Hi everyone, im just wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed with this? I finally got diagnosed back in February 2020, after years of being fobbed off by my GP. i always knew there was something different with me (from about 14/15). Ive done some pretty questionable stuff when it comes to drugs, sex, and i really struggle with impulsive behaviour. I was actually really happy when i finally got my diagnosis as opposed to thinking it was just a label as it helped me understand my behaviour. Ive wrote this post as a way we can give each other advice, and to chat about it in a non-judgmental way.... I hate how we seem to be demonized and seen as 'bad' people, because we really are not. Love to you all xx
- Notice
Isa Drennan
Chatty Member
From a psychological perspective eating disorders, substance misuse and complex PTSD, are all common co-morbid disorders associated with BPD
I strongly disagree with the BPD diagnosis, working as a mental health professional, I believe it’s a very stigmatising diagnosis. The diagnosis allows psychiatrists, CPNS etc to harmfully “gatekeep” patients presenting in crisis by using bullshit terms like “positive risk taking” “it’s behavioural” and “manipulative/attention seeking”. By slapping a personality disorder diagnosis, on anyone deemed as too complex, it provides a cop out to keep admissions down
How are we still telling trauma survivors in 2020 or victims of abuse they’re the issue? Maladaptive coping strategies are a result of complex trauma, not personality! This victim blaming bullshit is exactly the same, as when Egyptian doctors cited “wandering wombs” the reason for mental illness, or when Freud used the harmful hysteria diagnosis.
The DSM listed autism as “childhood schizophrenia” until 1968 so I’m sceptical about its credibility, DSM also listed homosexuality as mental illness until 1973. Diagnosis can be helpful as it provides an explanation for behaviour. I prefer a formulation based plan. I don’t believe BPD is “trauma informed care”. I think emotional dysregulation is linked to complex trauma, Marsha Linehan has provided excellent therapeutic interventions, such as DBT skills.
The criteria for BPD is so broad it could easily apply to any female presenting in distress, clinicians can twist presenting symptoms, to easily apply this label to a patient, without realising the long term implications it will have, as it’s often a barrier to receiving appropriate follow up care.
Impulsivity, mood swings, self harm, feeling empty, anger there’s 5/9 of the criteria that any human could easily meet under distress. People forget self harm isn’t only associated with self injury.
I strongly disagree with the BPD diagnosis, working as a mental health professional, I believe it’s a very stigmatising diagnosis. The diagnosis allows psychiatrists, CPNS etc to harmfully “gatekeep” patients presenting in crisis by using bullshit terms like “positive risk taking” “it’s behavioural” and “manipulative/attention seeking”. By slapping a personality disorder diagnosis, on anyone deemed as too complex, it provides a cop out to keep admissions down
How are we still telling trauma survivors in 2020 or victims of abuse they’re the issue? Maladaptive coping strategies are a result of complex trauma, not personality! This victim blaming bullshit is exactly the same, as when Egyptian doctors cited “wandering wombs” the reason for mental illness, or when Freud used the harmful hysteria diagnosis.
The DSM listed autism as “childhood schizophrenia” until 1968 so I’m sceptical about its credibility, DSM also listed homosexuality as mental illness until 1973. Diagnosis can be helpful as it provides an explanation for behaviour. I prefer a formulation based plan. I don’t believe BPD is “trauma informed care”. I think emotional dysregulation is linked to complex trauma, Marsha Linehan has provided excellent therapeutic interventions, such as DBT skills.
The criteria for BPD is so broad it could easily apply to any female presenting in distress, clinicians can twist presenting symptoms, to easily apply this label to a patient, without realising the long term implications it will have, as it’s often a barrier to receiving appropriate follow up care.
Impulsivity, mood swings, self harm, feeling empty, anger there’s 5/9 of the criteria that any human could easily meet under distress. People forget self harm isn’t only associated with self injury.
