Annoying Corporate Jargon

[Meh]

A new manager at my work keeps asking for background context and/or personal opinions on things (like cases/customer issues/department decisions before she joined) then saying “well, I am just going to play devils advocate here” EVERY bleeping TIME

No, you asked for background context. You have been provided with evidenced, factual detail in what happened in that scenario/case. I don’t need nor want your “dynamic challenges” especially when 100% of your thoughts were considered, optioned and discounted for very obvious valid reasons.

Doing My head in. It’s so so so annoying.

 

[Word]

Reach out
Skin in the game
Flag in the sand

And PowerPoint presentations are now decks.No.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I have a client who when asked to make a decision always goes, I can pop on a zoom if that helps. One no I don’t want a zoom I want your answer, don’t care how you get there just get there and two no you can’t because when presented with dates and times before you can never make them!

 

[TeaNoSugar]

I have a client who when asked to make a decision always goes, I can pop on a zoom if that helps. One no I don’t want a zoom I want your answer, don’t care how you get there just get there and two no you can’t because when presented with dates and times before you can never make them!

"Zoom me!"
"Lets Zoom!"
"Zoom Hug"
"Team Zoom!"
"Zoom Bank"

Zoom my ass!

Everything is Zoom in our place

 

[JoeBloggs]

"Zoom me!"
"Lets Zoom!"
"Zoom Hug"
"Team Zoom!"
"Zoom Bank"

Zoom my ass!

Everything is Zoom in our place

I genuinely hate zoom. Even the word

 

[Meh]

"Zoom me!"
"Lets Zoom!"
"Zoom Hug"
"Team Zoom!"
"Zoom Bank"

Zoom my ass!

Everything is Zoom in our place

That’s like Teams at our place.

I cannot wait to have an in person meeting with colleagues/clients again. Honestly, I think some people have forgotten etiquette and normal social based rule sets for meetings since everything became virtual.

Can’t wait for an end to “Oh, sorry Jean, we can’t hear you... JEAN... jeeeaan your signal is patchy...*Jean shouys* DID YOU A..GE..T..AT?!”

 

[Pinkblush]

Best practice
Person centred
Core resources
Circle back
Band width
Move the needle (make progess)
Drill down
Skill set
Skills mapping
Its on my radar
Future proof
Right sizing
Lets park that until next month
Core strategic growth patterns
Strategic fit
Mind share
Sweet spot
Its a moot point
Using the word 'key' instead of 'important'
Empower
Embrace
Wellbeing
Brevity
Caveat
Granularity

 

[TJ90]

Okay it’s not corporate jargon but I had a Teams meeting yesterday with someone from another department and she was smoking in the meeting, granted we work from home but I think that’s so unprofessional.

 

[Word]

That is retro.

I’m fine with remote meetings. Of all of this, I hope it becomes the norm for integrated in-office and remote attendance. My role is meeting heavy and to be able to turn off the mic and the camera makes such a difference to me - if, at a 6 hour meeting, I don’t have to have my meeting face on, all power to the good.

 

[Giggling Squid]

Getting a bit sick of “you’re on mute” and “erm... we can’t see your screen”

It’s not like we’ve done everything on Teams for a YEAR now or anything

 

[Hello Kitty]

Getting a bit sick of “you’re on mute” and “erm... we can’t see your screen”

It’s not like we’ve done everything on Teams for a YEAR now or anything

Even the jokes on tv about it aren't funny anymore

 

[1001 others]

I used to work with a Project Manager who would say everything was fluid or organic. Aaaargh! Right up there with passionate (which should be reserved for matters of love).

 

[TeaNoSugar]

"Strategic Transition Window/Opportunity"

I saw this in a global email from my team manager at the start of the pandemic when some of us were put on furlough.

Basically he was saying some of would stay working in the office, and some of us would be working from home until further notice

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

"Strategic Transition Window/Opportunity"

Could also mean accidentally pushing your boss near an open window....

 

[bellinibobble]

You’ll all be glad to know I no longer use BW on my emails this thread is making changes for the better haha

 

[Hello Kitty]

I trust you had a good weekend

 

[Laur91]

This thread both makes me feel heard and also horribly seen and called out at the same time, I’m loving it when I see the jargon I hate and then when I see something I say I feel deflated hahaha

 

[Octopies]

Development opportunity = aka a chance for you to do loads more work / a job nobody else wants to do for no extra pay!!

 

[Beatrix]

I had just started at a US company having only worked for UK ones before, and there so much jargon I had no idea what people were saying. In my second week a manager told me to 'hold the pen on the summary deck'. No clue what they wanted. Also a related point, powerpoint slides are a bleeping tit way to report information, especially when it's edited by multiple people.
I'm going back to a UK company and I really hope I haven't picked up too much buzzword bullshit.

 

[Suzyfickle]

I'm really sick of everything having to be "agile"