My mam gave me an effed up relationship with food, she's obsessed with peoples looks and weight. Never taught us how to eat in moderation so as soon as I had a bit of freedom I started binging and eating in private. Now I'm really over weight with a lot of mental issues with food! Even now I'm nearing 40 and she still comments on everything I eat
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Anyone else grow up thinking every other family was perfect except theirs?
I'd need MANY trigger warnings but a small issue I have...no matter what is wrong, (mental or physical), somehow it is always to do with my weight. No wonder I have had ED since I was 10ish
I'd need MANY trigger warnings but a small issue I have...no matter what is wrong, (mental or physical), somehow it is always to do with my weight. No wonder I have had ED since I was 10ish
Trigger warning
Smoking in the car and trying to claim I don't have asthma (family still claims I don't, even though I've been diagnosed with astmha multiple times lmao)
Walking in while I showering or naked - "you came out of my body!"
Saying racist tit
Pretending they didn't know step parent was abusing me. Even though they told me to lie about bruises
This is super embarrassing and again trigger warning
My dad is a total freaking creep. I swear he has tried to hit on me. Plus he hits on teenagers all the time. I tell him they are kid and he claims otherwise. I was always too embarrassed to bring other people over even as an adult. I don't want his to say some creepy incest tit or pedalo and people think differently about me.
Smoking in the car and trying to claim I don't have asthma (family still claims I don't, even though I've been diagnosed with astmha multiple times lmao)
Walking in while I showering or naked - "you came out of my body!"
Saying racist tit
Pretending they didn't know step parent was abusing me. Even though they told me to lie about bruises
This is super embarrassing and again trigger warning
My dad is a total freaking creep. I swear he has tried to hit on me. Plus he hits on teenagers all the time. I tell him they are kid and he claims otherwise. I was always too embarrassed to bring other people over even as an adult. I don't want his to say some creepy incest tit or pedalo and people think differently about me.
My mam always says she cant rememberWhen I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didnāt happen. Or ignores me
When was it though? I am not defending them obviously, but it was a normal/common things decades ago. Smoking in front of your children.
I remember the holidays trips, I was sick in the car. My dad was a heavy smocker.
tbf I donāt think it really matters. My mum was a smoker and I remember being stood outside things like airports with her waiting for her to have a fag. Itās not the worst thing she did and Iām not traumatised or anything but it still mildly winds me up when I think about it cause I remember how annoying it was as a kid.
I understand and don't belittle your experience. Just to say society (and health awareness) was different when I grew up (born in 1973), you would smoke everywhere (standing outside wasn't a thing). It would be shocking today but normal in the 80's...
This was 2000-2001.
They both smoked. Everyone did in those days and I donāt blame them but I wish that people had been more aware of the dangers of both smoking and passive smoking in the 60ās and 70ās.
This resonates a lot with me. My parents were really close to my aunt and uncle growing up (ironically - or not - my aunt and uncle turned into functioning alcoholics) and I remember holidays in Spain spending every night up late in bars, with my younger cousins asleep in buggies and me, being older (8 or so) curled up on my mumās lap exhausted - Iāve seen the photos. Summer nights and new yearās watching the adults getting pissed and stupid, and seeing them hung over and throwing up the next day. I actually think I developed emetophobia as a result of that.
The tobacco industry knew and so did governments. Sadly there was a huge amount of money to be made.
I was a heavy smoker in the 70s and 80s and really regret that I smoked with my children in the room. That's one thing my grandchildren have never had to suffer as no one smokes now. Although my eldest grandchild started to smoke, so that was disappointing I think he stopped now .. apart from the cost not many people tolerate smoking these days.
So I was the eldest of 4 and during the 70ās my parents would go out to the pub EVERY night at 9pm and roll in intoxicated around 1am. I would have been 9, my brother 7, and the two younger ones aged 2. They LEFT a 9 year old in charge of 3 kids, and thought nothing of it, after all I was quite grown up for 9!!!!! FFS anything could have happened?
I rang my dad up at the pub one time as my brother was kicking off, did he come home? Did he hell.
Strangely enough I have told other people of my generation about this, and many have nodded and said yes this happened to me!!!
I rang my dad up at the pub one time as my brother was kicking off, did he come home? Did he hell.
