Anyone else planning on asking for divorce as soon lockdown is over?

[tskiry56]

I didn’t know that. He always says that I would have to leave the house and the children would stay with him so I would be left with nothing? As I write this, I realise how stupid I sound; I am literally ‘opening my eyes’ tonight- thank you!

Please report to the police your children will not stay with him if he is violent.
I took over a year to report to the police but I also had an eye opener and it was the extent of the physical abuse.
Honestly I was put through alot of tit but there is light and freedom in the end.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Deeds and money - can be sorted later. Right now, your safety comes first. Get to your parents x

 

[Raininvain]

I didn’t know that. He always says that I would have to leave the house and the children would stay with him so I would be left with nothing? As I write this, I realise how stupid I sound; I am literally ‘opening my eyes’ tonight- thank you!

.That's not true don't listen to him.

 

[Italy2]

Thank you. I did think so but kept second guessing myself as he always says how I ‘make him angry’.....


Thank you for the clarity. I did think so but kept second guessing myself....

Please stop guessing yourself and leave him! You need to get out of this abusive relationship asap!

 

[Michellellehcim]

I didn’t know that. He always says that I would have to leave the house and the children would stay with him so I would be left with nothing? As I write this, I realise how stupid I sound; I am literally ‘opening my eyes’ tonight- thank you!

Please get to your parents as soon as you can and contact women’s aid as one of the previous comments have said. They can keep a log of your call if you ask them to too. This isn’t healthy for you or your children. He’s making you think you’re the problem and you might be surprised when you speak to your parents they may not be as charmed as they seem. Sending you so much love and strength. Please get out ASAP xxx

 

[Tree_]

I didn’t know that. He always says that I would have to leave the house and the children would stay with him so I would be left with nothing? As I write this, I realise how stupid I sound; I am literally ‘opening my eyes’ tonight- thank you!

You don't sound stupid. You sound brave. He has physically and emotionally and financially abused you. NONE of this is your fault.

 

[Dogtanian]

Echoing everyone else, get your critical stuff you need (passport, driving licence, birth certificates etc), grab the kids and get out. Now, rather than at the weekend. Get to your parents, tell them exactly what is going on and then get in touch with womens aid.
Please don't stay 'for the sake of the kids' or 'promise I'll change' or any other crap line you'll be spun. Just get yourself out and safe!!

 

[tskiry56]

I hope since yesterday you have found the courage to leave.
Sometimes when your in that situation leaving feels like the impossible as your whole world and what you know changes.
I don't know if this will help but I write a blog about my experience as when I was in your situation I didnt see what was going on.
But when i broke free i saw all the signs.

Never let a weak person destroy you.

Because your stronger than you realise.

unbeatenmystory.wordpress.com

 

[LittleBird]

All sounds very familiar, I own a house with my boyfriend 150 miles away from my home town. He's always gamed but since he has been furloughed he has played it constantly. In the last 3 weeks, I can count the times he has come to bed before midnight as he usually stays up until 3 or 4 and then sleeps on the sofa til 7 so he doesn't wake me up. He came to bed last night but was up at 7am playing his xbox.

I am wfh full time in a demanding job and want to sort out the DIY on the house whilst we have the time but feel like I'm fighting a losing battle now. He also complains that his friends can party, drink and smoke but he isnt allowed because he has to compromise whilst I'm working and refers to furlough as his "holiday or retirement".

I've actually had enough of it and have used lockdown to save some cash and as soon as he is back at work I'm going to spring into action and get out. Like most of you, I'm 29 and terrified of starting again after 4 years but I'm also aware that life is too short. It's times like this I wish I lived closer to home because leaving will mean leaving my job eventually and the house I have worked so hard on as I want to be close to my family and friends.

 

[Lurker4751]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

Oh my goodness I couldn't scroll past and not say anything.
You are being emotionally abused to believe that the physical abuse he is inflicting on you is your fault. This is 100% violent behaviour, think--if another human being did this to one of your children would you say it was their fault because they 'wound the person up'?!

Please make arrangements and leave. As soon as you are safe call the police and report what he has done. If you are struggling to leave safely, call the police and they will help you. Echoing what others have said you should also contact women's aid.

Please let us know you are safe, I am worried for you xx

 

[Miss98]

I’m not sure I should post this but here goes.... my husband has had a history of being aggressive and sometimes pushing me into things, punching me in the back of the head when walking past me, grabbing my face but tonight was really scary. We were arguing and admittedly, when he held his fist to me, I taunted him and said ‘go on punch me?’ so he grabbed my head and banged it into the hallway wall and then kicked me in the private parts when he walked away while I was on the floor. Now, I thought I was a strong woman and have always held my own but I’m confused? I don’t know if this constitutes ‘violence’ if I taunted him? I feel a bit of a drama queen now..... can someone give me clarity? My mind is so confused!

