Toddler advice thread #4

[Definitelyme]

I don’t even know where to begin with potty training mine. He was 2 in December, and he tells me when he’s pooed, but sometimes he says he has pooed and he hasn’t, so not sure if it is just a trump? He can hold wee, as he finds it hilarious to wee on the floor

I think he could potty train but as with all things toddler, i suspect he won’t for another few months!

I would say go for it when you’re ready. I have done it on my timeline with my older 3, I made the choice when to start, and they all did it absolutely fine. A few accidents along the way but certainly nothing major. I think the younger the better, tbh, before they get too many opinions about it the people I hear having most problems are usually people who wait until 3+.

 

[Borntorun]

I would say go for it when you’re ready. I have done it on my timeline with my older 3, I made the choice when to start, and they all did it absolutely fine. A few accidents along the way but certainly nothing major. I think the younger the better, tbh, before they get too many opinions about it the people I hear having most problems are usually people who wait until 3+.

I agree. I think you need to pick a convenient time and just go for it. We did it as early as possible as i prefer not changing nappies

 

[al255]

I don't know why people think that being in a relationship or having a baby before 40 is an accomplishment. All of us could easily be in one by the end of the day.

Being in a committed relationship with someone who respects you, values you and respects you is different. We all know married couples who can't stand each other and where the woman is not even getting the bare minimum.

Self-respect comes with a price and if that price is being single, I'll happily take it.

So Mini A has properly met my bf for the first
Time tonight, she’s seen him for 2 mins before when he came to pick me up but she’s 3 and doesn’t really know who any of my friends are anyway if they came to the door.. compared to my ex who was here all the time around her, he never made any attempt to play with her or interact with her, he’s been here since 5:30pm and he’s been building towers with her and asking her about her new book, and told me don’t bother tidying up he will do it whilst I put her to bed. That’s more than her Dad ever did let alone anyone who’s not her dad

He’s only ever known a “step dad” so I think it matters to him that if he comes into her life as a permanent figure whilst she’s growing up he wants to stay, I obviously want that for her too as I have an amazing step mum too!

I was really worried about introducing her to another man but she was a “baby” when I was with my ex and she wouldn’t remember it anyway, but I know it can be damaging regardless (so I’m told). It makes it easier if she’s comfortable around him so I can see him a little bit more! He usually comes once she’s in bed but that can get to 8pm ..I think summer will be better and he can come on more days out with us

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m finding it really hard being a parent lately. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but my little boy is being a bit hard work. I don’t know if it’s because of his arm or just in general but he’s whining a lot. Gets really grumpy in the afternoon and I find myself stressing at him a bit and then I feel terrible afterwards. Trying to give him ibuprofen at bedtime cos his arm was a bit sore and he was fighting me and spat it out in the end and then screamed a little afterwards. He went to bed ok and was giggling before bed but I just feel so stressed out. It was his first day back at nursery today and I was soo tense all day incase they rang me. I picked him up they said he fell on it today outside . We’re both a bit of a mess . They’ve got a small climbing frame that they go on outside after lunch and they didn’t let him on it of course and they said he got upset and I just feel so bad for him. He’s so fed up and so am I . Just feel I needed a bit of a rant

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m finding it really hard being a parent lately. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but my little boy is being a bit hard work. I don’t know if it’s because of his arm or just in general but he’s whining a lot. Gets really grumpy in the afternoon and I find myself stressing at him a bit and then I feel terrible afterwards. Trying to give him ibuprofen at bedtime cos his arm was a bit sore and he was fighting me and spat it out in the end and then screamed a little afterwards. He went to bed ok and was giggling before bed but I just feel so stressed out. It was his first day back at nursery today and I was soo tense all day incase they rang me. I picked him up they said he fell on it today outside . We’re both a bit of a mess . They’ve got a small climbing frame that they go on outside after lunch and they didn’t let him on it of course and they said he got upset and I just feel so bad for him. He’s so fed up and so am I . Just feel I needed a bit of a rant

Is he hungry mid afternoon? My 4yo has a real dip in the afternoons when she is tired anyway, but when her bloody sugar dips she can get really cross. A good, filling, snack really helps even her out.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Is he hungry mid afternoon? My 4yo has a real dip in the afternoons when she is tired anyway, but when her bloody sugar dips she can get really cross. A good, filling, snack really helps even her out.

