Borderline Personality Disorder & Clinical Depression.

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Iam okay thanks, i had my final decider skills session on Friday- i feel its far too short and it didnt help me as much as i hoped tbh. But i did have a shower, washed my hair, and then put some make up on and made a little bit of effort for the first time in ages so that was nice. But i think back to how i used to be and i could never be bothered now to wear make up every day like i used to. Some professionals have used that against me but i actually think it wasnt very helpful for me to wear a full face of make up every day! i wouldnt ever leave the house without make up on, whereas now im confident not having to wear it. Thats my argument when professionals bring it up anyway.

Ive just found out today that both of my crotch goblins are now off school because some kids from school have tested positive, so thats scaring me because i know i need to be teacher to both of them, my partner is at work, and that scares me a bit but i have looked online and printed out the work they need to do, so touch wood its not going to be as bad as i think.
I hope everyone else is doing okay xxx
 
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Iam okay thanks, i had my final decider skills session on Friday- i feel its far too short and it didnt help me as much as i hoped tbh. But i did have a shower, washed my hair, and then put some make up on and made a little bit of effort for the first time in ages so that was nice. But i think back to how i used to be and i could never be bothered now to wear make up every day like i used to. Some professionals have used that against me but i actually think it wasnt very helpful for me to wear a full face of make up every day! i wouldnt ever leave the house without make up on, whereas now im confident not having to wear it. Thats my argument when professionals bring it up anyway.

Ive just found out today that both of my crotch goblins are now off school because some kids from school have tested positive, so thats scaring me because i know i need to be teacher to both of them, my partner is at work, and that scares me a bit but i have looked online and printed out the work they need to do, so touch wood its not going to be as bad as i think.
I hope everyone else is doing okay xxx

Well done for doing getting dressed. I'm also okay with not wearing make up unless I really want to.

Hope the home schooling goes well. Teaching at home usually never goes as well as we plan but and it's okay to just to do what you can.
 
Feeling ok but I can feel it trying to creep up on me as back to work next week my anxiety has been on and off all day.
 
Hi claire86, I have BPD too. I've been going through MBT therapy which is one on one twice a month and group therapy every week via the NHS. I waited a year for the therapy as waiting list is so long, DBT where I live is two years waiting list.

It's definetly helping, as most of my issues stem from attachment problems, and I have great difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. When things go tits up, it often drives me to crisis 😭 I don't really have anyone in my life to chat to about bpd and ptsd, so to see it posted on here is comforting x
 
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Really pleased I’ve found this thread. I don’t have a formal diagnosis but have been struggling for some time and strongly believe I have EUPD. I have done a lot of reading and research and it just all fits so well. It definitely stems from abandonment issues and other emotional harm in childhood and now manifests itself mainly in my relationships although I do feel like the last person I was with massively triggered all my underlying issues with abandonment and attachment issues. He also wasn’t prepared to try and understand me and just made me feel like such a freak for expressing emotions and often they were intense but I feel like his responses would escalate things. Anyway, fortunately I’ve managed to get rid of him finally I think but it still hurts. I don’t know how il ever meet anyone else and sometimes feel like il never have a happy and functioning relationship because of my issues.

I spoke to my GP last month about how I was feeling when things got really bad and I was feeling so low and alone. He recommended a book by Ruby Wax and said he wasn’t going to refer me to the community mental health team for an assessment because I wasn’t harming myself or others and I appeared to be very insightful. I explained that this might be the case but I was still really struggling. I didn’t it find it very helpful at all and it’s frustrating that if I had the money I could paid for a private assessment and the necessary therapy. I know the waiting list in my local area for therapy is like 2 years. I’m really grateful for the NHS and the amazing service they provide but this government seriously needs to sort out mental health services. Until then I will continue to use tattle as one way to stay sane so thank you xx
 
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Really pleased I’ve found this thread. I don’t have a formal diagnosis but have been struggling for some time and strongly believe I have EUPD. I have done a lot of reading and research and it just all fits so well. It definitely stems from abandonment issues and other emotional harm in childhood and now manifests itself mainly in my relationships although I do feel like the last person I was with massively triggered all my underlying issues with abandonment and attachment issues. He also wasn’t prepared to try and understand me and just made me feel like such a freak for expressing emotions and often they were intense but I feel like his responses would escalate things. Anyway, fortunately I’ve managed to get rid of him finally I think but it still hurts. I don’t know how il ever meet anyone else and sometimes feel like il never have a happy and functioning relationship because of my issues.