Strangely enough I have told other people of my generation about this, and many have nodded and said yes this happened to me!!!
I agree with you but where I am coming from is that this thread is about things your parents did that you hate so personally I don't think it really matters whether it was accepted in society or not
My mom also tends to become super defensive whenever me or my brother bring up certain aspects of our childhood. Always the same argument āI meant it wellā, or āitās been so long now why still dwell on itā, āyouāre always putting me downā. Okay then 
if thereās something positive about our generation is that weāre able to take a step back, reflect on things and actually be like āwell you know what. Now that I think about it I was wrong and Iām sorry. How can we move on from thisā. My parents could never, Iāll always be the dumb child and they know best.
Iām happy Iām able to break the cycle and be more reflected in the way I educate my children
if thereās something positive about our generation is that weāre able to take a step back, reflect on things and actually be like āwell you know what. Now that I think about it I was wrong and Iām sorry. How can we move on from thisā. My parents could never, Iāll always be the dumb child and they know best.Iām happy Iām able to break the cycle and be more reflected in the way I educate my children
I think my mum has undiagnosed mental health issues. She has always been completely emotionally unavailable and has never once asked how I am or how I am feeling. Her moods change like the wind and as a child I was always walking on eggshells around her and never knew what Id be coming home from school too, if she was in one of her sulks then it would be one word answers to questions, loud sighing and huffing and cupboard doors being slammed etc. If your lucky enough to get to the bottom of why sheās acting like this itās usually something really minor that would go over everyone elseās heads. For example the other day she was in one because sheād been to The Range and couldnāt find a parking space and had to come home. For context she lives five minutes away, could have gone back at any time or got what she needed elsewhere, it was such a massive overreaction to a minor thing but that one event had ruined her plan and set her mood for the day.
She is also a huge martyr about things like cooking and cleaning but never likes anyone else doing it for her because they can never do it as well she can. So she will moan endlessly about it but wonāt let anyone help. It is exhausting.
She is also a huge martyr about things like cooking and cleaning but never likes anyone else doing it for her because they can never do it as well she can. So she will moan endlessly about it but wonāt let anyone help. It is exhausting.
I just look back on my childhood and I hate most of it. I always feel so bitter when I see those nice two parent families that are all close (like my husbandās). And I see those girls who are really close to their dadās, I just hate it.
My mum just seemed like having me was a chore and not something enjoyable. It was like I just got in the way and she disliked having me around. Iām sure she worked 60 hours a week just to get away from me. I spent all my time at a childminders and I hated it. Watching other kids go home to nice parents or go out with their parents after school, just crap.
She was never really interested in me or my day, she was too wrapped up in her own problems to bother. If I tried to talk about something, sheād change the subject.
And my dad just never bothered. He was another with 0 interest in me.
My mum just seemed like having me was a chore and not something enjoyable. It was like I just got in the way and she disliked having me around. Iām sure she worked 60 hours a week just to get away from me. I spent all my time at a childminders and I hated it. Watching other kids go home to nice parents or go out with their parents after school, just crap.
She was never really interested in me or my day, she was too wrapped up in her own problems to bother. If I tried to talk about something, sheād change the subject.
And my dad just never bothered. He was another with 0 interest in me.
My parents donāt remember the tit that they put me through I donāt think neither of my parents were good parents. Both of them just had kids because it was expected for them in the 80ās and 90ās. My mother had a dependency on drink who has unresolved trauma from her childhood and my dad is just a general enabler and he also just ignores anything bad because heās from a family with money where appearance and what the neighbours think means everything.
I used to be crying to my dad that I had to stay awake and care for my newborn brother and then go to school the next morning because my mam would stay up all drinking. Heād just ignore it and wouldnāt say anything, heād just say what I would want to hear. Then not say anything when it mattered. I was 13 and caring for a baby. I would wake up an hour earlier than I shouldāve so I could have him washed, dressed and fed before I left for school. I brought him to get his first needles and because of my height they thought I was my brotherās mother. I used to sit there worrying because I didnāt know newborns had irregular breathing and kept whispering to myself āplease keep breathing!ā He even called me Mammy on several occasions and would cry and pull his hair whenever I had to leave him. My dad would just try to throw money at me when i was upset and crying because I couldnāt spend time with my friends or have a normal life. I would be crying and heād throw 200 euro at me and try to solve the situation when in actuality I was just a child trying to be a child, I didnāt need money.
