The Depression Thread

[rainbowlemon]

Are you safe right now?

In this moment do whatever it takes to stay alive.

Can you call a friend/ do you have any family close by?

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

 

[Maid22]

Hang in there, you’re right it is shit. Give yourself some time, take it easy and as the old cliche goes ‘this too will pass’. Sending you a huge hug and keep posting to let your feelings out and to let us know how you’re doing xxx

Thank you so much, your kind words have made me cry, which I don't do very often, i just really hate this feeling, my oh will be home soon, haven't got the energy to say ' everything's ok' like I try to do, he's had years of this with me, just feeling really worthless .

 

[Sideboard Bob]

It's cortisol. It's highest in the morning and hits you like kick in the guts when it's too high, which happens when you are under extreme stress. This is how I feel when I wake up too.

I have anxiety attacks every single weekday when I’m getting ready for work, I had no idea it was a morning thing. I‘m so sorry you and @Libbylulu go through that too x

 

[candyland_]

I don’t know what’s up with me - I think it’s my hormones but I’m so up and down. One day I’m happy and telling my boyfriend I love him or having fun with my friends and then I’ll have a few low days where I’ll want to end my relationship, or cut certain people out of my life and just be on my own. I was stable when I had my contraceptive implant and didn’t have low days like this. It’s nothing anyone has done but I can’t help feeling like that.

 

[melfish]

Thank you that’s very helpful

Supplements like ashwagandha, rhodiola rosea and PS (phosphatidylserine) are meant to help

High cortisol also makes you insulin resistant and gives you belly fat

 

[newaccount2022]

Not sure if directly related to depression but definitely linked to my low self worth..

Is anyone else completely incapable of dealing with any sort of conflicts or people being upset with them, even though you’re a grown adult? I completely run away from any sort of serious conversations, responsibilities, the thoughts of ‘moving up’ in my career makes me ill.

i had a TINY misunderstanding with my mum today over text, I misinterpreted something she said so made a small joke and she sent a one word reply so I immediately knew something was off. I then go into panick mode texting and calling which she ignored, and this made me worse… finally she answered and explained what she meant and said she was frustrated. The rational side of me knows all I could do was apologise and that it’s not even serious but now the thought that she’s sitting in the house feeling annoyed with me just makes me feel sick. I feel so low, I couldn’t eat lunch and I’m sick to my stomach. It’s so stupid.

Something I struggle with majorly is feeling unimportant, I don’t think I am special or important part of anyones life and feel very isolated. But at the same time the thought of anyone perceiving me/thinking thoughts about me as a person and my personality is so scary and I hate it! I want to be both special and anonymous and I know I can’t have both!!!

Also been on 100mg Sertraline for a month or so and notice no difference. Really don’t think I’ve ever noticed a difference with any antidepressant which makes me believe this is just how I am which depresses me further!!!!

Sorry for such a long post just feeling so frustrated and loathing myself today

 

[kachoochoo]

Hi there, never posted in this thread before, but sending so many positive thoughts to you all.
I’ve had pretty bad depression for a couple of years now.
Does anyone else struggle with the summertime? I usually LOVE summer, bright sunny weather, but just now I feel like I hate it. I can’t enjoy anything (again, this is not what I’m really like), and it feels like this weather just makes everything to bright and “loud” if that makes sense? I feel like such a twat complaining about sunshine But it just feels like everything’s too much.

honestly, I feel you, SideyB. in theory, I do love it but summer's been too much for me for many years. it used to be feeling pressure to properly *enjoy* it when I just couldn't and then last year was too stressful to enjoy and I'm figuring this year's going to be the same

 

[Maid22]

Aww I totally understand. I do have another pet who I love just as much, and I’m so grateful. I guess you have to just keep them in your memory, then they’re always there. I really hope you got a good sleep in the end. Thank you too. I couldn’t find the words last night, but your kindness and understanding means the world to me x

Thank you too, I managed an hours sleep, would love to be able to have a proper nights sleep, really doesn't help my mh issues.
Hope you're feeling better today? I really enjoyed chatting to you last night, makes me feel that I'm not alone, if that makes sense?

 

[mindlessness]

Posted on this thread over a month ago now
And I’m sadly still in the same place.. if not worse

this time of year isn’t helping and making things worse for me I swear … on top of how I’m feeling I’ve got people hassling me about Christmas plans and I honestly don’t want to know or take part in anything. Had people asking me what I want for Christmas etc, Ive already tried to say let’s not do gifts this year save your money.. but it’s just ‘oh no we can’t do that, what would you like…’ it’s such a hassle to come up with any suggestions as I don’t feel like anything brings me joy. Then I get made to feel like I’m being awkward..

