Anyone else planning on asking for divorce as soon lockdown is over?

[toffeejelly]

Sorry, just been reading your posts, and it’s struck me how common this issue about men and gaming actually is. My husband is the same. We can usually compromise on how much time and when, but lately it’s turning out more arguments than usual. Due to lockdown and him being between jobs at the time, he’s currently at home with the children (4 and 2), and I work night shifts in a care home. On the nights that I’m at work, he will play his PS4 once the kids are in bed (8ish) and that will be him until the early hours of the morning. I’ve told him I’ve no issue with this as long as he’s still managing fine with the kids.

On my nights off however, he will disappear upstairs while I watch whatever on TV for about an hour, and instead of suggesting we watch something together, he will sit around obviously “waiting” for me to get tired and go to bed so that he can jump on the PS4. He’s very screen orientated (aren’t we all), and never has his phone out of his hand.

I’ve spoken to him countless times about it and asked him to put the phone down and engage, especially with the children as he will often ignore them in favour of whatever he’s doing on his phone (usually reading something about his video games of looking at memes). Our children are on the spectrum so I feel more than ever that he needs to cut down his screen time and give them his full attention as it can be so difficult to engage them at the best of times.

He was very upfront when we first got together about how much he gamed, which didn’t bother me as when we spent time together he was invested in us and what we were doing, even when we started living together. I get that lockdown is hard for everyone,I do, but I feel that he’s taking the piss with it now because he doesn’t have the responsibility of going out to work anymore. I am in no way shaming him for being at home with the children (prior to lockdown I’d been a SAHM for almost 4 years so I understand how hard it is), I just feel that he would rather be sat in front of a screen than spending time with me and sometimes even the children too.

I go to work and come home, sleep for a bit, clean up and spend time with our boys, then feel that I’m expected to make myself scarce so that he can play his games. While I’m not in the mindset of wanting a divorce, if things carry on in this way then it could become a possibility. I have told him all of this and tried to be rational, but while he will start making an effort for a bit, he does revert back again. I really think gaming is a big issue. A lot of males in my family/friend circles are the same way with it, including my own brother.

Sorry for the long-winded rant. Had to get it off my chest as I’ve had nobody else to vent to about it. Just to add, we’re both in our early 30s.

This reminds me so much of my most recent ex. Whilst he wasn’t a gamer, he was glued to his phone. We couldn’t even watch an entire film without him picking it up and scrolling. We’d be sitting at the dinner table at night and he’d scroll through Facebook and Instagram. What’s so important! We argued about it a lot as we’d go for date nights and he’d be sat at the table on his phone. It’s just so rude, and you’re right - you do feel like they’d rather do that than spend time with you.

 

[Raininvain]

I’ve only just found this thread but wanted to say in am in the same boat as you! My partner is a gamer all he does is play games all day and watch other people play too. We don’t have sex , he pleases himself and I’m left to sort the three boys we have , keep the house tidy make sure everything is sorted out. I’ve been with him for almost 10 years now(we are both 26) and I feel like I am ready to move on without him. I’m so miserable. He pays me no attention, even tells me to not touch him?! I fantasise about being with someone else. But I’m too scared to leave and can’t see myself ever doing it.

You are only young please get some counselling regarding working on issues and your self esteem so that you can eventually move on.Dont waste your life being with him, hes not offering you or your children anything.

 

[Dogtanian]

At the risk of sounding like a traitor to my gender, any man who is still a gamer after being married and reaching 30 years old is either a manchild or probably just a slob (or a combination of both).

 

[LittleMy]

At the risk of sounding like a traitor to my gender, any man who is still a gamer after being married and reaching 30 years old is either a manchild or probably just a slob (or a combination of both).

My husband is both. It seems I have a type, and that’s it.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

 

[prinnygrace]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It definitely does not sound like a safe relationship and you shouldn’t have to deal with that. My advice would be to get out of there. Go somewhere safe. There’s NEVER a reason for violence. You should be able to have a laugh and joke with your partner without him laying a hand on you. I hope you’re okay but please please make sure you’re safe. You definitely deserve more

 

[LittleMy]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

It absolutely is violence. He should not be doing any of those things whether you goaded him or not. Please, please seriously think about getting some help and leaving him. That is abuse.

