by JetsetBabe / 80mo
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I’ve started to finally understand what my issue is by writing this blog anonymously. I’ve been blaming my reasons on loads of different things, come up of long theories of why I prefer it this way for now and so on. But yesterday I had a good think about myself, my issues and my character – and I finally reached the root of the reason WHY I’m an anonymous blogger.
I don’t want to be in the spotlight.
I don’t feel comfortable with any form of attention but I’m not a shy person – actually the opposite I’m social and forward. I just don’t like being in focus with all eyes on me kinda thing.
Being in the spotlight for more than a few minutes makes me extremely uncomfortable, even if I don’t always show it.
It’s weird because many people who are not shy, they love attention, the validation of it and gain loads of energy by being in the lime light. Or the people who can sit and talk forever about themselves and their lives without feeling awkward. I can’t do it.
In my real life I have loads of similar characteristics. For example I tend not to talk so much about myself unless I’m very comfortable with someone. When I speak I make sure I’m not just talking some random bla bla bla but actually have something of interest to say.
Holding meetings and presentations at work used to be my biggest night mare! Gosh, I don’t miss those days. Public speaking is probably one of the worst things on this planet, because when you’re in front of that crowd, you can literally feel everyones eyes on you. It’s like being in a horror movie!
Another thing which may seem a bit sad to some people, but I actually never celebrate my birthday, throw parties or entertain people at my house where I am the host. Being the centre of attention feels extremely uncomfortable for me, I prefer being in the background. Having friends over for dinner, where I personally cook is like stepping on a land of mines because I know me and my cooking will be in focus. Can’t do that!
I’m such a weirdo but I can’t help feeling this way. Surely I have moments like everyone else where we are in focus, crack jokes or talk in front of groups of people and I actually enjoy it! It’s absolutely fine for like 5min but after I hit my limit I need to quickly withdraw myself.
The reason why I’ve kept a low profile about my identity is simple because of this characteristic of mine. I feel most comfortable this way. But I will take a step forward in my development of un covering myself, but I need to feel 100% ready. Work in progress, hopefully soon!
If we have any psychologist in here I’d really like to hear what this is and where it usually comes from? But most importantly, does anyone else have something similar?