For all those that don't want to watch : I tried my best! Got tired, she repeats the same thing over and over so many times. Brackets are just my comments not anything she says haha.
Starts off with her welcoming her oh so loving Tiffany thinks family(who she’s blocked half off already) in her bedroom with a cozy robe on. Hope you’re all well. She wanted to tell us that she’s okay. She hasn’t gotten any results yet. She explains that the scan results are collected and then they have an MDT meeting with the oncologist, her surgeon and with the team and they tell her what’s happening. She says that people have been mentioning that ‘she definitely has the results by now’.. Her surgeon took a little break as it’s half term for his children. She hasn’t been posting much in insta or social media, just uploading these YouTube videos. She’s been in her own space and she says it’s important for her to be a little bit selfish right now. She remarks that the comment section has been hectic and that she understand we care for her, and it’s not all of us, and she shouldn’t focus on the ‘bad people’. She goes on to say that Youtube is her safe zone. If we’re not happy with her but still want to watch, just think about the comment you’re leaving for her. She’s the one who’s dealing with this. She’s the one who has to wait for results and live with this. Not many people share as much as she does, especially when you have cancer. Not many people share online what it’s like. And she put out a lot. And she thinks it’s her fault. She ponders - Maybe she’s messed up. Loads of I don’t knows. She’s going to put the comments section one review. She has to approve the comments now. She has a family member that they will help moderate the comments too. They will review the comments before they are accepted.
When she’s in bed and she can’t sleep, she replies to the comments. And if she sees something horrible, it makes her think she’s making a mistake. She’s already going through enough and she doesn’t need extra stress. She needs to think about what’s important to her. She like posting videos. Should she take a break?(she asks herself), She has a lot she needs to think about. She’s asking everyone to be kind - that’s the most important thing ever. If you’re not happy with her, that’s fine, you don’t need to watch. At this time in her life she doesn’t need this. Her priority is about getting better. Her priority is her. It’s a shame for her if she doesn’t upload YT videos and take a break from it all and it’s not fair. Apologises for the rant. At the end of the week she gets her results. She hopes she will update us very soon. She still doesn’t know. She says it’s only her, she’s the only one editing, she’s only one person. Mentally she’s fine today and can edit. Just remember she can’t put out videos as soon as she learns information, it takes her a while to edit.
In the hospital - blood test done, taken tumour markers. Good to see the results from that, last time she saw them, they were fairly low. She can’t remember the last time she had them done. Couple of days to get those results. Waiting for the oral morphine and the anti sickness and then she can go home. She feels a lot better after seeing her surgeon - pans the camera to Amma and asking her. They were both crying so much to him. Okay he’s fine. He’s been so unwell and she hasn’t had a chance to talk to him and she feels lucky to see him today. If they said he’ll give you a Call she would have been devastated. She would have left upset. Seeing him and knowing that there is another plan ahead she feels better. Will need to wait a week and half for the results and then the surgeon has a little break with half term. She’s waited this long and it’s taking a little bit longer. She got a bit emotional she didn’t his surgeon. When you know a doctor and you feel like you have this bond because he knows your body so that’s why she got emotional. She loves everyone here, she just needed to see her doctor and her nurse and now she feels good. They knew she had to see him because she was so emotional. Even though he’s not doing surgery since he’s not well, he’s doing face to face clinic appointments. Hopefully he’ll be okay soon to do any procedure if he needs to do any.
She has a vanilla yoghurt and jacket potato with cheese and apple juice(someone please rescue her from her diet). Tell us what you’re eating because she gets inspiration? Beeping in the hospital, she complains that it happens all day. Night time she was okay, in the morning when she heard the results that they didn’t take the biopsy and she went downhill, she was an emotional wreck and it’s been a long time since she’s felt like that. ‘What do you mean you didn’t take any biposy’. ‘It’s fine, it has to be okay’. It makes sense why only one surgeon said yes to doing surgery in the first place. It is very difficult that area and she’s so grateful she found her surgeon and glad he’s never given up on her and he’s fighting for her. He’s just not well. Th minute he’s better and she’s the first on his list and it’s a good thing he’s a good thing he’s back in the hospital and it’s good for all of his patients. Most of his patients must have been worried since we rely on him and solely on him. He’s the only doctor that can sort me out, here always.
She gets to leave, she’s happy to have the discharge letter. She’s trying to be better with all the letters she gets from the hospital. The letter tells her that they’ve not taken the biopsy and everything else. She has her beloved morphine and anti sickness too.
Finally leaving the hospital. Struggling… her bum bum is bleeding and it’s so sore. She still can’t believe they didn’t take a biopsy. They tried to get in but it didn’t work. All of that and no biopsy, laughing at how crazy it is. It doesn’t feel real. She doesn’t know if she’s explained everything, since she’s been drugged up. Will explain in the next video, if you have questions, leave them down below(she will never get down to answering them). They gave her a lot of morphine to take home. No wheelchair - sore to sit on and would rather walk. Sad that she’s in pain and bleeding and they didn’t even take a biopsy(how many times does the woman repeat this?! I’m actually tried of writing this haha). Have to accept the outcome and it sucks because she might have to do the again in a couple of week, depending on the scan results. Let’s just make this positive and think she’ll be home and rest in her own bed. Who cares, right? Make myself think it doesn’t matter. At least I got to see my surgeon(God himself) and ask him what happened to him. He had back issues and that’s why he’s not doing any surgeries(lucky she went for the wait option then since her god broke his back).
In the car and off to a Pooja sweets to get a paneer roll(perfect for colorectal cancer) because she’s had such a hectic time and she hasn’t really had any food and she’s just been nibbling and she hasn’t really eaten anything. Her mind has been everywhere. She’s very good at blocking things out and Amma needs to talk things out and she’s trying to block it out until she gets results. No biopsy result just the CT scan and MRI/PET SCAN when the surgeon comes back from his holiday(surgeon needs to be worried he has a stage 5 clinger over here). From now on she’s only going to see him and any time she makes an appointment she requesting to see him, because there’s no point otherwise, no one else knows her situation(everyone else is useless apparently), she has to be firm.
She feels bad for Amma, she’s never seen her cry so much, She cried so much to the surgeon and all of it is a bit of a shock to us, how can they not take a biopsy? They said that with the radiotherapy it can cause the area to narrow. Which she understands, but in August her surgeon was able to get through this narrowing - that’s why she was in a lot of pain. He forced himself and the are to open. She feels so bad for Amma, she’s trying to be strong for her. If she ends up crying then Amma cries and if she’s sad then Amma’s sad, She has to block things out, there’s no choice. She’s scared, really scared about how much time has gone on and she hasn’t had any treatment, no chemo and they haven’t completed the tests. Taking a biopsy is the most important and that’s not been done. Soley relying on these scans and she’s freaking out. But she just has to accept that this is what is happening. Trust the process guys. Darling Matt is at his brothers. She feels she struggles to be strong for both of them and she’ll fill him in when he comes back. She asks for help from the viewers to help her through this. We’re doing enough by being here(and being blocked). Disclaimer on screen - Matt is home and she feels like she’s in a better place. No mother should have to go through this. Tries the greasy, fried paneer roll.
Back home, struggling to climb up the stairs due to the pain. Amma gives her morphine. Feels like a nightmare.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
