Girl chat needed!! Sorry this is so long haha. I’ve given in-depth detail, it looks obsessive but I’ve just done it to give you a clear picture because my mind is just all over the place.
I’ve just started seeing this guy. We met on a dating app. Both 25. He’s not your stereotypical fk boy or anything. He’s not a pretty boy either. He’s intelligent, has a very good job (works in medicine discovery), close family, he’s a bit nerdy but I like that etc.
Things had been going really well. We’ve been dating for just over 2 months (he lives alone so we bubbled - our first few dates were walks with my dog in the park. Also I’m in Scotland so we aren’t in a major lockdown... yet) which doesn’t seem long but we’ve already spent a lot of time together. We feel very close already, we’ve both told our families about each other but haven’t met yet (obviously). When we spend time together he always asks me to stay over etc which is nice to feel like he wants me around (previously I’ve always felt guys can’t wait for you to leave lol). He treats me like a princess and I’ve never had someone treat me so well before. He compliments me, is very affectionate etc. Probably even more than me! Which I am not used to, I always feel like I’m the one giving more if that makes sense. So this has been such a wonderful experience to feel so wanted. He’s said multiple times about how he can’t wait for future things with me like going on holiday etc. When I have to leave his he usually asks me to stay ‘just a bit longer’ and then he’ll make jokes about me ‘just moving in’. I know it’s way too soon for that but it’s nice to know that the idea may be there for the future. Like I said, it’s just nice to feel like he really wants me around. He also said for me to just leave things at his place to save me bringing them every time, so I did (the stuff is still there, nothing major). He surprised me with lovely bath bombs from lush, he said he got them because we were talking about how much I love baths. The first few times I stayed over at his I woke up with a really sore back because the pillows were too flat so when we were at IKEA he said that he wanted me to pick a new pillow one for his house. He also had a small box on a shelf in his place, he moved it and was kinda giggly and said I couldn’t see in it. We were just joking around so I was begging him to show me. It was a box of things from our dates and time together, receipts, tickets, just random stuff. I thought this was so sweet. He said he was keeping it all because maybe he would make me something for Christmas. The weekend before last, he said he was falling for me, I said the same. I’ve never had someone say this to me OR said it to someone else.
For the most part when we are not together we text sporadically throughout the day, not constantly just a few times then we usually chat more in the evenings (after work) about our day etc. This is how it’s been the whole time.
So basically it was all going so well and I was feeling so optimistic.
Rewind to: the beginning of last week -
We weren’t due to see each other until possibly Thursday/Friday so we were face timing in the evenings. This was all fine, we’d chat for a few hours in the evening then go to bed.
Tuesday (last week) -
We had a sort of weird conversation via FaceTime. He was saying that earlier that day he was ‘stressing’ a little about doing things that I wouldn’t like, then keeping them from me, as that would make him feel really bad. I was so confused about what on earth he meant! He said he wished he met me first, before he dated anyone else (this was the first time I’d heard of him dating anyone else). I asked him why he felt this way, was is because he had to now tell them that he was not interested? (which I know can be a difficult thing to do). He said he had already stopped seeing them. BUT he went on to say that it made him feel bad, like he was lying to me and that he doesn’t want to stress about those things. I told him I understood and what mattered most to me was how we proceeded from that point, not what happened in the early days. He then went on to say that IF he ever HAPPENED to go on a dating app when we were together, that is wouldn’t mean anything and sometimes he just gets bored. I don’t agree with this but it’s hard to explain over FaceTime. The point of a dating app is to swipe on who you are attracted to in the hopes that a conversation begins and that leads somewhere, so I don’t agree with doing it when in a relationship. There must be some motive there. Basically I was very confused. I think he wasn’t explaining himself properly. He gets very flustered and muddled up and I try to calm him and tell him to just be straight but he still gets worked up. He told me he’s suffered with anxiety for most of his life and that he’s still takes medication to help. I get that, I have anxiety as well but maybe is different ways to him. I think perhaps he meant that he had been on those apps when we were dating and now feels really bad because his anxiety was making him worry. So he then ended the conversation saying ‘I’ve already told you I’m falling for you and I am. I really want us to be exclusive but want to ask the right way (ie not over FT) but I just want you’. So from that conversation I was very confused but then kind of reassured but still confused...
