I know what you mean but what about full time parents who are also full time carer's? (The position I find myself in)?UO: Being a ‘full time mummy’ isn’t a job, just say you don’t work, which there is nothing wrong with. People who work 40 hour weeks are still full time parents, and don’t have it any easier because they spent their days at workhaving a full time job and still having all parenting and household responsibilities is hard.
I’m also speaking about the type who have it listed as their job on Facebook
It's sometimes hard, frustrating and pretty relentless and I don't get to have time off or respite (zero family support either).
So without meaning to be controversial there is a huge difference say between mothers who are affluent and have a good standard of life and can pick and choose how to live their lives, and some others (like myself) who never really envisioned being a full time mum or carer and yet who find that (because of disabilities and health problems) have very little choice in the matter.
I feel like people like me are the forgotten (often Invisible) minority that aren't usually seen on social media (I try to keep my family life relatively private, except maybe on here, but then I can control and limit the information I divulge)?
I don't humble brag, I don't seek validation for this, but at the same time I just want to say that yes it is a full time job (often hard work).
Honestly not having a go at anyone (sometimes maybe I come across as defensive) but the isolation and loneliness of being defined by your health status (problems) and your children's sometimes gets me down and it's not always understood or even tolerated (yeah autism is often discriminated against) by other people.
Sometimes life just has different plans and challenges and you know what, adversity can happen to anyone, and yes it's not what I dreamed about when younger, but at the same time it's taught me a lot about resilience and patience and never ever taking anything for granted and truly being grateful for what I have (Even though I admit it doesn't always come across that way).
When I see (for example) my autistic son, smile and laugh and make a joke and start to open up and express himself it melts my heart
.It's something maybe others parents are used to, but for him to get to this level we had to climb mountains of obstacles.
So I think what a lot of women do is considered emotional labour (I think there is a whole theory attached to this , maybe I should read up on it?)
That's what a lot of women do, and it's often invisible not even tangible, and so hard to define or explain and yet those of us who put in all this effort, see the effects one way or another right?
In this day and age (as I said with zero family support or input, and I am not alone in this) being a mother is often hard (work) even if you don't have a (paid) job.
I think the point I am trying to make is, we are not just defined by our economic status or input.(despite efforts to make us think that way) ...unpaid labour also exists...and in its own way makes a contribution to the economy because just look at the cost of childcare, or hiring a cleaner, or nanny or chef or therapist etc etc
Yet women do all of these things and much much more, image if we said we were specialist's and we were going to charge (on the market) for all of our services? For example? I'm not advocating this, but just to illustrate a point)
Well frankly very few could afford us! Yet we often get devalued, overlooked and spoken down to, or not given credit or appreciation!
That's the sad reality for many, when in actual fact what we do is often incredibly useful, helpful, loving and beyond price.
Maybe if some of us started to value ourselves more for real and I include myself in this (I'm saying this with love not judgement because low confidence is often something that can creep up on people) then the urge to put the performative yummy mummy title or humble brag would just stop of its own accord, because there would be no need to seek validation from others (which is just a sign of insecurity anyway).
At the same time feeling lonely, craving connection (especially from other adults) or feeling like you want to show that your lifestyle choices are valid can just be a thirst to be acknowledged and sometimes that's understandable, given that try as we might not all of us are living our best lives, and social media has hugely distorted some people's expectations of the life that they think they should be having (aspirational) versus the reality of the life they actually have (exhausting).
Aren't most of us just trying our best though at the end of the day? The urge to compare and contrast might exist but it's probably not that healthy and isn't life or society in general pretty judgemental of women and their choices anyway?
Damned if you do, damned if you don't and then many of us get indoctrinated to be people pleasers (socialisation can be strong) with the end result that you end up running around trying to be everything to everyone and failing in the process.
Mentally that's exhausting and takes its toll, no wonder then that when life feels like hard work, you're going to justify it, (survival) because it's an emotional investment you have made and it can often be draining and all consuming and unseen, that's the hidden (shadow side) of many women's lives I think. The one that rules the subconscious instincts, and that is really calling the shots (programming from the parents or society) and to override that programming (say for example NLP ) is hard but it is possible and then hopefully the sense of life as struggle will one day diminish and then we really can #bekind to ourselves.
It's all work though on an energetic level and that's where things really are really happening imo.
