Borderline Personality Disorder & Clinical Depression.

[isabellalovescats]

I keep meaning to ask, do you actually have a cat? I love cats too! My psychologist was really keen on me getting a pet but I’m too scared of the responsibility!

I do have a cat! He’s in my profile picture! I got him in September, his old owner was giving him away online. He’s a sweet old boy, 10 years old and all black! I love him!

My GP has been recommending me to get a cat since 2018 or so but I wasn’t ready to become a pet owner. I was finally ready last year, and he (my cat) has helped me with so much!

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I do have a cat! He’s in my profile picture! I got him in September, his old owner was giving him away online. He’s a sweet old boy, 10 years old and all black! I love him!

My GP has been recommending me to get a cat since 2018 or so but I wasn’t ready to become a pet owner. I was finally ready last year, and he (my cat) has helped me with so much!

Oh my God, he is beautiful. Black cats are the best. Always so beautiful. I’m very jealous!

 

[rainbowlemon]

they won’t let me do DBT to try and work through my anxiety and chronic insomnia. They want me to do DBT again even though I was in hospital for 2 years and did this there. I don’t need DBT again, I am not self harming, I’m not having problems controlling my emotions or with my relationships or anything. I use the DBT skills I learnt so I don’t feel I need to do it again.

it’s my GAD that is stopping me from moving forward and this bleeping insomnia…

sorry for just jumping in.

It's okay to jump in.

How long as the insomnia being going on for? Have you tried sleeping tablets?

Can you self refer for CBT?

 

[Clairer86]

Hi everyone.

I havent posted in here for a while, i hope everyone is doing ok and im sending love and a virtual hug to anyone who needs it.

I am currently on antibiotics for a UTI so im feeling a little wiped out, even more emotional than normal and generally a bit meh.

I have also just spent money (a stupid amount tbh) on random makeup. Makeup that i absolutely dont need, but sometimes i just cant help myself when it comes to reckless spending. Im much better than what i used to be like, and i dont splurge half as much as i used to, but i have just had a splurge and i feel a bit guilty now (i know first world problems and all that!!!).

Anyway, i hope everyone else is doing okay

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Feeling like a dick because someone pushed in front of me in the self-checkout queue at morrisons so I saw red, dumped my basket and walked out. Why didn't I just say 'excuse me, there is a queue here'

Eta - hubby now laughing saying im always such a diva.

 

[Clairer86]

The GP wouldn't refer me, so no formal diagnosis.

That is awful but i am not surprised tbh. My own GP surgery fobbed me off for years and years and years. I have tried every antidepressant going and i felt like they didnt give a tit. When i finally got my diagnosis- following a stay in hospital, it felt like a weight had been lifted. But even then i remember one of the mental health professionals (not my psychiatrist) did say that she thought my suicide attempt and my dip in mental health was caused by a UTI. Thankfully the psychiatrist decided to see me herself, and after years and years of feeling different, feeling like ive been fobbed off, i felt like a professional finally understood me and 'got me'. My psychiatrist is absolutely amazing and i feel very lucky that i even get to see her on a regular basis because i know that so many people dont have that.
If you can, you can try and refer yourself to your local mental health department rather than trying to go through your gp.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hi everyone.

I havent posted in here for a while, i hope everyone is doing ok and im sending love and a virtual hug to anyone who needs it.

I am currently on antibiotics for a UTI so im feeling a little wiped out, even more emotional than normal and generally a bit meh.

I have also just spent money (a stupid amount tbh) on random makeup. Makeup that i absolutely dont need, but sometimes i just cant help myself when it comes to reckless spending. Im much better than what i used to be like, and i dont splurge half as much as i used to, but i have just had a splurge and i feel a bit guilty now (i know first world problems and all that!!!).

Anyway, i hope everyone else is doing okay

If you don't want it- it might still be possible to cancel your order if it hasn't shipped. I used to be bad with impulse spending but got a hang on it by just starting off with one week shopping ban.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

If you don't want it- it might still be possible to cancel your order if it hasn't shipped. I used to be bad with impulse spending but got a hang on it by just starting off with one week shopping ban.