Please leave that situation, it will only get worse. It's not a healthy situation for you and your children to be around. You've done nothing wrong, that's classic signs of abuse trying to make out you wound him up too much. Imagine if a friend or member of your family were in this situation and how you'd feel for them, you're important too. Please get out ASAP. I promise at first it may be daunting and scary but you'll feel so much more free and less under stress or constant on edge what's going to happen next. Take care

 

[TruffleTrifle]

All sounds very familiar, I own a house with my boyfriend 150 miles away from my home town. He's always gamed but since he has been furloughed he has played it constantly. In the last 3 weeks, I can count the times he has come to bed before midnight as he usually stays up until 3 or 4 and then sleeps on the sofa til 7 so he doesn't wake me up. He came to bed last night but was up at 7am playing his xbox.

I am wfh full time in a demanding job and want to sort out the DIY on the house whilst we have the time but feel like I'm fighting a losing battle now. He also complains that his friends can party, drink and smoke but he isnt allowed because he has to compromise whilst I'm working and refers to furlough as his "holiday or retirement".

I've actually had enough of it and have used lockdown to save some cash and as soon as he is back at work I'm going to spring into action and get out. Like most of you, I'm 29 and terrified of starting again after 4 years but I'm also aware that life is too short. It's times like this I wish I lived closer to home because leaving will mean leaving my job eventually and the house I have worked so hard on as I want to be close to my family and friends.

Tell him he can go behave like an eternal 19 year old. No woman with any sense will want a guy who I assume is pushing or past 30 who behaves like that. Good luck to you.

 

[BoredHousewifeSince2007]

Oh my goodness I couldn't scroll past and not say anything.
You are being emotionally abused to believe that the physical abuse he is inflicting on you is your fault. This is 100% violent behaviour, think--if another human being did this to one of your children would you say it was their fault because they 'wound the person up'?!

Please make arrangements and leave. As soon as you are safe call the police and report what he has done. If you are struggling to leave safely, call the police and they will help you. Echoing what others have said you should also contact women's aid.

Please let us know you are safe, I am worried for you xx

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for your concern; it means so much to realise that I am not bringing this on myself for being ‘difficult’. I slept with my youngest last night under the pretence that he was poorly so my husband slept on the sofa and I went to see (virtually) a matrimonial solicitor who will begin separation proceedings on Wednesday. Honestly, thank you all

 

[TruffleTrifle]

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for your concern; it means so much to realise that I am not bringing this on myself for being ‘difficult’. I slept with my youngest last night under the pretence that he was poorly so my husband slept on the sofa and I went to see (virtually) a matrimonial solicitor who will begin separation proceedings on Wednesday. Honestly, thank you all

So happy for you. Stay strong. We’re here if you need to vent!

 

[LittleBird]

Tell him he can go behave like an eternal 19 year old. No woman with any sense will want a guy who I assume is pushing or past 30 who behaves like that. Good luck to you.

Thank you, he actually just turned 34. I've tried to be very patient and hoped that having our own home and moving towards goals would make him grow up but it hasn't. You can't change someone, so you have to let them go. I just have to have the confidence to pull the plug now!

 

[Annie101]

I feel embarrassed posting this on here, but since my private life is a secret from friends/family I have nowhere to go. My husband is an alcoholic in recovery for 9 months. The drinking problem went on for nearly 10 years and I had a very hard time dealing with it. He is yet at the stage of recovery admitting his problem to me and/or apologising what I went through for that period. He now stopped drinking, goes to AA meetings and I am proud of him sticking with it. However his behaviour has not changed. Last night I come home from work, I have been back at work as an essential worker for the past 4 weeks. He has been in lockdown for 3 months now. I work 12 hours a day, get home and start cooking. Walk to him, kiss him hello and he is on the couch, does not acknowledge me etc. Last week he asked me to spend more time with him when I get home from work, rather than just starting to do my house chores. So I sit down with him, tried a conversation with him, but he closes his eyes and ignores me. So I get up, getting food ready and went to our bedroom. He storms into the room a little later, tell me I am a horrible person isolating myself from people in general and I quote "duck this tit" and walk out. I let it be, continue on and he comes back. He stands in front of me. I feel like a child in front of the school headmaster for bleeping up. He questions me about my poor attitude, asks me why I am sensitive all in his normal shouting way. I don't know what to say, because most of the accusations doesn't make sense to me. I start crying and I am not a crier. I feel intimidated by this man hovering over me finger in my face, accusing me that I am wrong about everything I do or say. My heart breaks into little pieces because I thought recovery will change him. That I wont be his target to get out any frustrations and listen how bad I am, whilst I was emotionally abused for nearly 10 years. I have never felt as lonely, sad, and honestly not worthy. I serve his meal on his lap, have a bath and go and sleep in the spare bedroom. In bed i lay there wishing that my life can end, that i want to fall asleep and not wake up. Is this my past, present and future. i cannot do this. Am i what he tells me i am.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I feel embarrassed posting this on here, but since my private life is a secret from friends/family I have nowhere to go. My husband is an alcoholic in recovery for 9 months. The drinking problem went on for nearly 10 years and I had a very hard time dealing with it. He is yet at the stage of recovery admitting his problem to me and/or apologising what I went through for that period. He now stopped drinking, goes to AA meetings and I am proud of him sticking with it. However his behaviour has not changed. Last night I come home from work, I have been back at work as an essential worker for the past 4 weeks. He has been in lockdown for 3 months now. I work 12 hours a day, get home and start cooking. Walk to him, kiss him hello and he is on the couch, does not acknowledge me etc. Last week he asked me to spend more time with him when I get home from work, rather than just starting to do my house chores. So I sit down with him, tried a conversation with him, but he closes his eyes and ignores me. So I get up, getting food ready and went to our bedroom. He storms into the room a little later, tell me I am a horrible person isolating myself from people in general and I quote "duck this tit" and walk out. I let it be, continue on and he comes back. He stands in front of me. I feel like a child in front of the school headmaster for bleeping up. He questions me about my poor attitude, asks me why I am sensitive all in his normal shouting way. I don't know what to say, because most of the accusations doesn't make sense to me. I start crying and I am not a crier. I feel intimidated by this man hovering over me finger in my face, accusing me that I am wrong about everything I do or say. My heart breaks into little pieces because I thought recovery will change him. That I wont be his target to get out any frustrations and listen how bad I am, whilst I was emotionally abused for nearly 10 years. I have never felt as lonely, sad, and honestly not worthy. I serve his meal on his lap, have a bath and go and sleep in the spare bedroom. In bed i lay there wishing that my life can end, that i want to fall asleep and not wake up. Is this my past, present and future. i cannot do this. Am i what he tells me i am.

