The Kearns #37 rumours swirling about Brad’s little gym romp, things not so rosy at the muddy swamp

[screenfreelookatme]

She really will be devastated that he chose a blue cast. He’s so done with her bullshit fake narrative and I’m here for it!

“The doctor asked him three times if he was sure he wanted a pink cast. The nurse whispered to him that pink was only for girls. He bravely smiled and said, ‘pink is for everyone and I love unicorns and Buddy died’. The doctor still looked apprehensive, but did as he was told. When Knox returned to the waiting room, everyone stood up and applauded when they saw it. One man started sobbing, muttering ‘I wish I had your courage’ in between tears.

On the way out the doctor handed Knox a pink lollipop and smiled, ‘you’re right, colours are for everyone. You are the kindest and most respectful boy I’ve ever met. Thank you for being yourself. Thirty seven more boys asked for pink casts today after they telepathically heard about yours. You’re such a inspiration’. We’re so proud of you Knoxxay boo boo.”

 

[MrsZee83]

Little Birdy with very good inside gossip says the gym babe is in fact the real deal. Much. Much younger though. What is wrong with her?? So gross.

 

[MrsZee83]

He's an absolute piece of shit. Such a dog thinking he wouldn't get caught. However a young and silly 19 year old personal trainer who wants to break the influencer market isn't going to keep an affair like that a secret, even when asked to keep it on the down low. I heard there's even a photo of both their faces laying in a hotel room but that would just be stupid. Wouldn't put it past the little man.

 

[MrsZee83]

This info is from a close friend who is in the fitness industry and knows his stuff. And loves his tea
Apparently the big ogre knows and is extremely angry and embarrassed however of course won't leave because she relies on him and needs to keep up the front. Didn't we all guess that anyway??
Very stormy in swamp land at the moment it sounds.

 

[b!tch_eating_crackers]

She is looking rough(er) than normal! View attachment 2327517

I happened to be scrolling slowly and thought someone posted a pic of Mrs Doubtfire 🫢

 

[phonies]

Thread suggestion:

The Kearns #38 the curly girl is no more, content is a bore, gang signs are so hardcore & skate ark is still against the law

Other rhymes omitted due to length:

Sez goes to the gym for her leaky core
Brad goes to the gym to score
Sez still hasn’t shown Brad the door
Even though he has strayed before
Coz she wants him to do her raw
And get dancing monkey number four
Sez is working all day but she’s not poor
Sez doesn’t have time to do a single chore
We’d like to punch Brad in his jaw
Coz he’s a slimy lil donkey, yeeeehaaaw!

 

[finallyhereforthetea]

She will pull out a forged signed jersey tomorrow pretending she’s always been their biggest fan.

Had she actually been a fan she would’ve known the Matildas played several friendlies on the central coast prior to the World Cup and she would’ve actually been able to meet players, including Sam Kerr, like my kids did.
I laugh at her “mum of boys” persona. This “mum of boys” children actually follow many women’s team.
We’ve been to numerous events here on the cc to met the England and German World Cup teams and one of my boys was stoked to meet Chloe Kelly at terrigal last week. ( Sez FYI - Chloe Kelly is part of the English World Cup team - her penalty
Goal last week was the faster than any of the goals in last year EPL ( men’s English premier league))

this jumping on women’s sports bandwagon has me particularly ragey.
As a “mum of boys” we even shock horror actually go to lots of women’s sporting events and have for many years . Believe it or not my kids favourite cricket player is elyse perry ( yes she’s a woman and she plays for the Sixers so my boys wear pink supporters jerseys)
Stick to pretending to like the NRL, Sez. It’s more on brand for you and your stadium full of supporters

 

[fakeymcfake]

Just to add to this.. gotta keep the receipts.

He referenced the Barbie movie in his ‘loving’ caption about Sarah but liked Shapiro’s post trashing it. He’s so fake. He knows who his audience is and panders to them for engagement but to follow and support Shapiro and previously Tate shows he’s obviously a right wing misogynist too scared to share his real views. There’s times I’ve thought this thread is too harsh but you’re all right, he really is fake as fuck and deserves everything he gets.

 

[phonies]

I’ve worked out the ‘shitfluencer word salad’ that Brandley made famous, personalised for a Thermomix.

1. Turn on your Thermomix (turn it on amirite?! *puff chest*).
2. Start by adding something kinda nice about the mother of the kids you father to the bowl to appeal to unintelligent mothers.
3. Add bank-handed compliments, sneaky insults and/or sexist jokes about the mother of the kids you father to the bowl to appeal to unintelligent fathers and ex-partners.
4. Add some unnecessary words to the bowl to try to appeal to an intelligent audience. Keep adding until the flavour is visible and unmistakable. When you’re sure, add some more just to be safe.
5. Blitz on speed 10 for 20 seconds so it’s impossible to tell apart the ingredients you added at Steps 2-4. We recommend doing this step without the measuring cup on, so the resulting word salad flies everywhere over your stadium of followers.
6. Garnish with a photo of the mother of the kids you father that isn’t outwardly distasteful, just mildly to appeal to yourself, the mother of the kids you father and the Tattle aunties who will all get a different kick out of it.
7. Serve at 8pm.

