The Depression Thread

[heretoreaditall2019]

Hey lovely. First of all, please don’t apologise, you have no reason to.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, it sounds so demoralising. I’m not an expert and I’m sure others will be able to give a better answer, but I think depression can develop from any number of things, and it makes sense that anxiety and poor self esteem would bring it on. It’s an exhausting combination and it would be hard not to let that get on top of you.
I don’t want to “me-rail” but I’ve never seen myself as a sad or depressed person either, I don’t think suffering from depression is a reflection of someone’s personality. I kind of think of myself when I’m not depressed as “the real me” because my depressed mind is so different to what I’m really like. I’m usually so happy and easily amused but at the moment nothing makes me happy and that’s when I know somethings wrong.

If you feel comfortable with it I think you should give the medication a try. I totally understand the fear of it being stigmatised but you don’t have to tell everyone about it. But it’s so worth giving it a try. When I first took Prozac/fluoxetine years ago, I was so apprehensive but it probably saved my life.
Whatever you decide I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you, and you can always get things off your chest on this thread.

Thank you, it sounds so silly but it means a lot coming from “a familiar face”??

YES you articulated it perfectly thank you. You’re so right, personality is separate from mental health and that’s definitely why I’m struggling to believe I “need” the prescription cos I feel like I’m a happy smiley person so whatevs doesn’t matter?

I’ve been given sertraline which I’m too scared to even google tbh. I am scared it’ll make me withdrawn as I do a lot of 1:1 play and learning stuff with . I just need some way of not getting so upset by everything until I can do well with my CBT again really.

Thank you for listening it’s so kind and appreciated x

 

[rainbowlemon]

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot Even knowing somebody cares to reply means so much to me 🥲 I will make sure to check out the videos, and no, journaling or therapy did not work for me in the past. It doesn’t mean I can’t try again though!

I also used to be an active member of another mental health forum which I did find helpful. They were mainly american but they were always lovely and supportive. We had a couch where we posted daily check ins. I'm usually always around here too.

mental health forums, mental health support, psych central, mental illness forums, mental forums, psychology forums, depression support, anxiety support, support groups

The original Psych Central Forums of over 250 self-help support groups and forums for emotional support, mental health, psychotherapy, and mental illness.

mysupportforums.org

I know it's hard but keep going. No giving up allowed!

Oh, how do you find those? I’m up north. All I’ve seen is a free intro session then block book or it’ll be £60-£100 for an hour depending on the therapist. My therapist said he’ll get me some recommendations before he leaves but I’ll have to see how much they charge.

Great to hear it’s working for you Sometimes you just need someone to help you put stuff in to perspective. That’s how I approached my sessions, and have made a lot of “holistic progress”. He was fed up of the bureaucracy of the NHS so is going fully private.

At the risk of sounding like privileged potato I did therapy for four years. My old therapist did also work for the NHS but left too. I last saw him in september after a 4 month gap and I've been out of the therapy loop since.

This was the list I found:

Other affordable options for people on low incomes

Ongoing talking therapy – counselling and psychotherapy – will usually feel like a luxury and out of reach for people on low incomes. The Free Psychotherapy Network is a response to the…

freepsychotherapynetwork.com

If you type low cost and your area you should get something.

I 96% of my sessions were online as it saved time traveling and I wasn't in London during term time.

You could have a look here too.

Find a Therapist | Skype CBT | Skype Therapy | Skype Therapist | online therapy

Find yourself a Skype Therapist who can communicate in your language and understand your culture. Skype CBT, Skype Therapy, Skype Therapist

www.skypetherapies.co.uk

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I had a big spiral last week, did up my meds and really made myself go out for a long walk to try to clear, haven't felt 'right' for a few months, Im very reluctant to ring for a drs app, did try, but the receptionist was horrible, she should work for border control!! So I gave up, anyways today I cleared out a cupboard I haven't touched for years, got rid of soo many books, then found a box, it had soo memories in it, some good, alot bad, all went in a black bag, felt good at the time, but now I feel like crap.

