New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
My mother constantly told me how I was getting under her feet and how she couldn't get anything done, with me around (usually in the school holidays - when I was more than content to watch TV, read a book or draw). So, she'd send me to stay with my aunt for the holidays, during which I'd have to spend the whole time babysitting my cousins - I was never asked if I wanted to do that; I was just told I would. I don't mind my cousins, but the point is that I would've rather spent time with my friends, as kids do. All of my achievements have only been because of her (or so she says).
Now, my mother is elderly, lonely and constantly asking if she can come and visit/stay. I wouldn't be so mean as to turn the tables on her, nor do I want her here though. She's been incredibly cold to me over the years (and extremely devious - she's a narcissist) and I don't see why I should change my way of existing just because she's suddenly changed her tune (but probably not - there will no doubt be some ill intention behind it).
Now, my mother is elderly, lonely and constantly asking if she can come and visit/stay. I wouldn't be so mean as to turn the tables on her, nor do I want her here though. She's been incredibly cold to me over the years (and extremely devious - she's a narcissist) and I don't see why I should change my way of existing just because she's suddenly changed her tune (but probably not - there will no doubt be some ill intention behind it).
My mother's boyfriend abused me for 3 years, when I told her she cried for 3 days, never once hugged me or asked if I was ok and then after all that she got back with him for a short while.
Mum thinks she was put on this earth to save everyone, even when they don't need saving or to be taken care of. Fairly sure she's made herself ill in the process, it's so frustrating to see.
Dad is a worrywart, pretty sure he's taught me to be anxious and paranoid. He also has no grasp of someone not wanting to live the same way he does, plus he treats me like I should be aware of everything else that's going on in the family. I couldn't care less, I'm barely in control of my own life, I'm not my brother's nanny, he's also an adult.
I love both of them to bits but these thing pile up and they're so hard to balance when one's own mental health is fragile. I wish parents would grow up as well.
Dad is a worrywart, pretty sure he's taught me to be anxious and paranoid. He also has no grasp of someone not wanting to live the same way he does, plus he treats me like I should be aware of everything else that's going on in the family. I couldn't care less, I'm barely in control of my own life, I'm not my brother's nanny, he's also an adult.
I love both of them to bits but these thing pile up and they're so hard to balance when one's own mental health is fragile. I wish parents would grow up as well.
Drank way too much throughout our childhood. I have seen and heard some traumatic things because of them drinking too much and leaving us kids to basically look after ourselves while they partied with freinds. Looking back it feels like our whole childhood right up to my teens was just one big party to them and me and my sister were just dragged along for the ride.
I have two children and I hardly drink at home when they are upstairs asleep, let alone in front of them. I never want them to grow up seeing what I saw.
I have two children and I hardly drink at home when they are upstairs asleep, let alone in front of them. I never want them to grow up seeing what I saw.
That's kind of how I feel. It wasn't necessarily the same as yours (although not far off) but one thing I always say about my parents is that they made very few sacrifices as parents. Their wants came before my needs and I was just expected to fit into their life.
Yes absolutely I never thought of it that way before. We were just made to follow along with what they wanted to do on weekends and holidays. They had freinds who had two kids too and they partied and went on holiday with them, all 4 of them drank alot.
I remember very clearly that feeling of shame and embarrassment watching them make fools of themselves. Watching and waiting for my mums face to change when she'd had one too many drinks (I still do this now), knowing that it was going to be a late night. Falling asleep in chairs out in restaurants and bars on holiday wishing I could go home to bed, but couldn't as the adults were out drinking and they didn't care about what we needed as young children. Hearing the drunken arguments. Watching the drunken falls, the sluring of words, the smell of alcohol, the hangovers the next morning. Understanding at a very early age what alcohol was and what it did.
My parent would never accept it but it was traumatic, and I get flashbacks of it now as a 31 year old. I will never put my kids though that
My dad drank too much… tbh was an alcoholic. He was amazing sober, Had some amazing jobs… very interesting man. But didn’t know when to stop drinking. He turned nasty, you could see it in his eyes that one drink thag tipped him over the edge. Me and my brother had some real hard times growing up due to his drinking. It upsets me that he was told to stop or he would be very IIl from it but he never did/could. He died of Liver disease two years ago.