Gembo
VIP Member
Yes I have. It was a few years ago now and I was put under the care of the mental health team. To be honest I was horrified about the diagnosis to begin with but my husband said he had long suspected it to be the case. I’m still working with a psychologist and I feel for me I’m on the lighter end of the spectrum in that I feel my symptoms fluctuate. At times they can be terrible and I become really distressed and then other times I’m better able to manage. I did do a 12 week course in DBT which did help me, I was hoping to be put on the full course but they decided it was best for me to work with a psychologist who is trained in DBT rather than put me on the course. I have come to peace with the diagnosis, like you say it has helped me to understand my behaviour. But I haven’t told everyone close to me and I do still feel some level of shame. I’ve noticed the diagnosis getting mentioned in films and on tv and it’s always in the absolute worst light so that doesn’t make me feel very good. How are you coping with it all? X
rainbowlemon
VIP Member
I started therapy at the age of 25. Three months after I decided my life wasn't worth living. My therapist didn't tell me for 9 months and it was something I asked him after I read the main criteria and it just fit. He said he didn't want me to see myself as a label .
I always knew that there was something wrong. I grew up in a house where there was a lot of domestic violence, emotional abuse and neglect. It was normal to watch my mother cry on the stairs. My depression really started when I was 14 and had a hard time at school, but i also had panic attacks and anxiety as a child.
I felt too much. My second year of my second degree at university was just extreme ups and downs. I couldn't control my moods at all. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I self harmed a lot.
I did have almost four years of therapy (3.11 months at the moment). I started out with twice a week sessions, but my therapist saw me a a slightly discounted rate of £40 instead of his usual £50+ for three years before he raised his prices because of covid. Sometimes we'd just do one session weekly then increase when I had exams. There was also around one month off for his summer holiday then usually 2 weeks for Easter and Christmas between that each year.
I'm glad I'm not where I was before I started. but it was so hard. I still do feel low and do still get suicidal thoughts, but I very rarely self harm anymore. I feel like I also grew more into myself- I can self soothe a lot better which was a huge part of the problem when I was distressed. I don't think I'm 100% fixed but I feel like it's an okay time to stop therapy for now.
This was the best documentary I found and I love Dr Aguirre:
I always knew that there was something wrong. I grew up in a house where there was a lot of domestic violence, emotional abuse and neglect. It was normal to watch my mother cry on the stairs. My depression really started when I was 14 and had a hard time at school, but i also had panic attacks and anxiety as a child.
I felt too much. My second year of my second degree at university was just extreme ups and downs. I couldn't control my moods at all. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I self harmed a lot.
I did have almost four years of therapy (3.11 months at the moment). I started out with twice a week sessions, but my therapist saw me a a slightly discounted rate of £40 instead of his usual £50+ for three years before he raised his prices because of covid. Sometimes we'd just do one session weekly then increase when I had exams. There was also around one month off for his summer holiday then usually 2 weeks for Easter and Christmas between that each year.
I'm glad I'm not where I was before I started. but it was so hard. I still do feel low and do still get suicidal thoughts, but I very rarely self harm anymore. I feel like I also grew more into myself- I can self soothe a lot better which was a huge part of the problem when I was distressed. I don't think I'm 100% fixed but I feel like it's an okay time to stop therapy for now.
This was the best documentary I found and I love Dr Aguirre:
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GossipLady
Member
Not sure why you're trying to argue with me over something I also struggle with. But if we are going there let us look at one of the definitions provided for diagnoses of BPD in the DSM:
"Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) [5] ; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5".
Firstly, binge eating is for many a diagnosable eating disorder and these are also just examples. Any kind of eating disorder is self-damaging, in fact eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health issue and often lead to hospitalisation. For this reason eating disorders can clearly characterise themselves as diagnosible both as individual conditions both as also a symptom of a more complex set of mental health issues including BPD.
Mental health is messy and there is no benefit in gate keeping around what is or isn't a symptom or a diagnosable condition as most likely different symptoms or diagnosable conditions interact with each other, creating co-present issues or syndromes.
