Aww they are lovely!!!just back from my walk to visit the geese babies and here they are today.
View attachment 537905
Back later with my riveting day update
Aww they are lovely!!!just back from my walk to visit the geese babies and here they are today.
View attachment 537905
Back later with my riveting day update
hahaha this reminded me... i was talking to my mom on the phone earlier and she's at work. someone walked in there and she told me to wait a second and then went: WHAT DOES IT SAY ON THE DOOR? DOES IT SAY CLINIC?? NO?? SO CAN I MAKE YOU AN APPOINTMENT?? NO HA??, and then came back to the phone and said: 'yes honey sorry continue', that's how i imagine you switching between the office visitors and tattleLoads of people have come into the office today too and I don't have time to a) chat or b) just do a couple of things for you because you've thought to ask me for something because you've seen me in person - the answer is NO!!
Best of luck!Doing my research interview soon I’m so anxious!!! I’ve been practicing all morning ( and spent my time on here lol) and I’m shaking. I know once I’ve done my first one, I’ll know what to expect. Argh!!
hope you’re all having good days x
Whine all you want we're all here to listen xAfter a horrible OCD filled morning at work I typed out (and deleted) my thoughts about something over lunch and had a huge light bulb moment. The short version is... no matter what I do, I will always be the black sheep of the family, and I've internalised their constant, never-ending negativity and their tear downs to the point where, rather than try and risk possibly succeeding, I deliberately fail because I have so little self confidence in myself that I 'know' I'll inevitably fail anyway as I've been told my whole life what a failure I am and, every time I try and bring up something positive, I'm constantly reminded about past failures. Even about things that aren't that bad in the scheme of things, such as 'only' getting a 2.1 in uni instead of a first. Or if I mention that I've eaten an apple I'll get told for several minutes about how fat I am and how I'll always be fat even if I've eaten an apple.
It's like I spend my life deliberately jumping out of planes without a parachute because there's a chance that, if I wore a parachute, it might not open, so I might as well jump without, because then I'm choosing to fail instead of getting my hopes up.
I'm rambling, but I feel like I might have just turned a corner in understanding why I am how I am and I think that might be the first step towards changing it. I love this thread (and all you on it of course).
* I'd like to point out that I know there are millions of people in this country (and probably on this thread) who wish they had my family instead of theirs, so I probably sound like a whiny witch. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.
Never let anyone make you think you’re not good enough. I’m pleased you’ve had an understanding of things now though and are ready to move on. We are all here for you!After a horrible OCD filled morning at work I typed out (and deleted) my thoughts about something over lunch and had a huge light bulb moment. The short version is... no matter what I do, I will always be the black sheep of the family, and I've internalised their constant, never-ending negativity and their tear downs to the point where, rather than try and risk possibly succeeding, I deliberately fail because I have so little self confidence in myself that I 'know' I'll inevitably fail anyway as I've been told my whole life what a failure I am and, every time I try and bring up something positive, I'm constantly reminded about past failures. Even about things that aren't that bad in the scheme of things, such as 'only' getting a 2.1 in uni instead of a first. Or if I mention that I've eaten an apple I'll get told for several minutes about how fat I am and how I'll always be fat even if I've eaten an apple.
It's like I spend my life deliberately jumping out of planes without a parachute because there's a chance that, if I wore a parachute, it might not open, so I might as well jump without, because then I'm choosing to fail instead of getting my hopes up.
I'm rambling, but I feel like I might have just turned a corner in understanding why I am how I am and I think that might be the first step towards changing it. I love this thread (and all you on it of course).
* I'd like to point out that I know there are millions of people in this country (and probably on this thread) who wish they had my family instead of theirs, so I probably sound like a whiny witch. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.
