Toddler Advice Thread #2

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Hi I'm so sorry if this has been discussed recently- I did skim through but there was 39 pages
Does anybody have a toddler who has suddenly decided they don't want to eat dinner?!
My son is a great eater, not fussy and we have a broad range of meals. We sit and eat together for our evening meals Friday to Monday (Tues, weds and Thurs is just a snack after nursery) but recently he has started refusing to come to the the table - "I'm busy!", Flat out says he doesn't like it and we often resort to airplanes and other games to get him to eat. Other times he will sit and eat with no fuss, uses his cutlery and finishes his plate. Other nights is a huge battle.

I don't want to force him to finish, or use trades like "if you finish your plate you can have x,y,z"
But gah it's so annoying. I know he's hungry, he knows he's hungry so I try to follow his lead and will leave the plate there for an hour and then start the bedtime routine. If he hasn't eaten, he hasn't eaten and he's never woken in the night hungry.

Am I getting worked up over nothing? I don't know if it gets more under my skin because I hate food waste and chucking a whole plate of food in the bin really bothers me. It's just so bizarrely variable that I don't really understand
or can predict it. Has anyone else experienced this and have any tips? I know I should be grateful that he is for the most part a really good eater and he's growing fine but argghhh just bloody eat the lovingly prepared food

I wouldn’t say mine is a fussy eater but one day he will eat something the next he won’t.. like Thursday my mum made him a cheese sandwich he ate it all. Yesterday he didn’t want it. if he doesn’t like what They’ve given when we go round he’ll get up & go in the lounge . I just leave him I don’t force him and If he’s hungry later on I know he’ll let me know. My dad I always like you should make him sit at the table. This happened yesterday. He didn’t want what they had made and when we got home at 240 he wanted his dinner

do you sometimes not want to eat tho? Do you sometimes buy something and then you’re like actually no I don’t fancy that tonight. I think its really easy as a parent to forget they aren’t little robots& don’t always do what we want them to do. If he hasn’t woken up hungry I wouldn’t worry. I think our own parents drill it into us about fussy eating.. when I was little mine used to make me sit there until I’d eaten it all & I’d be in tears. I don’t want to be like that with mine. If he doesn’t want it that’s fine
Sorry for the essay

 

[WhatABore]

god it’s so hard, I don’t want the toddler to feel like I’m constantly nagging at him and sort of taking the baby’s side but I can’t let him hurt the baby. I always try and make sure he hears me say lovely things about him and hears us “take his side” with the baby. Idk, I just worry he’s going to feel like I prefer the baby because the baby is so full on.
We’ve started putting special things like play doh and smaller toys on the table and he says himself it’s to “keep baby safe”. It just feels like it’s every time the baby so much as crawls towards a toy the toddler just has to have it and there’s screaming and pushing so learning to share or take turns is feeling like an impossible task. The toddler also runs into things or falls over on purpose when we’re trying to stop him hurting his brother like hurting himself is a get out of jail free card - i knew parenting was hard but I don’t think I ever pictured these hurdles

Just on the learning to share part, children only begin to understand sharing around age 3. And that's only the start.
So it'll happen eventually.

We constantly repeat to my 4yo that the youngest doesn't understand sharing and she doesn't understand that she is ruining things ect.
It's helped her to understand a bit as the 4yo just saw her as purposely ruining everything. Where as now she understands that she isn't doing it on purpose.

We also do the same thing where if it's something she doesn't want ruined ect, then she either takes it to play in her bedroom in the kitchen/kitchen table. Or she waits until nap time

 

[WhatABore]

Awful! You do not expect a teacher, especially a reception teacher to speak to you like that!!
Id definitely go to the other teacher. And just explain that you understand she can be sensitive, but it’s more than her just being sensitive. She believes this child is hurting her, and that’s all that counts

I think I will do.
Like I said to my partner, it's so hard because you don't see what goes on at school, but at the same time, you also have to be their voice!

 

[Jellybean093]

my son goes on YouTube kids and just changes videos every 2 mins. He’ll be watching Peppa pig one min the blippi the next. Then something called Vlad and Niki the next

Do we have the same child?! He’s 3 in September, and has just discovered youtube kids. He loves it. He switches between blippi and anything else he can find. He was watching hamsters in a run the other day 🫠
Anyway, my kids have far too much screen time. I wfh and I need to get things done. He’s at preschool 3 mornings a week, so gets a break then. We’ve recently moved and our garden is huge, and he loves being outside, so is slightly becoming less obsessed with it
I wish I didn’t have to work, so I could give him my full attention it’s so hard some days!

