Where have all the manners gone??

[Ensay]

I don't really stress about it and let it fly over my head mostly. There's so many reasons for impoliteness, they could be really busy, running late, having a bad day, stressed, anxious, shy, grieving (esp older people, we tend to underestimate how much loss they've experienced by that age, no wonder the poor buggers are miserable) it doesn't always mean people are being deliberately rude to you or that they're like it all the time. Plus it makes life more interesting, it would feel a bit stepford housewives if we were all perfectly good mannered at all times

I don't really agree with that. I know people have bad days, but when you've got good manners, it's almost a reflex to be at least courteous -- e.g. to say thanks if someone holds a door open for you -- regardless of how you're feeling at the time.

I remember just before the first Father's Day without my Dad I unexpectedly got emotional in the supermarket seeing all the Father's Day cards and it suddenly dawning on me that I'd never need to buy one ever again (thankfully my face mask hid most of my tears!) I still said hello and thank you to the person on the checkout though, because it's what you do. (Or should do anyway.)

 

[emerald]

I work in retail. I'm this close to treating bad mannered people like children.

"What's the magic word?"
"What do you say?"
"Manners cost nothing!"
"You're welcome!" (Sarcastically)

I also like saying "what about it?" When people just bark product names at me instead of bothering to ask "where is X, please?" Like how bleeping hard is it.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I find older people to be the rudest of the lot

Rude young people grow up to be rude old people.

I can say people are ruder than when I was younger but is it rudeness or for many a different culture. When I was young people just didn't jump the queue young or old everyone waited their turn .. but that went by the wayside when so many from other cultures come here and didn't wait their turn. is it rudeness or just that they were brought up with a different way?

Younger people are very much engrossed in their phones and bash into people, walk in front of cars. pick up their phone when you are talking to them. You see a whole table of people out socialising all on their phones is it rudeness or just the way life is these days,


I went to support classes and have never felt so lonely in my life, during breaks, everyone -including those giving the classes - didn't chat and ice break like they would have a few years back. Everyone picked up their phones and stayed on them until the classes restarted. That was for 6 weeks.

I find it very sad if I'm honest. How do the young make new friends these days?

 

[lastdis]

What really gets me mad . I’ve kids and when out I say oh let man /lady pass you. And my kids move out of the way and they never get thanks or anything, I get they are kids but as a adult if a kid stands to the side so u can walk straight on the path then at least say thanks .

 

[Glaschelle]

My mum brought me up to have manners. She was constantly correcting me and telling me to get out of people's way etc.

Now she's 85 and is so rude, illmannered and impatient it drives me nuts.

Part of it is cognitive decline but I'm sure part of it is just bloody mindedness. She's impatient with everyone but chooses to ignore that she's as a slow as a week in jail.

It's actually easier when I've got her in the wheelchair.

But generally people do seem to have lost manners - the pushing and shoving in supermarkets, drivers who pull out with no signals, cyclists who think they own the road.

Of course, I'm lovely

 

[Kezza_69]

I really wish we could refuse to serve customers on the phone

Im sure I've seen in some shops "please end your call before being served" and rightly so . .

 

[chapterthree]

Just wondering does anybody else think people's manners have disappeared, I work in a convenience shop and the amount of people on the phone the whole time I'm serving them and people who don't say please or thankyou or even utter a word. People getting off the bus and not thanking the driver.

I was in town with my mum shopping the other day, she stopped to look at something and a old women moaned at her for stopping, then outside a foreign woman whizzed past me on a bike saying "next time I will run you over ##$$"

Is this normal now? I do think it's even worse since covid, is it just me?

While I agree with your sentiment, why did you specify “foreign” woman…? Seems a bit bizarre?

 

[Veronica]

I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering.

Well I'm 45 and we've done it since childhood...

 

[Eirawen]

Well I'm 45 and we've done it since childhood...

Well I am 64 and have done so for about 20 years.

 

[Quokka]

I don't understand the bus driver thank you debate. If we thank our waitresses and service staff and store assistants then surely we should also be thanking our bus drivers who are also providing us with a service. We'd thank taxi drivers too right? What's the difference?

At least say "have a nice day" when leaving?

 

[Kezza_69]

I witnessed a group of young girls leave a tray full of discarded food/wrappings and mess on the table in McDonald's recently. .
I commented to the staff member who sighed as she cleared it up "I bet you get fed up with that don't you?"
She said its a regular occurrence, they have the mindset of "Thats their job, they're paid to do it"

Eirawen said:
I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering

You wouldn't NOT thank a checkout assistant though? And they're also not volunteering?

