Annoying Corporate Jargon

[Sosig]

This isn’t jargon but using “per my last e-mail” instead of “bitch can you read” makes my day.

 

[Mamacita]

This one really drives me up the wall. It's as if an email has travelled hundreds of miles by foot, entered your home, found you asleep in bed, and wants to know how you are with a nice cup of tea and a chocolate hobnob

 

[caterday28]

“I’ll drop you an email”
“Regards”
“All the best”
“Many thanks”

This is not jargon! I'm so guilty of all of these - how else do you sign off an email?!

 

[under the ivy]

Not so much jargon but since Covid I’ve got emails starting with ‘I hope you are staying positive and testing negative’

Makes my teeth itch

 

[WalterMittyfan]

I was once sent an invite for a ”brown bag lunch” - I genuinely had no idea what this was and had to google it. It’s an Americanism for bring your own lunch to the meeting. I said I’d be using the brown bag to throw up into after hearing all the BS

 

[bubbadabut]

Seen on recent job adverts:
We are seeking an emotionally intelligent candidate
We are a forward-thinking organisation (not going to admit to being a backward-thinking one are they?)

Reach out to/Touch base with

 

[Bellaboo83]

Going forward

Let's huddle (lets not )

I think we need to strip it back

Drill down

Knock it out of the ball park

 

[Annie101]

Just a FYI. The company i am working is having an annual strategy meeting at a nice venue on Friday. I made a comprehensive list of everything written on this thread, and handed it to 3 of my fellow senior managers. We have a competition going between the four of us, the one who uses the most of the phrases mentioned will win a prize. I hope i can sit with a straight face during the day, but very excited as this will just make my day!

 

[TJ90]

Okay it’s not corporate jargon but I had a Teams meeting yesterday with someone from another department and she was smoking in the meeting, granted we work from home but I think that’s so unprofessional.

 

[Kim Mild]

Touch base

 

[Suzyfickle]

I saw an internal job yesterday ad saying experience in particular software would be "the icing on the cake, but we are happy to take a sponge and decorate it ourselves"

 

[TJ90]

‘Hope you can help’
No I can’t, fuck off

 

[Londoncailín]

I’ll ping you over an email
Think outside the box
Right, so lets circle back

 

[bunnyboo]

Touch base. If you try to touch base with me again I'm calling the police.

 

[rlouisep9]

For some reason 'by close of play' has always grated on me, just say by the end of the day or a time?

 

[nbt]

This thread is so funny.

I also love “Regards” with no best or kind in front of it, to show you’re absolutely fucking fuming with someone

That’ll teach them.

 

[jarv]

The word roadmap is becoming used more and more where I work. "We need a roadmap for this admin task that we do year on year" piss off with your road maps! I don't want nothing to do with the A-Z

 

[Laur91]

Another one from my call as of two minutes ago:

‘have you got the bandwidth to pick this up?’

 

[TJ90]

Let’s have a lunch time meeting.
Again, fuck off

 

[Ninetiesbitxh]

During the peak of the pandemic when people would end emails with “stay safe”. Please fuck off I'm working from home in my pyjamas