“The other women”

[Adayinthelife]

I don’t really care if some rando on the internet calls me trash. The thread asked people to share, I did. It happened, can’t change it. Would I do it again? No. Does that make me less ‘trash’? Probably not

 

[Oohthedrama]

If youre triggered by this topic,maybe skip past it? But the tone of your past is uncomfortable for several other posters outside of the lady you were directing it too. That should tell you everything you need to know

Totally accept what you’re saying, you’re completely right
I’m willing to admit I was wrong for showing my aggression, apologies to all I’ve hurt.

 

[PaintPots]

If youre triggered by this topic,maybe skip past it? But the tone of your past is uncomfortable for several other posters outside of the lady you were directing it too. That should tell you everything you need to know

I agree. I'm sorry if you have baggage and issues relating to this topic but people on here should be allowed to post their stories without judgment. Don't bully and abuse others!

 

[Lulu Goss]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a tit thing to do, tit. Especially if kids are involved.
If people can give sympathy and console I’m gonna do similar for the victims of the situation.

No one who’s shared their story has said it isn’t a tit thing to do though, no ones asked for sympathy or said it wasn’t wrong.

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion but there’s no need for name calling.

 

[Sea]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a tit thing to do, tit. Especially if kids are involved.
If people can give sympathy and console I’m gonna do similar for the victims of the situation.

It's obvious you've been hurt by an affair somehow.
I do think it's an awful thing to do, a person willingly having an affair.
But I'm actually interested in why people choose to go down that route, doesn't mean I like what they did but doesn't mean I'm going to shut the conversation down by slating them either.

 

[justheretoread99]

So interesting to hear everyone’s experiences. & good on the ones that don’t want sympathy and accept what they’ve done

But as a single woman this thread gives me the fear

 

[lupanda]

So interesting to hear everyone’s experiences. & good on the ones that don’t want sympathy and accept what they’ve done

But as a single woman this thread gives me the fear

My experience (man saying he was a widow) happened before social media. I thought it would be harder to hide a marriage/partner these days but this thread has me thinking otherwise

 

[Unspiralled]

My turn...

I knowingly got involved with a married man for a few months when I was 18. He was 44 and had two teenage kids. I am extremely ashamed of what I did. I knew it was wrong at the time but I still did it. He told me that he loved me and even then I knew it wasn't true.

The reasons I did it? I guess low self esteem, loneliness (had just moved to uni, wasn't having the best time), and perhaps some experiences from my childhood contributed.

I have no idea if his wife and kids found out about me, but I do know that he was arrested for sending explicit images to a 12 year old girl and arranging to have sex with her. The thought that I may have somehow contributed to his desire for young girls makes me feel sick.

 

[Brianbadonde]

I’ll bite too, call me trash if you like. Emotional and physical affair with a man I’d known a long time who wasn’t married but in a very long term relationship.. (since they were teens)
He said his relationship was them simply living like friends, no emotional connection anymore and nothing physical (I’m sure they all say this)
He used me as a sounding board to start with but my attraction to him was that great (I fully fell in love with him) I went with the flow when things got physical.. he talked about getting to a point of leaving her but before that happened she found out he was having an affair.. but here’s the twist, it wasn’t me she found out about but another woman. Turns out he was at it with loads of people. They split and he’s now with someone totally different (none of the women he was having an affair with). It taught me a valuable lesson and I’d never ever go near another man who’s with someone else, whether they tell me their relationship may as well be over or not.

 

[Adayinthelife]

But I'm actually interested in why people choose to go down that route

I was ‘in love’ with him. I genuinely harboured ideas of us both leaving our partners and being together forever (vom). In hindsight it was never going to happen, but it wasn’t a calculated ‘let’s f**k up other people’s lives’. His motivation was likely more an ego boost

The thought that I may have somehow contributed to his desire for young girls makes me feel sick.

You had nothing to do with that. Now he *Is* ‘trash’

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I honestly cant see any other reason for knowingly doing it than low self esteem. And thats sad for the women tbh. As always, men are trash lol.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I’m a member, not just a moderator.

also, nobody knows if I’ve been the wife, the partner, the child of a cheating father, so if I want to say a woman who knowingly enters into a relationship with a father and husband is trash, I’ll say it.
It’s a shut thing to do, tit. Especially if kids are involved.

If I'm being honest I didn't like yesterday's grilling and feeling like I had to justify myself when I never even kissed him. He was kind and saw me. The real me. I could tell him how I really felt and he would just listen. I didn't have to pretend that I had everything under control. I actually live alone in a another country, away from my family and he was just there. When I told him that I loved him- he told me that he already knew.

My favourite smith song goes " It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate. It takes guts to be gentle and kind." I also grew up watching my father cheat repeatedly on my mother, but behind the screen we're all just human in the end. I've seen comments here on the state of Sue Radford's vagina and others calling plus sized influencers "fatty", but as I've grown older (29 now) I don't expect others to behave the same way that I do or be anything other then who they are. Someone might have done a crappy thing, but they are not the crappy thing and there is a difference.

If you won't behave the same way again- you're not the same person you were before and you can let it go and forgive yourself.

