The Depression Thread

[nothanksbabes]

I just want to say you have not done something horrible, you’ve been through something horrible, and that’s not your fault. Please keep talking to us, saying it out loud, and keep seeking professional help. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling, but how you’re reacting isn’t a reflection of you as a person.

That's really kind of you, thank you so much .

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

It’s so awkward isn’t it. A few years ago there was a time I was just crying all the time, walking down the street.
At work, if anyone saw, I would sometimes just say I’d been sneezing or had allergies. I hated bullshitting people but sometimes it would just set me off even more trying to explain.

Sneezing - that’s genius! Will definitely be using that one.

I’m glad that time is over for you.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Fantastic advice I totally second this. Do you have a hobby? I’ve taken up photography and while I’m by no means good, I enjoy taking pictures of mundane things and seeing myself improve. It can be very useful to slow down and just cherish the small things like a nice cup of tea, a cute dog on the street, a good book or a bubble bath.

That’s a lovely hobby. Kate Middleton started off taking pictures for fun and her’s are beautiful now. I’m really into my fitness so that keeps the head and heart pumping. But honestly just feeling the sun or rain on my face makes me smile. Oh and cute dogs, cats (who I always try and coax over for a stroke) and nothing beats a hot bath and some comedy clips on YT. Hopelessness can run your life if you try and thing too linear and long-term. That’s not a good idea for us!

 

[Fairypop]

I honestly don’t think GP’s are ever very responsive on their own. Usually what happens is they will refer you for an assessment for counselling or CBT. I had this about 5 times before I convinced them that what I needed was actual psychotherapy. I knew it was more serious than just the standard ‘tick boxes’, but I had to be very persistent and persuasive (I note I work in medicine, so I know what to ask for and how to get it). Once I finally got into secondary care they were awesome. If you feel your GP isn’t helping, I recommend, you either speak to another GP within the surgery (if you can) and ask them to refer you. Or you can refer yourself via your local IPCT. I don’t know what area you are in, but either look online at the NHS ‘find a service’ website or ask the receptionist at your GP service who you should contact. If you have online services through your GP, there will be a self-referral section there too. There is nothing a person with MH issues needs less than an unsympathetic ear from the medical community!

Thank you again for your response! The GP did very briefly mention talking therapies but wasn’t overly helpful, I have found out more myself though as you suggested! I think I will do a self referral and see what comes out of that. I don’t expect my GP to be a mind reader, perhaps I should’ve pushed a bit more but it took so much for me to call up in the first place . I feel like as soon as he asked if I was suicidal and I said no, it was basically end of conversation. Anyway I’ll do a self referral and see how I get on for now. Thank you so much again to be honest it’s nice to even have people to talk to about it!

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

@anything at all i don’t know the answer to your question, maybe someone else can help? But didn’t want to leave you hanging.

I had my appointment. My GP was lovely and didn’t rush me, listened and gave a full assessment with lots of questions. We have a short and longer term plan. It was hard but I’m glad it is started.

 

[mindlessness]

I’m really struggling today.
What doesn’t help is everyone reflecting on their amazing past year, mine was shit and mostly wishing to die.
I have this raging emptiness and void in me this evening, I can’t shake it. I don’t know.

I think we’ll, I’m almost sure that I’m heading back to how I was before I started this medication, it isn’t great by all means but it seems to placate it a small bit but it’s efficiency doesn’t seem to be as ‘good’.
Psychotherapist assessment isn’t until Feb, sick of contacting my (clueless) GP to be given a generic pill to try, the weaning is the worst too. I hate this. I wish I was normal.x

Ugh New Years Eve is shit. Totally understand all the BS on social media of people reflecting on their years is upsetting and feeds into empty feelings. I'm sure you know this - but people don't share their real lives online, and I'd wager a few people you think are doing well are also going through their own struggles.

Hold on for Feb! Could you maybe see a different GP in the same practice if your current one isn't very helpful? It sucks switching pills, and the side effects weaning off one and on to another are annoying. But if you find one that works it can made a real difference.

Take Care

Hope you don't mind a newbie. Have very few people I can talk to in real life - I'd say less than 5 people know I have depression (well I expect its obvious to alot of people, but I've only actually told a few). I've been on 100mg sertraline for a couple of years (my longest stint) and it has mostly worked wonders for my overall mood, its like my default mood is now almost neutral rather than very low. I can't imagine ever feeling like I can come off it.

I'm starting to really struggle with anxiety...finding it so hard to make decisions, am deliberately avoiding things at work, massively catstrophising etc. Physically it's the feeling of constant dread in my stomach, racing heart, tearful and stressed. This is starting to have more of an impact on my life than my mood ever did, and am finding it really hard to get my head around what feels like a new unmanageable problem compared to depression which feels more controlled.

