Am I being ghosted? (New relationship)

[BettyCrocker]

What if they guy was already on my fb and insta before everything happened? I deleted his number/whatsapp but I felt like if i block him on the other sm I'd look like i was angry/hurt by him enough to care to block him.

Also that was 1 month ago so kinda too late now
I'm sure I'm gonna see him again sooner or later as we live close and go to same places more or less. So i planned to just plainly passively ignore him. Is that enough?

Just block him!!!!!! He’s not in your life anymore so why keep him on any social media?! Just get rid!

I don’t want to be that person...

but what if you did go with option 3 and he contacted you another way and said something had happened with a friend or family member kinda thing? Like I said before, not all guys are assholes.

99% of the other posts disagree with me completely however personally I’d like an explanation, even if it’s to say they don’t want to see me anymore.

nah. If something tragic had happened (which it hasn’t) that wouldn’t make any sense for him to havs cut contact with her and to literally be ignoring her!!!! The trouble with trying to contact him repeatedly for an explanation is it just keeps the whole circus rumbling along - she would still be trying to get ahold of him and then it gives him the opportunity to feed her whatever bullshit excuse to absolve him of his shady behaviour. Sometimes no response IS a response; it’s harsh but as the saying goes “he’s just not that into her” - despite whatever flannel he has been feeding her to keep her in his bed the last 2 months. He got what he wanted and he’s bailed.

 

[Yoghurtpots]

Ok, I'm guessing that OP has received a message/phone call from him and all is now good and that is why we haven't got an update..
Its a good job I'm married, I would be rubbish at dating! Really good tip about the notes thing but I prefer to let people know how I feel! I feel like not sending it defeats the purpose of me writing it and trying to get a resolution. Maybe its a good tip for non confrontation people? Or maybe I should try it?!

 

[Bleurghgram]

I suppose it depends how hot headed you are? For me it works because I lose it in the moment and make the situation worse by saying things I don’t really mean. My crazy notes give me time to calm down and reflect on whether I should really be threatening to cut his balls off.

 

[Sweetcorn]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

 

[West95]

I never post but seems as so many of us have been in the same situation I thought I would share my story. I was seeing this guy for around 3 months everything was going great and it was heading in the direction of being official. Then one day when we were hanging out he was acting out of character so I asked him what was up and he shrugged it off and said he was having a off day. 2 days later I get a message while i'm at work saying he doesn't want a relationship and he just want to be friends. Obviously I was quite upset at this was so out the blue as only the week before he told me how happy he was and how he was waiting for the right moment to ask me to be his girlfriend. As hurt as I was I decided to give it a shot at us staying friends but things were never the same. We went from talking all hours about all sorts to barely getting a message back, the whole tone of the conversation we did have was just different and I knew deep down he couldn't be bothered anymore so I just gave up. Fast forward a few weeks with no contact I thought about messaging and asking him on what had gone so wrong to find he'd blocked me and got back with his ex girlfriend who he would constantly slate saying she was jealous and controlling

 

[Scorpihoe]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

So happy you’re okay! I figured he wouldn’t have responded by now, total coward. I honestly think he can’t face up to what he’s done, so the easier option is to avoid it.

Don’t let this put you off, there are plenty of wonderful men out there! I also agree he got spooked out by how serious it was getting and decided to step back and jump back on dating apps. However, a positive is, that at least you know this early on. Imagine if you were years down the line and saw he was on dating apps, it would be a lot worse. He was the one who really missed out here on dating Sweetcorn, and you? Got a LUCKY escape!

Side note - I’d love a relationship/dating advice thread!

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I never post but seems as so many of us have been in the same situation I thought I would share my story. I was seeing this guy for around 3 months everything was going great and it was heading in the direction of being official. Then one day when we were hanging out he was acting out of character so I asked him what was up and he shrugged it off and said he was having a off day. 2 days later I get a message while i'm at work saying he doesn't want a relationship and he just want to be friends. Obviously I was quite upset at this was so out the blue as only the week before he told me how happy he was and how he was waiting for the right moment to ask me to be his girlfriend. As hurt as I was I decided to give it a shot at us staying friends but things were never the same. We went from talking all hours about all sorts to barely getting a message back, the whole tone of the conversation we did have was just different and I knew deep down he couldn't be bothered anymore so I just gave up. Fast forward a few weeks with no contact I thought about messaging and asking him on what had gone so wrong to find he'd blocked me and got back with his ex girlfriend who he would constantly slate saying she was jealous and controlling

I could have written that myself. Strange that SO many men actually are the same

 

[yankydoo]

Well done Sweetcorn! You are very strong.