Last time I spoke with the NHS well-being service they were wanting me to attend their webinars but I’ve spoken to them since and they’ve agreed that I’m not in the right place for that so it likely wouldn’t work or help me. They’ve referred me on for counselling instead but said it would likely be over the phone or a video call. Feel a bit hopeless as there is no way I would be able to talk or get my feelings out. I don’t have anywhere private at home to chat and my partner works from home and that’s not even the main problem..I have terrible phone anxiety which I keep repeating to them but they don’t listen.

They recommended that I should reach out to my GP and ask if I could try antidepressants - the last time I mentioned to my GP that I thought I was depressed it went ignored, so I’m hesitant to bother them about it again. I also had a bad experience on one antidepressant in the past so I’m unsure if I want to try any again. But I’m not managing well on nothing here? Is it worth a go..


If anyone made it this far through my rant
Question:
If you’re taking any medication, how did you know if you needed it?

I do think the main thing that’s stopping me going to my GP again is my previous experience when I mentioned how I was feeling before but there’s no other GP to register to here and it’s all online and you don’t know who you will get ..

Definitely go back and see your GP again. Even if it feels hard. Make sure to be upfront and honest about your symptoms too. Tell them you've had a hard time previously with that previous antidepressant and ask for an alternative.You can do it. You deserve support and healthcare.

I knew I needed an antidepressant when talk therapy alone wasn't working. Went on my first AD nearly a decade ago now I think? But I had been dealing with anxiety and depression for years before that. I've cycled through a number of them since! I haven't been on an AD for a year now. My psychiatrist has me focused on lifestyle stuff (routine, therapy, food, exercise, sleep, hobbies etc). But if he thought I needed to go back on one, I wouldn't hesitate. In the past medication has really helped me get to the point where I can make an effort with all the lifestyle stuff that can improve/lessen the severity of my depression.

 

[Penguin86]

I made it out very reluctantly and i never want to again

 

[hrh89]

At this point I don't even know why I'm alive

Absolutely relate to this it’s a horrible place to be in. I’m in a very similar place. I’m sorry you are struggling so much x

 

[lemonl189]

I’m so sorry that things have been so tough and difficult. I know you say you’re too scared to talk to someone face to face but sometimes finding a good counselor can be a blessing. It took me ages to agree to see someone but when I found the right person it helped me organize my thoughts, voice things out loud, make a plan, even just baby steps to start. Sometimes it’s good to have someone to talk to even if it’s an effort to start. 🫂 xxx

I’m definitely going to try speak out more I think the big thing is the anxiety of people judging me or if it’s wrong for me to feel like this. I know I have to get over things to accomplish goals and have a better life I want new friends and happiness I don’t know where to start but hoping to get there some day I struggle with talking to people my own age because they always seem to have the best life with goals and loads of friends whereas I don’t have no education only gcses I dropped out of college years ago so no chance of uni I am thinking about going back into education maybe I will meet people there but then I’m nervous for other people my age already having friends and me not fitting in. I have big dreams I want to achieve I just don’t know where to start or how to get there if that makes sense.

 

[isabellalovescats]

Hi everyone, I've never posted on this thread before. I've suffered depression since I was a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back. I go on very big highs and major lows. Mainly lows. Especially when I've had a good day. I can laugh and laugh and laugh and still come home and feel empty inside. I feel so empty at the moment, like there is just nothing inside me. I just feel like lying down and crying. Idk why.

Hey you lovely person. I hope you are feeling better today. BPD combined with depression is very tough to handle (I have both diagnoses as well) so I understand how you feel. Hang in there! Anything you do to help the transition between the high and the low so that the changes are not as sharp?

Coming back to update! Day 2 on meds! I woke up at 1:30 pm so that’s an improvement. Only drowsy for an hour after waking up, too. I really like Seroquel. There’s no other way I can manage my insomnia. I just have to be good at taking it and at reasonable times. My goal is to have a somewhat regular sleep schedule by the end of this month. Hope everyone’s having a good day today.

 

[emm]

I have been taking 50mg of sertraline for a few months after my anxiety got worse following a breakup. We were on/ off and now we have finally broke up for the last time and I feel like I want to die. I feel so bad for feeling like this because I’m usually such a happy person. I wouldn’t do it because I love my family too much but I really would rather not be here.

im so sorry, i am in the samesituation regarding a break up. it is the first feeling. sounds ridículous but if you can i would get a pet, i think having my cats to look after has basically saved me . wishkng you all the best

 

[rainbowlemon]

Thank you so much, your kind words have made me cry, which I don't do very often, i just really hate this feeling, my oh will be home soon, haven't got the energy to say ' everything's ok' like I try to do, he's had years of this with me, just feeling really worthless .

