Am I being ghosted? (New relationship)

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Girl chat needed!! Sorry this is so long haha. I’ve given in-depth detail, it looks obsessive but I’ve just done it to give you a clear picture because my mind is just all over the place.

I’ve just started seeing this guy. We met on a dating app. Both 25. He’s not your stereotypical fk boy or anything. He’s not a pretty boy either. He’s intelligent, has a very good job (works in medicine discovery), close family, he’s a bit nerdy but I like that etc.

Things had been going really well. We’ve been dating for just over 2 months (he lives alone so we bubbled - our first few dates were walks with my dog in the park. Also I’m in Scotland so we aren’t in a major lockdown... yet) which doesn’t seem long but we’ve already spent a lot of time together. We feel very close already, we’ve both told our families about each other but haven’t met yet (obviously). When we spend time together he always asks me to stay over etc which is nice to feel like he wants me around (previously I’ve always felt guys can’t wait for you to leave lol). He treats me like a princess and I’ve never had someone treat me so well before. He compliments me, is very affectionate etc. Probably even more than me! Which I am not used to, I always feel like I’m the one giving more if that makes sense. So this has been such a wonderful experience to feel so wanted. He’s said multiple times about how he can’t wait for future things with me like going on holiday etc. When I have to leave his he usually asks me to stay ‘just a bit longer’ and then he’ll make jokes about me ‘just moving in’. I know it’s way too soon for that but it’s nice to know that the idea may be there for the future. Like I said, it’s just nice to feel like he really wants me around. He also said for me to just leave things at his place to save me bringing them every time, so I did (the stuff is still there, nothing major). He surprised me with lovely bath bombs from lush, he said he got them because we were talking about how much I love baths. The first few times I stayed over at his I woke up with a really sore back because the pillows were too flat so when we were at IKEA he said that he wanted me to pick a new pillow one for his house. He also had a small box on a shelf in his place, he moved it and was kinda giggly and said I couldn’t see in it. We were just joking around so I was begging him to show me. It was a box of things from our dates and time together, receipts, tickets, just random stuff. I thought this was so sweet. He said he was keeping it all because maybe he would make me something for Christmas. The weekend before last, he said he was falling for me, I said the same. I’ve never had someone say this to me OR said it to someone else.

For the most part when we are not together we text sporadically throughout the day, not constantly just a few times then we usually chat more in the evenings (after work) about our day etc. This is how it’s been the whole time.

So basically it was all going so well and I was feeling so optimistic.

Rewind to: the beginning of last week -
We weren’t due to see each other until possibly Thursday/Friday so we were face timing in the evenings. This was all fine, we’d chat for a few hours in the evening then go to bed.

Tuesday (last week) -
We had a sort of weird conversation via FaceTime. He was saying that earlier that day he was ‘stressing’ a little about doing things that I wouldn’t like, then keeping them from me, as that would make him feel really bad. I was so confused about what on earth he meant! He said he wished he met me first, before he dated anyone else (this was the first time I’d heard of him dating anyone else). I asked him why he felt this way, was is because he had to now tell them that he was not interested? (which I know can be a difficult thing to do). He said he had already stopped seeing them. BUT he went on to say that it made him feel bad, like he was lying to me and that he doesn’t want to stress about those things. I told him I understood and what mattered most to me was how we proceeded from that point, not what happened in the early days. He then went on to say that IF he ever HAPPENED to go on a dating app when we were together, that is wouldn’t mean anything and sometimes he just gets bored. I don’t agree with this but it’s hard to explain over FaceTime. The point of a dating app is to swipe on who you are attracted to in the hopes that a conversation begins and that leads somewhere, so I don’t agree with doing it when in a relationship. There must be some motive there. Basically I was very confused. I think he wasn’t explaining himself properly. He gets very flustered and muddled up and I try to calm him and tell him to just be straight but he still gets worked up. He told me he’s suffered with anxiety for most of his life and that he’s still takes medication to help. I get that, I have anxiety as well but maybe is different ways to him. I think perhaps he meant that he had been on those apps when we were dating and now feels really bad because his anxiety was making him worry. So he then ended the conversation saying ‘I’ve already told you I’m falling for you and I am. I really want us to be exclusive but want to ask the right way (ie not over FT) but I just want you’. So from that conversation I was very confused but then kind of reassured but still confused... 🥴

Wednesday (last week) -
He told me that he was very busy with a report for work that was due at the beginning of this week. He had already mentioned this to me earlier that week so I was aware that he had been working on it. He said that as it was his first report, he was really struggling and that it was taking much longer that he anticipated. This meant that he was going to spend the whole weekend doing the report and therefore couldn’t see me Thursday/Friday. He was very apologetic and said that if he was finished by Sunday, we could spend the day together. If not, he said he’d be able to see me the beginning of this week. I was understanding and told him not to worry about it, work is obviously very important.

