This is going to sound awful but I’ve never told a soul until now. I promise I’m not trolling. It is hands down the worst secret I have to keep.
when I was eleven, purely out of curiosity and unfettered internet access, I joined a fetish website. I was very sheltered, no friends, and had no sexual education so very misguidedly thought it would help me understand what sex was (at a time when my friends started to talk about it but my family refused altogether). I never did anything. The website had forums similar to tattle where (in between the porn) you could chat and this was fairly inoffensive. I used to chat there, do stupid forum games. People used to ask me to go on webcam and flash my bits or whatever. I knew this was wrong and refused. Never took part in anything like that Or told anybody who I was - knew they would get in trouble otherwise too. Well, one day a guy appeared in my inbox. He said he saw how he had seen that I liked a certain tv show and started talking to me as if he was that character (if that makes sense - think like he pretended to be Spock. An Obviously fake character, not like a celebrity - I knew he was faking). it went on for months, just chatting or joking about ‘oh hi Spock, beam me up’ etc. well, I turned thirteen and suddenly his attitude changed completely. He started saying I turned him on, if I had ‘big tits to squeeze and *** all over after I give him a bj’ (always sticks in my mind that) sending me videos of him jerking off, asking me what I would do to him if he was naked in my bedroom. Bear in mind I was thirteen, he knew I was thirteen by the way I spoke, and hadn’t really had a clue about sex, hadn’t ever done anything to provoke him. If I ever refused to reply or Said he made me uncomfortable he would get really angry with me and threaten that he was going to track me down and attack me and tell my whole family what I had done. Somehow he found me on Facebook (bear in mind other than my age and name he knew nothing about me) and started threatening me there too that he ‘deserved’ pictures of my private parts for talking to me or ‘deserved’ a BJ. It was honestly awful, I used to cry myself to sleep worrying he was going to kill me! i Can’t remember what pushed me to but I just blocked him one day and deactivated all the accounts he knew me on in a panic. it took me until I was fifteen to have a Proper social media following again and even then I felt sick for years and years thinking he could find me or hurt me.
Even now it makes me feel sick - I hate Myself for doing it in the first place, I was so bloody stupid, I probably deserved at least part of it for being on there in the first place. It has put me off bringing it up because I know people will point fingers at me. It honestly makes me sick to think of what could have happened if I let it escalate even more. I can’t ever tell any of my family about it but I know now to lock down as much of my social media as possible and that when I have a kid they are not ever having unsupervised internet access until at least their twenties