I spoke to my GP last month about how I was feeling when things got really bad and I was feeling so low and alone. He recommended a book by Ruby Wax and said he wasn’t going to refer me to the community mental health team for an assessment because I wasn’t harming myself or others and I appeared to be very insightful. I explained that this might be the case but I was still really struggling. I didn’t it find it very helpful at all and it’s frustrating that if I had the money I could paid for a private assessment and the necessary therapy. I know the waiting list in my local area for therapy is like 2 years. I’m really grateful for the NHS and the amazing service they provide but this government seriously needs to sort out mental health services. Until then I will continue to use tattle as one way to stay sane so thank you xx
I'm so sorry about your experience with the GP, but he shouldn't' be able to say he's not going to refer you for an assessment just because you aren't harming yourself and are insightfull. He should really be forwarding you on to them and letting them decide that because really he isn't equipped to deal with mental health beyond depression and anxiety! I assume you're not struggling at the moment so you presented well but could you go back to him sighting the things you have experienced and how you feel they relate to EUPD and how you may not be in a bad place now but you do feel you need support and you don't think you can cope much longer with it on your own? Unfortunately it does seem like you have to be on deaths door but it really shouldn't be like that xx
 
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I'm so sorry about your experience with the GP, but he shouldn't' be able to say he's not going to refer you for an assessment just because you aren't harming yourself and are insightfull. He should really be forwarding you on to them and letting them decide that because really he isn't equipped to deal with mental health beyond depression and anxiety! I assume you're not struggling at the moment so you presented well but could you go back to him sighting the things you have experienced and how you feel they relate to EUPD and how you may not be in a bad place now but you do feel you need support and you don't think you can cope much longer with it on your own? Unfortunately it does seem like you have to be on deaths door but it really shouldn't be like that xx
Yeah, he did say to make another appointment for a months time so I will do that and discuss again. I feel this is exactly what I did but I will give it another go. I think the nature of it is that sometimes I feel ok and I’m coping with life but most of the time I don’t feel like that. I know, it’s awful and it shouldn’t be like that at all. Thank you for replying xx
 
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BBC News - Spending Review: Chancellor to announce £500m for mental health

🙏🙏🙏
As a clinician this is positive but unfortunately I don’t think this is quite enough (tip of the ice berg more like!!!), pre covid services were bursting at the seams and staff themselves burnt out! There are so many clinicians off sick currently themselves very poorly with mental Heath.

I don’t feel that is just my trust I work in but a national issue. We are yet to see the true effects and impact of Covid on pre existing and new presentations of mental health; and most crucially the pandemic being considered a trauma in itself.

Sorry to be negative but I don’t see this having a massive impact for those of us working on the ground in services and the patients we aim to help and support!
 
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As a clinician this is positive but unfortunately I don’t think this is quite enough (tip of the ice berg more like!!!), pre covid services were bursting at the seams and staff themselves burnt out! There are so many clinicians off sick currently themselves very poorly with mental Heath.

I don’t feel that is just my trust I work in but a national issue. We are yet to see the true effects and impact of Covid on pre existing and new presentations of mental health; and most crucially the pandemic being considered a trauma in itself.

Sorry to be negative but I don’t see this having a massive impact for those of us working on the ground in services and the patients we aim to help and support!
Agree. As you said about Covid, it is a trauma and hasn't been good for peoples mental health. Most likely I see this simply as helping a little with the increase demand for services after or towards the end of the pandemic, but not actually improving anything to a level than it was before.
 
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Hi everyone! Very interesting reading all of your posts. I apologise in advance for my very long one 😂

I think I might have BPD. I had never researched it before, but since doing so- some things I have read are unbelievably true to me, it’s almost as if I’d written it.

I have a long history with depression, I’ve also been diagnosed with body dysmorphia. I’ve been through multiple therapies and councelling, but the depression/emotions always seem to come back round again and I’m beginning to wonder if there’s something more to this.