Thursday onwards -
He started texting me way less. I always try to not read too much into these things because, it’s only texting!! But if you remember how I said we’d text somewhat regularly and now that suddenly stopped you can just feel that something is off (I’m sure you all know what I mean). I told myself that he was busy, I gave him space to work and I didn’t pester him. Texting went like this:
- He text me Thursday night, I replied later that evening
- He didn’t reply till Friday night, I replied later
- He didn’t reply till Saturday night, I replied later
- He didn’t reply till Sunday night, I replied later

Our conversations were varied and felt normal (even though they were once a day). He told me about his report and how long it was taking, he’d wish me a good sleep or that I had a good day, at one point he said he wished I was there to snuggle him. So the things he was texting me were normal. On Saturday I said I was sorry he had had such a crappy week and weekend. He came back (on Sunday) saying ‘No I’m sorry, for being so tit, I’ve just got so much work still to do’. So I thought, ‘okay he’s really busy’. I didn’t push him to make arrangements with me for the week because I was trying to just give him space and time to do his work. I replied to his message on Sunday night.

We haven’t spoken since. I know it’s only three days but radio silence all of a sudden is just strange! His last seen on WhatsApp was Sunday at 6:00pm ish (until last night). So he didn’t even come online for days, which again is very strange. I know he communicates with other people via WhatsApp so that’s very strange and just made me feel like maybe he was avoiding me?

He came online last night at around 6ish but he hasn’t even read my message let alone reply. My head starts to go a bit crazy when things like this happen because I start worrying that something is really wrong. When he hadn’t been online in 2 days I genuinely thought ‘well something really bad could have happened to him and I’d have no way of knowing!’

I always feel like a ‘crazy woman’ when I start looking at ‘last seen’ etc and I feel like guys make us out to be crazy for looking at those things but that’s because they suddenly start acting SO WEIRD. It’s not crazy. I find it weirder that he suddenly wasn’t ever online. That’s crazy. Or the fact that when he finally did come on, he didn’t read my message and reply when we were pretty much in a relationship. It’s so out of character. So like I said, I started to worry that something was maybe wrong so I sent a simple ‘I hope you are okay?’ I sent this last night at around 8pm but he’s still not been back online...

I’m just so confused. He’s fallen off the face of the earth. Part of me is thinking ‘is he ghosting me???’ But literally the last time we actually spoke (and not via text) he was saying he was falling for me, wanted to be exclusive etc so what the hell?!?

I don’t really have a question, I just wanted to vent. I feel a fool. I told my family about him, something he encouraged me to do! (and I’ve never told my family about a guy before!!!!). So now they keep asking about him and I just mumble something because I’m embarrassed, I don’t know what to say. I also told my friends just last week!! So if I come back not even a week later saying this I’ll just look so stupid.

Part of me thinks he wouldn’t be ghosting me because why would he have said all that stuff, that he was falling for me, encouraging me to tell my family, having keepsakes from out dates, asking me to keep things at his etc. WHY would he do all that if his intentions weren’t serious. I know sometimes guys just say things but that’s all taking it a bit too far. He has my stuff at his house! Surely that would just make things really complicated so why ask me to leave things if he was going to ghost me?

What are your thoughts?

For a second I thought, maybe he had the virus and feels bad and doesn’t know how to tell me? I hadn’t seen him in person since the 31st so perhaps he caught it after or... I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure why he wouldn’t tell me though, we could wait a few weeks it wouldn’t be a big deal. As you can see, my mind is just wandering to every possibility. I’m so confused.
 
Last edited:
  • Sad
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 19
Hey. I have dated solidly for two years and my gut reaction tells me he is having second thoughts. He has either changed his mind on his own accord or met someone else.