It’s part of depression. You spend to give you that instant high and then immediately feel guilty. Keep the receipts and don’t open them so that you can return it.

 

[Clairer86]

Thankyou for the advice regarding my reckless spending.

My partner bless him- i really dont deserve him but somehow he has stuck by me! Well its my birthday on the 25th July so he said he will give me the money i spent and he will give them to me as my birthday gifts.

He was really nice and understanding, and he said how good ive been regarding my spending, which is true i suppose as i used to me absolutely awful for reckless spending and risky behaviour in general tbh.

So i am happy we managed to find a solution, and we talked about the next time i decide to go on a splurge and one of the things that i have found helps me sometimes is i put stuff in my online basket but then forget about it, i find i still get a similar 'rush' but it doesnt make me skint.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I’ve woken up this morning feeling really achy and a bit fed up. I’m kind of a bit tired of people and their judgements of others. I’ve always prided myself as being the type of person who respects other people’s rights to do what they wish as long as it is legal and consensual and isn’t fragrantly damaging (i.e. I don’t support extremist views etc), but I find a lot of other people are really up their own arses when it comes to telling other people what they should or shouldn’t do and more often than not these people are total hypocrites and actually have no real reason or right to be so bleeping precious. Normally I don’t give a tit about this because it’s usually borne from insecurity or naivety, but this morning I’m really pissed!

I hate this modern precious world so much and suspect that’s a lot of the reason why I don’t trust or respect many people that I come across anymore. You know the types - they tell you you’re harsh or unkind for saying it how it is whilst sycophantically being nice to your face and slating you behind your back. I know what type of person I prefer, but the former seems to be actively encouraged. Can someone shoot me please! Rant over.

 

[gossipgirlxxo]

Hi just a quick question… I have very very intense mood swings in short spaces of time, much like BPD sufferers describe. But it’s not all of the time, I’ll go through periods of feeling ok and not having mood swings, or just be really down and depressed- but that be my only mood for a few weeks/months. But then the mood swings will start again, does this mean I could have BPD tendencies rather than full blown BPD? Or do sufferers have ‘breaks’? I’m not looking for a diagnosis, and I am in talks with my doctor but they’re not being very helpful if I’m honest. Just wanted opinions or experiences xx

 

[Thank(space)you]

Hi just a quick question… I have very very intense mood swings in short spaces of time, much like BPD sufferers describe. But it’s not all of the time, I’ll go through periods of feeling ok and not having mood swings, or just be really down and depressed- but that be my only mood for a few weeks/months. But then the mood swings will start again, does this mean I could have BPD tendencies rather than full blown BPD? Or do sufferers have ‘breaks’? I’m not looking for a diagnosis, and I am in talks with my doctor but they’re not being very helpful if I’m honest. Just wanted opinions or experiences xx

For me personally, I don't have long periods of feeling okay.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I always saw it as a baseline, with awful lows. Then returning to my baseline again.

 

[fruitfriends]

I was diagnosed yesterday after 8 years of being passed from one mh team to another. I’m just, really lost. The consultant just kept saying not to worry about the stigma but it’s something I’m always going to have to face.
There’s so much info online. Can someone recommend a reliable/accurate source of info?
Rn this feels like a life sentence and it’s all a bit much

 

[rainbowlemon]

I was diagnosed yesterday after 8 years of being passed from one mh team to another. I’m just, really lost. The consultant just kept saying not to worry about the stigma but it’s something I’m always going to have to face.
There’s so much info online. Can someone recommend a reliable/accurate source of info?
Rn this feels like a life sentence and it’s all a bit much

I really don't tell everyone about my diagnosis. Only some people like my siblings and my best friends know and honestly they're okay with it because it is a part of me. I think it is possible to recover. I'm not 100% there yet and still have my moments but I feel like I did grow out of the worse bits of it with a bucket load of therapy.

I personally love this doctor:

 

[gossipgirlxxo]

I was diagnosed yesterday after 8 years of being passed from one mh team to another. I’m just, really lost. The consultant just kept saying not to worry about the stigma but it’s something I’m always going to have to face.
There’s so much info online. Can someone recommend a reliable/accurate source of info?
Rn this feels like a life sentence and it’s all a bit much

Sending you lots of love & I hope you’re okay!!

