Hey Tattle aunties, it’s time for my update on my coaching sessions with Sophie Guidolin while my sister cleans my house and my kids play outside like true gentlemen. Here’s what I’ve learnt to support my family in the last 3 sessions.
1. If you want your kids to do something without being asked to show they are the best brothers, just tell them by shouting it from the sidelines. Then start filming them when they comply, and save it to your shared camera roll. It makes you a amazing mum to your husband and all the aunties. It also makes your sons thoughtful, grateful and blessed. It makes your lies true!
2. If your husband is having a affair at the gym with a small, curly haired woman with a tight snatch and clean, book into your closest emsella and start the curly girl method immediately aka asap so she doesn’t have anything on you. Remember, you’re the wife and he loves that you love being loved by him.
3. Cling onto one friend harder than all the others and flog their products in a ad between footage you’ve taken of your kids (refer session 1). This shows the aunties that you’re likeable, chilled and not toxic. This can include laughing like a beaky dork in inappropriate footwear for running at your own gym (see I’m a gym girl too!). You become so carefree that you become beyond fine with a affair (refer session 2).
I’m switching off to enjoy a lovely, free and absolutely fine weekend.