I like reading different view points, and we do have the added benefit of hiding behind the random username. Though my besties already know all of this. I personally also thought the sex worker thread was interesting too.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Yes I have. I don’t remember how old I was but I just finished college and he was a lot older than me (embarrassed to say the least but for some reason older men are my thanggg - sorry not sorry)

I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until he ghosted me for two weeks and came back to me saying his girlfriend found a text from me and they had a massive argument. I’m guessing they stayed together as it was long distance so who knows. He said that he had checked out long ago, they weren’t having sex but he wanted me bla bla bla. Stupidly I continued to see him for a bit longer because I was bored, probably lonely and life at home was pretty shocking so I would’ve done anything not to feel like tit. This story is a lot more interesting but I can’t be arsed to elaborate

 

[Unspiralled]

I honestly cant see any other reason for knowingly doing it than low self esteem. And thats sad for the women tbh. As always, men are trash lol.

I think whichever way you look at it, this is what it boils down to, and it is sad. However, some people still manage not to do such stupid things that will ultimately make them feel worse (and most likely ruin other people's lives too). I really wish I'd dealt with my own problems differently.

 

[Tommyb]

There are dedicated forums for "the other man/woman", take loveshack.org for example reading those threads... It's scary how naive and deluded people can be.

One thing to learn is that most cheaters use the affair script on the affair partner. The "we are like friends/never a sex/can't leave because of the kids" scrip it's always the same.

Luckily... Or unluckily... I learnt this pretty young. My dad cheated on my mum and when she found out left him straight away. He didn't like that so beat her. Mum and i are incredibly close and has always been age appropriate honest with me. I never grew up naive and learned what red flags were. I'm lucky in a way that I saw it. I found it easy to identify what was good enough for me. I found it hard when friends couldn't see it with boyfriends. My first boyfriend attempted to cheat on me and I got rid as soon as I found out. We were together 7 years and he got the shock of his life when he found out I would get rid straight away as I always told him

I just wish women would have each others backs abit more. The woman my dad cheated with was my mum's friend. Years later and I actually pity her and their life together. She tried to tell me they couldn't help it once... I told her I was greatful she got that loser away from my mum and there no way I'd want my mum with him. That shut her up

 

[Dipstick]

I honestly cant see any other reason for knowingly doing it than low self esteem. And thats sad for the women tbh. As always, men are trash lol.

I don't agree that low self esteem is the only reason. I was "the other women" a few decades ago at university. To be honest, I was immature, looking for no strings fun and simply didn't care that he had a girlfriend. My view back then was that if he was going to cheat anyway, and I fancied him, why not be the one he cheated with. I hasten to add that I'm a million miles from that person now and no longer have those views or total lack of morals. But at that time, I was a very confident (arrogant) person, with no self esteem issues at all, I was just young and reckless and selfish and didn't give a tit about a girl I never met and felt I owed nothing to. Many years later, I discovered that my serious partner had been shagging around behind my back for years, one very long term affair, and lots of one night stands. Karma perhaps! I think people have affairs for many reasons, other than simply having low self esteem.

 

[Dipdab]

Yes as a naive 19 year old who had low self esteem from bullying during teenage school years. Thought it was glamorous and exciting as he was older. Reality it was seedy and toxic. The novelty wore off after a few months and I saw sense and eventually met someone my own age. I still think about it now and am incredibly ashamed.

 

[Pariszai]

Thanks for your responses to my story. I agree when you said it is to do with self esteem, I was relatively young, have always struggled with self esteem and never really had any other male attention so I guess I jumped on it. No excuse, of course.

It happened about 3 years ago now and that whole thing still causes me a lot of low points. I do wonder what on earth I was thinking! I'm trying to work on my issues and hoping I come out the other side soon and find someone nice as I'm wasting my life now punishing myself constantly. I did the crime but feel like I've done the time now if you know what I mean.

 

[Jgizzle]

Pre-married life I definitely attracted married/in relationships men!!! Dunno what that says about me

Had a 2 year relationship with a colleague who was engaged. (I HAD ZERO CLUE!) Went to his friends weddings and all sorts. They were all scummy and cheaters so covered for each other. Was literally in love then I received flowers addressed to another woman - FBI skills came in handy (checked his work phone call logs and recorded calls) contacted her…..his fiancé….she received flowers addressed to me. WW3 went down. They’re now back together with a kid, he still attempts to contact me via LinkedIn 6 years later.


Met another bloke on a course. FIT! Stayed in contact after the course. Met up for drinks a few times.Few snogs here and there, then a weekend away. Bish bash bosh. Would see each other some weekends, was pretty casual. He was in the military so lived away from home. Ended up finding out he was married and that his wife was pregnant. Sent him abuse didn’t hear from him again…… About a year later his wife randomly added me on Facebook! Didn’t accept her, but just had a snoop and they’re still together now with 2 kids.

 

[ASAnigel]

There has to be a poster who got involved knowing she was going to be the other women.
I can't believe theres not been a story yet where they admitted they jumped into a relationship fully aware that the man/woman already had a partner.


I can believe that they might be scared of being judged here.

ETA @ASAnigel just re read yours, so you did know he had a wife but didn't know he had kids?

Sorry I’ve only just seen this. Yes I did - terrible I fully know that. We slept together and yes I knew he had a wife but didn’t know about the kids - I just thought it was a one time thing and foolishly convinced myself she wouldn’t find out so I wasn’t hurting anyone. He then continued to message and asking to meet up etc - i was reluctant at first but then did. Would see him maybe once a month ish but we spoke every single day and I completely fell in love with him.
then I found out he had kids and I ended it cause it suddenly became all a bit too real.
he never specifically said he’d leave her but he always said just enough to make me convince myself he might.