You're just causing harm with your attitude and unsubstantiated arguments. Give me evidence that I am wrong and maybe I can see where you're coming from. I am only coming at this from my personal and professional experience.
Also what IS harmful is trying to diagnose people over the Internet that you do not know and from what I have read, no medical training? You're going to try say I'm doing the same but I am not - at no point did I say anyone had any such condition, in the original comment I was responding to poster said they suffered from an ED, and from my knowledge this can be linked to BPD.
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I have BPD. I have no social media and maybe three good friends... No probably just two actually.
I grew up in a disgustingly violent household and then was shipped off to live with my father after my mother finally decided to flee. Living with them was safe physically but mentally they bullied me. I didn't have a stable home until I was 19 when I lived in a house alone for 6 years. I was never asked if I was okay when we had to flee and I was ignored when I aired the abuse I suffered later in my teens.
I suffer daily. Mania last weeks, I have very little self confidence and I am terrified of rubbing off on my kids. I've never kept a relationship over 4 years and every single ones ending I can put down to me pushing them away because I had no idea how to let a man treat me.
My doctor's diagnosed me and then ignored me and I have no friends who suffer in the same ways I do. I genuinely fear I'll never be normal and that terrifies me. I got everything I wanted in life and I'm still so unhappy inside.
I feel like I'm grieving a life I never had, I had to grow up so quickly that my teens were more like other people's typical early 20s...
Reading through your experiences made me feel lighter, I've never read so many stories and related to them.
I grew up in a disgustingly violent household and then was shipped off to live with my father after my mother finally decided to flee. Living with them was safe physically but mentally they bullied me. I didn't have a stable home until I was 19 when I lived in a house alone for 6 years. I was never asked if I was okay when we had to flee and I was ignored when I aired the abuse I suffered later in my teens.
I suffer daily. Mania last weeks, I have very little self confidence and I am terrified of rubbing off on my kids. I've never kept a relationship over 4 years and every single ones ending I can put down to me pushing them away because I had no idea how to let a man treat me.
My doctor's diagnosed me and then ignored me and I have no friends who suffer in the same ways I do. I genuinely fear I'll never be normal and that terrifies me. I got everything I wanted in life and I'm still so unhappy inside.
I feel like I'm grieving a life I never had, I had to grow up so quickly that my teens were more like other people's typical early 20s...
Reading through your experiences made me feel lighter, I've never read so many stories and related to them.
Tbh i find it really upsetting on here at times. If you go on 99% of the threads- someone nearly always pops up with "I think .... has BPD" That really does my fucking head in coz its normally based on the persons negative behaviour. Im forever 'debating' with people on here because of it.
I am aware of the more 'negative' traits of our diagnosis, but i always like to point out the many positive traits of having BPD; Such as being really emphatic, being loyal, loving, and caring, plus our analytical skills and our reflective skills are off the charts. So when i am talking about having bpd-as well as talking about the more well known aspects of it, i always talk about the positive aspects of it. I also like to explain the manipulation aspect of it, because my psychiatrist told me its not manipulative in the sense that most people think.
As a clinician this is positive but unfortunately I don’t think this is quite enough (tip of the ice berg more like!!!), pre covid services were bursting at the seams and staff themselves burnt out! There are so many clinicians off sick currently themselves very poorly with mental Heath.BBC News - Spending Review: Chancellor to announce £500m for mental health
Spending Review: Chancellor to announce £500m for mental health
The government hopes the funding will address the extra demand for services amid the Covid pandemic.www.bbc.co.uk
I don’t feel that is just my trust I work in but a national issue. We are yet to see the true effects and impact of Covid on pre existing and new presentations of mental health; and most crucially the pandemic being considered a trauma in itself.
Sorry to be negative but I don’t see this having a massive impact for those of us working on the ground in services and the patients we aim to help and support!
aww Yes im currently doing the decider skills at the moment. Its okay, but i always worry about sharing stuff incase i trigger the other 2 members of our group.
