admittedly it’s not for everyone. One year I was there and some bloke started feeling me up in the crowd. I turned round and asked him to stop and he laughed at me and did it again. I spun around and smacked him straight in the mouth and sent him flying whilst screaming at him not to touch me and calling him a dirty bastard. I bet I was not the first woman he did it to that weekend but I also bet I was the last
Sometimes I miss the days when I was a smoker because nothing will move a creeper's hand faster than stubbing your fag out on it.
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My ninety old mum doesn’t approve of my dogs on the bed. Says I will get worms or distemper.
My mum never allowed our dogs on the bed. In fact they were only ever allowed in rooms that weren't carpeted. So the kitchen.
She was insanely hygienic was my mum. I moved out of home very early as I went to Uni at the other end of the country when I was only just 17. Took my dog with me and day one, before I'd even slept there I had him up on the bed. He was hesitant at first. Kept looking over his shoulder for the shooing but he damn soon got used to it.
When I had my first baby he was in hospital for almost two weeks because he'd got an infection. I used to sit beside his little plastic cradle thingy and sobbily tell him all about his home that I couldn't wait to show him. "You've got a cane cradle and an elephant mobile and you've got your very own dog who is going to love you as much as I do - and he can sleep on your bed every night if you want him to!"
Addendum re: My Mum and dogs.
At 19 I got the opportunity to travel to Australia on a work/study exchange so my dog had to go back & live with mum & dad for an entire year. I was the youngest of six kids so they were there with just them, the old cat and him. When I returned home I discovered that the dog was living the life of feckin Riley. He was sat on the sofa watching telly with them, he slept on their bed and dad had bought him his own special rug so he could eat his bone while they watched the cricket together. The cat was also suddenly allowed on the furniture because they never did like to play favourites and as a result the cat loved the dog like a brother.
I was understandably taken aback and asked wtf had motivated this complete 180 on animal rights. Mum said "The first night you were gone he and your dad were so upset. Neither of them would even eat and it broke dad's heart. They were sat there crying for you together, dad patting him and saying "I miss her too mate" and I couldn't stand it so I said just let him up on the bed. Then that didn't seem fair to Mr Puss so we got him up as well."
Oh yeah the dog also got his little wet nose right out of joint the next morning when dad offered to drive me down the shops because I had the gall to sit in the front passenger seat "Oh that's Jazz's seat" dad said. I said "Not today Satan, gerrin the back." He did but he gave me a look that quite clearly conveyed the message "When is this
witch leaving again?" and rested his head on dad's shoulder the whole way there and back.
I guess with all their chicks flown the nest they just needed someone to overindulge. I never did have the heart to take him back off them. I negotiated occasional weekend access visits.