I know depression and anxiety can go hand in hand and my trying to separate them probably isn't helping.

Do any of you feel like you've tackled either depression or anxiety and the other has then reared its head? How did you manage? Is there a particular SSRI that can be better at managing both, or should sertraline be able to do that?

I feel like I need to speak to my GP, but can't quite find the words at the moment

Yes! It's a total balancing act managing both. For a while I was on two different medications - an SNRI for the Depression and Pregabalin for the anxiety. I was also in regular therapy, which helps a lot with my anxiety.

I think there are some SSRIs that have been found to help with both. But if the sertraline is working okay for your maybe your GP could suggest something to specifically address the anxiety to take alongside?

Would you find making notes for the GP appointment helpful? Or even telling them you're struggling and finding it hard to explain exactly how. But that you know you need help.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Does anyone else struggle with binge eating/emotional eating ? I know for some it’s a case of losing appetite but for me I have always used food whether it be when I’m happy, sad, anxious whatever. I’m very low at the moment, dark thoughts etc and I feel like the binge eating is getting out of control. It’s not helping because it makes me feel horrible bloated and disgusting but when you get that few moments of fake happiness eating food it seems worth it. Anyone else struggle with this ?

I do. I spent my childhood mistaking anxiety for hunger I think. It resolved slightly with therapy and being able to correctly identify my emotions. I had a a breakdown and lost a lot of weight but now I'm back on an even-ish keel I've started the emotional eating again. Especially with things in the world being so uncertain at the moment, food feels like a "treat". I do the same with alcohol, sadly.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Do you feel like you do it to hurt yourself? That was always the case with me.

Im still just managed to shower. Ate. Drove around on GTA for a bit. I am back at work monday and i need to find a way to tune back in

Yeah that’s has been suggested. I think I expected to see him happy with someone else, which wouldn’t really matter anyway because he didn’t want me. I also sometimes get this really weird feeling like he’s pulling on my energy (my whole face starts to itch and I instantly feel really drained). It comes out of nowhere and isn’t ever triggered by anything obvious. I’m sure that’s actually nuts because I doubt he even remembers my name anymore, let alone thinks of me). I still love him and don’t think I’ll ever get over it because it was the last straw before I had a breakdown in 2019. I just can’t believe it’s still so raw after 2 years of no contact.

Little steps are good and at least you have a few more days without work.

 

[philheybrookbay]

Well, as a long term sufferer of EUPD and anxiety today 7th July is the day I hate more than any other. It would have been my wedding anniversary- 14 years today. Although I've been divorced 8, it plays very smartly into EUPD and abandonment anxiety.

So I'm wound up, anxiety high, replaying all the horror moments and it's only 820am. I'll take a Propranolol in a mo, in the hope it calms the storm down.

 

[flutternutter]

Hi, ive just started sertraline this week for depression and anxiety.
Ive never been medicated before despite being depressed since I was a kid. My anxiety got really bad about 8 years ago and I had CBT. I had a breakdown about 4 years ago and had counselling.
Although I have learnt to cope with things not going right through my therapies, I am at a stage of complete emotional burnout. I'm not a low as I was during my breakdown but my complete disinterest in doing anything, and the state of my house made me ask for help.

I have always seen medication as a bad thing, like I was giving up. Im just so tired of fighting with my emotions every day though.

Anyway I have a really dry mouth atm which is on the side effects

 

[mindlessness]

I’m after some advice.. I’ve had depression for well over 10 years and it often comes and goes. I left my ex husband who was extremely toxic 2 and a half years ago. I was completely fine until about 5 months ago where my depression came back because of issues with the divorce and now it seems to be ongoing because of the memories of the relationship, being lonely etc.

My question is would I be wise to tell someone I trust what went on/ what he done during the relationship or no? I want someone to be honest with me and say whether I’m overreacting/ try and explain why he done what he done etc and not say things just to defend me to help me feel better. At the minute only my best friend and the police know what went on. I keep getting upset in work and my boss tells me to stop living in the past and I thought maybe if I told someone else what I went through it might help me cope?

Sorry for the long post. I hope it makes sense.

Yes, I think talking about it would definitely help you cope. I think this is something some sessions with a psychologist would help with. Could you see your GP about a referral?

