Alfie Deyes #7 Joe Sugg's sister's boyfriend/housemate

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-Around 11:17 time stamp, Alfie talks about their 7 year anniversary coming up. He talks about how they got Nala two years into their relationship and how weird it is?!?! Zoe then chimes in with (and I kid you not) "Imagine if I got pregnant after two years...". Alfie can barely hid his grimace. All he has to say for their 7 year anniversary is how weird that they BOUGHT Nala two years in but says nothing sentimental of all their years together.
I went to watch that part after you said it and he really does make it a huge deal 🤦 His tone reeks of lack of commitment, it's like he's convinced himself he's living with a mate instead of a girlfriend
 
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Loving the eye roll when Zoe calls him from the other room. Healthy...
 
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Already done in three minutes in where he banged on about his bleeping black hair patch, nobody cares about that and your bike chain round your neck. Not sure I can last the whole video lol
 
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Already done in three minutes in where he banged on about his bleeping black hair patch, nobody cares about that and your bike chain round your neck. Not sure I can last the whole video lol
Omg 2 seconds in. He looks a bleep in that necklace, wearing it OVER his MERCH.
 
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People who do these vlog recaps deserve a special place in heaven for their efforts😂

If he wanted future self to be a stand alone brand he could have released it without his name being attached to it at all and just let it run off it’s own merit but he damn well knows nobody gives a tit and it’s only his last 50 fans who want to buy his merch.

Anytime children get brought up you can practically cut the tension with a knife.I’m actually going to have to watch this vlog purely for Alfie’s reaction to this alone😂
I like how he keeps mentioning Future’s Elf is not a merchandise but it is the very definition of. Also trying to pretend that it’s a separate brand from him. As if. No one believes that for one second. If that was the case, he wouldn’t force his friends and Zoe to wear it. He knows the products can’t stand on their own merit. Junk is junk.

Yes, that’s why I threw in the time stamp. It is the only good portion of his vlog just for the hilarity. Alfie trying to hide the sheer panic from his eyes and steering the direction of their anniversary from marriage and future children instead to how weird it is they have a dog that is five while they’ve date for seven. Nevermind the fact they obviously planned, picked out the breed, and bought Nala from a breeder. Funny how that works...

But yes, Alfie it only took you five years later to realize Zoe was already planning to trap you into marriage two years into dating by getting a dog, moving to Brighton, and inserting herself into all aspects of his life.
 
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I like how he keeps mentioning Future’s Elf is not a merchandise but it is the very definition of. Also trying to pretend that it’s a separate brand from him. As if. No one believes that for one second. If that was the case, he wouldn’t force his friends and Zoe to wear it. He knows the products can’t stand on their own merit. Junk is junk.
It’s the new line from youtubers desperately trying to be taken more seriously than as kids entertainers but still wanting to make the easy merch money. Remember when people first started selling t shirts they all said stuff about how they had been involved in the designs and the fabric was really soft. Nowadays it’s all about pretending, just coincidentally, to suddenly be running a clothing label that is not merchandise but the sheer love of suddenly running a clothing label (lol) - Jake Paul does it, Tobi of the sidemen, the shaytards may have started the bandwagon...and now predictably late to the trend is Alfie.
 
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Already done in three minutes in where he banged on about his bleeping black hair patch, nobody cares about that and your bike chain round your neck. Not sure I can last the whole video lol
Where are the two pictures he was going to insert of his hair...?
 
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Hands up if you went to watch video to see
1) Alfie's wearing a padlock
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2) Alfie's horrified face when Zoe mentioned kids

He licherally said "WE WOULDN'T HAVE CHOSE FOR IT TO HAPPENED. IF IT (a kid 2 years into their relationship) HAPPENED IT HAPPENED . (IE tit IF THAT HAD HAPPENED)
BUT WE CHOSE TO HAVE A DOG."
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@thenomad thanks for letting us know! I wouldn't have watch this horse otherwise

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Absolute nonsense on both his and Zoe’s Insta stories tonight - going on a date but “pretending” it’s not with each other, ha ha aren’t we so comedy. It’s so so weird. It’s not even a funny joke, because more often than not they are with other people?

also Alfie giving a shout out to his security team at Tulleys farm. I mean, does he really think he’s so A list that he needs actual bodyguards for a regular social outing? It’s pathetic.
 
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He really is absolutely awful. Even if it was meant as a joke..... If my boyfriend of SEVEN YEARS said this (even in jest) I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship! Poor Zoe!
He keeps thinking the whole having apathy towards Zoe and playing it up on his vlogs and IG is funny but it’s always at her expense. Obviously, we all know he’s not playing around but the two tween fans he does have will think this is how to treat your long term partner and think this is relationship goals. It’s not. Like the card game he loves so much it makes him a shithead.

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Alfie is running out of time then. Seriously his Sunday video better be out of this world with all the hype he’s been doing. Like him doing tricks on his forgotten half-pipe good.But since it’s Alfie we have to lower our expectations by putting the bar on the floor.
 
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He really is absolutely awful. Even if it was meant as a joke..... If my boyfriend of SEVEN YEARS said this (even in jest) I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship! Poor Zoe!
Perhaps that's their weird way of announcing a break up 😂
 
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Don’t know if it’s because I’ve not watched him in a while but I finally succumbed to the ‘day before the anniversary’ video and he almost seems to be getting stupider.
Small things - he’s scared he’ll be criticised for “guessing wrong” if he estimates the ages of some elderly women in a car park but they don’t know he’s doing it and we can’t see them...
He then goes on to have a classic Alfie stotle moment seeing an old man in a Tesla and philosophising “it completely proves age has nothing to do with the technology you use.” Well,no,age definitely has a large influence. This is what’s known as an exception.

Ironically the stuff about getting a dog after two years was almost bizarre in how facisnating he seemed to find it. Is he really that boring he thinks it’s such an interesting thing about them? Even Zoe seemed pretty ambivalent. Probably she had also seen the same look of utter panic on his face when she mentioned babies that we all did. Wow that was not an exaggeration.

Same the black patch on his hair. Clearly the lighting in that particular video made it stand out so more people contacted him about it, isn’t this supposed to be your field?

“I want to see someone wearing future self on the street who doesn’t even know who I am.” Ah, I recognise those words and motive from Jake Paul talking about his own crappy “clothing line” scam. So that seems a good place to leave this.
 
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