My mood swings are terrible, and so hard to deal with. I don’t experience mania, so I don’t believe I have bipolar. I can go from feeling okay, to sad, to feeling a massive rage of anger inside of me, to sad again, to okay again. This can be during a period of half an hour, or a couple of days. The anger/rage doesn't usually last that long, but I get ‘tipped over the edge’ by the tiniest things and one trigger can completely ruin my day. For example, this morning my Amazon order was cancelled but I needed it today. Of course that would annoy anyone, but I had that fire in my belly feeling, I was fuming I had to try and sleep it off. If my fiancé is on his phone and scrolls past a loud video, I will feel unbelievable anger towards him and flip out telling him to turn it down. Speaking of him, I know 99.9% he would never cheat on me, my logical brain knows that. However, another part of my brain tells me that he is. For example, when hes late back from work, I have instant thoughts in my head that he’s cheating. Or when he takes his phone in while having a shower, I think (and sometimes say to him) ‘you’re clearly texting your girlfriend’, even though I know he watches films or listens to podcasts in the shower. If we’re in an argument, I sometimes threat to leave, which I don’t mean but I think it’s a protective thing for myself.

I self harm, attempted suicide in March and I still have suicidal thoughts now. I it was just because of how unhappy/depressed I am, but it just feels like there’s more.

ive been trying to contact my doctor all day, but they’ve been engaged since 9am. I’m so scared to speak to them, because I feel like I won’t be taken seriously. Has anyone got any tips when speaking with professionals about BPD? I know there’s not an official ‘test’ for it, but I just want to speak to a psychiatrist and have a proper assessment. I know they will offer me CBT and medication first, but CBT has never worked for me and I’ve just come off antidepressants because they were making me feel worse. I personally think mood stabilisers would be more suited to me, but again how do I bring this up?

thanks in advance! x
 
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I also really struggled with the mood swings. I had to learn how to control them. DBT skills workbooks go through the basics and actually teach you how to handle difficult emotions. My go to method used to be self harm. You also need to learn how to tell what you're feeling.

For your appointment, maybe you could say what you've said above. You're struggling and need a referral to a psychiatrist and you could tell him that you've already tried CBT. If it helps you could write it down on a paper and bring that with you too so you don't forget anything.
 
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I also really struggled with the mood swings. I had to learn how to control them. DBT skills workbooks go through the basics and actually teach you how to handle difficult emotions. My go to method used to be self harm. You also need to learn how to tell what you're feeling.

For your appointment, maybe you could say what you've said above. You're struggling and need a referral to a psychiatrist and you could tell him that you've already tried CBT. If it helps you could write it down on a paper and bring that with you too so you don't forget anything.
Thank you ❤
I hope you’re doing better now!!
 
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Hi everyone! Very interesting reading all of your posts. I apologise in advance for my very long one 😂

I think I might have BPD. I had never researched it before, but since doing so- some things I have read are unbelievably true to me, it’s almost as if I’d written it.

I have a long history with depression, I’ve also been diagnosed with body dysmorphia. I’ve been through multiple therapies and councelling, but the depression/emotions always seem to come back round again and I’m beginning to wonder if there’s something more to this.

My mood swings are terrible, and so hard to deal with. I don’t experience mania, so I don’t believe I have bipolar. I can go from feeling okay, to sad, to feeling a massive rage of anger inside of me, to sad again, to okay again. This can be during a period of half an hour, or a couple of days. The anger/rage doesn't usually last that long, but I get ‘tipped over the edge’ by the tiniest things and one trigger can completely ruin my day. For example, this morning my Amazon order was cancelled but I needed it today. Of course that would annoy anyone, but I had that fire in my belly feeling, I was fuming I had to try and sleep it off. If my fiancé is on his phone and scrolls past a loud video, I will feel unbelievable anger towards him and flip out telling him to turn it down. Speaking of him, I know 99.9% he would never cheat on me, my logical brain knows that. However, another part of my brain tells me that he is. For example, when hes late back from work, I have instant thoughts in my head that he’s cheating. Or when he takes his phone in while having a shower, I think (and sometimes say to him) ‘you’re clearly texting your girlfriend’, even though I know he watches films or listens to podcasts in the shower. If we’re in an argument, I sometimes threat to leave, which I don’t mean but I think it’s a protective thing for myself.