Im quite lucky that i have a supportive network, my poor partner has put up with a lot of shit from me- ive taken drugs- heroin and crack, and cheated on him. And although he was absolutely livid, we are still together and he is working through it with me. The worst thing is he aksed me why i cheated on him, and i dont even know myself. The person i cheated with was so ugly and narcassitic and not a nice person at all. And yet my partner is lovely, and handsome, and kind and caring. It makes no sense why i behaved the way i did.
Im much better now, i havent taken drugs since the beginning of June, ive been much more stable, im on meds that seem to be working, and im certainly not tempted to cheat or anything like that.
Does anyone else take mirtazapine and escitalapram? I do, and although they are helping ive put on over 2stone. I really struggle with my sense of self and im really struggling with my weight gain. I have always been known as slim, and tbh my body was the only thing i thought i had going for me. So to go from being slim to just average is really really difficult for me. Sometimes i think im never going to be happy with myself, and im so selfish and shallow that being slim is important to me, when in reality im lucky to even be alive (i took 2 overdoses this year and im lucky to be alive).
Sorry for waffling on, its not often i get to chat about BPD so openly xx
Im quite lucky that i have a supportive network, my poor partner has put up with a lot of shit from me- ive taken drugs- heroin and crack, and cheated on him. And although he was absolutely livid, we are still together and he is working through it with me. The worst thing is he aksed me why i cheated on him, and i dont even know myself. The person i cheated with was so ugly and narcassitic and not a nice person at all. And yet my partner is lovely, and handsome, and kind and caring. It makes no sense why i behaved the way i did.
Im much better now, i havent taken drugs since the beginning of June, ive been much more stable, im on meds that seem to be working, and im certainly not tempted to cheat or anything like that.
Does anyone else take mirtazapine and escitalapram? I do, and although they are helping ive put on over 2stone. I really struggle with my sense of self and im really struggling with my weight gain. I have always been known as slim, and tbh my body was the only thing i thought i had going for me. So to go from being slim to just average is really really difficult for me. Sometimes i think im never going to be happy with myself, and im so selfish and shallow that being slim is important to me, when in reality im lucky to even be alive (i took 2 overdoses this year and im lucky to be alive).
Sorry for waffling on, its not often i get to chat about BPD so openly xx
Dolly Daydreaming
Well-known member
Hi claire86, I have BPD too. I've been going through MBT therapy which is one on one twice a month and group therapy every week via the NHS. I waited a year for the therapy as waiting list is so long, DBT where I live is two years waiting list.
It's definetly helping, as most of my issues stem from attachment problems, and I have great difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. When things go tits up, it often drives me to crisis
I don't really have anyone in my life to chat to about bpd and ptsd, so to see it posted on here is comforting x
It's definetly helping, as most of my issues stem from attachment problems, and I have great difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. When things go tits up, it often drives me to crisis
I don't really have anyone in my life to chat to about bpd and ptsd, so to see it posted on here is comforting x
rainbowlemon
VIP Member
I remember being relieved that there was something that described me so well when I had no words for it all before.
There's a lot of books online for support for family members to help them understand. A quick amazon search brought up.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder:
Essential Family Guide To Borderline Personality Disorder,
I read as much as I could and a lot around therapy too. My younger sister told me that she actually wanted to take better care of me because I had the BPD. What would you say to someone who had type 1 diabetes? It's not your fault. A lot of us also have large trauma histories and parents who were emotionally checked out. I just see all of it as a way of learning to cope with difficult situations from a young age.
I'm honestly glad I'm not where I was 4 years ago before I started therapy and I fully believe it is possible to recover one day at a time, because I was so dependent on my therapist I learnt to become independent. I haven't seen him for a month now and before that it was 4.5 months and a 6 week break over Christmas.
Finding the right therapist is also key, not all of them have the training to deal with the BPD. You need someone who is consistent with boundaries. My old one saw me on a discount around £20 lower then his usual London fee and a lot of others also offer this as well so don't be ashamed to ask. I started intensively because I met him three months after I decided I would kill myself. You don't have to do therapy every single week either. Sometimes I skipped when I had exams and we rearranged a lot.
