“The Ick”

[birdiefly246]

What the actual duck? I'm sorry for your loss.

Just wondering, has anyone ever called out a needy clinger (especially pre-meeting)? I always wonder how that would go.

I have called one out on tinder before. This was peak lockdown so basically we had sent, I tit you not, 7 messages (!!), those messages being along the line of "I speak x language as well and I'm also vegan" blah blah blah tit before he asked if I was "sticking to corona rules" (hindsight that should have been the end but you live and learn) and I was like yes for obvious reasons but also cause I am still working in a supermarket so am at risk of potentially spreading it if I'm asymptomatic. So the next conversation goes like this

Him: oh okay fair enough, when this is over do you fancy meeting up, you can come over to mine if you want or go for a walk?
Me: Well we've only sent a few messages and we don't really know each other so maybe after some more time chatting
Him: yeah but I already know really like you
Me: No you don't. You don't actually know me at all besides that I'm vegan and I speak Spanish. That's it. You can't possibly like me. You know tit all about me or my personality.
Him: Yeah I do because I can tell you have a dark sense of humour and I really like that.
I didn't reply.
He kept going though...
He also said that if we were together he would treat me properly like he'd pick me up and spin me around. I said yeah I don't like stuff like that (why was I still entertaining him i do not know but I think I felt like it was duty to tell to stop being a creepy asshat for the sake of the female population) and he was like well you should expect it... so I said "I am my own person. You don't get to throw me around when YOU want to. Don't cross me." and blocked him.

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

What is it with the seemingly default proposition a) come over to mine or b) go for a walk?

Unmatched!

 

[Lindssdnil]

A guy I’ve been dating sometimes goes really off if I take longer than half an hour to reply. He will send me messages like ‘busy then’ ‘where are you’ when I reply saying what I’ve been doing he will reply ‘where have you been’ ‘no worries I will leave you to it then’ this is even when he’s at the gym so shouldn’t be too focused on what I’m doing when he’s busy himself??
What do you all think this means?

It’s really hard when we’re together he’s lovely and shows no red flags? I really like him and not sure what to do..

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

It’s really hard when we’re together he’s lovely and shows no red flags? I really like him and not sure what to do..

I think the fact that his behaviour has bothered you enough to post it suggests you have a gut feeling that something is off here..
Why don't you mention it to him and see how he reacts? That will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[birdiefly246]

It’s really hard when we’re together he’s lovely and shows no red flags? I really like him and not sure what to do..

I would say don't ignore your gut instinct and my other advice is, if it bugs you now, it's going to really bug you 10/20/30 years down the line. The red flags ignored in the beginning tend to be the reason for splitting up in the end.

 

[Moley1]

If he is this controlling now it will only get worse. Get out of there! Never ignore red flags!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I dated someone that started to pop up saying I was quiet etc. It got worse and worse and I’ve never known anything like it, he would have major meltdowns over the effort I made (none apparently) and it escalated into him ‘knowing’ I’m snapping naked photos and shagging other men (I wasn’t)

 

[CarrieW24]

What do you all think this means?

It means RUN!

Christ. Also boxers and socks

I hope your mum is okay. I bet she's so glad to be finally home!


I know it's not the same as losing someone, but boundaries wise, I told some guy I'd been dating that I'd be unavailable for a week because my twin was back home from another continent for a week. He knew that me and my twin are super close and have the same friend group so we had a tonne of stuff planned. Dude proceeds to blow up my phone and ask why I'm not talking to him. duck. Off.

I've had something similar happen to me, except in my case we were only talking and hadn't met yet nor made any plans to meet. My sister was visiting, from another continent. We barely see each other, I spent every hour with her.

I responded to his message a week after he sent it. He went ballistic! He was so angry and told me my sister's visit was not a reason not to respond etc.etc. Told me he was going to drink a whole bottle of vodka and it's my fault because I ignored him.

Let me re-iterate... I had only just started speaking to this guy. It was so early on the game he probably didn't even know I had a sister, didn't have my phone number and didn't know my surname. It was too early to even make plans to meet!

He saved me a lot of time that I would have otherwise wasted. If I ever had to get back to dating I will purposefully go cold for a week to weed out the hulks.

 

[Letsgooutside]

I dated someone who spelt the word “deaf” as “death” and put milk in before hot water when making a cuppa

 

[CarrieW24]

Faking orgasms

Sorry to all my exes

Both panties and it should never be used

Boobs is fine... not sure if theres any word for knickers that will not give some sort of an ick!!

I just call it underwear. Panties is an immediate teeth grinder

 

[265]

Panties is an immediate teeth grinder

I know, americans use that term, I cringe when I hear it on all US Cop shows....