I would call him or if you can't face doing that, send him a message and say you have noticed he has been quiet, feel something has changed and ask him to be honest with you about his feelings.

Maybe some other people will think you should give him time or some space but given how keen he was and the sudden U-turn, I think you should just ask him. I find the not knowing is the worst. Even if the answer is not what you want to hear, at least you have an answer and can process and move on.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Edited to add that our gut reaction/6th sense is often spot on. I have held off saying things to men for the fear of coming crazy or seeming too keen. But I've been right most of the time and regretted not saying anything sooner.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 43
Hey. I have dated solidly for two years and my gut reaction tells me he is having second thoughts. He has either changed his mind on his own accord or met someone else.

I would call him or if you can't face doing that, send him a message and say you have noticed he has been quiet, feel something has changed and ask him to be honest with you about his feelings.

Maybe some other people will think you should give him time or some space but given how keen he was and the sudden U-turn, I think you should just ask him. I find the not knowing is the worst. Even if the answer is not what you want to hear, at least you have an answer and can process and move on.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Yes the not knowing is the worst. If he has changed his mind I get that he probably is scared to say but honestly keeping me hanging on is so much worse.

I just don’t understand guys 😂😭. How can you make such a drastic u turn when you say you are falling for someone? Doesn’t make sense to me.

I don’t want to keep pestering him. I’d feel crazy if I called him. I think guys are quick to label a woman ‘crazy’ if she is texting and calling too much even when we are well within our rights to, otherwise we’d never get an answer!

Thanks though, I appreciate you taking the time to read that long story ☺
 
  • Like
Reactions: 10
I agree with YankyDoo! From his previous behaviour and how invested he seemed to be, the sudden change doesn’t sit right. What have you got to lose in asking him? I don’t think it’ll be seen as you pestering him, and hopefully you’ll then know where you stand. Dating is so bloody fickle! I have my fingers crossed for you x
 
  • Like
Reactions: 11
I agree with YankyDoo! From his previous behaviour and how invested he seemed to be, the sudden change doesn’t sit right. What have you got to lose in asking him? I don’t think it’ll be seen as you pestering him, and hopefully you’ll then know where you stand. Dating is so bloody fickle! I have my fingers crossed for you x
Thanks for your reply 💕
You’re right, it is so fickle! It’s really frustrating. Just good to know I’m not the only one that finds his behaviour strange. I’ve even bought gifts that I was going to give him for Christmas 🤦🏼‍♀️. Anyone want some Speed Champions car Lego????
 
  • Like
  • Heart
  • Sad
Reactions: 7
I had a v similar situation where the guy changed his treatment 180 degrees after 1 month of texting and after we met and he kept asking me when we would meet again. I kept questioning everything i did/said to him and kept reading his msgs, trying to understand what's the problem. Since he was a coward and wouldn't say it directly, i stopped texting him and just concluded that he found we were incompatible but is a coward to end it like civilised people.

In your case, and I'm not an expert, I think he might be having 2nd thoughts. Maybe in the facetime call u mentioned he was waiting for you to end things?
Although i still don't understand why guys can't just be honest while still respectful!
If you really care about this relationship then you might wanna call him and find out what's the problem. Otherwise you might want to forget about him too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 6
It sounds odd. I would also message and ask him to be honest and say that you don’t want to be messed about. If he has changed his mind on his feelings, fine - as long as you know that you can move on.

Even if he is really busy, it’s not fair to check WhatsApp but leave your message unread. It’s rude. So personally, I wouldn’t tolerate that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 11
I couldn't read and not leave a comment. I hope you are okay, it's horrible when these things mess with your head. I too have experienced things where it goes well and mostly being shown/initiated by him but then a u turn happens. So frustrating 😩
 
  • Like
Reactions: 7
It's no wonder you're confused. Dating can be nerve wracking when you like someone. You were given every signal that this was heading somewhere, now this?
I've found that those who go in fast the way he has can come out of it fast too.
His most recent behaviour hasn't matched the person you knew.