Alternate:
• Sub out garnish at Step 6 for a gratuitous photo of yourself. Feel big about it.
• Add extra garnish: a photo of you being a father to the kids of the mother of the kids you father, you loving the mother of the kids you father being loved by you and/or an amirite.

Tips and tricks:
• Ingredients last in the freezer for up to 12 months and can be refrozen over and over, perfect for enjoying whenever you have nothing else to offer, as much as you like.
• Seek feedback from the mother of the children you father via comment only, not in real life.

Reviews:
aunties and uncles
intelligent people (0 is not an option)
Tattlers
most of the stadium of followers (because they are bots and didn’t see this recipe)

Collection:
Basic bogans

 

[Thatsmeinthecorner]

You're getting good Tattlers..
You called it.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

We know it wasn’t on her watch if he was walking to a library ‍

 

[Emilyemily99]

I absolutely will not accept an ADHD diagnosis on Sarah. She may well be the most boring and typical neurotypical person to ever walk the planet, but Brandley on the other hand…?

Whilst I hate the notion of having ADHD and being a tiny egotistical asshole having any kind of cause and correlation effect, he definitely has all the hallmarks of the ADHD kid that would have been described as ‘spirited’ when what teachers meant was ‘this kid is a jerk’.

Neurodiverse boys can get away with being absolute assholes, whilst girls tend to adhere to expectations with masking around behaviour. He is unfocused on the boring stuff (career changes, anyone?), too focussed on weird niche stuff (my homeboy Loki, coaching, the bloody skate ark), impulsive (see again, re: skate ark) purveyor of unfinished business (where is Loki’s flight free aviary, Brad??) and is a typical dopamine seeker - whether that be through chasing body goalz at the gym, or chasing down young PTs. Even the way he talks and generates his word salads are highly typical of ADHD when it presents in people who aren’t hyperlexic; tons of words, little substance, very generic.

Also Sarah hasn’t lost much, if any weight. She is literally using her niece as a human shield in a few of the ‘it’s your birthday!’ pics. She looks as stout as ever in non posed candids, but her face is looking a little haggard. So I’d guess any loss is water weight from the tears she’s been shedding over Brad’s alleged infidelity disrupting her ‘harmonious-love being loved by you- family business dynamic.

 

[GlenCocoGoneLoco]

Just gonna share these again, for the newbies anyway. One is from his uncle I think and step mum.

 

[screenfreelookatme]

Hello creeps and welcome to thread 37 for Dadmum / Mrs Dadmum / Brad Kearns / Sarah Kearns.

Congrats to @SmallDickEnergy for the winning thread title (shortened to fit). You win a $15k second hand skate ark, lightly used. Just check with your council that it’s okay before you install it, wouldn’t want anyone getting in trouble

Hopefully someone can do a proper recap. There was a lot of fuss over Threads, for about five minutes. Brad lost a bet over who could get the most followers (after saying follower count doesn’t matter) and agreed to get a tattoo of Sarah’s name. It earned them a mention on the Outspoken podcast for sheer ridiculousness.

An anonymous tip to a gossip account seemed to suggest that Brad has been having an affair at the gym. We’re all pretty sceptical that anyone else would go near the tiny man, but apparently he has form and it’s happened before . Sez is working overtime to try and convince herself everyone that she loves being loved by him.

Sarah is trying the curly girl method with hilarious results.

According to Sarah, Brad’s been away for 241 weeks, despite being seen on stories every weekend and frequently through the week.

In general, Sarah has been very quiet. It’s a coincidence that it coincided with the Outspoken episode and rumours of Brad’s infidelity.

Thank you for supporting this thread

 

[Youseeingthis]

You are all way too harsh. Sez has really full on days. Not everyone is cut out for slopping about the swamp and getting rained on by toddler spittle. For all we know, she's had to turn the heater on by herself. These are high stakes moments in her life and it can really wear an ogre down. Brand really needs to lift his game, contribute to bedtime and love on her some more. She loves that.

 

[ripppperrrr]

Influencer Updates had a live on IG tonight. Confirmed but wouldn't delve into the nitty gritty of the swamp donkeys affair other then they are a couple known to send out emails to others if they don't agree with them and they are known more so on FB then IG. Oh sezzy I hope you enjoy that Nutella jar that brandleys been dipping his balls in and feeding em to his side chick.

 

[DoomScroller]

Brief recap. The Kearns are still Kearnts.

 

[Thatsmeinthecorner]

Love this comment

 

[fakefriendsonthegram]

Look at those 4 little children playing on the beach

 

[Thatsmeinthecorner]

"Don't worry Fiiny Bop. Mummy will get us tickets to the semi final".