Am I being ghosted? (New relationship)

[Penny for them]

Thanks for all your responses so far . I’ve read them all and will continue to. I will make contact with him again, not sure when or what I’ll say yet hahaha

Even though it’s a shit situation to be in, I’m actually really enjoying this girl chat with you all . Why do relationships have to be so complicated and why do guys act like this?!?!? Seriously we need to invest money into looking into this There’s no need for it, say what you mean, say how you truly feel, it’s not that hard. I’ve never told a guy something just to win him over or because I think that’s what will make them ‘fall’ for me but guys do it all the time.
xx

You sound like such a lovely person, someone would be very lucky to have you, even if he is stressed, in my experience, acting this way toward you because of maybe just that is a red flag, stress does funny things to people yes,but if you don't know which type of guy you are going to get from one week to the next is it worth it-he can't go from showering you with niceties to blatant Coventry,it's weird,potentially harmful. If
I'm way off the Mark (benefit of the doubt stating anxiety and stress) and he is messing you around and playing games,then he's a bellend,and again not worth your time/thoughts/understanding/kindness. Look after yourself first and foremost xxx

 

[yankydoo]

Well done Sweetcorn! You are very strong.

I may be way off but I feel this behaviour is a very modern thing and not helped by dating apps and social media.

Back in the day, I would meet someone and if we liked each other it would evolve into a relationship.

Now it's the ghosting thing over and over again.. I've had it done to me so much. And as many of you have said, it is always the man making it feel more serious then backing off!! Grrr

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

What things have you actually got at his house?

Personally if it was nothing I didn't need/couldn't replace I would play him at his own game, ignore him back, move on and let him keep your tooth brush for his memory box
If he is busy, it takes a couple of minutes to text, even if it was whilst on the bog.

Have you been back on the dating app since? Does it show when he was last active in there?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Silence speaks a thousand words.
Men like this are so used to women chasing them for answers, kick him in the balls by saying nothing. Let him think you couldn’t care less.

 

[BigQueenEnergy]

Has anyone read a book called “Why men love bitches” by Sherry Argov?

Apparently it’s very popular and meant to be good for setting boundaries and standing up for yourself in relationships. She claims by doing so, it increases a man’s love and respect for you.

It sounds good, and I want to buy it, but want to know if anyone had read it and thought it was worth it?

Or if it’s just bullshit

Yes, I’ve read it. It didn’t change anything for me because I wasn’t ready to change!

I’m actually subscribed to FemaleDatingStrategy on Reddit
It’s all about teaching women their worth and not putting up with any shit. I wish I found it when I was younger because I let men abuse me all my life.

But never again! I know my value now and if I never meet someone who treats me right, then I’m happy staying single because I’m creating a good life for myself.

 

[Loulou_23]

Just been reading this thread as best as I can and agree with all the ladies saying to block and delete him.

Some of the stories in this thread could be some of my past dating experiences. And I know from friends that sadly men often do this shitty behaviour. Don’t even get me started on them twisting it back on us playing the ‘crazy obsessive’ bullshit when they are the ones in the wrong!

I got involved deeply with a man who would never commit and I’d make excuses for his shitty behaviour. There were warning signs after the first few dates and I’d also feel like I was walking on eggshells not to say or do the wrong thing to upset him or let him thing I was crazy!

I honestly wish the first time he started to show is true colours I’d walked away. Instead I let him come back time and time again for the best part of 3 years! My friends and family although kind to listen were sick of hearing about him and told me to block him which I’d do but I would always end up unblocking him and he’d pop back up like a bad smell! Got to a point he knew I’d end up unblocking him and I think he loved knowing he could have me whenever he wanted.

I think it’s better to cut someone off at the first sign of them acting shitty! As the saying goes you give someone an inch they will take a mile! I don’t take any shit since that and if they fuck about I don’t give them another thought. I know some might say it’s harsh but I will never let another man treat me the way that guy did and make me feel as badly about myself as he did!