Can you book an appointment on line instead of phoning? Those receptionists are always arseholes, but in fairness they do get a lot of crap from people. If not, bite the bullet and try again. Usually I find killing them with kindness knocks them off their pedestal!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Spoiler: trigger for SH sorry

really struggling tonight. Was doing fine all day then last couple hours it has hit me, haven’t self harmed for over a year but running out of options. Have tried all recommended distractions. Have tried texting friends but left on read and they are getting tired of my constant breakdowns. Guy I’m seeing literally just told me he’s going to bed and can’t deal with this. Tried ringing Samaritans and no one answers, which surprised me as I thought someone always answers. Not sure where I turn from here? Feels like every door is closed.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Had a few good days this week and today it’s started again. I rang the GP but they can’t offer me anything until next week and just said if I am in danger to present at A+E which of course I’m not going to do.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I feel the same, am so glad for this thread, and talking to folks like you I feel so lonely alot, and insomnia doesn't help, has been worse since I lost my dog last September, I've had dogs all my life, but blimey, that one really got to me and he used to sleep next to me, I miss him soo much.
Debbie Harry was and still is stunning, am a rock music lover, but love Blondie music to!!

It really does help a bit doesn’t it. But again, I’m so sorry you know what it’s like. I’m so so sorry for the loss of your sweet dog, that’s so sad. No wonder you miss him, he sounds like such a comforting presence. I lost a pet I love so much in 2020 and I’ve never got over it. He was my little soulmate and not everyone understands the loss of a pet, so it’s hard to grieve x

I love how Blondie’s music appeals to fans of so many different genres, they’re iconic, and I totally agree, Debbie Harry is still so stunning.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Me again. Struggling to sleep tonight. Only had 2 hours last night so I should be tired right ?? Nope. anyone else can’t sleep either ?

It’s horrible: I know you said you can’t have diphenhydramine but there are other things out there. Lots of herbal remedies with valerian, CBD oil, promethazine… and that’s without getting into prescription stuff like zopiclone or benzos which are easy enough to get hold of. Please don’t suffer, having so little sleep will really make everything 10x worse

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’ve been off my meds for about a week or so and my mood swings are massive! I am very full of myself one minute and super sad and depressed another. Hoping to go back on them this weekend. I am bad with medication but I know this one helps so I need to get my shit together. Happy weekend everyone!

Please do go back on meds if that’s what makes you feel better. You deserve to be happy all of the time lovely

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I was really struggling tonight. I got quite drunk for fun as I’d had a good week but then started feel really low and wanting to sh. I then (silently) danced around and decided to pierce my second helix. I’ve tried a few times and failed but managed to this time. I’m not sure if it was the best thing to do but I do feel better now. I had a call with my unis well-being service and I think I’m a bit wound up over it. Now I have the potentiality of getting help I don’t want it because I don’t want to face things.

I’m so sorry Blue Rose! I don’t think you should push yourself into getting comfortable if you are not comfortable with the idea yet, but just knowing you can get it might make you feel more safe. How are you today?

It’s such an isolating feeling, and out brains make us think we’re alone. It’s why it’s a relief to see that other people get that too. Don’t jinx it lovely! I’m so relieved for you!
Yas! I’ve done what I should have done weeks ago and arranged an appointment with my gp. I’m gutted my meds aren’t helping but I’m so grateful to have a nice doctor who will listen.

Thank you! I’m so glad to hear you were able to get an appointment, I hope you get the help you need! Meds aren’t perfect and often are not enough, unfortunately

Does anyone else on sertraline get heartburn after taking them sometimes?
I woke up in the night with it and its still there now

Have you talked to your doctor about this? I get the same thing with Fluoxetine. I try to take it with food and with food only, otherwise I get horrible heartburn. I’d rather skip it altogether than take it with no food, it’s that bad.

I’m after some advice.. I’ve had depression for well over 10 years and it often comes and goes. I left my ex husband who was extremely toxic 2 and a half years ago. I was completely fine until about 5 months ago where my depression came back because of issues with the divorce and now it seems to be ongoing because of the memories of the relationship, being lonely etc.

