Annoying Corporate Jargon

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Where to begin...

My boss on teams ALWAYS has his headset on...with the speaking part up by his ears and not by his mouth so you can't hear him!. He also seems to talk with alot of air coming out of his mouth because he sounds like he is blowing air out when talking so you can't hear him. Havnt worked out how to tell him about the second issue. 😂

Other jargon
Reach out
Low hanging fruit
Thought shower
Il ping you an email
 
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Where to begin...

My boss on teams ALWAYS has his headset on...with the speaking part up by his ears and not by his mouth so you can't hear him!. He also seems to talk with alot of air coming out of his mouth because he sounds like he is blowing air out when talking so you can't hear him. Havnt worked out how to tell him about the second issue. 😂

Other jargon
Reach out
Low hanging fruit
Thought shower
Il ping you an email
omg thought shower, wtf is that?! who comes up with this rubbish?!
 
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Development opportunity = aka a chance for you to do loads more work / a job nobody else wants to do for no extra pay!!
Hahhahahhaha this is SO ACCURATE 🤣🤣
‘It’s for your development’ no, no one else wants to do it and you’re too tight to replace the person who’s left!!!!
 
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Agile is a methodology though so...🤷‍♀️ ...if you’re working agile, you’re working agile.

I am out of agile after a year working properly to it and feck me the old school alternatives are clunky, cumbersome, process driven, slow and hierarchy obsessed.
 
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Yes - to be fair, when I think about it my problem isn't with agile as a concept, it's with the people who say "we're doing this agile" when it's blatantly just a word they've heard because it's definitely not what they're doing.
 
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The word roadmap is becoming used more and more where I work. "We need a roadmap for this admin task that we do year on year" piss off with your road maps! I don't want nothing to do with the A-Z
 
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"Let's talk turkey"
"Road Map"
"Perfect Storm"
"Deintegrate"
"Tee off/Up"
"Let's Mind Meld"
"Run it up the flagpole"
"Ramp up"


....were just a few my ex boss used to come up with just to underline how "in" he was with corporate twatspeak.
 
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overall this jargon is just becoming worse and worse. i hate nouns being used as verbs ie " we need to action this.."
 
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"Lets rally up the troops"
“Let’s all branch out into breakout rooms”

"Let's talk turkey"
"Road Map"
"Perfect Storm"
"Deintegrate"
"Tee off/Up"
"Let's Mind Meld"
"Run it up the flagpole"
"Ramp up"


....were just a few my ex boss used to come up with just to underline how "in" he was with corporate twatspeak.
Ahahaah mind meld! Are we all Vulcans? (Currently binge watching Star Trek at the moment 😂 )

What is the context of “let’s talk turkey?”
 
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exactly, providing some cheap sandwiches doesn't compensate having to miss my lunch break


it is really like there is some kind of global business competiiton to make up the most insane expressions
It's even worse when it's a 'brown bag lunch meeting' - usually meaning you bring your own packed lunch. Cheap skates.
 
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For some reason 'by close of play' has always grated on me, just say by the end of the day or a time?
 
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