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None of this is your fault, at all.
I don’t know how he would have known you were talking to another man, or why you would even be doing that tbh, but that’s none of his business.
Eta - just to reiterate my point above, why would you be talking to a new man when you’re in such a vulnerable state?
You can honestly think that and I wouldn't blame you. None of this is in any way normal
Let's be honest. I AM a mess, a complete wreck. Like I said, the breakdown a good few years ago absolutely decimated me. Took everything. I've never really got back together from it. And that's on me, that's entirely my fault. So much of this is my fault and I absolutely see that
The breakdown was sexual related. So it's not so strange that he would look out for me like that. I think even though he doesn't want to be with me he still wouldn't want me to get hurt and right now I'm super vulnerable and just wanting to trust anyone who says they're nice. I know I shouldn't and it's stupid.
And like i keep reiterating to each and every one of you, your advice has been absolutely so valuable. It really helped so much more than you know.
This thread is wildddd. @leviosa I’m going to be super blunt with you now. You are doing your kids more harm than good by allowing this situation to continue. This man has emotionally abused you and beaten you down to the point where you feel you can’t survive without him. He is not a good man or a good father. Your kids might blame you initially but they will come to their own conclusions about the type of man their father is.
My mum actually left my dad for someone else when me and brothers were similar ages to your kids. We were angry with her at first, not always explicitly but under the surface we definitely blamed her for upsetting our dad. Then he started subjecting me to the same emotional abuse he’d subjected her to for years. I didn’t recognise what it was when he did it to her and didn’t realise the many ways she’d compensated for his tit parenting over the years. Looking back now, I can see clearly that he was always abusive and the trauma from growing up with him around still impacts me. I wish she’d left him sooner.
My point is, your kids will be hurt and they may blame you initially. That will be hard and it will be terrifying. But if you are a good mum and you’ve raised those kids with love, they will quickly work out the dynamics that have led to this. I’d imagine, if you really think about it, there are incidents where he has subjected your kids to similar treatment as you.
You need to get a bleeping grip and get out of there for the sake of your children. You can’t condone his treatment of you by staying. You can’t let your kids think that this is what a healthy relationship looks like and how you deserve to be treated. You can’t let this man continue to destroy you because your children need you. Put them first in the long run by putting yourself first now.
My mum actually left my dad for someone else when me and brothers were similar ages to your kids. We were angry with her at first, not always explicitly but under the surface we definitely blamed her for upsetting our dad. Then he started subjecting me to the same emotional abuse he’d subjected her to for years. I didn’t recognise what it was when he did it to her and didn’t realise the many ways she’d compensated for his tit parenting over the years. Looking back now, I can see clearly that he was always abusive and the trauma from growing up with him around still impacts me. I wish she’d left him sooner.
My point is, your kids will be hurt and they may blame you initially. That will be hard and it will be terrifying. But if you are a good mum and you’ve raised those kids with love, they will quickly work out the dynamics that have led to this. I’d imagine, if you really think about it, there are incidents where he has subjected your kids to similar treatment as you.
You need to get a bleeping grip and get out of there for the sake of your children. You can’t condone his treatment of you by staying. You can’t let your kids think that this is what a healthy relationship looks like and how you deserve to be treated. You can’t let this man continue to destroy you because your children need you. Put them first in the long run by putting yourself first now.
I don't even know how it happened. I was on a quiz chat site and he messaged me on there. I know it's stupid and I'm in no place to do that and I'm sure he's nice and am being really unfair to him. It just all happened so suddenly. I just wanted to feel not unloveable and hideous really but that wasn't fair, I do get that.
Oh ffs, I just typed a really long reply and then saw this. It’s either all nonsense or she needs serious mental health support. Emotions shouldn’t flip flop that quickly...
He has no right any more to comment on or control your life. Don't keep thinking 'oh he really understands me more than anyone' because he doesn't. It isn't kind or caring or loving. You don't have a special bond. It is creepy and controlling.
Whether this is fiction or for real, I don't think the intense feedback the the OP has received, will do her mental health much good at all. I think we all need to back off, we may be contributing to the pressure she is feeling.
Has anyone actually answered her original question, is she being a bit of a twit?
You can’t be that scared of him if you’re messaging a man and telling him about it on day 8 … weird
I'm just gonna log off for a couple months until I'm not such a wreck. I really do appreciate all the help that's been given and want to thank you all for it. Sorry I'm so ridiculous at the moment.
Hmm. I honestly don’t know what good this thread’s doing anymore 
for anyone involved.
For the OP - fiction or not, this doesn’t seem to be all that helpful for you apart from delivering attention and concern. I think, in a lot of ways, it might be adding to any feelings of inadequacy or pressure, which isn’t the best thing, is it.
For the members who have offered advice - you’re probably feeling frustrated or concerned, yet powerless, the more this story continues. Might be time to lock.
for anyone involved.For the OP - fiction or not, this doesn’t seem to be all that helpful for you apart from delivering attention and concern. I think, in a lot of ways, it might be adding to any feelings of inadequacy or pressure, which isn’t the best thing, is it.
For the members who have offered advice - you’re probably feeling frustrated or concerned, yet powerless, the more this story continues. Might be time to lock.
I’m out. I’m afraid I think this is a load of twaddle now.
I would have solved the Da Vinci Code quicker than this
@leviosa I’m curious about your job (and lack of faith in yourself/ability to support yourself away from your ‘husband’). Do you you work full time? If so do you earn more or less than him? I get the impression that he’s not even providing a great life for you (no mortgage etc) but you seem to think this is as good as it might get? You seem to have evaded any questions regarding money, savings accounts, whether dad treats the children lots etc. But it would help us to understand the circumstances better and why this guy has such a hold over you….and why on Earth he’s managed to hook in his next victim.
I think it’s clear that whatever the poster is going through (truth or not), a thread on tattle isn’t really the best thing for her at present.
Well folks this has been a roller-coaster... I read the thread three times and I'm still none the wiser.
Back to Netflix!!
Back to Netflix!!
She’s not actually answering any of our questions…. I think this is a load of nonsense at this point
MissGobby, is that you?!
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