Things your parents did/do that you hate

[Choco88]

My mum is such a control freak! When I was growing up she never let me or my brother cook and if we cleaned it wasn’t to her standards so she’d have to take over and do it herself. Im a shy person and she always had to announce it when we met someone new. Even when I bought my first house in my 20s she told both neighbours Im shy. Im not rude I say hello and im capable of making small talk about the weather etc so I don’t think she needed to say anything. I don’t think she meant to belittle me but it still hurts.

Feels good to get it off my chest so I thought I’d share!

 

[iknowsomethingudont]

My dad called me fat (100% was never fat as a kid),said i had no mates,said i had no qualifications ,called me useless throughout my childhood,said my boyfriend didnt love me .It was all lies apart from the last one which may have been true

 

[watermelon sugar]

When I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didn’t happen. Or ignores me

 

[olliesgirl]

My mother's boyfriend abused me for 3 years, when I told her she cried for 3 days, never once hugged me or asked if I was ok and then after all that she got back with him for a short while.

 

[Hastaggifted]

Excessive cleaning. Your plate would be taken away, washed up and put away before you'd even finished eating. House would be spotless and wouldn't be allowed anything downstairs.

One vivid memory is when I was about 6, (I was also scared of the dark for reference). I'd had a tantrum about something, what 6 year old doesn't, and they picked me up and threw me outside the front. It was pitch black and the middle of winter. I was hysterically screaming and crying, knocking on the door begging to be let back in.
We had a long winding driveway which had tall bushes either side. The wind and the fact I was scared and hysterical and 6! I was sure I could see someone in the bushes. It was terrifying. I was left out there for about an hour then dragged in and sent to bed.
I'm still scared of the dark and I'm 32, I can't sit in the kitchen alone with the lights on and it dark outside as we don't have blinds on the back doors, I always think someone is going to be there. I won't take stuff to the dustbin or get anything from the car if it's dark and I definitely won't answer the door in the dark!
I've spoken to them about it before and they just try and laugh it off.
I could never be that horrible to my children. I'm sure because of how strict my parents were, I am overly soft on my own children!

 

[shadowcat5]

Drink too much.

Neither were alcoholics but they definitely had/have issues with alcohol.

this is why I don’t drink as an adult. It is not fun being a kid (age 9) who is abroad with 1 parent and said parent is so drunk that they can’t talk and is throwing up. I get really pissed with parents who drink around their kids now.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

My dad was a horrible person who didn’t care at all. His ex asked him if he loved his dog more than me and he said he did because the dog had “been there for him”.

He also used to buy his ex’s kids Christmas presents like laptops, but he’d buy me a £1 deodorant set… or he would take his ex’s kids to school, go to school plays and parents evenings, but he never did any of those things for me.

Oh and then he cut me off when I was 18, good riddance

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

this is why I don’t drink as an adult. It is not fun being a kid (age 9) who is abroad with 1 parent and said parent is so drunk that they can’t talk and is throwing up. I get really pissed with parents who drink around their kids now.

Same as me. My mum used to be drunk most nights after I got home from school and she ended up in hospital one night after getting drunk and taking an overdose… I can’t stand parents that get wasted around their kids now. There’s nothing worse as a child than being with a parent you don’t feel safe with!

 

[catlady29]

My mum had an affair. I have never forgiven her!

Mine did too and I really hated her at the time for it, now I look back and don't blame her, my dad was a smelly slob who didn't bother working while she done nightshifts in a care home, he didn't lift a finger round the house and there were 4 kids in the mix, so I can see now she prob found a bit of excitement in life and took it, not right to do what she did, but yea I don't really blame her. There was so much other stuff in my childhood that was awful, I don't speak to my dad at all, I speak to my mum for about 5 min a month just out of pity cos all of her kids don't speak to her, my childhood can summed up in a few words...hunger, dirt, bullying, weakness of body due to hunger, hunger pains, humiliation (me and my sister literally aye from the bin at school one time) the teachers didn't help us rather they went out of their way to draw attention to how dirty we were infront of the whole class...neglect. It was awful. And this wasn't even that long ago cos I'm only just turned 37.

 

[Kofi Annan]

Constant remarks about my weight.

I remember being 9 years old, (obviously having "puppy fat" when you look at pictures from back then), being put on Slim Fast and worming medication because I was "fat".

My mother is obsessed with her weight, other people's weight and married a man who thinks overweight people are lazy and worthless.

The remark that has always stuck with me is "You're such a lovely girl, if only you lost some weight....." followed with any insecurity I had at that time.

Guess what, I have eating/body issues.

 

[Littleelf]

That's kind of how I feel. It wasn't necessarily the same as yours (although not far off) but one thing I always say about my parents is that they made very few sacrifices as parents. Their wants came before my needs and I was just expected to fit into their life.

Yes absolutely I never thought of it that way before. We were just made to follow along with what they wanted to do on weekends and holidays. They had freinds who had two kids too and they partied and went on holiday with them, all 4 of them drank alot.

I remember very clearly that feeling of shame and embarrassment watching them make fools of themselves. Watching and waiting for my mums face to change when she'd had one too many drinks (I still do this now), knowing that it was going to be a late night. Falling asleep in chairs out in restaurants and bars on holiday wishing I could go home to bed, but couldn't as the adults were out drinking and they didn't care about what we needed as young children. Hearing the drunken arguments. Watching the drunken falls, the sluring of words, the smell of alcohol, the hangovers the next morning. Understanding at a very early age what alcohol was and what it did.

My parent would never accept it but it was traumatic, and I get flashbacks of it now as a 31 year old. I will never put my kids though that

 

[MacPishFlaps]

My mum constantly telling me how she had wanted boys, it wasn't fair that she had had 2 girls as it was boys she wanted. She was completely emotionally unavailable and genuinely believed that if she had boys, her life would have been better. Of course, she would deny ever saying that now.