No. Youre not.

Seems he isnt accepting his issues still. Its not enough to just stop drinking, he needs to work on the whys; why he drank to excess. He has to face up to his flaws. Its not your job to be his emotional punchbag. You have to take care of yourself.

 

[tskiry56]

I feel embarrassed posting this on here, but since my private life is a secret from friends/family I have nowhere to go. My husband is an alcoholic in recovery for 9 months. The drinking problem went on for nearly 10 years and I had a very hard time dealing with it. He is yet at the stage of recovery admitting his problem to me and/or apologising what I went through for that period. He now stopped drinking, goes to AA meetings and I am proud of him sticking with it. However his behaviour has not changed. Last night I come home from work, I have been back at work as an essential worker for the past 4 weeks. He has been in lockdown for 3 months now. I work 12 hours a day, get home and start cooking. Walk to him, kiss him hello and he is on the couch, does not acknowledge me etc. Last week he asked me to spend more time with him when I get home from work, rather than just starting to do my house chores. So I sit down with him, tried a conversation with him, but he closes his eyes and ignores me. So I get up, getting food ready and went to our bedroom. He storms into the room a little later, tell me I am a horrible person isolating myself from people in general and I quote "duck this tit" and walk out. I let it be, continue on and he comes back. He stands in front of me. I feel like a child in front of the school headmaster for bleeping up. He questions me about my poor attitude, asks me why I am sensitive all in his normal shouting way. I don't know what to say, because most of the accusations doesn't make sense to me. I start crying and I am not a crier. I feel intimidated by this man hovering over me finger in my face, accusing me that I am wrong about everything I do or say. My heart breaks into little pieces because I thought recovery will change him. That I wont be his target to get out any frustrations and listen how bad I am, whilst I was emotionally abused for nearly 10 years. I have never felt as lonely, sad, and honestly not worthy. I serve his meal on his lap, have a bath and go and sleep in the spare bedroom. In bed i lay there wishing that my life can end, that i want to fall asleep and not wake up. Is this my past, present and future. i cannot do this. Am i what he tells me i am.

I know its easier for me to say this now having left an abuser but why are you putting up with this behaviour?
You said you was emotionally abused for 10 years... was this by your husband?
You deserve more than the way his treating you. You should not be treated as if your his servant.
He is emotionally abusing you making you feel weak and worthless and like you have no confidence. But you are worth more than that.
Telling someone how you feel or asking for advice shows you have realised it's not right.

 

[Annie101]

I know its easier for me to say this now having left an abuser but why are you putting up with this behaviour?
You said you was emotionally abused for 10 years... was this by your husband?
You deserve more than the way his treating you. You should not be treated as if your his servant.
He is emotionally abusing you making you feel weak and worthless and like you have no confidence. But you are worth more than that.
Telling someone how you feel or asking for advice shows you have realised it's not right.

Yes by my husband while he was still heavily drinking. Lots of empty promises that it will never happen again and them me finding bottles hidden around the house. I keep on thinking it will get better and that it will change.

 

[tskiry56]

Yes by my husband while he was still heavily drinking. Lots of empty promises that it will never happen again and them me finding bottles hidden around the house. I keep on thinking it will get better and that it will change.

Please leave I used to think the same as my ex would hurt me and then be so remorseful. He always said he would get help but never did. And I could always hide the bruises or pretend it never happened. The majority of the time it was the result of alcohol.
But the final straw for me was when he head butted me cracking my forehead open! I thought it would get better but it got worse.
He put me through hell many empty promises. Life is precious and you should be happy not living in fear. It took for me that final act of violence and my young child witnessing it and then walking to work with blood pouring down my head.
It was like a lightbulb moment in my life.
You deserve to be safe if I took one positive from what happened to me is that I would never want anyone to experience the same.