Wednesday (last week) -
He told me that he was very busy with a report for work that was due at the beginning of this week. He had already mentioned this to me earlier that week so I was aware that he had been working on it. He said that as it was his first report, he was really struggling and that it was taking much longer that he anticipated. This meant that he was going to spend the whole weekend doing the report and therefore couldn’t see me Thursday/Friday. He was very apologetic and said that if he was finished by Sunday, we could spend the day together. If not, he said he’d be able to see me the beginning of this week. I was understanding and told him not to worry about it, work is obviously very important.
Thursday onwards -
He started texting me way less. I always try to not read too much into these things because, it’s only texting!! But if you remember how I said we’d text somewhat regularly and now that suddenly stopped you can just feel that something is off (I’m sure you all know what I mean). I told myself that he was busy, I gave him space to work and I didn’t pester him. Texting went like this:
- He text me Thursday night, I replied later that evening
- He didn’t reply till Friday night, I replied later
- He didn’t reply till Saturday night, I replied later
- He didn’t reply till Sunday night, I replied later
Our conversations were varied and felt normal (even though they were once a day). He told me about his report and how long it was taking, he’d wish me a good sleep or that I had a good day, at one point he said he wished I was there to snuggle him. So the things he was texting me were normal. On Saturday I said I was sorry he had had such a crappy week and weekend. He came back (on Sunday) saying ‘No I’m sorry, for being so shit, I’ve just got so much work still to do’. So I thought, ‘okay he’s really busy’. I didn’t push him to make arrangements with me for the week because I was trying to just give him space and time to do his work. I replied to his message on Sunday night.
We haven’t spoken since. I know it’s only three days but radio silence all of a sudden is just strange! His last seen on WhatsApp was Sunday at 6:00pm ish (until last night). So he didn’t even come online for days, which again is very strange. I know he communicates with other people via WhatsApp so that’s very strange and just made me feel like maybe he was avoiding me?
He came online last night at around 6ish but he hasn’t even read my message let alone reply. My head starts to go a bit crazy when things like this happen because I start worrying that something is really wrong. When he hadn’t been online in 2 days I genuinely thought ‘well something really bad could have happened to him and I’d have no way of knowing!’
I always feel like a ‘crazy woman’ when I start looking at ‘last seen’ etc and I feel like guys make us out to be crazy for looking at those things but that’s because they suddenly start acting SO WEIRD. It’s not crazy. I find it weirder that he suddenly wasn’t ever online. That’s crazy. Or the fact that when he finally did come on, he didn’t read my message and reply when we were pretty much in a relationship. It’s so out of character. So like I said, I started to worry that something was maybe wrong so I sent a simple ‘I hope you are okay?’ I sent this last night at around 8pm but he’s still not been back online...
I’m just so confused. He’s fallen off the face of the earth. Part of me is thinking ‘is he ghosting me???’ But literally the last time we actually spoke (and not via text) he was saying he was falling for me, wanted to be exclusive etc so what the hell?!?
I don’t really have a question, I just wanted to vent. I feel a fool. I told my family about him, something he encouraged me to do! (and I’ve never told my family about a guy before!!!!). So now they keep asking about him and I just mumble something because I’m embarrassed, I don’t know what to say. I also told my friends just last week!! So if I come back not even a week later saying this I’ll just look so stupid.
Part of me thinks he wouldn’t be ghosting me because why would he have said all that stuff, that he was falling for me, encouraging me to tell my family, having keepsakes from out dates, asking me to keep things at his etc. WHY would he do all that if his intentions weren’t serious. I know sometimes guys just say things but that’s all taking it a bit too far. He has my stuff at his house! Surely that would just make things really complicated so why ask me to leave things if he was going to ghost me?
What are your thoughts?
For a second I thought, maybe he had the virus and feels bad and doesn’t know how to tell me? I hadn’t seen him in person since the 31st so perhaps he caught it after or... I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure why he wouldn’t tell me though, we could wait a few weeks it wouldn’t be a big deal. As you can see, my mind is just wandering to every possibility. I’m so confused.
. I feel like if I don’t acknowledge what he’s doing then he’s getting away with it which I don’t like, someone has to hold these boys accountable!
I posted about my boyfriend once when I was feeling really low, and I regretted it almost immediately because I got some truth bomb opinions from people who meant well but who had no idea about the nuances of our relationship and anything I said to give further explanation sounded defensive. No one here can give you the closure you’re looking for 
. How can you make such a drastic u turn when you say you are falling for someone? Doesn’t make sense to me. 
just not him.
