The Depression Thread

[Maid22]

I feel the same, am so glad for this thread, and talking to folks like you I feel so lonely alot, and insomnia doesn't help, has been worse since I lost my dog last September, I've had dogs all my life, but blimey, that one really got to me and he used to sleep next to me, I miss him soo much.
Debbie Harry was and still is stunning, am a rock music lover, but love Blondie music to!!

 

[Calmyourtitsdown]

I’ve been reading this thread for a while, and can say that every single post and person here has resonated with me.

I posted a thread myself a while back, and was overwhelmed by the support and understanding I received (I fully expected to be to told to give my head a good shake!) At the time, I was struggling a lot with guilt and embarrassment at my behaviour, with regards to when I was really poorly last year.

Since then I’ve had an ‘introductory’ course of CBT, but now am waiting for the real McCoy, but that could take months.
I’ve been feeling very ‘flat’ recently, so decided this week to go back on Fluoxetine. I took myself off it back in February, after a year long course (the longest I’ve ever gone taking antidepressants).

I’m not sure what I’m trying to get from this post, just musing I guess. I seriously wonder though if I will ever know, what it’s like to fully feel happiness again. I’m the definition of ‘going through the motions’.

Can I ask; what do others do or have found useful in their pursuit to ‘appease’ your Depression?

 

[isabellalovescats]

I know exactly how you feel! I have no friends either. I have a girl mate who i am friends with because her partner is friends with my boyfriend and we both have babies. It feels a bit forced though? Like not a proper friend. I like the comfort of having support on Tattle but sometimes I wish I had that support in real life too. It's a shame we can't pm really

It really is a shame. There are a few Tattle girls who are just wonderful, including you watermelon, whom I’d love to be friends with irl. Glad we have comfort here at least.
Do you still have girl friends back in Liverpool? I used to have friends back home but it’s been quite a few years since I moved so I’m starting to lose connection with them, too. Only two people I’m close with irl and they both live 6 hours flight away. And I hear what you say about being a bit forced re: your girl mate. The only girl I hang out with is someone I met through the Chaplain. It was set up and though she’s a nice person, I still don’t feel like she’s a proper friend yet. It’s been almost 9 months since I first met her already. Do the babies get along? Do you hang out with her without your partners?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you, it sounds so silly but it means a lot coming from “a familiar face”??

YES you articulated it perfectly thank you. You’re so right, personality is separate from mental health and that’s definitely why I’m struggling to believe I “need” the prescription cos I feel like I’m a happy smiley person so whatevs doesn’t matter?

I’ve been given sertraline which I’m too scared to even google tbh. I am scared it’ll make me withdrawn as I do a lot of 1:1 play and learning stuff with . I just need some way of not getting so upset by everything until I can do well with my CBT again really.

Thank you for listening it’s so kind and appreciated x

Aww I know what you mean!

I‘m glad you can see it that way, because then hopefully it makes it easier for you to be ok with seeking help. It’s such a cliche but there are people I know in real life who have struggled with depression and/or serious mental health problems, and almost all of them are “life and soul of the party” kind of people, you would just never guess.

I only realised after posting that you shouldn’t feel pressured into taking medication! Especially with a young baby. I’ve never taken sertraline but with other antidepressants, any negative side effects are just for the first few weeks. But you should ask about other options too, I totally understand you wouldn’t feel up to CBT just now, but there might be other kinds of counselling or therapy that could help.

There are also some good self-help books, the “overcoming“ series is recommended by a lot of doctors. I’ve read one of them in the past which was really helpful, but I’ve tried to read the depression one recently and just can’t focus
https://overcoming.co.uk/

You‘re welcome. It’s a huge thing to realise you need help, to ask for it, and to be able to talk about it, it all takes a lot of strength and (I mean this in a genuine, not patronising way) you should be proud of yourself x

 

[no-no]

Oh that's a shame. I think it might be worth trying to find another therapist . Especially if you don't feel like you've got it off your chest yet. Sounds like your previous therapist was more CBT focused maybe, which is super helpful in terms of strategies moving forward. But yes, sometimes you just want to talk in a safe environment without judgement

Yes, it can be confusing when you receive CBT as it doesn't provide the interpersonal space for talking through stuff. CBT is future-focused. If you want to talk over things you’ll need something more counselling-based. I had a combo of psychodynamic psychotherapy & CBT once and found it the best, it was 65-70% going over past events and building a relationship with the therapist then 35-30% CBT.

