a lot but once the darkness hits me im far too gone (not sure how else to explain it) to start thinking about coping strategies etc .

I totally feel you on that! I don't have the time and space in my thoughts to do anything I've been 'taught' when in the moment of ultimate anxiety and intrusive thoughts it's just too overbearing

 

[Begborrowsteal]

CBT is handed out all the time, but imo, its pointless for BPD.

 

[MyLittlePony25]

they won’t let me do DBT to try and work through my anxiety and chronic insomnia. They want me to do DBT again even though I was in hospital for 2 years and did this there. I don’t need DBT again, I am not self harming, I’m not having problems controlling my emotions or with my relationships or anything. I use the DBT skills I learnt so I don’t feel I need to do it again.

it’s my GAD that is stopping me from moving forward and this bleeping insomnia…

sorry for just jumping in.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Hi guys, I’ve just joining this thread after @rainbowlemon kindly drew my attention to it.

After multiple years with PTSD and depression, I’m convinced I have borderline personality disorder. My previous psychologist wasn’t keen to diagnose me formally because I don’t self harm (in the traditional sense). I tried to explain that actually it’s vanity that prevents me from doing this, but I exhibit every other symptom and given the roots of my issues it would make sense (she not severe abandonment, trust and anger issues, but put it down to bereavement after my father died). I also think things like having tattoos (which I find really calming) and over-exercising etc are other forms that just don’t get considered

I am now due to be assessed by a new psychologist next week after moving to a new area (I’ve been very lucky that the wait time has only been 3 months), but I’m really stressed about having to go through all my issues. I know I need to do, it because I’m getting worse and my hopelessness and suicidal thoughts are daily again and everything makes me angry (mostly at myself) and I no longer have the excuse of hiding from the world due to Covid. The thought of having to deal with people all day is terrifying me too!

 

[isabellalovescats]

I binge-watched this playlist when I was first diagnosed with BPD and it really helped me understand what it is and helped me come to terms with having BPD. Sharing in case it helps anyone else!

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hi guys, I’ve just joining this thread after @rainbowlemon kindly drew my attention to it.

After multiple years with PTSD and depression, I’m convinced I have borderline personality disorder. My previous psychologist wasn’t keen to diagnose me formally because I don’t self harm (in the traditional sense). I tried to explain that actually it’s vanity that prevents me from doing this, but I exhibit every other symptom and given the roots of my issues it would make sense (she not severe abandonment, trust and anger issues, but put it down to bereavement after my father died). I also think things like having tattoos (which I find really calming) and over-exercising etc are other forms that just don’t get considered

I am now due to be assessed by a new psychologist next week after moving to a new area (I’ve been very lucky that the wait time has only been 3 months), but I’m really stressed about having to go through all my issues. I know I need to do, it because I’m getting worse and my hopelessness and suicidal thoughts are daily again and everything makes me angry (mostly at myself) and I no longer have the excuse of hiding from the world due to Covid. The thought of having to deal with people all day is terrifying me too!

Maybe it would help if you could write a list of your symptoms and take that with you to your appointment. There's also examples of sessions online too to give you an idea of what a session looks like. You're doing the best you can.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Maybe it would help if you could write a list of your symptoms and take that with you to your appointment. There's also examples of sessions online too to give you an idea of what a session looks like. You're doing the best you can.

Thanks, yes I am more clear on what I can expect now. It’s more going through all the causes that I really don’t want to do again. Last time was really tough, but rewarding and I felt great for about 6 months and then just hit the floor head first. It took me 15 months to recover, just as lockdown 1 hit, so I kind of feel like I’ve been in lockdown for over two years now! I’m surprised I’m not agoraphobic!

I binge-watched this playlist when I was first diagnosed with BPD and it really helped me understand what it is and helped me come to terms with having BPD. Sharing in case it helps anyone else!

I keep meaning to ask, do you actually have a cat? I love cats too! My psychologist was really keen on me getting a pet but I’m too scared of the responsibility!