Dad was just awful, angry and entitled. Constantly walking on egg shells and he was so jealous of other people doing well. He would continuously compare me to other people 'do you think X's daughter would act like this'. He also used to do this thing, it's so hard to explain. So, say we were out shopping as a family (me, mum, dad & sis) and I was getting new shoes for example. Shoes would be bought, all packaged up, we're leaving the shop, I'm happy and he would hang back with me and start hissing in my ear that I always chose the most expensive shoes in the shop, that's just what I'm like, who did I think I was, who did I think was paying for these shoes. It was so venomous and angry and always did out of sight of others.

Another thing they did, which was just so weird, was accusing me of having sex from like 12! Came home from being out bike riding with my friends, it was rainy and muddy so clothes were filthy, got accused of 'well, thats where you've been lying down' wtaf! Was sick on the bus to school once, accused of having morning sickness! It was so disturbing.

I am no contact with my dad and low contact with my mum these days. My mum of course, wants to be my best friend and revels in my achievements now that I'm an adult, any hint of raising my childhood is poo poo'd, I've always been a drama queen etc.

 

[Kiwigirl]

In the very early years of my marriage with a young baby in tow my OH and I had a row and he hit me. I ran out of the house with the baby got in the car and drove sobbing to my mum and dads. Instead of consoling me and my dad getting in his car to go sort out OH they both said get back home put some make up and a nice dress on a cook him a lovely dinner!!!!
It will be fine…..?????

 

[AlanBanan]

My parents don’t remember the shit that they put me through I don’t think neither of my parents were good parents. Both of them just had kids because it was expected for them in the 80’s and 90’s. My mother had a dependency on drink who has unresolved trauma from her childhood and my dad is just a general enabler and he also just ignores anything bad because he’s from a family with money where appearance and what the neighbours think means everything.

I used to be crying to my dad that I had to stay awake and care for my newborn brother and then go to school the next morning because my mam would stay up all drinking. He’d just ignore it and wouldn’t say anything, he’d just say what I would want to hear. Then not say anything when it mattered. I was 13 and caring for a baby. I would wake up an hour earlier than I should’ve so I could have him washed, dressed and fed before I left for school. I brought him to get his first needles and because of my height they thought I was my brother’s mother. I used to sit there worrying because I didn’t know newborns had irregular breathing and kept whispering to myself “please keep breathing!” He even called me Mammy on several occasions and would cry and pull his hair whenever I had to leave him. My dad would just try to throw money at me when i was upset and crying because I couldn’t spend time with my friends or have a normal life. I would be crying and he’d throw 200 euro at me and try to solve the situation when in actuality I was just a child trying to be a child, I didn’t need money.

My mother always mentions how we never wanted for anything. Yeah, my dad has a great job where we had great money and we had a big house with lots of things no one else had. But that didn’t make up for the emotional neglect and burden you put on me.

It’s only recently she thanked me for helping raising my youngest brother. I didn’t help her at all, I fucking raised him to the point where he has cried to me nearly as an adult that I’m only the true Mother he has known.

Fuck you Ma and Da! I love you but you were both shit parents.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I just look back on my childhood and I hate most of it. I always feel so bitter when I see those nice two parent families that are all close (like my husband’s). And I see those girls who are really close to their dad’s, I just hate it.

My mum just seemed like having me was a chore and not something enjoyable. It was like I just got in the way and she disliked having me around. I’m sure she worked 60 hours a week just to get away from me. I spent all my time at a childminders and I hated it. Watching other kids go home to nice parents or go out with their parents after school, just crap.

She was never really interested in me or my day, she was too wrapped up in her own problems to bother. If I tried to talk about something, she’d change the subject.

And my dad just never bothered. He was another with 0 interest in me.

 

[watermelon sugar]

My Mum has never told me who my biological Dad is

also comments on my acne (had it a lot worse when I was younger) always told me my spots made me ugly. Just get them hormonal now but whenever I see her and I’ve got spots she ALWAYS points them out even in front of people. She does the same to my sister about her weight. She doesn’t like the fact we aren’t ‘perfect’ to her standards

 

[Choco88]

My dad called me fat (100% was never fat as a kid),said i had no mates,said i had no qualifications ,called me useless throughout my childhood,said my boyfriend didnt love me .It was all lies apart from the last one which may have been true

thast horrible. You just reminded me I have a big complex about my nose because my dad always took the piss out of it. There’s just no need!

 

[I'm that Diva]

Mine used to both smoke in the car even though I suffered with really bad travel sickness (still do). Long distance journeys were a nightmare.

 

[bunnyboo]

It's so funny how whenever I mention the trauma I had to endure as a child to my parents, they both experience a sudden and mysterious onset of amnesia

 

[Black.bird]

My mother constantly told me how I was getting under her feet and how she couldn't get anything done, with me around (usually in the school holidays - when I was more than content to watch TV, read a book or draw). So, she'd send me to stay with my aunt for the holidays, during which I'd have to spend the whole time babysitting my cousins - I was never asked if I wanted to do that; I was just told I would. I don't mind my cousins, but the point is that I would've rather spent time with my friends, as kids do. All of my achievements have only been because of her (or so she says).

Now, my mother is elderly, lonely and constantly asking if she can come and visit/stay. I wouldn't be so mean as to turn the tables on her, nor do I want her here though. She's been incredibly cold to me over the years (and extremely devious - she's a narcissist) and I don't see why I should change my way of existing just because she's suddenly changed her tune (but probably not - there will no doubt be some ill intention behind it).