Tom Wambsgans
VIP Member
Recap time! Reading time is ~6 minutes.
Grab yourself a little treat and enjoy the show.
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Wow guys - we're going through threads faster than KT goes through Green Goddess seasoning from Trader Joes. The Queen of Disneyland and her hired goon, Spencer, have really been on one lately. So much has happened since our last recap that's I almost don't know where to start, but I'll do my best to summon my inner-Spence and just ramble-on mindlessly.
In what seems like an eternity ago, KT & Spence supposedly went on a "staycation" in Laguna Beach. I say "supposedly" because it's unclear whether or not they actually slept overnight in the room they filmed the intro of their vlog in. If they were trying to throw the trolls off their scent with this one, they succeeded admirably. KT got irie and sported a cute new ballcap advertising a local marijuana dispensary(?), Spencer took us on a tour of the hotel that could easily have a home on the Surf & Sand's employee training video from the early 90's, and they mysteriously went home in the middle of their stay so that KT could film a solo livestream in front of the world-famous shower curtains. To say I'm befuddled would be an understatement, but one thing is for sure - if I never hear the word "staycation" again in my entire life, it will be far too soon.
Upon their arrival back home, or, upon waking up in their home as usual - they took an uncharacteristic trip to Disneyland. The plan for this trip was simple: To orchestrate a food-eating contest that was rigged in both their favors - under the guise of a "Top 7 foods" vlog. Mind you, "Top 7" is heavily subjective in that the palettes of the people ranking the food stopped evolving before they graduated from their respective, heavily-white elementary schools. In addition to the fact that their taste buds and vital organs have been chemically-altered over time to ignore and disassociate from the common effects of foods that are overly sweet and/or high in artificial ingredients.
After an action-packed day of marathon eating, they took a much-deserved siesta and returned to the park post-haste to enjoy an overpriced dinner & show package - made possible by viewers like you. In a truly vomit-inducing display, KT & Spence (and with them as always is Pixar Charlie) enjoyed a common buffet at Storytellers Cafe. The vomit wasn't induced on their end, mind you - it was us. This 2nd, largely unnecessary meal, seemed to occur within an alarmingly-close timeline relative to their Top 7 food challenge at DCA. But hey, at least it was educational. If you ever wondered if the mass-produced lava cake from the Storytellers buffet would be better warmed up, I can tell you definitively, that it would be.
Next up, in perhaps their most click-baity YouTube thumbnail in a while, KT & Spence got introspective in a video called "Future of the Channel". What better place to reflect than a park bench overlooking the ocean? Now, I don't know about y'all, but I felt a bit slighted on this one. They know as well as we do that their channel is a ticking timebomb on borrowed time, and we fell right into their trap. Not one mention of dissolving the channel, dissolving her current marraige, dissolving her conservatorship over Spence - nothing. Just a bunch of gobbly-gook about some Patreon thing, an upcoming camping trip, and I could be wrong, but I think I heard something about them being HOSTED. It was a little hard to make out, but when I re-watched in slow motion and really read between the lines, I'm pretty sure they are being HOSTED by a mystery hotel in Las Vegas. Clearly, that sweet old couple Dale & Paula taught Big Red and Short Round how to fool a Las Vegas hotel into thinking they are some kind of influencers. And to that point, I couldn't stand idly by, so I paid a little visit to KT's IT friend who knows computers and paid him to hack into the Palms Casino's email database to find out what kind of yarn KT spun to convince them. This is what I found:
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From the desk of KTthedisneybear
ATTN: Person in charge of free stuff for famous people @ Palms Casino
My name is Katie (pronounced "KT") and I'm the star of the world-famous YouTube channel Best Life & Beyond. We are coming to Las Vegas soon, and we would like to stay in your hotel for free. In return, we will advertise you to our 92,000 subscribers. If you need a reference, please contact our biggest fan Jeremy Croutons. If you call him, please speak slowly and try to keep him on topic - if he starts asking you where he should buy a pair of pants, hang up and try him again.
Thanks for my time,
KT
P.S. In case some of our subscribers want to stay in your casino, do you give discounts to foreign diplomats?
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Anywho, where were we? I guess I would be remiss if I didn't make mention of KT's super clever attempt to out-troll the trolls. She very cleverly created some fake accounts and began sending threatening messages to some of our own Tattle community on other platforms. The things she said were laughably insane, but nonetheless, they resulted in a few good Tattle soldiers hanging up their boots. This desperate campaign brought us such nuggets as "KT & Spence don't actually live in the dull, boring apartment that they film their vlogs in - they just borrow it from a friend from time-to-time" and "KT & Spence left Adam's apartment because Adam had a crush on KT and Daphne got jealous". Now, the former is just untrue, hard-stop. The latter is untrue with two cans of Strawberry LOLz spread on top. There's no doubt that Daphne hated KT even back then - but jealous?! I mean, I don't see Daphne having any trouble getting people to pay to get behind HER paywall, if you catch my drift.
Ok, moving on. Let me ask you guys a question: Have you ever wondered what you should do when you're a childless adult attending the Disneyland resort for the first time? Well, have I got the video for you. Disclaimer: If you happen to have kids, GTFO with those things - this vlog is not for you. KT & Spence took us through a step-by-step action plan on how to optimize your day at the park if you don't mind waking up early, have a confusingly-nebulous appetite, and definitely don't have children. Allow me to save you some time:
- Get there EARLY. As soon as that rope drops, bypass the more popular rides and make a bee-line for the Blue Milk station (Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, after all)
- Take a little nappy-poo in the middle of the day and come back when all the stupid kids are tuckered out
- At ALL costs, ride that choo-coo.
Ok, we need to start wrapping this thing up soon. Somewhere in the timeline, they took us with them on a riveting trip to CostCo, an awkward trip to Target where they spoke in their quieter, more sensual voices because even THEY know how ridiculous it is to be filming and narrating yourself inside of a Target, and Spencer even brought us along on a solo mission to Disneyland to let us know whether or not the park is crowded on weekends. God bless him for this, because I had completely forgotten the other 64x they called out the fact that there are NO MORE uncrowded days at Disneyland - weekends or otherwise.
Lastly, I would be even MORE remiss if we didn't touch on the recent dumpster fire that was the latest episode of 'What's in your wallet Wednesday?' Unfortunately for BLAB, not much these days. These livestreams have become an absolute quagmire with them trying to keep a boring & tedious conversation moving, while simultaneously attempting to respond-to and/or thwart a sea of trolls out-clevering them with every move. A huge round of applause to those of you that have been providing the rest of us with quality entertainment and belly-laughs with your soft-trolling skills.
KT & Spence continued to show their true color (guess which one?) as their Besties-only livestream quickly devolved into a Covid-denying, conspiracy-theorizing, mass-shooting-marginalizing "Me" fest, with your host Spencer Jones. In case you were wondering, "he's seen some stuff".
Thanks for reading, Besties!
- Tommy Wambs
yesssss
