Hello civilians, I’ve enjoyed my 4 days off frontline policing and advocacy to promote my parenting blog and content creator skills, but I’m back with an official (blue tick) police report.
Between the Influencer Updates podcast and texting each other across the hall as they snuggle up to a son son-nephew each, Strikeforce Swamp Official allege that Sez isn’t the only curly girl whom Brandley has been texting. We found screenshots on the shared camera roll of sexts, pornographic videos and lewd photos of what we think was a penis, but we had trouble locating it even when zooming in, so we’ve sent it off to forensics for further analysis.
The Kearns have not issued a comment in response to the alleged offences. It is alleged they have been too busy drafting a Kearns Legal Letter, and posing in crop tops and gym gear for journalist Brandy Kearns’ camera team for Tattle Life Digest. The only quote Brandy has gotten is “Raw egg whites and good mornings! Amirite!?” from a donkey, and “We’re fine, everything’s fine, beyond fine!!!!” from an ogre.
The evidence we have strongly suggests that Influencer Updates has shared factual information, because the Kearns’ are the first, best and only dad and mum influencer team who have more prominence on Facebook than any other platform. There are recordings of them gathered from online sources, the listening devices in their swamp house, and the civilians who call Crime Stoppers to report suspicious activity in Swamp Creek. You don’t need policing and army qualifications to know that a defamation case is null and void when facts are presented.
Signed,
Det. Karen Ann Kearns, Swamp Creek Police
Boy mum/Content creator/Advocate
