Girl chat needed!! Sorry this is so long haha. Iāve given in-depth detail, it looks obsessive but Iāve just done it to give you a clear picture because my mind is just all over the place.
Iāve just started seeing this guy. We met on a dating app. Both 25. Heās not your stereotypical fk boy or anything. Heās not a pretty boy either. Heās intelligent, has a very good job (works in medicine discovery), close family, heās a bit nerdy but I like that etc.
Things had been going really well. Weāve been dating for just over 2 months (he lives alone so we bubbled - our first few dates were walks with my dog in the park. Also Iām in Scotland so we arenāt in a major lockdown... yet) which doesnāt seem long but weāve already spent a lot of time together. We feel very close already, weāve both told our families about each other but havenāt met yet (obviously). When we spend time together he always asks me to stay over etc which is nice to feel like he wants me around (previously Iāve always felt guys canāt wait for you to leave lol). He treats me like a princess and Iāve never had someone treat me so well before. He compliments me, is very affectionate etc. Probably even more than me! Which I am not used to, I always feel like Iām the one giving more if that makes sense. So this has been such a wonderful experience to feel so wanted. Heās said multiple times about how he canāt wait for future things with me like going on holiday etc. When I have to leave his he usually asks me to stay ājust a bit longerā and then heāll make jokes about me ājust moving inā. I know itās way too soon for that but itās nice to know that the idea may be there for the future. Like I said, itās just nice to feel like he really wants me around. He also said for me to just leave things at his place to save me bringing them every time, so I did (the stuff is still there, nothing major). He surprised me with lovely bath bombs from lush, he said he got them because we were talking about how much I love baths. The first few times I stayed over at his I woke up with a really sore back because the pillows were too flat so when we were at IKEA he said that he wanted me to pick a new pillow one for his house. He also had a small box on a shelf in his place, he moved it and was kinda giggly and said I couldnāt see in it. We were just joking around so I was begging him to show me. It was a box of things from our dates and time together, receipts, tickets, just random stuff. I thought this was so sweet. He said he was keeping it all because maybe he would make me something for Christmas. The weekend before last, he said he was falling for me, I said the same. Iāve never had someone say this to me OR said it to someone else.
For the most part when we are not together we text sporadically throughout the day, not constantly just a few times then we usually chat more in the evenings (after work) about our day etc. This is how itās been the whole time.
So basically it was all going so well and I was feeling so optimistic.
Rewind to: the beginning of last week -
We werenāt due to see each other until possibly Thursday/Friday so we were face timing in the evenings. This was all fine, weād chat for a few hours in the evening then go to bed.
Tuesday (last week) -
We had a sort of weird conversation via FaceTime. He was saying that earlier that day he was āstressingā a little about doing things that I wouldnāt like, then keeping them from me, as that would make him feel really bad. I was so confused about what on earth he meant! He said he wished he met me first, before he dated anyone else (this was the first time Iād heard of him dating anyone else). I asked him why he felt this way, was is because he had to now tell them that he was not interested? (which I know can be a difficult thing to do). He said he had already stopped seeing them. BUT he went on to say that it made him feel bad, like he was lying to me and that he doesnāt want to stress about those things. I told him I understood and what mattered most to me was how we proceeded from that point, not what happened in the early days. He then went on to say that IF he ever HAPPENED to go on a dating app when we were together, that is wouldnāt mean anything and sometimes he just gets bored. I donāt agree with this but itās hard to explain over FaceTime. The point of a dating app is to swipe on who you are attracted to in the hopes that a conversation begins and that leads somewhere, so I donāt agree with doing it when in a relationship. There must be some motive there. Basically I was very confused. I think he wasnāt explaining himself properly. He gets very flustered and muddled up and I try to calm him and tell him to just be straight but he still gets worked up. He told me heās suffered with anxiety for most of his life and that heās still takes medication to help. I get that, I have anxiety as well but maybe is different ways to him. I think perhaps he meant that he had been on those apps when we were dating and now feels really bad because his anxiety was making him worry. So he then ended the conversation saying āIāve already told you Iām falling for you and I am. I really want us to be exclusive but want to ask the right way (ie not over FT) but I just want youā. So from that conversation I was very confused but then kind of reassured but still confused...
Wednesday (last week) -
He told me that he was very busy with a report for work that was due at the beginning of this week. He had already mentioned this to me earlier that week so I was aware that he had been working on it. He said that as it was his first report, he was really struggling and that it was taking much longer that he anticipated. This meant that he was going to spend the whole weekend doing the report and therefore couldnāt see me Thursday/Friday. He was very apologetic and said that if he was finished by Sunday, we could spend the day together. If not, he said heād be able to see me the beginning of this week. I was understanding and told him not to worry about it, work is obviously very important.