I self harm, attempted suicide in March and I still have suicidal thoughts now. I it was just because of how unhappy/depressed I am, but it just feels like there’s more.

ive been trying to contact my doctor all day, but they’ve been engaged since 9am. I’m so scared to speak to them, because I feel like I won’t be taken seriously. Has anyone got any tips when speaking with professionals about BPD? I know there’s not an official ‘test’ for it, but I just want to speak to a psychiatrist and have a proper assessment. I know they will offer me CBT and medication first, but CBT has never worked for me and I’ve just come off antidepressants because they were making me feel worse. I personally think mood stabilisers would be more suited to me, but again how do I bring this up?

thanks in advance! x
I told my doctor that i think I have BPD, I wrote down how I'm feeling and explained how other people have told me they think I have it (out of the blue, I'd not discussed my suspicions to anyone at that stage) but my GP told me it's hard to get an appointment with a psychiatrist so all they'd do is refer me for DBT.
 
Hi everyone! Very interesting reading all of your posts. I apologise in advance for my very long one 😂

I think I might have BPD. I had never researched it before, but since doing so- some things I have read are unbelievably true to me, it’s almost as if I’d written it.

I have a long history with depression, I’ve also been diagnosed with body dysmorphia. I’ve been through multiple therapies and councelling, but the depression/emotions always seem to come back round again and I’m beginning to wonder if there’s something more to this.

My mood swings are terrible, and so hard to deal with. I don’t experience mania, so I don’t believe I have bipolar. I can go from feeling okay, to sad, to feeling a massive rage of anger inside of me, to sad again, to okay again. This can be during a period of half an hour, or a couple of days. The anger/rage doesn't usually last that long, but I get ‘tipped over the edge’ by the tiniest things and one trigger can completely ruin my day. For example, this morning my Amazon order was cancelled but I needed it today. Of course that would annoy anyone, but I had that fire in my belly feeling, I was fuming I had to try and sleep it off. If my fiancé is on his phone and scrolls past a loud video, I will feel unbelievable anger towards him and flip out telling him to turn it down. Speaking of him, I know 99.9% he would never cheat on me, my logical brain knows that. However, another part of my brain tells me that he is. For example, when hes late back from work, I have instant thoughts in my head that he’s cheating. Or when he takes his phone in while having a shower, I think (and sometimes say to him) ‘you’re clearly texting your girlfriend’, even though I know he watches films or listens to podcasts in the shower. If we’re in an argument, I sometimes threat to leave, which I don’t mean but I think it’s a protective thing for myself.

I self harm, attempted suicide in March and I still have suicidal thoughts now. I it was just because of how unhappy/depressed I am, but it just feels like there’s more.

ive been trying to contact my doctor all day, but they’ve been engaged since 9am. I’m so scared to speak to them, because I feel like I won’t be taken seriously. Has anyone got any tips when speaking with professionals about BPD? I know there’s not an official ‘test’ for it, but I just want to speak to a psychiatrist and have a proper assessment. I know they will offer me CBT and medication first, but CBT has never worked for me and I’ve just come off antidepressants because they were making me feel worse. I personally think mood stabilisers would be more suited to me, but again how do I bring this up?

thanks in advance! x
I also felt like this and my advice is to just be really upfront and honest about what you’re experiencing. You’re the expert, yes they are medical professionals but you’re living with the suffering day to day. I also thought I wouldn’t be taken seriously and they would fob it off but they didn’t. It was actually really validating to hear that I was right in what I had been thinking about myself. Also I would recommend a book called the borderline personality disorder survival guide. I found it very helpful. I hope you get the support you’re looking for x
 
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So glad I found this thread. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for three years now but haven’t been able to receive treatment (DBT) due to a lack of DBT programs in areas I lived in. Finally my new doctor put in a referral to a DBT day program. Fingers crossed the referral goes through. I’ve been on CBT therapy since I was 17 (I’m turning 26 in a few months). It kept me alive but not much else. I’ve come to terms with myself that I have BPD along with diagnosed MDD and Social Anxiety. My psychologist and I are working on figuring out whether I have ED. It’s been tough the past four years especially with an attempt in 2018 which led to hospitalization and diagnosis. With social isolation for over a year now and me being in a new place with no support system other than medical professionals, I’m just at a loss of willingness to do life. It’s hollow and painful and bland. I’ve been reading that people with BPD often attract narcissistic partners and it has been my experience the past six months and I had to go through a hellish breakup to recognize he was feeding off my mental energy and left when I was absolutely drained. I’m really scared of people taking advantage of me again because I really think black and white and once I trust a person, I will trust them with my all - which doesn’t pan out well for me. So I’ve been hiding in bed with my cat and extra self isolating. My doctor told me the way to grow out of BPD and social anxiety possibly is to learn techniques and apply them in social settings but I’m just so burned out by how people have taken advantage of me in the past few years due to my mental illness. So I don’t know what to do. Sorry for the rant. Wasn’t sure what I wanted to say but I’m really glad here people can talk about BPD without being judged.
Saw someone post way back in the thread that mirtazapine helped but it made her gain weight. It was my experience too. My mood was stable somewhat but I gained 35 lbs so I started developing some symptoms of ED and I’ve been off mirtazapine since then. Currently just on seroquel to shut me off at night so that I can sleep. But the doc believes that other meds won’t help and DBT is the only way. So we shall see.
 
