TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

swimming · May 3, 2020

Tui said:
Sorry to hear about your situation but you sound like you are dealing with it admirably.
I think your partner is right and your friend is probably Incredibly jealous. She might even have been banking on you not having children either and thinking you would have this in common, it may have given her confidence if she had secretly wanted a child and it hadn’t happened. Or she truly does hate children (which is fine) and has secretly harboured these opinions about pregnancy all this time, which is fine but her saying these things at this time is incredibly insensitive. I’m not sure I could be friends with this person. She may come round to the idea if she values your friendship. If not then it sounds like it’s her loss. I wish you all the luck in the world though for your fertility treatments.

Thank you so so much! But yes youre right. It comes across very bitter and to say to someones face who youve been best friends with for 10 years "it makes me feel sick thinking of growing a baby", after id confided in her and said my husband has no sperm due to the cancer so we are being brave, (not to mention skint after saving £20k to spend on fertility treatment!), and this is a reaction I get.

It is not something we decided overnight, and the money we have saved most certainly did not happen over night either for gods sake, we are responsible adults in our 30's just wanting to start the family.

So I have decided to ghost the friendship more or less. It kills me and some days I miss the friendship but then I remind myself of what was said and I simply cannot be friends with someone like that.

Ktydor · May 3, 2020

I’m sorry to hear you news Tui. You’ll get through this and things will seem brighter someday.
I felt the same before getting pregnant. Dreading looking at Facebook and insta and seeing another pregnancy announcement. The amount of people I unfollowed for just falling pregnant was unreal. You can’t help how you feel at the end of the day. It’s just natural.
For anyone ttc, I would say that after trying for a long time trying the thing that helped us in the end was preseed lube which you can buy in boots/amazon etc. Without that I don’t know if we would have fallen pregnant as quick.

LittleMissMuffet · May 3, 2020

swimming said:
Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "fucking with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

Know exactly how you feel about writing a post and then deleting etc. I came to tattle because of part time working mummy and slowly went through a rabbit hole and I only decided to search for a group to get some of how I was feeling off my chest because of the Jack Monroe thread (the people on there are so lovely and supportive and sensible).

well done for posting - if anything I hope it’s alleviated some of your hurt. I talk to my husband about everything and all feelings but sometimes it’s nice to have another outlet.

Your friend behaved very badly and hopefully in time she will come to realise that. Perhaps when you’re feeling more up to it you could tell her how her actions hurt. I’m exceptionally jealous of my friend who has just had a baby - her whole conception, pregnancy and birth were so easy but I would never tell that to her face or be anything other than supportive if she needed to talk to me.

sending you lots of love and we are all here whenever you need to talk

Rosie878 · May 3, 2020

swimming said:
Hi everyone!

I wrote on here the other day, but deleted it straight after because I got scared. I only usually go on this website to take the piss, but might as well use it as a community now that this thread is here.

My husband had cancer and has no sperm. So we will be going through fertility treatment user a donor sperm as soon as the clinics will re-open. We have decided to pay for private treatment rather than waiting on the NHS.

We will be having (up to) 3 rounds of IUI and then maybe consider IVF if they dont work. The donor we will be picking will have the same features (or as close to) that we both have and only very few friends will know the baby is a donor baby.

But I came on to say that I have suffered horrendously with comments from someone who has been my best best friend for 10 years. We tell each other everything. She is 9 years older than me and well into her 40's and has never gotten married or had children. Which is absolutely normal and perfectly reasonable, as everyone lives a different life.

But when I confided in her and told her I desperately wanted to be a mother (ive never been pregnant before), and told her our plans to go about doing it, I was knocked off my feet with her reaction. She told me that I was "fucking with nature" by using a sperm donor, and then really pushed the boat out and said "having children is disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse than growing a baby inside of me, makes me feel sick"

WTF!!! I drove home in floods of tears. This clearly isn't someone that I now want to continue a friendship with and I am now almost grieving a 10 year friendship. I could not believe her comments. My husband thinks its a hard hit of jealously and she is reacting in a very defensive way because shes never met someone and had children of her own?... I have no idea, all I know is her comments were very uncalled for, and hurtful.