I’ve been diagnosed this morning. I knew I had it deep down, but it’s quite daunting hearing it. I’ve told my parents, fiance and best friend. When I briefly read out a paragraph on the nhs website about BPD to my dad, he said “well that could he 80% of the population!” I know he didn’t mean it to hurt me, but it did because this is exactly what I don’t need- people not even trying to understand. He has always had bad anxiety and depression, so it surprised me in one way that he wasn’t more open. I’ve sent him an email with everything I’ve found online that relates to me (only from nhs or mind websites), so I hope this will help him.

Does anyone have any advice for how myself and the original poster will be feeling now?

 

[Merpedy]

Do any of you struggle with the stigma and telling your friends and potential romantic partners?

I really didn't realise it until recently, but even explaining what it is to people really stresses me about because there is no real way to make it sound like it's 'good' as there is so much negative connotations and I generally recognise that my behaviour at times may be unacceptable - I have become much better with this, but there are times where I cannot cope and I just need the people closest to me to step away/set a boundary which a lot of them don't seem to understand.

At the same time, there's the slight risk that they will start reading about it and see more extreme views/experiences on it

 

[rainbowlemon]

I remember being relieved that there was something that described me so well when I had no words for it all before.

There's a lot of books online for support for family members to help them understand. A quick amazon search brought up.

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder:
Essential Family Guide To Borderline Personality Disorder,

I read as much as I could and a lot around therapy too. My younger sister told me that she actually wanted to take better care of me because I had the BPD. What would you say to someone who had type 1 diabetes? It's not your fault. A lot of us also have large trauma histories and parents who were emotionally checked out. I just see all of it as a way of learning to cope with difficult situations from a young age.

I'm honestly glad I'm not where I was 4 years ago before I started therapy and I fully believe it is possible to recover one day at a time, because I was so dependent on my therapist I learnt to become independent. I haven't seen him for a month now and before that it was 4.5 months and a 6 week break over Christmas.

Finding the right therapist is also key, not all of them have the training to deal with the BPD. You need someone who is consistent with boundaries. My old one saw me on a discount around £20 lower then his usual London fee and a lot of others also offer this as well so don't be ashamed to ask. I started intensively because I met him three months after I decided I would kill myself. You don't have to do therapy every single week either. Sometimes I skipped when I had exams and we rearranged a lot.

The first thing to learn in my opinion is emotional regulation and I would really recommend journaling every day. I had no sense of self so let others define me. I've made pretty much every mistake under the sun but learning self compassion is also key to moving forwards.

There's also this book:

Amazon product

 

[Clairer86]

Do any of you struggle with the stigma and telling your friends and potential romantic partners?

I really didn't realise it until recently, but even explaining what it is to people really stresses me about because there is no real way to make it sound like it's 'good' as there is so much negative connotations and I generally recognise that my behaviour at times may be unacceptable - I have become much better with this, but there are times where I cannot cope and I just need the people closest to me to step away/set a boundary which a lot of them don't seem to understand.

At the same time, there's the slight risk that they will start reading about it and see more extreme views/experiences on it

Tbh i find it really upsetting on here at times. If you go on 99% of the threads- someone nearly always pops up with "I think .... has BPD" That really does my bleeping head in coz its normally based on the persons negative behaviour. Im forever 'debating' with people on here because of it.
I am aware of the more 'negative' traits of our diagnosis, but i always like to point out the many positive traits of having BPD; Such as being really emphatic, being loyal, loving, and caring, plus our analytical skills and our reflective skills are off the charts. So when i am talking about having bpd-as well as talking about the more well known aspects of it, i always talk about the positive aspects of it. I also like to explain the manipulation aspect of it, because my psychiatrist told me its not manipulative in the sense that most people think.

 

[gossipgirlxxo]

Does anyone know of any mood tracking apps? Most of the ones I’ve seen you log it for the day but I need one that’s either every hour or an unlimited amount of times