I may be way off but I feel this behaviour is a very modern thing and not helped by dating apps and social media.

Back in the day, I would meet someone and if we liked each other it would evolve into a relationship.

Now it's the ghosting thing over and over again.. I've had it done to me so much. And as many of you have said, it is always the man making it feel more serious then backing off!! Grrr

 

[Scorpihoe]

I suppose it depends how hot headed you are? For me it works because I lose it in the moment and make the situation worse by saying things I don’t really mean. My crazy notes give me time to calm down and reflect on whether I should really be threatening to cut his balls off.

Me too! It really works if you’re hot headed and need a chance to calm down. It also helps me organise my thoughts and realise what matters to me and the point I want to get across.

For example, after I’ve had a fight with my bf, I write a paragraph on how I feel, usually littered with anger, leave it for a few hours and then come back to it. I edit out all the anger or things that are just unnecessarily hurtful, and focus mainly on what’s upset me. It really does work

There’s a load of rants in there my notes too about random things

 

[Bellaboo83]

Side note - I’d love a relationship/dating advice thread!

There is an active thread "dating after lockdown" which is good for advice on the dating aps at the mo

 

[Yoghurtpots]

Yesss Sweetcorn what a time waster he was. Its just so annoying. Definitely don't give up on men, there are some good ones out there at least you know, you did nothing wrong and your conscience is clear. He seems a serious nut case with serious problems to get kicks out of doing that. Its cruel. You sound lovely and karma comes round eventually, both for the good and the bad.

I suppose it depends how hot headed you are? For me it works because I lose it in the moment and make the situation worse by saying things I don’t really mean. My crazy notes give me time to calm down and reflect on whether I should really be threatening to cut his balls off.

Arr I see! Sounds like a really good idea! To cut the unnecessary stuff out and stick to the facts in a calm and rational way. This will probably benefit me going forwards! Never heard of it before. Thanks guys!

 

[GeorgeP123]

I honestly don't think he got spooked. He was playing you all along and his behaviour has been awful. Glad you aren't going to cry about him. He doesn't deserve you.

 

[Londoncailín]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

You’re worth a million of him. Or any man, for that matter. Never compromise on your self-worth. I’m so pleased you went for option 3.

 

[Hbirdette]

If only this guy knew he had an army of tattlers who hate him too

 

[Rocknrolla]

Post dog tit through his letterbox

 

[BettyCrocker]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

you are SO YOUNG!!!!!!!! You have your whole life ahead of you to meet people and find the one who’s right for you! Please don’t think you’re never going to find a decent guy - you will!!! Just don’t try to force it. Enjoy your life for you for now - enjoy your friendships, your family, try out different hobbies, sports, go travelling - see the world, try different jobs, volunteer, do things just for the thrill of doing them not because it’s what’s expected but just because! You are young & free and the world is there waiting - full of so many incredible things to see and experience and so many people you’ve yet to meet. You will meet someone - organically and when it’s meant to be and it will be like meeting the other half of your soul - I promise.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Has anyone read a book called “Why men love witches” by Sherry Argov?

Apparently it’s very popular and meant to be good for setting boundaries and standing up for yourself in relationships. She claims by doing so, it increases a man’s love and respect for you.

It sounds good, and I want to buy it, but want to know if anyone had read it and thought it was worth it?

Or if it’s just bullshit

 

[Londoncailín]

Has anyone read a book called “Why men love witches” by Sherry Argov?

Apparently it’s very popular and meant to be good for setting boundaries and standing up for yourself in relationships. She claims by doing so, it increases a man’s love and respect for you.

It sounds good, and I want to buy it, but want to know if anyone had read it and thought it was worth it?

Or if it’s just bullshit

You don’t need that book for advice. You’ve got tattle instead

 

[Facehugger]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

I've been reading this thread, I'm glad you're ok and coping, I'd hoped you'd come back to give an update

Hope you don't mind me asking, what is the current situation with lockdown where you are? Something seems mighty odd to me about his behaviour, I respect totally others advice on here and they've all been brilliant X but I don't know, something else doesn't ring quite true somewhere, besides that he's mucking about with other girls.

 

[JD-Morgan]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

Glad you’re ok

Noticed from your first post that you were from Scotland, me too! Maybe I know the guy