 

[Bellaboo83]

I called one out last week, he messaged me at 07.30am to say morning (we'd been chatting 2 days), I replied good morning and said enjoy your day (hoping he'd get the message I was going to work and we'd speak later) . He replied asking me a question about my fave films, I ignored. Then I got two more through the day. And then another 3 at 5pm the last one asking if we could video chat that night.... I was actually fuming, he had sent 5 messages without a reply and was now asking to video chat ... Its such an invasion of space to blow up someone's phone when you've just met, I absolutely can't stand it. In the end I replied and said I'm really sorry but to me receiving that amount of messages puts me under too much pressure too early on and it had put me off, I wished him well finding what he was looking for.....he replied that he was just trying to be friendly and make converstaion ... unmatched.

Another that make me LOL is when you've not answered a message on Tinder / Hinge and they wait a day and then send..... "Guess not then" I always want to reply asking them what they think that message will achieve

 

[skvallertant]

I called one out last week, he messaged me at 07.30am to say morning (we'd been chatting 2 days), I replied good morning and said enjoy your day (hoping he'd get the message I was going to work and we'd speak later) . He replied asking me a question about my fave films, I ignored. Then I got two more through the day. And then another 3 at 5pm the last one asking if we could video chat that night.... I was actually fuming, he had sent 5 messages without a reply and was now asking to video chat ... Its such an invasion of space to blow up someone's phone when you've just met, I absolutely can't stand it. In the end I replied and said I'm really sorry but to me receiving that amount of messages puts me under too much pressure too early on and it had put me off, I wished him well finding what he was looking for.....he replied that he was just trying to be friendly and make converstaion ... unmatched.

Another that make me LOL is when you've not answered a message on Tinder / Hinge and they wait a day and then send..... "Guess not then" I always want to reply asking them what they think that message will achieve

Ugh. We should all work together to create a master post of replies for these scenarios! I think it would be great!

 

[CarrieW24]

What is it with the seemingly default proposition a) come over to mine or b) go for a walk?

Unmatched!

That made me laugh!

Nobody's ever asked me to "go for a walk." Because I've never heard that before, I would probably take it literally and show up with my dog and poopy bags

 

[265]

Having read most of this thread I am amazed that the human race is still going! It’s just as well men don’t read this or they would never attempt to date again!

Anyway, as a guy my “icks” are as follows -

Women who smoke
Women who wear far too much make up
Fake boobs
Women who swear constantly during normal conversation
Trout pouts
Millions of selfies on their insta page.
Wearing thongs when you have a very large a
White tights
Pierced nostril or tongue
Bits of toilet tissue stuck to your flaps
Faking orgasms
Those huge bizarre false finger nails
Getting so drunk you fall over or vomit
Bitchiness
Shallowness
Expecting us to know exactly how you like to be touched without telling us and quietly getting the hump when we don’t get it right.
Fussy eaters
Obsessive shoe purchasing
Chavvy tats (don’t mind classy ones)
Vocal Tory supporters
Ladettes
Flat nipples
Hairy legs
Inappropriate use of dentistry during oral sex
Not checking that the tampon has flushed down the loo
Not checking that you have left any floaters in the loo
Narcissists
Women who get arsey with you and expect you to know what you have done wrong when you haven’t a clue.
Women who complain about the way men treat women and then sleep with other women’s partners anyway

I guess that will do for now

Well I am in fact a man, well last time I checked, I don't have a ICK list because I haven't dated since 1992.... or was it 1993?

I had to Laugh at Moley1's list.

 

[Gamu]

I once went on a first date and in the restaurant all was going well until our mains were served. He pointed at the side of onion loaf that came with my steak and said " that will make you...." and he blew a raspberry at me to indicate a fart. I was mortified. Mortified and repulsed. Ick at someone being so earthy when I barely knew him.

 

[CarrieW24]

Well I am in fact a man, well last time I checked, I don't have a ICK list because I haven't dated since 1992.... or was it 1993?

I had to Laugh at Moley1's list.

I had no idea you were a man.I don't mean that in any bad way you're just a familiar "face" in the threads we have in common.

Share your stories please, male perspectives are a rarity around here. What's also a rarity is a dating story that doesn't involve meeting online. I'd like to hear it.

 

[lolarose1935]

Has anyone ever just woken up one day and got major ick from their partner, like every single thing was cringeworthy to the point of breaking up... Hope it wasn't just me

 

[265]

I had no idea you were a man.I don't mean that in any bad way you're just a familiar "face" in the threads we have in common.

Share your stories please, male perspectives are a rarity around here. What's also a rarity is a dating story that doesn't involve meeting online. I'd like to hear it.

As I've mentioned I don't have any stories to share, it's true I've not dated since the 90's, thankfully my misfortune with the female of the species has been forgotten.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Has anyone ever just woken up one day and got major ick from their partner, like every single thing was cringeworthy to the point of breaking up... Hope it wasn't just me

I have had this recently and found it when we had our first baby too. I just had to tell myself that it does eventually pass and everything he does will stop irritating the living piss out of me/making me cringe eventually