"Hello, it's Ruby, and as I said..." Umm, you haven't said anything yet. This is literally the first sentence you've spoken in this video.
Notable task spotted when Ruby's copying Dickens synopsis info from Google into Notion: "Make a page with my specific interests when it comes to Dickens." Your tutors don't care about
your interests, Ruby. You're learning about
Dickens, not how much you love the smell of elderberries in autumn, swindling charities and living in a bubble of privilege.
No longer content with trying to burn her own house down, Ruby threatens her viewers with arson.
Outfit count: 1
Ruby has been watching binge eating videos. I won't link to the video in question in case it triggers anyone, but if you search "Huge binge before school", it's the first result.
In slightly less concerning news: Unsurprisingly, Ruby's laptop is covered in a layer of grime and dust so thick that half the screen looks completely desaturated. So vintage! Such bacteria!
She's also
OBSESSED with a playlist titled 'Reading the Song of Achilles', because along with adding every historical fiction book she can to her 'to read' list on Goodreads, she really wants everyone to remember that she pretended to finish it and totally, honestly, superduper loved it. Just don't ask her any follow-up questions. Reading that playlist title is the closest she's actually come to reading the book itself.
"It's currently 10:20..." Cut to:
"I also wrote up my thoughts and notes on Sketches by Boz, which -
AS I SAID - I read recently." Methinks Rubert doth protest too much. Copying a synopsis from the internet and then pulling a bunch of quotes from other essays doesn't count as reading the book.
"I use Perlego
so, so much..."
Ruberto has literally never used or mentioned it outside of sponsored ad videos, but mmkay.
"It's a digital alternative where you're able to access thousands of books for less than the price of one textbook." It's an £8 a month subscription. I know it's easy to forget, since you run away home minutes into every semester, but most people tend to spend more than a month at university. Don't paint it like a one-off cost, Ruby, that's just misleading. And you clearly
don't use this yourself. Nobody waste money on this to reward this clown with a commission. Just use the university library and save yourself the money.
Outfit count: 2
Outfit count: 3 (That didn't take long! This is allegedly 45 minutes after the last outfit.)
Ruby conveniently burns her bagels so she doesn't have to eat all of it. In the upper left, you'll see that apparently Ruby and family just dump all their putrid rubbish in the sink like a clan of disgusting swamp trolls.
"I had to change into something else because
ACTUALLY the weather got really warm?" She says, wearing a very thick jacket, on a completely different day than either of the previous outfits. The dress she was wearing in the second outfit also looked a lot lighter and airier if she took off the jacket she was wearing with it, so none of this adds up.
"I ate half of my bagel off-screen, honest!" Ruby cementing her newest video cliché: 'The Ruby Makes Dubious Excuses Segment'.
Ruby stealth-announces yet another new and useless product: The Pumpkin Productivity Timetable.
It's as cheap-looking, redundant and useless as it sounds. There's also a giant section of real estate taken up with a needless 'Accomplished' section, despite each entry having its own tickbox to signify that it was done. Yet another product designed by Ruby, for Ruby, with transparent ways of rewarding herself for the same tasks twice, baked right in. For everyone else, it's a waste of paper.
Presented without comment.
Outfit count: 3.5
Ruby mentions that she keeps changing her mind about her dissertation topic, which bodes well. She's tentatively settled on Emily Dickinson's letters, so that she can shoehorn thousands of words of unrelated, poorly researched nonsense about Victorian fountain pens and calligraphy etiquette in there.
Outfit count: 4
"There's no vanilla in this, but it kind of tastes...and smells a bit...vanilla-y." - Ruby Granger, Taste Expert and Master Wordsmith, 2021.
Pictured: Ruby Granger, wondering where it all went wrong, and struggling to remember what day she's supposed to be pretending this is.
Not pictured: The LG Gram laptop.
And that's about all the stupid I can stomach for one day. So far, nothing resembling Dark Academia, unsurprisingly.
They are also definitely not a small business, another made in China clothing website with a few stores. The stuff looks really plastic.
" and struggles to say something nice, like a teacher trying to be incredibly polite to a student who answered a class question with unrelated incoherence, but at least they participated? And then he takes her mic away. (They only have two mics so the panel had to share, but it comes across as a very funny 'Mmkay, you have nothing of value to say, you won't be needing this...' moment.)