My mother always mentions how we never wanted for anything. Yeah, my dad has a great job where we had great money and we had a big house with lots of things no one else had. But that didnāt make up for the emotional neglect and burden you put on me.
Itās only recently she thanked me for helping raising my youngest brother. I didnāt help her at all, I bleeping raised him to the point where he has cried to me nearly as an adult that Iām only the true Mother he has known.
duck you Ma and Da! I love you but you were both tit parents.
I used to be crying to my dad that I had to stay awake and care for my newborn brother and then go to school the next morning because my mam would stay up all drinking. Heād just ignore it and wouldnāt say anything, heād just say what I would want to hear. Then not say anything when it mattered. I was 13 and caring for a baby. I would wake up an hour earlier than I shouldāve so I could have him washed, dressed and fed before I left for school. I brought him to get his first needles and because of my height they thought I was my brotherās mother. I used to sit there worrying because I didnāt know newborns had irregular breathing and kept whispering to myself āplease keep breathing!ā He even called me Mammy on several occasions and would cry and pull his hair whenever I had to leave him. My dad would just try to throw money at me when i was upset and crying because I couldnāt spend time with my friends or have a normal life. I would be crying and heād throw 200 euro at me and try to solve the situation when in actuality I was just a child trying to be a child, I didnāt need money.
My mother always mentions how we never wanted for anything. Yeah, my dad has a great job where we had great money and we had a big house with lots of things no one else had. But that didnāt make up for the emotional neglect and burden you put on me.
Itās only recently she thanked me for helping raising my youngest brother. I didnāt help her at all, I bleeping raised him to the point where he has cried to me nearly as an adult that Iām only the true Mother he has known.
duck you Ma and Da! I love you but you were both tit parents.
My mum holds grudges forever! She still dislikes her mother in law for things that happened when her and my dad were in thier late teens. Im always telling her to just move on and let it go but she cant, its not healthy imo.
Both smoked in the car, I was given a bucket to be sick into but accused of just being attention seeking. My elder brother was the golden one, could do no wrong despite being the local thief. I wasn't allowed out during my teenage years I had take care of my younger brother. I had time off school if he was ill or needed looking after. Money was thrown at my elder brother in a vain attempt to make him behave, which of course he didn't he was thoroughly selfish and always wanted more. When drunk he'd come into my room and wee in corners but somehow it was my fault and I had to clean it up. My dad thought it amusing to spit at me and see me shudder in disgust. I could sit there doing nothing and get a smack which mum dismissed as 'love taps' but they left bruises. Years later when I brought all this up I was told I was being fanciful and making it all up.
My mum and dad were/are emotionally immature and I just really donāt think they should have had kids. My mum has so many mental health issues and really struggles each day still. She finds everything really overwhelming and I think growing up with that has made me similar now. I find myself getting really agitated if Iām stressed. My dad was just a martyr. Iām the youngest of 4 and he used to always say āif we hadnāt have had kids then we would have been able to do XYZā - as if it was our choice to come into their lives. We could tell he resented having us and nothing he ever did was for us. Everything revolves around him and what he wanted. Any money we had was spent on things he wanted. I think growing up he didnāt have much and so when he was older he just felt like he deserved it. We didnāt even want things bought for us, we just wanted his time and to feel like we werenāt a hindrance. I think now Iām older I can understand why they were the way they were, but I can also see how those things have shaped my character and given me a lot of flaws. I so hope my kids donāt feel this way when theyāre older, and that they always know how important they are to me.
This might sound strange, but wondering if anyone has the same.. I donāt really remember anything from my childhood. I mean, I do. But very vague things. No specifics, just blurs. I canāt remember things that other people would class as ācore memoriesā. Part of me now wonders if thatās been a coping mechanism because I was unhappy.
This might sound strange, but wondering if anyone has the same.. I donāt really remember anything from my childhood. I mean, I do. But very vague things. No specifics, just blurs. I canāt remember things that other people would class as ācore memoriesā. Part of me now wonders if thatās been a coping mechanism because I was unhappy.