The first thing to learn in my opinion is emotional regulation and I would really recommend journaling every day. I had no sense of self so let others define me. I've made pretty much every mistake under the sun but learning self compassion is also key to moving forwards.
There's also this book:
Amazon product
There's a lot of books online for support for family members to help them understand. A quick amazon search brought up.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder:
Essential Family Guide To Borderline Personality Disorder,
I read as much as I could and a lot around therapy too. My younger sister told me that she actually wanted to take better care of me because I had the BPD. What would you say to someone who had type 1 diabetes? It's not your fault. A lot of us also have large trauma histories and parents who were emotionally checked out. I just see all of it as a way of learning to cope with difficult situations from a young age.
I'm honestly glad I'm not where I was 4 years ago before I started therapy and I fully believe it is possible to recover one day at a time, because I was so dependent on my therapist I learnt to become independent. I haven't seen him for a month now and before that it was 4.5 months and a 6 week break over Christmas.
Finding the right therapist is also key, not all of them have the training to deal with the BPD. You need someone who is consistent with boundaries. My old one saw me on a discount around £20 lower then his usual London fee and a lot of others also offer this as well so don't be ashamed to ask. I started intensively because I met him three months after I decided I would kill myself. You don't have to do therapy every single week either. Sometimes I skipped when I had exams and we rearranged a lot.
The first thing to learn in my opinion is emotional regulation and I would really recommend journaling every day. I had no sense of self so let others define me. I've made pretty much every mistake under the sun but learning self compassion is also key to moving forwards.
There's also this book:
Amazon product
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Hi everyone.
I havent posted in here for a while, i hope everyone is doing ok and im sending love and a virtual hug to anyone who needs it.
I am currently on antibiotics for a UTI so im feeling a little wiped out, even more emotional than normal and generally a bit meh.
I have also just spent money (a stupid amount tbh) on random makeup. Makeup that i absolutely dont need, but sometimes i just cant help myself when it comes to reckless spending. Im much better than what i used to be like, and i dont splurge half as much as i used to, but i have just had a splurge and i feel a bit guilty now (i know first world problems and all that!!!).
Anyway, i hope everyone else is doing okay
I havent posted in here for a while, i hope everyone is doing ok and im sending love and a virtual hug to anyone who needs it.
I am currently on antibiotics for a UTI so im feeling a little wiped out, even more emotional than normal and generally a bit meh.
I have also just spent money (a stupid amount tbh) on random makeup. Makeup that i absolutely dont need, but sometimes i just cant help myself when it comes to reckless spending. Im much better than what i used to be like, and i dont splurge half as much as i used to, but i have just had a splurge and i feel a bit guilty now (i know first world problems and all that!!!).
Anyway, i hope everyone else is doing okay
Begborrowsteal
VIP Member
Adhd in women can also be misdiagnosed as BPD at times. BPD is a bit of a strange one in that respect, for misdiagnosis and comorbidities.
Gembo
VIP Member
I’m really torn on this because I do feel shame around my diagnosis but I do have all the symptoms and believe I have it in addition to being told I do. So there’s the shame on one hand. But on the other hand it’s only since getting the diagnosis that I’ve received proper help. I’ve been in and out of the Dr’s, hospital and private therapy since my teens and it’s never got me anywhere. The Dr always put it down to depression and prescribed tablets and the therapy I had didn’t make a difference at all. Since the diagnosis I have a CPN, have had a short course in DBT and now am getting psychology on the nhs. So it’s been a curse and a blessing for me but I’m the most stable I’ve been in a really long time and feel like I’m understood now which is an enormous relief. I always felt there was something wrong with me and I was unfixable but I didn’t know what it was. Not it feels like the help I’m getting is starting to hit the right spots if that makes sense.