 

[ChampagneBox]

I witnessed a group of young girls leave a tray full of discarded food/wrappings and mess on the table in McDonald's recently. .
I commented to the staff member who sighed as she cleared it up "I bet you get fed up with that don't you?"
She said its a regular occurrence, they have the mindset of "Thats their job, they're paid to do it"

Eirawen said:
I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering

You wouldn't NOT thank a checkout assistant though? And they're also not volunteering?

Me at night if I accidentally forget to clear my rubbish away

 

[Rosie glow]

While I agree with your sentiment, why did you specify “foreign” woman…? Seems a bit bizarre?

Because she was I'm not being racist if that's what ur getting at

 

[no-no]

Standards have dropped across the board in this country. A lot of people aren’t purposely rude they’re just so f*cking unaware. A couple blocked a bay off before with their trolley and stood there debating for ages. I needed to get into the fridge, would usually give them a chance to move then barge in but I remembered this thread, waited and said excuse me as I grabbed something, but it annoyed me I was the one saying excuse me

People definitely seem to be less tolerant than when I was a kid. They also seem less socially intelligent. That’s not “rose-tinted” thinking. And chavs are more feral. I don’t see an age trend, if anything I have more positive encounters with older people than those middle-aged and under. A lovely pensioner held my bag open for me at the checkout before.

 

[Hope96]

Something that always baffle me is when I politely say "excuse me" and I get death stares like I've asked them to sacrifice their first born.

 

[Kim Mild]

I worked I'm retail pre -pandemic and the amount of customers who didn't cover their mouth while coughing or sneezing astounded me.

I always consciously said please and thank you to my customers . Once a customer asked the price and I told , then before payment I repeated the price and added please , like £9.99 please or however much it was and she snapped ' I heard you the first time' .
I was a lot politer than the assistants in a lot of the shops I visited.

People are ruder , but like @no-no said , they aren't consciously trying to be rude to upset people, that is just their normal behaviour. Polite people actually stand out as they are in the minority.

 

[Eirawen]

I witnessed a group of young girls leave a tray full of discarded food/wrappings and mess on the table in McDonald's recently. .
I commented to the staff member who sighed as she cleared it up "I bet you get fed up with that don't you?"
She said its a regular occurrence, they have the mindset of "Thats their job, they're paid to do it"

Eirawen said:
I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering

You wouldn't NOT thank a checkout assistant though? And they're also not volunteering?

If you read my most recent comment please.....

 

[Ensay]

Something that always baffle me is when I politely say "excuse me" and I get death stares like I've asked them to sacrifice their first born.

Agreed! If someone says "excuse me" to me, I always apologise, as I'm basically saying "sorry I was in another world and didn't realise I was in your way".

I mean it genuinely, too!

 

[Quokka]

Standards have dropped across the board in this country. A lot of people aren’t purposely rude they’re just so f*cking unaware. A couple blocked a bay off before with their trolley and stood there debating for ages. I needed to get into the fridge, would usually give them a chance to move then barge in but I remembered this thread, waited and said excuse me as I grabbed something, but it annoyed me I was the one saying excuse me

People definitely seem to be less tolerant than when I was a kid. They also seem less socially intelligent. That’s not “rose-tinted” thinking. And chavs are more feral. I don’t see an age trend, if anything I have more positive encounters with older people than those middle-aged and under. A lovely pensioner held my bag open for me at the checkout before.

BIB: I will absolutely agree with the socially intelligent bit and I honestly think it comes from so many people using anxiety and depression as an excuse or a crutch. Social behaviours are learned and most people can learn them quite easily. For example: talking to people. I have so many people ask me how I can just talk to anyone and it's not hard. You learn what works, what people will respond to, what generally gets people smiling or engaging. But if so many people are staying home or saying "my anxiety won't allow me to do that" well....

 

[Messychaotic - one word]

I witnessed a group of young girls leave a tray full of discarded food/wrappings and mess on the table in McDonald's recently. .
I commented to the staff member who sighed as she cleared it up "I bet you get fed up with that don't you?"
She said its a regular occurrence, they have the mindset of "Thats their job, they're paid to do it"

Eirawen said:
I think thanking the driver is a fairly recent thing, as he does get paid for it he is not volunteering

You wouldn't NOT thank a checkout assistant though? And they're also not volunteering?

I do - whether or not they're being paid to do a job is irrelevant ... I usually chat to them while they're serving me, and say thank you afterwards. Also to the person who's packed my bags (if there is one). But I have noticed that a heck of a lot of people don't thank them, or make conversation with them - some don't even say "hello" back. Awful!

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I feel Covid has definitely made people more cranky - even people who were previously super-nice and relaxed seem grumpy now.

I too feel older people are especially rude - many don't seem to have a filter and just say whatever they're thinking!