 

[Raininvain]

Also, you cant judge a book by its cover, just because he doesn't seem like a player and has a good job and is a bit nerdy doesn't mean anything at all. Actions speak louder than words and if he was properly interested then you would know and he would be making time for you.

 

[BettyCrocker]

I’ve thought this, or like someone said, maybe his anxiety is getting the better of him. So if that’s the case and I go in all guns blazing and he comes back saying that all feel terrible . Hard to know though.

I’m happy it worked out for you two x

dude - seriously. He’s playing you! He’s given you the notion of “his anxiety” so that it can be used as an excuse when he needs to get you on side!

“oh sorry I’ve not text you back - I’m so busy and my anxiety is really bad”

“Oh sorry I’ve not seen you in a week - I’m snowed under with work and my anxiety is so bad so I’ve just been chilling out on my own”

“Oh sorry I’ve not returned any of your calls - my anxiety is just so bad”


Sorry but it’s bullshit.

 

[BigQueenEnergy]

This has happened to me too and I didn’t realise how common it was! It’s never happened to any girls I know, so I thought there was something wrong with me.

I had to put myself in therapy because of how much it affected me. He disappeared when I was pregnant so it really messed with me.

I’m literally too scared to date again. I’ve been single for years because of it. And these stories are confirming my fears!

 

[Ef27]

God these stories like how can people be that cruel? I’m so sorry for each and every one of you it makes me hate men( I know they’re not all bad) but I’ve been screwed over many times and it really makes you lose faith, I find it so hard to trust and open up! I’ve been single so long now and just went traveling instead. It’s a great distraction and you can have some fun with men you meet along the way without getting tied down and heartbroke

 

[D_Wills]

I'm terrible in this situation and would have to have the last word but then block! Just a short message to let him know that his actions had hurt me...why the fuck should men think its ok to do this sort of thing?? The satisfaction of him trying to reply to that and then realising he's blocked would be enough for me but my advice seems to be different from everyone else's so don't listen to me haha. I hope you're ok, you seem like such a lovely girl and deserve so much better than this

 

[Yoghurtpots]

I've read the thread and I'm invested what a scum bag! Definitely delete and block. He isn't busy and he was telling you that he was still on dating apps but being clumsy and innocent about it. He may have been rebounding and was using you to feel loved and boost his ego but now hes back with her. Part of me wants you to find out because I want closure but I don't think you should waste your time. Delete, block and move on. 2020 is so shit isn't it! Heres to 2021!

 

[ItsEmmie]

That’s some balls to come and tell the girl you’re going out with you’ve had an amazing date with someone else. Frigging hell!

That’s some balls to come and tell the girl you’re going out with you’ve had an amazing date with someone else. Frigging hell!

I know right I was just like ahh that’s nice good night then cried myself to sleep. I did love him by then (it was 3 months in) .. he didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks (all this time I could see him on WhatsApp ALL night like he would’ve been with me if we weren’t together and I felt SO sick) whilst that happened and failed and I barely ate, cried all day couldn’t think straight, feeling completely worthless etc then he came back like all was great and embarrassingly I said absolutely nothing. I’m not confrontational at all hence when the girl I suspected popped up on his phone I walked out blocked him and never spoke to him again. Since then I have been quite cold towards guys because I’m just waiting for it happen again

This is me. When I can't find my phone this is the first thought that comes into my head

SAME! When I was really ill last year I even rang my brother and said I’ve written my will in my notes on my phone incase I die only you know so make sure you get it haha

 

[Scorpihoe]

Hey tattlers, thanks again for all your well wishes!

I decided to go with number three so I haven’t contacted him and removed him. Thought the best way was to just play cool and look completely unbothered so that’s what I’ve done. I’m okay, I’m not going to cry over him, it’s so not worth it. More than anything it just makes you feel so embarrassed because like I’ve already said, now I need to explain to my family and friends, when I just told them about him

At this point I’m just frustrated in general with men and dating. I hate to generalise but from this thread it appears so many men act this way (or worse) and I’m just left wondering how many more times will I be screwed over? Part of me wants to give up with dating apps but then I’d have no way of meeting guys, even more so now with covid, but even if covid wasn’t a factor it would still be hard for me to meet guys (I also work in a very female dominated environment). I’m kinda losing hope that guys won’t always be assholes.