You could get in touch and tell him you'd appreciate if he was honest with you because there's been some distance & hopefully he would be. Or you could try and forget about him, if he comes back to you then he needs to be honest. It's not really fair. You don't deserve to be left dangling, you also deserve to have someone who doesn't do this kind of thing.
I hope it all works out for you ❤
 
  • Like
Reactions: 7
The sudden lack of messaging is definitely strange. We all know that it doesn’t take long to message someone on WhatsApp, he could have easily text to say if he was busy, or ask how you are! It doesn’t take a lot. Sometimes in dating, no answer is THE answer!

if it was me I would message him and ask why he has been distant, as this is very unusual and ask him to be honest.

this ISNT you acting like a ‘crazy girl’. You’ve given him enough time and grace if he was busy with work IMO.

Edit to say I’ve been there, and it’s horrible! I hope he responds to you and let’s you know either way!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 7
I'd forget him, delete all messages and just block him. He's moved on you need to as well. Sorry its very upsetting.XXX
 
  • Like
Reactions: 14
I think he’s playing you.

the comment about how he “feels bad” for things he’s doing that you don’t know about coupled with the comment about dating apps..... he’s still On dating apps and is likely chatting to other women.

It all just seems like way too much too
Soon - you’ve known him for 8 WEEKS!!! It’s just too much. You don’t actually know each other. I’m sorry but it’s been a few weeks Of shagging and the early stages of dating where it’s all very intense and like a whirlwind but it’s not a relationship.

it sounds like someone else has caught his eye and he’s probably been chasing after her.

I’m not trying to be cruel; I just think it’s a shame that you are sitting here so over invested in some guy who’s acting like a complete tool.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 33
It actually sounds like love bombing and alarm bells are ringing. I hate to be harsh but he sounded full of tit from the word go.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 46
It actually sounds like love bombing and alarm bells are ringing.

Agree.

It’s all just verging on being a bit weird.

Why the need to “bubble” together? You’ve known the guy for a few weeks!! He’s a relative stranger!!!!!

All the chat about keeping the stuff in a box..... sorry but that’s kinda..... creepy. What 25 year old guy does that?!

all sorts of alarm bells are ringing here. He sounds like a wrong’un
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 21
I think you’ll probably find that you don’t actually like him that much, you just like the way he treated you.

You’ve text him once, leave it at that. No response is a response.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 31
Also, you cant judge a book by its cover, just because he doesn't seem like a player and has a good job and is a bit nerdy doesn't mean anything at all. Actions speak louder than words and if he was properly interested then you would know and he would be making time for you.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 15
Probably the opposite of everyone on here but he genuinely might be busy?

When I first met my partner I had the busiest month at work I had ever (if you are in the motor trade you’ll know all about March& September being hellish). I barely spoke to him for a month because genuinely I was getting up, going to work, not even having a lunch break, powering through all day without checking my phone, staying on until 8 most evenings, coming home, wolfing down a ready meal, having a shower and going to bed. I was mentally and physically drained and just didn’t have the capacity to have any sort of conversation with anyone. We had a conversation about it and I tried to make some more time for him but it was hard. 5 years later, things are the same every March & September but he understands. Now we live together it’s easier but I still barely speak to home when I get him & just go straight to bed 😂

Maybe I’m too nice but I would just straight up ask and if he says he’s just been too busy, take it at face value but remain cautious x
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 9
Probably the opposite of everyone on here but he genuinely might be busy?

When I first met my partner I had the busiest month at work I had ever (if you are in the motor trade you’ll know all about March& September being hellish). I barely spoke to him for a month because genuinely I was getting up, going to work, not even having a lunch break, powering through all day without checking my phone, staying on until 8 most evenings, coming home, wolfing down a ready meal, having a shower and going to bed. I was mentally and physically drained and just didn’t have the capacity to have any sort of conversation with anyone. We had a conversation about it and I tried to make some more time for him but it was hard. 5 years later, things are the same every March & September but he understands. Now we live together it’s easier but I still barely speak to home when I get him & just go straight to bed 😂

Maybe I’m too nice but I would just straight up ask and if he says he’s just been too busy, take it at face value but remain cautious x
I have to second this opinion, not every guy is an asshole.

The fact he hadn’t been on WhatsApp in a couple of days is a red flag if WhatsApp is something he normally uses frequently.

I would 100% message or call him and ask what’s going on, that you feel he’s been ignoring you and want to know where you stand.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 8
As others have said, my first reaction was love bombing. I’ve been a victim of this and I wish I had known what it was at the time. It’s a massive red flag. You’ve had a lucky escape IMO.
 
  • Like
  • Sad
  • Heart
Reactions: 19