My dad used to sit on the computer in my bedroom chain smoking fags when I was a kid. The room stank, even worse when his brother used to join him leaving the dirty ashtray in my room and fag ash everywhere. Arseholes.
I can totally relate to the parents drinking too much. The only blessing being i don't drink because of it. My mum is sober now and I think she holds on to a lot of guilt about it to be honest. I’m so glad my kids will never experience what me and my siblings did growing up. They think I neglect my partner but no I just put my children first. My partner is a grown ass adult. A hard concept for my parents to understand.
When I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didn’t happen. Or ignores me 
SameWhen I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didn’t happen. Or ignores me
my mum says everything i say is "rubbish"Constant remarks about my weight.
I remember being 9 years old, (obviously having "puppy fat" when you look at pictures from back then), being put on Slim Fast and worming medication because I was "fat".
My mother is obsessed with her weight, other people's weight and married a man who thinks overweight people are lazy and worthless.
The remark that has always stuck with me is "You're such a lovely girl, if only you lost some weight....." followed with any insecurity I had at that time.
Guess what, I have eating/body issues.
I remember being 9 years old, (obviously having "puppy fat" when you look at pictures from back then), being put on Slim Fast and worming medication because I was "fat".
My mother is obsessed with her weight, other people's weight and married a man who thinks overweight people are lazy and worthless.
The remark that has always stuck with me is "You're such a lovely girl, if only you lost some weight....." followed with any insecurity I had at that time.
Guess what, I have eating/body issues.
I could have written this myself except my mum smoked cannabis too so would end up in some really bad states. Even now if I'm out and about and smell it somewhere it's the first thing I think of.
I used to worship my nan and she was my favourite person in the world. But now I can't help but look back with a bit of anger and think why didn't she tell my mum to stop being a terrible mother? I remember my older sister would often call my nan when my mum had had far too much to drink and my nan would come and collect us for the night. But nothing ever changed.
Same goes for my dad. Although he and my mum weren't together he would come round a few times a week and they still got on well (he smoked cannabis too and he would get it for her). My dad died 7 years ago and I look back with anger now for him too. Why did he provide my mum with drugs knowing the situations me and my sister would end up in because of it?
I could never have friends round from school as my mum didn't look after the house properly.
I don't drink at all. I can't imagine being drunk around my children. Looking back me and my sister were neglected all of our chuldhood and I think I have more trauma from it all than I realise.
It's so funny how whenever I mention the trauma I had to endure as a child to my parents, they both experience a sudden and mysterious onset of amnesia 
I truly believe that a huge amount of a generation of women have undiagnosed eating disorders. My mother is preoccupied with weight/ size- mine, my daughters, any women or child she sees. Defines any female by their size, praises ‘tiny slim waist’ on daughter but then counters with ‘the size of some of those girls!’ Congratulates me on losing weight when I’ve done nothing of the sort and my weight is fine ‘well done you! It’s not easy’. Will see absolutely no harm in this behaviour and becomes defensive and upset if I ask her for example not to make her opening comment to my daughter ‘gosh you are looking so lovely and slim!’
I think you’re right! I showed my mother a chart over the weekend that goes through all the different body shapes and how to dress for them. There are photos of celebrities to illustrate who has which shape. It made my mom feel good and opened up her mind so much that she told me it’s her birthday present and not to get her anything later this month
Identify Your Body Shape and Know Your Style, According to Trinny and Susannah's Body Shape Guide
Every woman of every shape and size is beautiful. And to accentuate that beauty, find out your right size and dress accordingly.
her.womenworking.com
This was the first thing to ever get through to her !!