As well guys are just so hard to read and they change their minds in the blink of an eye. Like in this instance, I think he just got spooked by how intense things were getting and maybe thought he wanted something more casual instead, which is mega frustrating because HE was the one to make it so intense. I imagine this happens with many guys, they are all in then suddenly get cold feet but.. why? Don’t go in so intense if it’s going to freak you out! Haha it’s really not that hard.

Should we as women be more assertive about what we expect? But then I feel like most guys would think you were a bit ‘crazy’ (yep their favourite word) and back off straight away. But then you think we’ll that guy really wasn’t worth the time then but ughhh they are just impossible

But yeah maybe we should get a dating advice thread? Where we can share stories and advice (If there isn’t already one?) because it appears so many of us go through this stuff and I really enjoyed this girl chat with you all

So happy you’re okay! I figured he wouldn’t have responded by now, total coward. I honestly think he can’t face up to what he’s done, so the easier option is to avoid it.

Don’t let this put you off, there are plenty of wonderful men out there! I also agree he got spooked out by how serious it was getting and decided to step back and jump back on dating apps. However, a positive is, that at least you know this early on. Imagine if you were years down the line and saw he was on dating apps, it would be a lot worse. He was the one who really missed out here on dating Sweetcorn, and you? Got a LUCKY escape!

Side note - I’d love a relationship/dating advice thread!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Love bombing is when they are pretty much obsessed with you, it moves at 100mph, they want to be serious from the word go etc etc and then they take it all away from you as soon as they get you where they want you. It’s manipulation and a form of abuse.

He’s already buttered you up and then thrown in that he will still use dating sites and messed around when he’s free to see you and you seemed to accept it. He was testing how far he can push you imo.

 

[BigQueenEnergy]

Wish I found this thread last week.. was literally dating a guy for 7 weeks.. he was really full on and always said the right things - deleted dating apps after the first date - told his parents about me etc - said he could see me as his girlfriend and that that was a huge thought as he wants his next gf to be his wife (we’re both 24) - I thought nothing of it and just thought it was sweet as I’m used to guys just fizzling out or just wanting causal - anyway last week out of the blue tells me he doesn’t want this anymore and ended things....... I was in shock. He made it intense and moved things quickly yet he made me feel like I was pushing it... I blocked him on everything but ugh it honestly sets you back with trusting guys again as they can say all the right the right things then bam cold as ice

I don’t understand why guys do this?! Is it a manipulation for us to sleep with them?

It’s just cruel.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Realistically, you need to leave it. Like actually leave it. Block his number, don’t give him the opportunity to contact you. Sending a sassy essay or letting him try to explain himself isn’t going to teach him anything. If anything he’d love the essay to know how he’s been playing on your mind enough to type that much. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but you cannot change him. You won’t be the girl to change his fuck boy ways. He’s already had want he wanted from you, you won’t be able to guilt trip him into seeing the light blah blah blah.
Block him. Don’t speak to him again. Move on. X

 

[Raininvain]

I'd forget him, delete all messages and just block him. He's moved on you need to as well. Sorry its very upsetting.XXX

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I'm terrible in this situation and would have to have the last word but then block! Just a short message to let him know that his actions had hurt me...why the fuck should men think its ok to do this sort of thing?? The satisfaction of him trying to reply to that and then realising he's blocked would be enough for me but my advice seems to be different from everyone else's so don't listen to me haha. I hope you're ok, you seem like such a lovely girl and deserve so much better than this

Men like this don’t even try to reply.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

My friend has just been ghosted by a man who begged to meet up with her. The second she said yes he vanished and as never heard from again. I swear they just want the satisfaction of a good looking women saying yes.