 

[TruffleTrifle]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

No this is physical abuse. You need to get out.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

Thank you. I did think so but kept second guessing myself as he always says how I ‘make him angry’.....

It absolutely is violence. He should not be doing any of those things whether you goaded him or not. Please, please seriously think about getting some help and leaving him. That is abuse.

Thank you for the clarity. I did think so but kept second guessing myself....

 

[LittleMy]

Thank you. I did think so but kept second guessing myself as he always says how I ‘make him angry’.....


Thank you for the clarity. I did think so but kept second guessing myself....

Perpetrators of abuse often say things like that to turn the blame around on you. It is his choice to react that way and is absolutely not your fault. I hope you’re ok x

 

[Raininvain]

You need to leave him now, can you go to your parents or a friends house?

 

[tskiry56]

Thank you. I did think so but kept second guessing myself as he always says how I ‘make him angry’.....


Thank you for the clarity. I did think so but kept second guessing myself....

Like everyone else has said this is physical abuse and emotional abuse. Call the police if your strong enough to. Please leave him call a friend a family member a neighbour or womens aid.
I have been in your situation. Please dont think you saying something is an excuse for him hurting you!! You never asked for him to do it and you do not deserve it.
Don't let him let you live in fear. I really do hope your ok.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

You need to leave him now, can you go to your parents or a friends house?

I have just asked my mum and dad if me and the children can stay with them for a few days to make some arrangements. I don’t work or own our house (he changed the deeds so he owned it all a couple of years ago) so have no money (no bank account). He reminded me tonight when I asked him to leave that this was ‘his house’ and not mine.

 

[Raininvain]

I have just asked my mum and dad if me and the children can stay with them for a few days to make some arrangements. I don’t work or own our house (he changed the deeds so he owned it all a couple of years ago) so have no money (no bank account). He reminded me tonight when I asked him to leave that this was ‘his house’ and not mine.

Are you married? if so I believe you are entitled to some of the value of the property. I'd ring womens aid tomorrow and ask for advice as a starting point.x

 

[tskiry56]

I have just asked my mum and dad if me and the children can stay with them for a few days to make some arrangements. I don’t work or own our house (he changed the deeds so he owned it all a couple of years ago) so have no money (no bank account). He reminded me tonight when I asked him to leave that this was ‘his house’ and not mine.

This shows how controlling he is! Have you told your parents the truth about what's happened?
Please ring womens aid... there are ways for you and the children to get access to your own money.

 

[Lillymackenzie99000777]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

LEAVE HIM please things will only get worse he won’t change you deserve so much better

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

I have been married since 2007 and we have three children. My parents know we have problems but he is very charming and provides a ‘nice’ life for us so I think it might be easier for them to believe I am the problem. I have quietly made plans to leave him this week. Thank you so much.

 

[tskiry56]

I have been married since 2007 and we have three children. My parents know we have problems but he is very charming and provides a ‘nice’ life for us so I think it might be easier for them to believe I am the problem. I have quietly made plans to leave him this week. Thank you so much.

Don't ever think your the problem... that's how they make you feel. My exs parents stood by him and yes on the outside you would of thought we had a nice life too!
But I hid so much.
Well done for finding the courage to leave.
Here is the link for womens aid they may give you more help https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

 

[Raininvain]

I have been married since 2007 and we have three children. My parents know we have problems but he is very charming and provides a ‘nice’ life for us so I think it might be easier for them to believe I am the problem. I have quietly made plans to leave him this week. Thank you so much.

.
It doesn't matter that your name isn't on the deeds if your married and have been all that time then you will definitely be entitled to your share of the house, plus some of his pension, plus he has to provide for his children. Stay strong, get some advise and dont go back to him.I'd report him to the Police as well.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

.
It doesn't matter that your name isn't on the deeds if your married and have been all that time then you will definitely be entitled to your share of the house, plus some of his pension, plus he has to provide for his children. Stay strong, get some advise and dont go back to him.

I didn’t know that. He always says that I would have to leave the house and the children would stay with him so I would be left with nothing? As I write this, I realise how stupid I sound; I am literally ‘opening my eyes’ tonight- thank you!