I always give him a snack at 2/3 and he sometimes has something else at 4 as well. He’s got a good appetite. I think he’s just got loads of energy cos he’s been a bit stuck in we went a walk Sunday and he couldn’t wait to run off but he was very cautious with his arm he can’t run the same. But he’s going on a nice trip with nursery this aft. He was up 3-5 I feel dead groggy today but I’m hoping things will get better now he’s back at nursery

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I always give him a snack at 2/3 and he sometimes has something else at 4 as well. He’s got a good appetite. I think he’s just got loads of energy cos he’s been a bit stuck in we went a walk Sunday and he couldn’t wait to run off but he was very cautious with his arm he can’t run the same. But he’s going on a nice trip with nursery this aft. He was up 3-5 I feel dead groggy today but I’m hoping things will get better now he’s back at nursery

Have you spoken with him about what’s happened? He might still be figuring it all out in his head. The accident, the hospital stay and treatment, having the cast on. In the book “The Wholebrained Child” it says to keep talking over the traumatic incident to allow them to process it and file it away. Just thinking from a different angle.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Have you spoken with him about what’s happened? He might still be figuring it all out in his head. The accident, the hospital stay and treatment, having the cast on. In the book “The Wholebrained Child” it says to keep talking over the traumatic incident to allow them to process it and file it away. Just thinking from a different angle.

I have a little but he doesn’t really understand. It doesn’t help we’ve been at home together for over a week it makes him very clingy. He cried yesterday when I put my uniform on and cried at nursery drop off. But my fella says he’s in a good mood today . He will be saving it for me later on.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I know that feeling, my daughter has been the same since her brother arrived. We’ve been at home the best part of three weeks due to illness too and it’s so difficult. I think being three is a really hard age anyway without the extra challenge you have.
Could you reenact it with toys? Play hospitals and bandage their arms up, while doing it talk to them about how this happened to him and how brave he was and empathise how hard it must be with his cast. He might just need some understanding and where he’s waking up in the night it could be playing on his mind.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I know that feeling, my daughter has been the same since her brother arrived. We’ve been at home the best part of three weeks due to illness too and it’s so difficult. I think being three is a really hard age anyway without the extra challenge you have.
Could you reenact it with toys? Play hospitals and bandage their arms up, while doing it talk to them about how this happened to him and how brave he was and empathise how hard it must be with his cast. He might just need some understanding and where he’s waking up in the night it could be playing on his mind.

Yeah it could be. He has found it traumatic but he’s done so well considering he doesn’t like adults and with all the doctors and nurses touching him and taking his blood pressure etc he has done so well. I expected him to be a lot worse. Because I’ve been off with no pay my other half has been working 7 days a week so it’s been hard on my own . But I’m hoping things will pick up. I will try re-enacting it that’s a good idea and I think he would like it too

 

[PillowsofFluff]

I'm wondering if mini P is having nightmares or something. Every night between 1-3am she will usually just suddenly scream like she's being murdered and run to her gate crying. She's absolutely inconsolable unless she has someone with her. This has been going on for weeks now, what are the chances this will pass without us doing anything? Not that I even know what I could be doing... we've tried night lights, special toys, checking for monsters. All that works is being with her but I just wish I knew why it was happening

 

[al255]

I'm wondering if mini P is having nightmares or something. Every night between 1-3am she will usually just suddenly scream like she's being murdered and run to her gate crying. She's absolutely inconsolable unless she has someone with her. This has been going on for weeks now, what are the chances this will pass without us doing anything? Not that I even know what I could be doing... we've tried night lights, special toys, checking for monsters. All that works is being with her but I just wish I knew why it was happening

Oh my word, it sounds awful! When mini A has a night terror I just have to sit next to her and let it pass

 

[Hairraiser]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK
Anyone else’s toddler just absolutely obsessed with their daddy? I thought it would be a phase for a few weeks and he’d get over it. But still months down the line he only wants his daddy. When he hurts himself, when he’s at the park, playing at home, getting out of his car seat, bathing and putting to bed, getting up in the morning.
He literally has a tantrum if he’s with me on my own and just cries ‘daddy’ all the time.
If I’m totally honest I feel so low and very upset by it. I had a traumatic birth following ivf with my son so the journey hasn’t been great, and I’ve always felt I’ve struggled with bonding, and this just makes it even harder and settles how I feel when I say I don’t have a good relationship with him.
I’m currently having counselling and EMDR therapy for my birth trauma although I’m in the early stages so not feeling much benefit right now. My son just hurt himself by hitting his head on the corner of the radiator and he let out the strangest cry and could tell he really hurt himself badly so I ran to him and tried to comfort him but he just pushed me away and cried more until his daddy came.
So I’ve just had to get out the house for a walk to try not to cry. I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this.
I spend more time with him as my husband works full time, I take him to fun places most days, I try so so hard to make his days exciting but this is how I get treated.
I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

 