I wasn't expecting everyone we told to be delighted for us, but for someone who's been my best friend for 10 years, we expected at least a degree of support!!!! But to say to my face that its "disgusting" and "I cant think of anything worse", makes me feel sick and my stomach gets in knots whenever I think about it. To think that I now wont share this exciting journey with a friend hurts me so much. But im not having negativity to that extent in my life - we've been through enough.

Sorry for the massive rant, but I wanted to give my story across as I will be open on this forum and it has shown how supportive people can be

xx Love to you all xx

I can’t believe a friend would be so judgemental. Especially when it sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot already. I can only conclude that she was banking on you to be childless with her and she is worried about your friendship changing. I think the ball is in her court now to make a big apology. All the best with your fertility treatment xx

swimming · May 3, 2020

Thank you massively to everyone who has replied to my massive post. I dont expect her to apologise, because I dont think she thinks she has done anything wrong. But you know when you have a little plan in your head about the future and in my dreams, I always saw her as a godmother to my children, and now from her exceptionally bitter and quite frankly, rude remarks about my 'news', it has shattered me. My husband does not want me to be social with her anymore as he has seen how emotional it has made me and the last thing I need to be doing, is getting worked up over something,

But I think its true - she had banked on me being the childless person with her in life and now that I am almost moving on (as such), she has gone on the massive defensive and is saying those hurtful things to maybe try and put me off having a baby.

This whole thing is a journey and I am just happy that clinics will be able to open in a few weeks so hopefully we can get our ball rolling. I am tracking my ovulation and cycle dates at home each month so I can work out some sort of pattern to tell the clinic when we do get our first consultation. And I have also started taking folic acid tablets with added vit D which ive read online wont do me any harm to be taking them on the lead up to the IUI treatment

Twinmum · May 3, 2020

Please, please try not to stress yourself out with it all, I’m a firm believer in stress causing even more problems during TTC. Forget everyone else, this is your time now and anyone who isn’t there for you can quite frankly piss off! X

Tui · May 3, 2020

Definitely do take folic acid and Vitamin D. I have been taking them since August lol Home Bargains do a delish chewable raspberry flavour vitamin D. I need more but can’t justify the trip given I don’t need anything else from there

swimming · May 3, 2020

Is there anything I should be doing/taking prior to any fertility treatment? I am doing weight watchers diet and have lost a stone so far to increase my chances because I am overweight.

I bought my folic acid/vit D from holland and Barrett

Dexy · May 3, 2020

Twinmum said:
Please, please try not to stress yourself out with it all, I’m a firm believer in stress causing even more problems during TTC. Forget everyone else, this is your time now and anyone who isn’t there for you can quite frankly piss off! X

Me too!

@swimming this for sure. Good Luck!

Twinmum · May 3, 2020

@swimming continue with your diet and being healthy in general, also continue with the folic acid and vit D as the clinic will want you on those prior to any treatment. I have read lots regarding acupuncture prior to IVF helping with success, if I had known beforehand I would have tried it!X

swimming · May 3, 2020

Twinmum said:
@swimming continue with your diet and being healthy in general, also continue with the folic acid and vit D as the clinic will want you on those prior to any treatment. I have read lots regarding acupuncture prior to IVF helping with success, if I had known beforehand I would have tried it!X

Brilliant, thank you! I will continue with the folic acid etc, and will continue with tracking my cycle dates and losing more weight.