My question is would I be wise to tell someone I trust what went on/ what he done during the relationship or no? I want someone to be honest with me and say whether I’m overreacting/ try and explain why he done what he done etc and not say things just to defend me to help me feel better. At the minute only my best friend and the police know what went on. I keep getting upset in work and my boss tells me to stop living in the past and I thought maybe if I told someone else what I went through it might help me cope?

Sorry for the long post. I hope it makes sense.

From your post it seems like you really want to confide in someone. If talking about it will help you cope, do it! Well done for leaving your ex husband, you don’t need toxic people in your live and deserve so much better!

I spoke to a therapist through work but she basically just told me he was an idiot and that was that. She never asked me what he done it was just how I can cope with depression and stress to stop getting upset and when I tried to talk about it she’d move the conversation on. It was relatively helpful learning how to cope a little better when the depression flares up, but I would have preferred talking about what went on to get it off of my chest.

Could you find another therapist? She does not sounds like a good one.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Triggers? Absolutely!
It's a well-trodden path to go down where you know all the twists and turns and exactly what's going to happen. It's shit, isn't it?

Yes to this and to @Raymond Luxury-Yacht. I think something to do with confirmation bias. Which I believe means our brains would rather we were unhappy (but predicatably so) than happy and “wrong” about something, if that makes sense. Has anyone ever discussed that with a therapist? For me it is one of my very biggest stumbling blocks and I seem not to be able to overcome it. I hate it when people say “it’s like you want to be unhappy” but I guess there is something to it?

 

[Travelmonkey]

I'm really struggling with recurring anxiety and depression. I'm on sertraline 50mg but i seems to have long periods where I'm fine and then suddenly I'll get overwhelmed and exhausted. I struggle to get into work and then get more and more anxious and depressed. It's been this same cycle for 15years and it's completely exhausting.

 

[Evabee]

I’m having a hard time at the moment. I have no friends, no hobbies, I lost everything I liked about myself.I can’t even look in the mirror without crying because I hate the person I’ve become.

i just can’t see it getting any better from here, I’ve got nothing to look forward to and it’s giving me some really horrible thoughts

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m going through the same thing right now, I know it sucks but I hope you find something that works for you

I’m sorry you’re going through the same, it’s so exhausting isn’t it. Thank you so much, I really hope you do too x

I have had this happen! Definitely talk to your doctor about changing to a different medication. My Psychiatrist told me recently he has some patients who did not find a specific SSRI helpful in the past sometimes find a few years down the line it is more effective (we were discussing possible medication options for me, including trying a med I had previously not had much luck with!) I think probably it works the other way too?

Thank you, I didn’t know that but it makes sense, and it’s kind of reassuring x

 

[flutternutter]

Been on 25mg sertraline for about 3 maybe 4? weeks now. Had all the side effects in the first 2 weeks. Although I am feeling ok dr suggested 50mg as im still just about everything. Am i going to have the same side effects all over?

How should they make you feel? What am I aiming for? Meh has been a nice changed to feeling crap every day hah

 

[flutternutter]

I’m done with living. I’m so fucking sick of waking up every single day. I literally have nothing worth living for. Apparently my mental health issues are a joke, and it’s my own fault I can’t keep friends. No one knows what I’ve been through and what’s happened in my life.
No one cares, not even my doctor. So I just think it would be better if I gave up trying to care for myself anymore.

Hope youre ok. Ive found with my own situation no one can understand what youve been through and your emotions. Understanding this has been quite healing for me, although I am lucky to have a GP who does care and wants me to feel better.

Living with depression is absolutely exhausting. But you've got through every day so far. When I felt like I didnt want to be here the 1 thing that kept me going was "what IF if gets better..."
Its not perfect by any stretch, I still have my ups and downs and this year I finally relented and went on sertraline. but it is getting easier. Im forgiving myself for my behaviours, i am allowing myself to live a life i deserve.