 

[al255]

my

What’s even normal for a toddler tantrum. My 2yo has gone absolutely irate as I forced him into his sleeping bag for a nap. He has the choice of blankets or a sleeping bag but today he was just not staying in bed with the blankets and I was just at my wits end (both me and baby are sick). This is after on the weekend he had a mammoth tantrum screaming for 1.5 hours of a car ride home because we left a birthday party. We do all the normal prepping for what’s coming like leaving, I always give him options. But quite honestly I am just exhausted and feel like there had to be an easier way to not always be fighting him on everything

My daughter, nearly 3.. used to fight with me getting into the sleeping bag for a nap. That’s when I changed to a blanket and she was fine, this sounds blunt but it doesn’t matter if they sleep with blankets or a bag. Your goal is for him to have a nap.. it’s not worth upsetting him and yourself just for the sake of it. I often remind myself things change and I have to be adaptable too as she’s growing up.

the tantrums are normal. My daughter is a nightmare sometimes!!

 

[Megatron1298]

Also I think it pays to remember (at least this is the case with my son) he is much more talkative at home than he is in front of people he doesn’t know as well. you know your son and everyone here has already given you great advice too

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

All my kids are similar. I have a 9, 6 and 3yo who are all incredibly shy, very hesitant in talking to other children (and adults) and have always been found new situations tricky. They would always have let people push in front at that age (and tbh still do!). They stick to my side at groups or anywhere that has people about. My 3yo also starts preschool this year and I’m worrying too. We’ve had one great preschool experience and one not so great with the older two.
In the situation above I would have stayed where we were and told the other child your daughter was there first and it was her turn (I have no qualms about being firm with other peoples kids when they are out of line to my babies!) if he ignored you, I would have said to my little one “you’ve been waiting so patiently, and it was unkind of him to shove in front. When he is finished it will be your turn, I’ll wait with you until then” or something. But sometimes it’s so hard to get the right words at the time. Especially when you just wanna shove the other wee sod right back

Tbh I was in shock myself a bit, he was quite rough and when I got on my daughters level he came over and was sticking his hands in my face. I had to physically block his hands, obviously in a firm but gentle way! Usually the other parent is there and intervenes so I don’t have any kind of stock responses. But your response is a good one so I’ll keep that in mind and be more firm in advocating for her.
It’s such a fine line because I try to let her figure it out but obviously there are times I need to step in.

 

[Jellybean093]

So..

They said she had a good concept of why we use a potty but when she’s distracted she wee’s herself, and she does wee a lot

She wanted to go and asked to go, then asked to go with her friends. 5 times on the potty and 5 accidents .. hopefully tomorrow is better! She’s just got to get used to not always having a toilet near her and I’m sure her bladder control will get better

Ah! I know it doesn’t feel like it, but 5 accidents isn’t actually that bad! And the fact she went 5 times also, is sooo good! Bless her

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

This sounds a lot like my son. We’re on the waiting list for speech therapy but he has started saying so much more over the summer. He has plenty of words but struggles more in social situations and with listening and interacting with strangers. Hope it goes well for you and your boy.

It went ok! But it’s so daunting when she’s sat there in the corner with her note pad frowning and not telling me anything.
he didn’t kick off like I thought - it helped he was in a good mood . But he didn’t really say much not even babbling … we’ve got one again next Tuesday. He just doesn’t like strangers so it’s hard work. He’s so different at home

 

[watermelon sugar]

Super useful thank you all, I don’t think we are there yet maybe something to look at in the new year.
I do love how he has a poo spot though by our book shelf cracks me up he’s like an old man sitting there flicking through a book while he poops

mine goes next to the fridge and like squats and goes then he ALWAYS opens the fridge when he’s done. Like he’s just cleared himself to make room for food

 

[WhatABore]

Once mine is down he sleeps through and does really well! I also am one and done

I often spend my time thinking about all the sleep I used to get
I naively thought with having 2 good sleepers, I'd get a 3rd.
She just makes up for the other 2 now

 

[watermelon sugar]

Anyone else’s toddler all hot and bothered bedtime was 8pm mini melon didn’t go to sleep til 9:45. Our back neighbours are complete arseholes and have parties whenever it’s hot but they smoke weed and start fires ?? But my sons bedroom is the back bedroom so he’s in my bed with me. I’ve evicted my fella to the sofa cos it’ll be too hot and sweaty the 3 of us. I’m prepared for a night of no sleep but I’m pregnant and need to sleep

 

[WhatABore]

I feel very lucky that my 4yo, I can just put in bed, say goodnight and she chats to herself for a bit and then goes sleep.