[WhatABore]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK
Anyone else’s toddler just absolutely obsessed with their daddy? I thought it would be a phase for a few weeks and he’d get over it. But still months down the line he only wants his daddy. When he hurts himself, when he’s at the park, playing at home, getting out of his car seat, bathing and putting to bed, getting up in the morning.
He literally has a tantrum if he’s with me on my own and just cries ‘daddy’ all the time.
If I’m totally honest I feel so low and very upset by it. I had a traumatic birth following ivf with my son so the journey hasn’t been great, and I’ve always felt I’ve struggled with bonding, and this just makes it even harder and settles how I feel when I say I don’t have a good relationship with him.
I’m currently having counselling and EMDR therapy for my birth trauma although I’m in the early stages so not feeling much benefit right now. My son just hurt himself by hitting his head on the corner of the radiator and he let out the strangest cry and could tell he really hurt himself badly so I ran to him and tried to comfort him but he just pushed me away and cried more until his daddy came.
So I’ve just had to get out the house for a walk to try not to cry. I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this.
I spend more time with him as my husband works full time, I take him to fun places most days, I try so so hard to make his days exciting but this is how I get treated.
I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

I don't have much advice and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
I have 3 kids, 10, 5 and 2 next month.
And all 3 kids have "favoured" one parent.
With the 2 girls, it's been me. But with my son, it was always my partner.
Even now, he will go to my partner for almost everything.
But I'm the one that he's with 90% of the time as I don't work but my partner does.
Them pushing you away to get to the other parent does hurt.
But it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
The girls adore their Dad. And I know my son adores me.
I think even as adults, we tend to gravitate more towards 1 parent. For me it was my Dad. I'd go to him for everything, tell him everything and if something went wrong, it would be him that I go to.

Your son being like that doesn't mean he doesn't want you there at all.
A lot of the time, it tends to be because they do see you more and they know you'll always be there. When his Dad isn't there, he knows you are.
I am sure your son adores you!

 

[Jellybean093]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK
Anyone else’s toddler just absolutely obsessed with their daddy? I thought it would be a phase for a few weeks and he’d get over it. But still months down the line he only wants his daddy. When he hurts himself, when he’s at the park, playing at home, getting out of his car seat, bathing and putting to bed, getting up in the morning.
He literally has a tantrum if he’s with me on my own and just cries ‘daddy’ all the time.
If I’m totally honest I feel so low and very upset by it. I had a traumatic birth following ivf with my son so the journey hasn’t been great, and I’ve always felt I’ve struggled with bonding, and this just makes it even harder and settles how I feel when I say I don’t have a good relationship with him.
I’m currently having counselling and EMDR therapy for my birth trauma although I’m in the early stages so not feeling much benefit right now. My son just hurt himself by hitting his head on the corner of the radiator and he let out the strangest cry and could tell he really hurt himself badly so I ran to him and tried to comfort him but he just pushed me away and cried more until his daddy came.
So I’ve just had to get out the house for a walk to try not to cry. I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this.
I spend more time with him as my husband works full time, I take him to fun places most days, I try so so hard to make his days exciting but this is how I get treated.
I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

You are not useless. You are with him everyday. These kids love a change of face when they are with you all day. All have mine have rushed to daddy when he comes home from work. 2 of mine have favoured him. Daddy can’t do any wrong.
Kids can pick up on the smallest vibe. Im always the one to do things with my kids. Sometimes they’re little buggers
You need to be here. I know you don’t feel like he needs you now, but he does. Have you spoken to your husband? Have you spoken to the doctors?

 

[PillowsofFluff]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK

I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

I wish Tattle had a private message feature. Just wanted to offer hugs and support, albeit only virtually.
I have spent the last 6 months feeling like this due to lack of sleep and other stuff. Haven't spoken to anyone in real life other than my partner.
It's tough but take each day as it comes

 

[Mardymermaid]

Hello do any of you have headbutters? My youngest is two and headbuts things when angry the floor ,walls, objects anything she can get to. She bruised herself the other day. It's repeatedly as well. One of my children is autistic and I've seen some really extreme behaviour from them but this headbutting is something else

 

[Hairraiser]

@PillowsofFluff @Jellybean093 @WhatABore
Thank you for your lovely replies.
I really have no idea what to say as I’m struggling to find any words at the moment.
But your kind words and support haven’t gone unnoticed.
it was nice to vent so thank you for listening.

 

[Hushpuppy]

Hello do any of you have headbutters? My youngest is two and headbuts things when angry the floor ,walls, objects anything she can get to. She bruised herself the other day. It's repeatedly as well. One of my children is autistic and I've seen some really extreme behaviour from them but this headbutting is something else

Yes my little boy is a head-butter. He's 18 months and it started a few months ago with him almost "charging" (crawling) at people in excitement and bashing into them. But now it's more if he's sulking he will headbutt things (mainly the sofa because it doesn't hurt). He headbutt the bathroom floor the other day and burst into tears and stopped straight away. I spoke to the HV about it and she advised to try and distract him when he's doing it, or to move him.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

@Jellybean093 how is speech therapy going.