Does anyone know if there is a weight limit for IUI or IVF? I was under the impression there wasn't, but im worried. (just so I know roughly how much I need to lose)

Twinmum · May 3, 2020

@swimming as you’ll be paying privately then I don’t think there is, I’m sure there’s only a weight limit with NHS! Also, do as much research as you can with IVF, i went in with absolutely no clue, let the clinic take over and went with what they thought was best, where as if I had known how the whole process works like I do know, I probably wouldn't have spent so much money x

swimming · May 3, 2020

Twinmum said:
@swimming as you’ll be paying privately then I don’t think there is, I’m sure there’s only a weight limit with NHS! Also, do as much research as you can with IVF, i went in with absolutely no clue, let the clinic take over and went with what they thought was best, where as if I had known how the whole process works like I do know, I probably wouldn't have spent so much money x

Thank you. I will do research. At first, we are going to give IUI three chances. And then onto IVF. What happened with you that you would have done differently?? x

Tui · May 3, 2020

I imagine each clinic is different, I think NHS cut off is usually BMI 30 or 35ish. Partly because obesity can affect ovulation and losing weight positively affects fertility, although in your case the benefits would primarily be to help you have a healthier pregnancy with lower risk of complications, GD etc. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things. The only other thing I’d suggest is alcohol within limits and stop smoking if you do smoke.

swimming · May 3, 2020

Thank you @Tui - I dont smoke and hardly drink, so thats good for me. My BMI falls within the obese category because im not very tall (5ft6), but I dont 'look obese' if that makes sense. My ovulation and periods are like clockwork according to the cycle diary ive been keeping, so fingers crossed. I will just keep chipping away at my diet until we get our appointments and see what happens

LittleMissMuffet · May 3, 2020

swimming said:
Thank you @Tui - I dont smoke and hardly drink, so thats good for me. My BMI falls within the obese category because im not very tall (5ft6), but I dont 'look obese' if that makes sense. My ovulation and periods are like clockwork according to the cycle diary ive been keeping, so fingers crossed. I will just keep chipping away at my diet until we get our appointments and see what happens

I’m pretty sure you have already but do you use ovulation tests and track your basal temp?

Tui · May 3, 2020

swimming said:
Thank you @Tui - I dont smoke and hardly drink, so thats good for me. My BMI falls within the obese category because im not very tall (5ft6), but I dont 'look obese' if that makes sense. My ovulation and periods are like clockwork according to the cycle diary ive been keeping, so fingers crossed. I will just keep chipping away at my diet until we get our appointments and see what happens

Hope you get pregnant quickly!! I’m the same 5 ft 6 and curvy but definitely overweight, my BMI is on the cusp of obese. Trying my hardest to chip at it, it’s hard for me to lose weight due to some medical issues I have but I definitely want to be cardiovascularly fitter at least.

Yes ovulation tests are useful although I expect the clinic will be doing all of this with you if you are having IUI.

swimming · May 3, 2020

I have the clear blue '4 most fertile days' tests and every month I am showing high LH and peak at around day 14/15/16 of my cycle and my periods are every 28/30 days. And have been all my life.

I dont have a thermometer weirdly so I must get one to start noting my basal temp

Twinmum · May 3, 2020

@swimming you get the option to do your cycles medicated or unmedicated, being fit and healthy we was advised to do it unmedicated, that failed twice, third go we did it medicated, also failed, last round we did medicated with added aspirin and steroids, also an endo scratch, successful! I would of gone medicated straight away and used the other options quicker rather than feeling like my first two failed attempts were a complete waste of time that’s not me saying it would have 100% worked sooner, just how I feel xx

swimming · May 3, 2020

Twinmum said:
@swimming you get the option to do your cycles medicated or unmedicated, being fit and healthy we was advised to do it unmedicated, that failed twice, third go we did it medicated, also failed, last round we did medicated with added aspirin and steroids, also an endo scratch, successful! I would of gone medicated straight away and used the other options quicker rather than feeling like my first two failed attempts were a complete waste of time that’s not me saying it would have 100% worked sooner, just how I feel xx

Thank you for being honest on your experience. x

I have read about the clomid (is that right?) that they give you, on an option. I think I will probably go for that. But its all a whirl until we actually get the damn appointment

TTC and feeling jealous of pregnant women ☹️

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency