Thank you everyone. Still don't know what's going to happen yet. Doing my best to work it all out but didn't want you to think that I didn't appreciate all of your kind words.
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good luck - remember to follow your gut and do what is best for you! My scumbag at least had the decency to backtrack and admit he didn’t love me anymore so I didn’t waste my time...
(Such a good guy) it’s hard but you’ll get through this. 
hi I have been reading your thread and wanted to create an account to give you my story
january this year i broke with my husband after 3 years of cheating which he still denies to this day. he would regularly hide his phone from me and make up weird stories about work and why he has to be out late.
he wasnt man enough to leave ME (I wonder what he kept telling his side piece) but i got the courage to leave him in january after i saw he was messaging her on nye asking to stay with her (i never looked at his phone but needed enough evidence to leave)
he still tried to pretend he was doing that as she was a mate and he was needing space to work on our marriage
it hasnt been easy, been so hard, but i am starting to feel so much happier. i dont have the weight of him anymore. in my opionion, if you catch him cheating or lying or hiding then the relatiosnip is already over you just need to pull the plaster off (if you want to of course you could work on it if he actually wants to with you)
and an update on him hes still staying with his parents and "regrets" it all. oh well, i am now happier without.
january this year i broke with my husband after 3 years of cheating which he still denies to this day. he would regularly hide his phone from me and make up weird stories about work and why he has to be out late.
he wasnt man enough to leave ME (I wonder what he kept telling his side piece) but i got the courage to leave him in january after i saw he was messaging her on nye asking to stay with her (i never looked at his phone but needed enough evidence to leave)
he still tried to pretend he was doing that as she was a mate and he was needing space to work on our marriage
it hasnt been easy, been so hard, but i am starting to feel so much happier. i dont have the weight of him anymore. in my opionion, if you catch him cheating or lying or hiding then the relatiosnip is already over you just need to pull the plaster off (if you want to of course you could work on it if he actually wants to with you)
and an update on him hes still staying with his parents and "regrets" it all. oh well, i am now happier without.
Good! I hope he regrets it every day for the foreseeable.
Same thing happened to my sister with her ex bf years ago. He had a flurry of excitement and “grass is greener”ism. She told him he would look back, one day, and understand his mistake. Petulant childish reply received... guess what? He DID come to realise he had everything he wanted at home and regretted it. She had moved on to a guy she’s still with. Meanwhile her ex still lives his same lifestyle he did... 15 years ago. No growth there at all.
Sending all good vibes to all ladies going through this.
I would suggest joining the Chump Lady group on FB. My husband was having a text affair and long story short we are divorcing. That group (and the book by Chump Lady - Leave A Cheater Gain A Life) has been my lifeline. I only wish I'd found it sooner and saved myself a world of pain and humiliation.
thats a great book i have read that also and recommend. hope your ok OP x
Oh love my heart breaks for me, I could write a book!
Found out my husband was having an affair, loved him so much I believed he would change, we sat in counselling for a year, just when I started to trust again I got an anonymous postcard saying he was at it again. A postcard that the postman and others in my small area could read, it was from the affair partner's sister in law, I don't like how she did it but I found out. Oh he lied despite evidence, she was the crazy one etc but you know, your gut knows.
This all happened during lockdown so I'm still in the middle of it and I don't know what I want to do to be honest. I never thought I'd stay with a man who cheated on me.
All I'll say is trust your instincts please. They lie and the truth comes out in drips.
Found out my husband was having an affair, loved him so much I believed he would change, we sat in counselling for a year, just when I started to trust again I got an anonymous postcard saying he was at it again. A postcard that the postman and others in my small area could read, it was from the affair partner's sister in law, I don't like how she did it but I found out. Oh he lied despite evidence, she was the crazy one etc but you know, your gut knows.
This all happened during lockdown so I'm still in the middle of it and I don't know what I want to do to be honest. I never thought I'd stay with a man who cheated on me.
All I'll say is trust your instincts please. They lie and the truth comes out in drips.
How is everyone doing doing? x
I'm really struggling with flashbacks, reminders & triggers of everything 
Please, please.. trust your instincts.
You have too.
You have too.
This will be long, for anyone reading, I'm sorry. So for the first text I found out about, he said he'd had exactly three phone calls in work from her. And each time she referenced wanting to cheat on her husband. He tells me he was ignoring this. Eventually he got drunk and send her a couple texts saying he'd basically be up for it, but doesn't remember, he says. The outcome was the last text I found. And additionally, he texted a good female friend of his from work saying he'd been ghosted not long after. He says it was about a gumtree message but that sounds a bit ... not right?
The rest. Due to problems with me that I can't go into, we have had a thing where if he wanted to just get sex elsewhere we'd talk about it first. Obviously that didn't happen, he just rolled with it. But he's still trying to say that it was just shutting something down that he didn't want anyway.
I know I'm an idiot. I know it's obvious. If I read it from any other woman I'd know what to say, but I've been with him 21 years and my mental health is rubbish, which he knows, and I just wonder if he's taking advantage. Just don't know.
The rest. Due to problems with me that I can't go into, we have had a thing where if he wanted to just get sex elsewhere we'd talk about it first. Obviously that didn't happen, he just rolled with it. But he's still trying to say that it was just shutting something down that he didn't want anyway.
I know I'm an idiot. I know it's obvious. If I read it from any other woman I'd know what to say, but I've been with him 21 years and my mental health is rubbish, which he knows, and I just wonder if he's taking advantage. Just don't know.
I feel very sad for you. You’re not an idiot and it’s not obvious. You sound like someone who has a lot to deal with in life and that means you don’t expect the people closest to you to tit on you. I don’t think he’s being entirely honest with you but then again I don’t think you’ll ever get the full truth from him. I have had MH issues for 5 years now and I understand the impact they have on your ability to make decisions and you’re right, people do take advantage of that. That being said, you still know your own mind and what you want and how you want your life to be. If you still want him then it’ll be a case of working with him to fix the relationship. If you don’t then tell him and make plans to move on. You’re a strong person, you’ve already been strong enough to confront him so you can see it through. Do whatever it takes to be happy.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. It’s easy to say leave him but when you have health issues and don’t feel mentally strong sometimes it’s easier to just put up with someone treating you unfairly and I understand that . What I would say is that if you can talk to a good friend and build support outside your home situation it may help your self esteem, you may then gain the confidence to address what he’s done. From your last post I can see that you feel the issue stems from you and it really doesnt. Please take care and know that you deserve happiness and to be treated with respect xx
Nice to see people being supporting and understanding on here and not the whole "block him" whats wrong with you kind of thing that i have seen on other threads! Because it really isnt that easy - any updates?
Hope you are doing OK x
leaving a relationship when you don’t want to is the hardest thing in the world.... i was forced into this but thank god i was! In the past few months I’ve discovered many things about my husband that he had been hiding for years! I am way better without him, we’ve sold our house and I’ve found the perfect flat to move to. I am still struggling daily but my point it that you have strength inside you that you can’t imagine! I didn’t know I was capable of being so brave and independent until I had no other choice.
trust your instincts.... staying with him will be hard, leaving him will be hard and neither is right or wrong. Love yourself first
then you’ll know what to do xx
trust your instincts.... staying with him will be hard, leaving him will be hard and neither is right or wrong. Love yourself first
then you’ll know what to do xx
I had break up 3 months ago after a 10 year relationship and I didn't want it to happen but it had to, we just didn't work together and had tried everything, in the end it was his decision, I'd have stayed to make it work but he didn't want to anymore. It's got easier, its not raw pain and panic anymore, I'm still hurting from it every day though. You sound very strong, it was nice to read your story. How long are you into the break up now, if you don't mind me asking?.. I guess I'm wondering when/if it stops being on your mind all the timeleaving a relationship when you don’t want to is the hardest thing in the world.... i was forced into this but thank god i was! In the past few months I’ve discovered many things about my husband that he had been hiding for years! I am way better without him, we’ve sold our house and I’ve found the perfect flat to move to. I am still struggling daily but my point it that you have strength inside you that you can’t imagine! I didn’t know I was capable of being so brave and independent until I had no other choice.
trust your instincts.... staying with him will be hard, leaving him will be hard and neither is right or wrong. Love yourself first
xx
I got broken up with in April from my boyfriend of 5 years - still hurts like hell & miss him (little things remind me of him/us all the time). It was unexpected and we were making plans to move to another city/get a house. However, I didn’t know I had this strength in me. Had to move back home so I can save for a flat/house but it’s giving me time to get back on my feet & look after myself. I’m going to the gym again 3 times a week, learning to drive and just generally being a bit selfish! I hope you are OK, OP and all the other people who have posted on here. There’s a quote I like; ‘women are like tea bags, you don’t know their strength until they’re in hot water’ x
You do know hun you really do.
I know its hard. I also have issues around sex and it has resulted in the end of relationships and also a marriage but if you had an agreement then he should have been open enougg to discuss with you and he also should respect you. It comes down to respect. And respect yourself first and foremost. X
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