Howeverrrr. My 1yo has truly made up for that and I feel like she's going to be one that won't go sleep by herself and takes forever and I'll be battling bedtimes
She's never woken up past 5.30 either so I feel like she was sent to test me

 

[swimming]

None of my kids have ever said mama. The older 3 just said mummy, but it wouldn’t have been one of their early words. My 18mo can make the mum-meee noises if prompted, but doesn’t actually use it to call me, so please don’t worry that it’s not normal - it is.
That said, it sounds like you’re knackered at the minute and running on empty. Have you any help available that could give you a break to have a few moments breather? Being a mum is hard work, and some times are much harder than others and feel like wading through treacle each day

That’s put my mind at rest a bit, thank you. Unfortunately no, I don’t have anyone. Well, I do have a family, but none that have ever offered to come and lend a hand. So I am genuinely used to just cracking on with it. He sleeps well so I do get a nice break and is in bed by 6pm for 13 hours so I get an evening to myself to cook a meal and a shower.
I’ve just got some pretty shit health things going on at the minute and I’m unable to go to as many baby groups we were going to right now. But that won’t be forever
I think general exhaustion is so common isn’t it. That’s why I tend to stay off social media to be honest because there’s always that one kid the same age as yours reading Shakespeare or something

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I took my dog to the groomers at the weekend just gone actually and my husband asked can I nip to the shop pick up xyz and I just said no and sat in the car the whole hour I was waiting for her with a coffee whilst listening to an audio book and it was pure bliss

I am also my own worst enemy though because when the weekend comes I want us to go out as a family rather than my husband taking my son on his own so I don’t feel like I can whinge really I always feel like if they go out without me I’ll just be sat twiddling my thumbs waiting for them to get back hahaha

I’m glad it’s not just me. I like to do things as a family too. I have my own time in the evenings and when I get my hair / nails done etc. plus I work full time so I feel like I barely see them as well as it is

 

[quinzel]

I’ve had a big fall out with my partner today. We take turns around on weekend mornings of getting up with our 3 yo son. This morning was his and I have been sick anyway so really needed o sleep. I woke up at about 9:30pm and they were both on the sofa and tv was on which my son was watching. My OH was asleep! Said he was just ‘snoozing’ I also asked if he had been using the potty as he’s been potty trained fully for about a month now and is doing great. He said no, he’s still in his nappy actually because it was changed during the night. I was livid! The first thing I do in the morning is take his nappy off and I never sleep around him if he’s awake! He told me if I’m not happy with his parenting I can do all the mornings if I like. I’m really questioning everything tbh.

That was supposed to say 9:30am not pm!

 

[Upintheair83]

@WhatABore @Jellybean093 you have both cheered me up so, so much. Thanks for your kind words and just knowing that you get it is enough! Being a mum is so hard isn't it?
Thanks for your words and support xxxx

 

[Jellybean093]

Doctor has just come in and confirmed she has a throat infection, ear infection and pneumonia

Pneumonia that could’ve been prevented wonder if it’s the same hospital my g.niece was at the other week when they ignored my niece and saw her as a young mum…

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

So..

They said she had a good concept of why we use a potty but when she’s distracted she wee’s herself, and she does wee a lot

She wanted to go and asked to go, then asked to go with her friends. 5 times on the potty and 5 accidents .. hopefully tomorrow is better! She’s just got to get used to not always having a toilet near her and I’m sure her bladder control will get better

So my little one had started potty training about 3 weeks before going back to nursery (did it over the summer and her nursery is term time only) so she'd not had any accidents for more than two weeks when she went, her first day back at nursery she has 3 accidents but literally the next day she had none and hasn't had any since then, the different situation just throws them for a day or two but I bet your little one will soon crack it there too.

 

[Octopies]

any tips on saying ‘no’ and being listened to?!
I work part time so spend most of the time with my 18 month old compared to her dad who works full time. she listens to him when he tells her not to do something and just gives me a dirty look and carries on am guessing this is because she spends more time with me

EG today she was jumping up and down on the sofa and throwing herself around and was going to get hurt. I told her to stop and she was laughing. I then also removed her and put her on the floor quietly (cue climbing back up and trying to do it again) she literally completely ignores me. if her dad told her to stop she would stop. I just feel completely powerless which is pathetic, because I’m the adult, but I’m a bit of a wimp at the best of times but don’t want to turn into one of these parents who lets their kids get away with anything!

I know she’s super young to understand not to do stuff but when it’s potentially dangerous / she might get hurt I need a way of getting her to take some notice. Does anyone have any tips or do you just have to distract them at this age?