Thank(space)you
VIP Member
Just wanted to moan, bpd is fucking exhausting. Been okay for most of the days and now out of nowhere the depression hits and I'm crying on the sofa, thinking about suicide
My GP won't refer me to a psychiatrist as MH services so overstretched and I feel like therapy ultimately doesn't help enough. I'm fed up of this.
My GP won't refer me to a psychiatrist as MH services so overstretched and I feel like therapy ultimately doesn't help enough. I'm fed up of this.
Lauz666
Active member
Thank you for starting this thread.
Honestly i have suffered with my mental health pretty badly on and off since college. I'm now 32.
I have anxiety disorder.
Over the last 1-2 years I feel it has got alot worse my brain goes wild with anxiety paranoia, constant bad thoughts, tells me my loved ones hate me, husband's gonna leave etc. But this lasts from a couple of hours to weeks at a time it's never the same.
I can feel suicidal one minute then fine the other. Its only due to a thread on tattle that described BPD that I read the symptoms. Not really sure what to do about it. If covid wasn't around I'd poss go see my gp and tell my family it was for something else.
Sorry to totally invade your thread but I was hoping to see something on here to relate to.
Much love to everyone
Honestly i have suffered with my mental health pretty badly on and off since college. I'm now 32.
I have anxiety disorder.
Over the last 1-2 years I feel it has got alot worse my brain goes wild with anxiety paranoia, constant bad thoughts, tells me my loved ones hate me, husband's gonna leave etc. But this lasts from a couple of hours to weeks at a time it's never the same.
I can feel suicidal one minute then fine the other. Its only due to a thread on tattle that described BPD that I read the symptoms. Not really sure what to do about it. If covid wasn't around I'd poss go see my gp and tell my family it was for something else.
Sorry to totally invade your thread but I was hoping to see something on here to relate to.
Much love to everyone
This.is.me
VIP Member
Really pleased I’ve found this thread. I don’t have a formal diagnosis but have been struggling for some time and strongly believe I have EUPD. I have done a lot of reading and research and it just all fits so well. It definitely stems from abandonment issues and other emotional harm in childhood and now manifests itself mainly in my relationships although I do feel like the last person I was with massively triggered all my underlying issues with abandonment and attachment issues. He also wasn’t prepared to try and understand me and just made me feel like such a freak for expressing emotions and often they were intense but I feel like his responses would escalate things. Anyway, fortunately I’ve managed to get rid of him finally I think but it still hurts. I don’t know how il ever meet anyone else and sometimes feel like il never have a happy and functioning relationship because of my issues.
I spoke to my GP last month about how I was feeling when things got really bad and I was feeling so low and alone. He recommended a book by Ruby Wax and said he wasn’t going to refer me to the community mental health team for an assessment because I wasn’t harming myself or others and I appeared to be very insightful. I explained that this might be the case but I was still really struggling. I didn’t it find it very helpful at all and it’s frustrating that if I had the money I could paid for a private assessment and the necessary therapy. I know the waiting list in my local area for therapy is like 2 years. I’m really grateful for the NHS and the amazing service they provide but this government seriously needs to sort out mental health services. Until then I will continue to use tattle as one way to stay sane so thank you xx
I spoke to my GP last month about how I was feeling when things got really bad and I was feeling so low and alone. He recommended a book by Ruby Wax and said he wasn’t going to refer me to the community mental health team for an assessment because I wasn’t harming myself or others and I appeared to be very insightful. I explained that this might be the case but I was still really struggling. I didn’t it find it very helpful at all and it’s frustrating that if I had the money I could paid for a private assessment and the necessary therapy. I know the waiting list in my local area for therapy is like 2 years. I’m really grateful for the NHS and the amazing service they provide but this government seriously needs to sort out mental health services. Until then I will continue to use tattle as one way to stay sane so thank you xx
Begborrowsteal
VIP Member
A GP wont be able to diagnose BPD, but they will be able to make the necessary referrals for an assessment. Another diagnosis that comes up along with BPD is Complex PTSD. Don't suffer in silence x
Begborrowsteal
VIP Member
CBT is handed out all the time, but imo, its pointless for BPD.