ETA: We spent a lot of time discussing her shape (she’s a combination of two) and then I went and Googled pieces that would work for her
My mum just didn’t align (and still doesn’t) with differing priorities. For her it’s cleaning but for me it was school, studying and work. She’d always make out she had it harder- she had a harder upbringing, she was the busiest. So it translated into a lack of help with things like homework, then a lack of appreciation for how much I worked to the point now where she thinks because I can work from home it’s not real work. She has an underlying selfishness and immaturity at times- if I’m not following what she expects of me then she’s been known to sulk, diet culture was a huge thing in our house growing up- it used to bleed into what I was eating, I’ve been called tubby as a child and it’s stuck with me. She used me as an emotional crutch for things going on in her life and as an adult sometime I feel like I’m parenting her. I still feel angry about it and that she kind of stood by and allowed my dad to be the disciplinarian but also partook in it too. I know it was a different time but I don’t agree with smacking - and with mum it was often hard enough to leave a handprint but no bruising or it’d be a smack around the head. I do think it’s left a lasting impact on my confidence around people and tolerance of physical contact.
Growing up my dad was emotionally unavailable to the point where it’s really jarring for me now when he hugs me or shows emotion. He was very quick to temper. Most of my memories with him are him losing his temper. Be that at trivial things like video games or diy, or if I didn’t know the answer to one of his questions, or if we mis behaved. Asking him for help was always an ordeal because of his tendency to yell or call me stupid. If we did something wrong we’d be smacked or pinched. Him and mum would regularly yell at each other- usually ending in him belittling her or calling her stupid.
As I’ve grown up there is a bit of a divide between us. I’m by far the most educated and liberal. I think my dad is sometimes jealous of my intelligence and success so I’ve often been belittled or get no feeling that they’re proud of me or sometimes there’s a pushyness to get me to do things with my career/skills. Dad is quite homophobic, racist and less tolerant of people and my mum just follows it. It makes conversation quite awkward sometimes and I feel quite out of place and like I just can’t relate to them. I often feel like the black sheep of the family and like I’m constantly going against the grain. Things are a bit easier but part of that has been setting boundaries and not getting drawn into a fight but it is frustrating wondering if some of the barriers/ struggles I have day to day are a consequence of them.
Growing up my dad was emotionally unavailable to the point where it’s really jarring for me now when he hugs me or shows emotion. He was very quick to temper. Most of my memories with him are him losing his temper. Be that at trivial things like video games or diy, or if I didn’t know the answer to one of his questions, or if we mis behaved. Asking him for help was always an ordeal because of his tendency to yell or call me stupid. If we did something wrong we’d be smacked or pinched. Him and mum would regularly yell at each other- usually ending in him belittling her or calling her stupid.
As I’ve grown up there is a bit of a divide between us. I’m by far the most educated and liberal. I think my dad is sometimes jealous of my intelligence and success so I’ve often been belittled or get no feeling that they’re proud of me or sometimes there’s a pushyness to get me to do things with my career/skills. Dad is quite homophobic, racist and less tolerant of people and my mum just follows it. It makes conversation quite awkward sometimes and I feel quite out of place and like I just can’t relate to them. I often feel like the black sheep of the family and like I’m constantly going against the grain. Things are a bit easier but part of that has been setting boundaries and not getting drawn into a fight but it is frustrating wondering if some of the barriers/ struggles I have day to day are a consequence of them.
SameWhen I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didn’t happen. Or ignores me
My mum was a single parent and she used to, with the encouragement of my grandmother, police what me and my sister wore - it couldn't be "too" short or revealing, she always encouraged us to choose the bigger of two sizes so it wouldn't be "too tight", etc. Once we were teenagers and started buying our own clothes, if they didn't meet her or my grandmother's approval they were thrown out. I once came home to find that a pair of my platform shoes had been thrown out because my grandparents had visited, my grandfather decided the shoes looked "too heavy" and weighed them on the bathroom scale, they weighed 7lbs each which he thought was too much and told my mother to get rid of them. My sister didn't mind this as much because she's always preferred jeans and oversized hoodies etc but it was not at all good for my self-esteem and I feel like it contributed to my eating disorder