Soon He’ll be tie dyeing his own shit for a SHUPER LIMITID DWOPYeah a key ring is really the dictionary definition of a pointless product isn’t it ?I collected them as a child because it was the nineties and there was nothing good on the Internet yet....selling them now just reeks of a bland YouTuber with no unique selling point who has run out of other crap to sell what’s left of their impressionable audience . (Mouthful).
A shoehorn is geniusWhat the fucks next?
Fridge magnets?
Bouncy balls?
A shoehorn?
what??? I'm officially worried about him now. Someone missed all the Sex Ed lessons at school!Hahaha I can't
In Zoe's new video they were talking about how in winter time there is gonna be a surge in babies being born as loads of people are stuck indoors now and Alfie says and I can't quite believe it:
"I didn't realize until the other day if you have sex once you get pregnant, you have sex again you get pregnant again. YOU HAVE TWO BABIES IN THERE"
What??? JUST WHAT
It’s the Jeremy Clarkson of keyrings.Those keyrings hes dropping arnt exactly for his female minions he could have made them black. I mean who wants a naff dad brown leather keyring?
I like how his decision not to sell merchandise because it 'didn't feel right at these times' lasted all of about a week.
Incase you hadn't noticed Alfie, we're still in a lockdown, the situation hasn't got any better - in fact for most people it's getting worse. Just because you have the attention span of a gnat and this pesky coronavirus is 'old news' for you now, doesn't actually make it any more appropriate for you to be flogging your overpriced merchandise...
Their relationship starting to sound a bit toxic to me. He wants to choose what she wears, doesn't see her friends or family (apart from Joe), just his. Not healthy imo. So she can't leave him as really there is only Mark to go to (if that is a real friendship?)Weird that what he wants her to wear doesnt suit her AT ALL and does nothing for her. Where as the clothes she used to wear that she chose looked really nice.
And who else is obsessed with onion? Anastasia Kingsnorth. She looks like a young version of Zoe, maybe he is trying to get her attention! She does get way more views than Zoe now.What?! Does Alfie 'genius' Deyes think he's discovered onion??
I think he’s going after the Tory Dad Rah-Rah-Rah demographic. Those keychains would look great with a gilet and tweed jacket. #notatoryThose keyrings are the naffest thing Ive seen in a long time. His fans are 12yrs old why would they want to buy that and esp bloody brown! Oh well I suppose he can give his dad one of the ones he doesnt sell.
Hes not going to get machoor questions because his followers are 12yrs old. Someone ask what their fav sex position is, thats mature right?A woolly hat on in July. Anyway
So his machooor Q&A. Keep it machoor guys. 75% of those questions are going to make his dummy fly out like a rocket, as they’ll be about marriage and babies. Will he ignore them, or will he kick off in his video about how inappropriate it is to ask about his future. Despite the fact he literally makes his living from selling his life online and invites his fans to ask questions, but is appalled by the cheek of his fans wanting to know something actually interesting to them.
Tbh I think he’s a bit jealous of Zoe and it hits a nerve that she’s still the most interesting thing about him after all this time. People don’t care about Alfie Deyes as an individual. People are interested in Zoe fulfilling her dream of being a wife/mother.
I find it fully hilarious how it’s only this past week he’s realised he’s an adult as well. I’m more machooor now, he says, as he sits there with more lines round his eyes than a tube map.
oh for sure he’s jealous and always has been. All these years together and he’s tried so many things: getting the best cameras right away, starting a podcast, ‘the year of content’, ‘adventures’ abroad, Casey neistat rip offs, something called ‘vlogumentary’ that wasn’t the actual vlogumentary but what it was never became clear, kayaking the Thames (some nights spent at home ), 30 day challenge ... etc etc all of this we “weren’t ready” for, but actually none of it transpired to anything at all. Meanwhile Zoe barely lifts a finger during the same time , but has other people organise various product launches making her richer and richer. Some controversies, but none that seem to radically impact her bank account. She stays rich as hell- and still retains more subscribers and interest than him. His money making ventures get progressively more desperate as we are up to the limited edition key rings of today. Zoe prepares to earn another few hundred thousand with a book written by someone else. Oh it must sting.Tbh I think he’s a bit jealous of Zoe and it hits a nerve that she’s still the most interesting thing about him after all this time. People don’t care about Alfie Deyes as an individual. People are interested in Zoe fulfilling her dream of being a wife/mother.
It’s like at the beginning of his ‘career’ someone told him he’d probably sell more PB T-shirt’s if he made them seem exclusive - or ‘limited’ somehow. And he’s blindly applied that to every product he’s released since like some magic formula for success.Why in the fuck is everything this bell end does for his merch have to be limited edition? That’s why it’s merch through and through. It’ll never be a brand if it’s all limited edition, the fucking seal bastard.
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