Most of my friends dont get it, they just think im miserable and ive lost many along the way. Can you maybe think of 1 thing you could do for yourself and appreciate the effort you have made? When i was rock bottom, a bath or a walk in the park was that for me

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Hi I’ve just found this thread and feel the same. I’m supposed to be in work but have called in sick until next Monday. I’m hoping my Gp will be sympathetic but who knows. Either way, broke or not, I’m going to have to hand in my notice. I’m diagnosed with ASD as well as depression, and the overwhelm is ridiculous. What am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? I’m not prepared to be at rock bottom to please a bunch of people who couldn’t give a toss. I wish everyone the very very best - I’m not prepared to sacrifice my life for people who don’t care - if I have to buy a tent and sod off to the woods then I will. I’d rather be alive, de stressed and happy than sitting in an office, stressed out of my mind.

The year has just begun. Don't write it off so quickly

Thank you both My main problem is not just depression but rather fatigue and self-hatred. It’s so difficult to wake up every day and see the person you hate in the mirror, and there is no way I can get out of this body. I know I can change something but I just don’t have the energy.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Spoiler: Me-rail breakup whinge

Thank you. I’m glad (but also sad) that you understand how hard it is. It was a month ago and I feel like most of my friends have already forgotten about it - apart from the ones who’ve had their hearts broken too, because they get it. Thank you for legitimising the shitness of it

Spoiler: Response

It’s ok, it took me a year to get over my last ex, but I got there in the end.

Ugh just a month ago, that’s still so raw. I’m glad you’ve got friends who get it (although its a shame for them too). But yeah, it really is shit. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, you need and deserve to x

 

[Raininvain]

I am very low and lonely today. I realized yesterday that I started liking someone and I really hate that feeling. Because everyone leaves. I am so lonely but so mortified to get attached to people again. I don’t know how to cope with that. I am scared.

Just take them as they come, and dont invest too much in them, so if they dont stick around then so what?
I think its part and parcel of life that people just come and go. I've lost touch with quite a lot of really nice friends over the years and it wasnt through falling out, it was move to do with life changes, like they got married had more kids, job changes for everyone etc. Not everyone keeps in touch. Just try to take things for the moment etc. Same for a possible partner.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I just haven't slept much in 2 days and I've just hit a wall. I just end up arguing with my own brain when it comes to trying to sleep

Sucks. Sleep deprivation fucks your whole system. A few things I fo, turn on amesitation video

I’m so sorry, Penguin ! I know it is difficult, but try to get some sleep, at least a couple of hours, it’s so important for your body. Have you tried falling asleep to the sound of TV/music? I do this sometimes when I don’t want to focus on my own thoughts too much .

I’m on fluoxetine not sertraline, but I am in the same boat as you, haven’t taken my meds for a couple of days and I know how it feels. You are not alone, we are always here to listen to you and support you

Why are you guys not taking your meds? If you’re going through withdrawal you’ll feel rough.

 

[Geranium]

I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve been depressed and massively anxious since the age of 4 and I’m in my 20s now.

currently my mental health is so bad that I don’t go out and see anyone, my moods swing massively one way or the other so my life flips between fully on track and completely lost the plot and it’s so upsetting. Ive had years of CBT of all kinds, counselling and medication for depression that hadn’t helped. I’ve had a high couple of months which resulted in me getting £6000 into debt buying stuff I wouldn’t normally with no thought process then I suddenly just crashed and want to die again and don’t see the point in living. It’s exhausting as I’m either completely obsessive and trying to control everything and when something happens I lose the plot and I’m too depressed to do anything other than lay on the sofa and cry for months. I’m not suicidal, I just want the swings and the pain and the thoughts to stop if that makes sense. I referred myself in January as I began to think I could have something more ‘complex and serious’ than depression that has to be tackled in a different way but I won’t even be seen until the end of July.

I’m so, so sorry to read this, please hang in there as we are nearly in July and hopefully some help is close. Keep talking, you’re not alone x