I don't think you'll have upset anyone and I certainly don't think you're a whiney witch!After a horrible OCD filled morning at work I typed out (and deleted) my thoughts about something over lunch and had a huge light bulb moment. The short version is... no matter what I do, I will always be the black sheep of the family, and I've internalised their constant, never-ending negativity and their tear downs to the point where, rather than try and risk possibly succeeding, I deliberately fail because I have so little self confidence in myself that I 'know' I'll inevitably fail anyway as I've been told my whole life what a failure I am and, every time I try and bring up something positive, I'm constantly reminded about past failures. Even about things that aren't that bad in the scheme of things, such as 'only' getting a 2.1 in uni instead of a first. Or if I mention that I've eaten an apple I'll get told for several minutes about how fat I am and how I'll always be fat even if I've eaten an apple.
It's like I spend my life deliberately jumping out of planes without a parachute because there's a chance that, if I wore a parachute, it might not open, so I might as well jump without, because then I'm choosing to fail instead of getting my hopes up.
I'm rambling, but I feel like I might have just turned a corner in understanding why I am how I am and I think that might be the first step towards changing it. I love this thread (and all you on it of course).
* I'd like to point out that I know there are millions of people in this country (and probably on this thread) who wish they had my family instead of theirs, so I probably sound like a whiny witch. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.
good luck!Doing my research interview soon I’m so anxious!!! I’ve been practicing all morning ( and spent my time on here lol) and I’m shaking. I know once I’ve done my first one, I’ll know what to expect. Argh!!
hope you’re all having good days x
hey, sometimes just writing about it can make you feel better, or make you understand something as you said that's what this thread is for so whine away! i don't think anyone minds, sending you hugsAfter a horrible OCD filled morning at work I typed out (and deleted) my thoughts about something over lunch and had a huge light bulb moment. The short version is... no matter what I do, I will always be the black sheep of the family, and I've internalised their constant, never-ending negativity and their tear downs to the point where, rather than try and risk possibly succeeding, I deliberately fail because I have so little self confidence in myself that I 'know' I'll inevitably fail anyway as I've been told my whole life what a failure I am and, every time I try and bring up something positive, I'm constantly reminded about past failures. Even about things that aren't that bad in the scheme of things, such as 'only' getting a 2.1 in uni instead of a first. Or if I mention that I've eaten an apple I'll get told for several minutes about how fat I am and how I'll always be fat even if I've eaten an apple.
It's like I spend my life deliberately jumping out of planes without a parachute because there's a chance that, if I wore a parachute, it might not open, so I might as well jump without, because then I'm choosing to fail instead of getting my hopes up.
I'm rambling, but I feel like I might have just turned a corner in understanding why I am how I am and I think that might be the first step towards changing it. I love this thread (and all you on it of course).
* I'd like to point out that I know there are millions of people in this country (and probably on this thread) who wish they had my family instead of theirs, so I probably sound like a whiny witch. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.
I completely agree with you. Building those walls you talked about before will do you no end of good. You need to focus on just you now, it's your life. That sounds like something someone with 'live, life, love' on their wall would say but, you know what I mean!After a horrible OCD filled morning at work I typed out (and deleted) my thoughts about something over lunch and had a huge light bulb moment. The short version is... no matter what I do, I will always be the black sheep of the family, and I've internalised their constant, never-ending negativity and their tear downs to the point where, rather than try and risk possibly succeeding, I deliberately fail because I have so little self confidence in myself that I 'know' I'll inevitably fail anyway as I've been told my whole life what a failure I am and, every time I try and bring up something positive, I'm constantly reminded about past failures. Even about things that aren't that bad in the scheme of things, such as 'only' getting a 2.1 in uni instead of a first. Or if I mention that I've eaten an apple I'll get told for several minutes about how fat I am and how I'll always be fat even if I've eaten an apple.
It's like I spend my life deliberately jumping out of planes without a parachute because there's a chance that, if I wore a parachute, it might not open, so I might as well jump without, because then I'm choosing to fail instead of getting my hopes up.
I'm rambling, but I feel like I might have just turned a corner in understanding why I am how I am and I think that might be the first step towards changing it. I love this thread (and all you on it of course).
* I'd like to point out that I know there are millions of people in this country (and probably on this thread) who wish they had my family instead of theirs, so I probably sound like a whiny witch. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.