You make perfect sense, and well done for leaving that relationship!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Crying is such a thing for me, so I feel you on this one. I don’t know what the answer is, really. I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of tears - it’s one of my main physical “symptoms”. I usually know what it’s about but I can’t shake it and it’s so disruptive and distracting. It doesn’t go away until I can have a proper cry which just isn’t feasible in day to day life. And as soon as I feel teary, I then feel worse, then I feel more teary. It’s hard! I wish it was acceptable just to have streaming eyes while walking down the street

It’s so awkward isn’t it. A few years ago there was a time I was just crying all the time, walking down the street.
At work, if anyone saw, I would sometimes just say I’d been sneezing or had allergies. I hated bullshitting people but sometimes it would just set me off even more trying to explain.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Bless you asking how others are, I'm ok, was worried about you, mh services here are crap, I know this is an anonymous forum, but please keep in touch x

Omg please don’t worry I’ve had these thoughts since 2018, it’s got to the point where I don‘t know if I’m over-reacting or under-reacting. I will be fine, I was just so gutted when they said it could be 6 months before I see someone, like there’s only so much a person can take you know? I will keep in touch though, thank you for being so sweet x

 

[Cosmicpixiesb]

I never really thought of myself as resilient so thank you. Much more has happened than stated on here but everyone has their own stuff going on. Thank you for allowing me to share. I am currently reading 101 essays that Will change the way you think - can highly recommend for looking at things in different ways

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I went up to 150mg Sertraline as 100 was ineffective and now I am trembling inside constantly and can't use my hands steadily. I don't know what to do.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

A bit TMI, but PMS after going off my meds is truly something else. I alternate between being on the verge of crying like an idiot and being angry at everyone and everything. I just wish I was a man and did not have to go through this shite.

The highlight of my day was going on a walk and meeting and petting a huge adorable poodle Dogs always make me feel better.

 

[mindlessness]

Does anyone have thoughts on how to tell what’s anxiety or depression? I think I might have both, although the one thing I never feel is numb or empty (sometimes wish I did). I’d say I spend a lot of time feeling painfully sad about the past and present or fearful for the future. I know I need to get help, I just worry that my GP will just give me the most basic standard SSRI prescription even if that’s not what I need. Not that I’m a doctor, and they know best, but you know what I mean.

I think it’s important to look in to both medication and therapy - at least, the combination has been most effective for me! The medication has helped me actually get something out of therapy, which can be hard work. Could you ask them about therapy options at the appointment? There are also some decent CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy books out now if you wanted to ‘self-study’.

I definitely find there’s some overlap with depression and anxiety, and one often feeds into the other or one will be worse than the other. Like currently my anxiety is a bigger issue and the depression is mild.

 

[isabellalovescats]

Please only share it with people you trust, I definitely don’t suggest going through it again and posting it here if it makes you sad or uncomfortable


I have to go now but there is always someone around here you can talk to. You are not alone @Chrisxo!

Concurring with this! You’re not alone. We are all here to listen.

I find this website very useful when I need to talk things out. You have to filter through the listeners with good reviews but it’s a free site, offers both one on one and group chats and some listeners listen to you for long term! I’ve been on that site since 2013 or 2014 and it really helped me cope with my chronic depression. Hope things get better for you.

www.7cups.com

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

The nights are so hard. I’m here if anyone else is

 

[unnecessary]

Why is the embarrassing? Firstly a hell of a lot of people these days simply cannot afford to move out of home and secondly being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. So you’re a late bloomer. Too many oeople rush to have sex and bitterly regret it.

Personally, I think 26 is way too young to get married and have babies. I was still at uni at 25 and then building my career after and didn’t marry until I was 31. Now that I’m divorced, I’ve travelled the world and am far more financially well off than I was when I was married (and no not because I got any sort of settlement), because I am free to choose what type of work I do without having to worry about stability. Yeah I feign happiness at these people, but I don’t want what they have. Never wanted babies, not interested in getting married again. I’d like a partner, but only if he’s the right man for me! I’m certainly not afraid of being alone.

It’s really hard to live in a world where you’re expected to have certain achievements by certain ages, but actually all you do by following these unwritten rules is end up living your life the way you’re expected to and for me that was never the life that made me happy.

My advice to anyone - you do you and let others get on with it. You will never achieve happiness in life by comparing yourself to others. OK, so you’re scared to grow up, that’s fine. Who are you actually harming? You’ll know when you’re ready to have sex or move out or whatever and there’s no law that puts an age limit on that!

That's so true that people cannot afford to leave home - I guess I'm embarrassed because I could afford it - I just don't feel emotionally ready to live by myself - I depend on my mum in ways I hate to admit. I also identify as asexual - I really feel nothing sexually.. ever. And so I guess I feel embarrassed about that in the way that I feel 'broken.' So while my way of living isn't bad or wrong - I just don't feel proud of it because I don't think I should feel the way I do. It's purely me - and I wouldn't judge anyone else for feeling the way I do. I completely agree with you - we shouldn't compare ourselves to others and the expectations that society sets for us.