Thursday onwards -
He started texting me way less. I always try to not read too much into these things because, itās only texting!! But if you remember how I said weād text somewhat regularly and now that suddenly stopped you can just feel that something is off (Iām sure you all know what I mean). I told myself that he was busy, I gave him space to work and I didnāt pester him. Texting went like this:
- He text me Thursday night, I replied later that evening
- He didnāt reply till Friday night, I replied later
- He didnāt reply till Saturday night, I replied later
- He didnāt reply till Sunday night, I replied later
Our conversations were varied and felt normal (even though they were once a day). He told me about his report and how long it was taking, heād wish me a good sleep or that I had a good day, at one point he said he wished I was there to snuggle him. So the things he was texting me were normal. On Saturday I said I was sorry he had had such a crappy week and weekend. He came back (on Sunday) saying āNo Iām sorry, for being so
tit, Iāve just got so much work still to doā. So I thought, āokay heās really busyā. I didnāt push him to make arrangements with me for the week because I was trying to just give him space and time to do his work. I replied to his message on Sunday night.
We havenāt spoken since. I know itās only three days but radio silence all of a sudden is just strange! His last seen on WhatsApp was Sunday at 6:00pm ish (until last night). So he didnāt even come online for days, which again is very strange. I know he communicates with other people via WhatsApp so thatās very strange and just made me feel like maybe he was avoiding me?
He came online last night at around 6ish but he hasnāt even read my message let alone reply. My head starts to go a bit crazy when things like this happen because I start worrying that something is really wrong. When he hadnāt been online in 2 days I genuinely thought āwell something really bad could have happened to him and Iād have no way of knowing!ā
I always feel like a ācrazy womanā when I start looking at ālast seenā etc and I feel like guys make us out to be crazy for looking at those things but thatās because they suddenly start acting SO WEIRD. Itās not crazy. I find it weirder that he suddenly wasnāt ever online. Thatās crazy. Or the fact that when he finally did come on, he didnāt read my message and reply when we were pretty much in a relationship. Itās so out of character. So like I said, I started to worry that something was maybe wrong so I sent a simple āI hope you are okay?ā I sent this last night at around 8pm but heās still not been back online...
Iām just so confused. Heās fallen off the face of the earth. Part of me is thinking āis he ghosting me???ā But literally the last time we actually spoke (and not via text) he was saying he was falling for me, wanted to be exclusive etc so what the hell?!?
I donāt really have a question, I just wanted to vent. I feel a fool. I told my family about him, something he encouraged me to do! (and Iāve never told my family about a guy before!!!!). So now they keep asking about him and I just mumble something because Iām embarrassed, I donāt know what to say. I also told my friends just last week!! So if I come back not even a week later saying this Iāll just look so stupid.
Part of me thinks he wouldnāt be ghosting me because why would he have said all that stuff, that he was falling for me, encouraging me to tell my family, having keepsakes from out dates, asking me to keep things at his etc. WHY would he do all that if his intentions werenāt serious. I know sometimes guys just say things but thatās all taking it a bit too far. He has my stuff at his house! Surely that would just make things really complicated so why ask me to leave things if he was going to ghost me?
What are your thoughts?
For a second I thought, maybe he had the virus and feels bad and doesnāt know how to tell me? I hadnāt seen him in person since the 31st so perhaps he caught it after or... I honestly donāt know. Iām not sure why he wouldnāt tell me though, we could wait a few weeks it wouldnāt be a big deal. As you can see, my mind is just wandering to every possibility. Iām so confused.
but then block! Just a short message to let him know that his actions had hurt me...why the duck should men think its ok to do this sort of thing?? The satisfaction of him trying to reply to that and then realising he's blocked would be enough for me 
but my advice seems to be different from everyone else's so don't listen to me haha. I hope you're ok, you seem like such a lovely girl and deserve so much better than this 
Iāve spent many nights tossing and turning then written the crazy message in my notes and gone soundly to sleep with it all off my chest.
what a scum bag! Definitely delete and block. He isn't busy and he was telling you that he was still on dating apps but being clumsy and innocent about it. He may have been rebounding and was using you to feel loved and boost his ego but now hes back with her. Part of me wants you to find out because I want closure 
I would say block and delete everywhere otherwise you will just be checking your phone for a reply. 