You deserve help even if you can't see it for yourself.

For those in crisis this charity also offers support too.

Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings

Maytree offer a free 4 night, 5 day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence, in a caring, safe environment.

www.maytree.org.uk

I was super bad yesterday and felt very unsafe.

They replied yesterday, checked in with me in the morning and said they'd get someone to call me tomorrow. Way more then I even expected to be honest.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I hate being clingy so I usually just give up.

This is exactly my life right now. I just woke up from a nightmare at 3:40 am. I am so sad. Going to pop a pill and try to get back to sleep.

Also stupid and devoured half a bag of chips. I started counting calories and I don’t know how people do it healthily - it’s fucking with me a lot. I’ve gone over the limit both days I’ve counted so far. I’m an idiot.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I have friends who have struggled with drugs/alcohol on top of the depression. It fucking sucks. Do you have a GP you'd be comfortable talking to about it? Would you feel comfortable giving an AA or NA group a visit? I know its easier said/suggested than actually done.

FWIW, leaving an abusive relationship is something that requires strength and bravery. You are capable of doing hard things because you've done them before.

Thank you

I know I can drink moderately, or could. It hadn't occurred to me today that alcohol probably doesn't interact very well with my medication and that's where things have started to go wrong. I've got nice things planned with chill people and have cancelled all my drinks with friends this month so hopefully that will help. One of my friends who I spend quite a lot of time with (she was my bubble in tbe pandemic) is a problem drinker (no judgement, I'm not exactly a shining example) and I've said I need to spend less time with her because I can't keep pouring booze on my problems and she is unwilling to not drink.

Anyway, I'm waffling again, thank you for being nice. These last couple of days have been better

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sneezing - that’s genius! Will definitely be using that one.

I’m glad that time is over for you.

Thank you, I hope it is for you soon too x

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

According to NICE guidelines, antidepressants should only be used as first line treatment for moderate to severe depression. They may have assumed (perhaps wrongly!) from your (very brief) conversation that your depression was mild - so that may be the reason.

Where does it say this? NICE guidelines state that they advocates a stepwise approach to managing common mental health disorders. It recommends offering, or referring people for, the least intrusive and most effective intervention first. Therefore, non-drug interventions (such as cognitive behavioural therapy [CBT]) should be the mainstay of treatment for many people with depression or GAD, with drugs generally reserved for more severe illness or when symptoms have failed to respond to non-drug interventions.

Also mild-moderate depression cannot be assessed by simply assessing suicide intention or risk, other factors such as self-harm, behavioural issues like alcohol, drugs, indulging in high risk behaviours, family history, onset of symptoms, other risk factors such as bereavement, trauma etc. None of this is ever properly assessed by a GP alone. Their job is to advise on medication options if appropriate and referral for assessment for CBT and/or talking therapy.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Really glad I've found this thread as I was considering starting something similar. I'm struggling, more than usual and it's probably my own fault. I'm on sertraline but last month I felt so so low and stopped taking my tablets (fuck knows why), the longer it went on for the harder it felt to go back to taking them. Christmas I just felt so unhappy, I had to force the joy/smiles for my children then cried in my room later. I used to love Christmas but these days I really struggle to find joy in things and then I feel like a terrible person/mum. Every day I tell myself my kids deserve better. My daughter also struggles with her mental health, she's attempted suicide twice and she's been particularly bad as she split from her abusive ex. She says she can't live without him and I'm so worried for her, I constantly feel like I'll fail her, I need to get better to help her. The situation is the exact same as my sister and I'm terrified I'll wake up one day and she too will have ended the pain permanently. I really am rambling now, just feel I have no one in real life to talk to and dumping my thoughts on an anonymous forum helps a little.
Sending love to all

I’m so sorry you feel this way. That’s such a difficult situation to be in, especially considering the background with your sister. I really hope things get better for you and your daughter I’m also glad you started taking meds again, please make sure you don’t quit cold turkey and talk to your doctor first

I have been taking 50mg of sertraline for a few months after my anxiety got worse following a breakup. We were on/ off and now we have finally broke up for the last time and I feel like I want to die. I feel so bad for feeling like this because I’m usually such a happy person. I wouldn’t do it because I love my family too much but I really would rather not be here.

Oh that’s so tough. I went through something similar this year, it almost broke me but now I don’t even want to look at him and his pictures make me cringe. I know it might seem impossible now, but you will get over your ex one day and never look back. Sending you a hug

How is everybody else doing? Hope you’ve all been able to get some rest and quality me time.