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So glad I found this thread. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD for three years now but haven’t been able to receive treatment (DBT) due to a lack of DBT programs in areas I lived in. Finally my new doctor put in a referral to a DBT day program. Fingers crossed the referral goes through. I’ve been on CBT therapy since I was 17 (I’m turning 26 in a few months). It kept me alive but not much else. I’ve come to terms with myself that I have BPD along with diagnosed MDD and Social Anxiety. My psychologist and I are working on figuring out whether I have ED. It’s been tough the past four years especially with an attempt in 2018 which led to hospitalization and diagnosis. With social isolation for over a year now and me being in a new place with no support system other than medical professionals, I’m just at a loss of willingness to do life. It’s hollow and painful and bland. I’ve been reading that people with BPD often attract narcissistic partners and it has been my experience the past six months and I had to go through a hellish breakup to recognize he was feeding off my mental energy and left when I was absolutely drained. I’m really scared of people taking advantage of me again because I really think black and white and once I trust a person, I will trust them with my all - which doesn’t pan out well for me. So I’ve been hiding in bed with my cat and extra self isolating. My doctor told me the way to grow out of BPD and social anxiety possibly is to learn techniques and apply them in social settings but I’m just so burned out by how people have taken advantage of me in the past few years due to my mental illness. So I don’t know what to do. Sorry for the rant. Wasn’t sure what I wanted to say but I’m really glad here people can talk about BPD without being judged.
Saw someone post way back in the thread that mirtazapine helped but it made her gain weight. It was my experience too. My mood was stable somewhat but I gained 35 lbs so I started developing some symptoms of ED and I’ve been off mirtazapine since then. Currently just on seroquel to shut me off at night so that I can sleep. But the doc believes that other meds won’t help and DBT is the only way. So we shall see.
I think a book about identifying red flags in relationships would really help you and it should be a must for everyone. Ultimately "we accept the love we think we deserve." If you also know you trust too easily try to take it slower. Actions always speak louder the words. Maybe ask yourself, what have they done to earn your trust?

I also believe that you can grow out of BPD. There are DBT workbooks you could try at home, whilst you're waiting
 
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Just wanted to moan, bpd is bleeping exhausting. Been okay for most of the days and now out of nowhere the depression hits and I'm crying on the sofa, thinking about suicide

My GP won't refer me to a psychiatrist as MH services so overstretched and I feel like therapy ultimately doesn't help enough. I'm fed up of this.
 
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I think a book about identifying red flags in relationships would really help you and it should be a must for everyone. Ultimately "we accept the love we think we deserve." If you also know you trust too easily try to take it slower. Actions always speak louder the words. Maybe ask yourself, what have they done to earn your trust?

I also believe that you can grow out of BPD. There are DBT workbooks you could try at home, whilst you're waiting
Thank you so much! I bought the DBT handbook but got anxious and overwhelmed so I recycled it. I am hoping to find beginner-level books that won't spike up my anxiety but will still help me identify red flags. I did take things slow with my most recent relationship with a covert narcissist. But I think I was in part self-destructive, as in I am aware that I have BPD and my emotions are always heightened - so I decided to chalk most of my gut feelings being uneasy around him to BPD acting out. I regret that immensely. I wish there were a way to identify whether my feelings/reactions are BPD speaking or they are actually gut feelings that I should not ignore.
 
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Just wanted to moan, bpd is bleeping exhausting. Been okay for most of the days and now out of nowhere the depression hits and I'm crying on the sofa, thinking about suicide

My GP won't refer me to a psychiatrist as MH services so overstretched and I feel like therapy ultimately doesn't help enough. I'm fed up of this.
Can you book an appointment with another GP? It is also possible to refer yourself too. You shouldn't be fobbed off.


Maytree are still open and still offering email and telephone support.


You will get through this moment. Do you have anyone that you can call right now?
 
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