 

[justheretoread99]

It is so shitty when the people who are meant to be your support network don't get it. I'm sorry. I'm glad you have good friends.

I definitely go through cycles with my depression and anxiety where sometimes different forms of therapy are more or less effective too.

Do you have any hobbies or interests you enjoy? Or used to enjoy? It's hard when you're feeling apathetic and the depression is bad but would picking one of those up again be do-able?

and omg. Medical receptionists...Why are so many of them awful? I truly do not understand why you would go in to that job if you weren't a people person (and most of them seem to hate people!).

You're not a lost cause. No-one is.

Thank you so much
I’m the same it’s definitely cycles when it’s bad it’s really bad but when I’m OK I can just about function and enjoy time with my friends.

When I was a kid I used to love Art and played a few instruments. Tried to get back into painting and drawing in the first lockdown but just don’t have the attention span/patience anymore.

I think once you suffer badly with a mental health condition it’s with you for life. So I’ve accepted I’ll never truly be back to my “happy self” but pushing on to enjoy to good days.

 

[bunnyboo]

Mod edit:
Please contact The Samaritans - they are trained and will be able to help you.

Samaritans - Here to listen

Samaritans works to make sure there’s always someone there for anyone who needs someone. Read more.

www.samaritans.org

 

[watermelon sugar]

The nights are so hard. I’m here if anyone else is

hope you’re okay, I agree the nights are the worst. I’ve been struggling to sleep lately and my anxiety and depression is playing up because of it

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Help me please! Only signed up to Tattle for this thread.
Has anyone been anti anti-depressants and therapy but given it a go and it's worked? I think I have depression, PTSD and now moderate anxiety.
Up until 2015 I would say my mental health was good but my daughter was stillborn at 41 weeks and that's where my problems started.
I don't know if I'm depressed or it's just grief/sadness. I've never asked for help and no one has offered. I don't want to waste anyones time so very reluctant to ask for help. I feel like no amount of therapy or drugs will help as it will (obviously) not bring my daughter back so nothing will change and I just need to accept this is how I will feel forever.
I feel like I'm very good at acting happy and normal but inside my head it can feel like torture. I just want some peace and don't think I can live the next 40 plus years of my life this way.

Hi, I am new to this thread as well, ( I come here to talk about something but am not sure how to start)

I feel asking your GP about group grief therapy might help you. Talking is a great healer and talking to people who have been through or going through the same thing can help you so much. We always feel like we are bothering people if we keep talking and that is why going to a group specifically for this will help you let everything out. Drs are very fast to give pills when sometimes just talking is what we need. if that doesn't work then try the pills. but talking and talking until you have no words left, for me is the greatest healer.

I always ask, do you have reason to be depressed.. Yes, you do, no bigger reason than losing a child. it's against everything we know, we are conditioned that one day we will lose a parent, but never a child.

I've not lost a child, so cannot advise on that specifically, but lost my whole life due to violence and having to be moved away from my children, my home, my friends and family my career and start over.
Yes, I was depressed but had an f-ing good reason to be depressed, (just like you do) no one helped me work through that I was just given pills. Pills are for a chemical imbalance not for people who have reason to be depressed and who need to work it through and talk it through. Pills should never be the first action for those who do not have a chemical imbalance but have a good reason to be depressed.

whatever you decide to do, good luck and I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[lemonl189]

It is completely okay to be unproductive lovely! Please be kind to yourself, sometimes you just need to relax and recharge your batteries




This. So much. I just want to remind everyone that when you feel jealous or insecure because of other people, there are tons of folks out there who feel the same way because of you since we all tend to sugarcoat our daily lives on social media. Don’t believe it, you are all wonderful and comparing yourself to others leads to nothing. Something that helps me is journaling and keeping track of my little victories. It lets you see how much you’ve grown compared to your past self.



Not anymore, but I used to be like this pre-meds. I’m choleric and hit the roof in a matter of seconds Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. You are already a better person than the majority for thinking and caring about other people’s feelings



__________________________________________________________________


I am suspiciously happy today. Had a nice time with my family yesterday, slept in until 11 and woke up cheery. But after so many failures and unhappy days I am worried I’m just being manic today and it will go downhill very soon. I hate feeling like I have to pay for being okay!

Don’t be worried about being manic and it going downhill because we all have bad days without bad days we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good ones. I’m glad to here your happy and I hope you will continue to do so you have probably been through a hard time so you deserve happiness but remember sometimes you can’t control feelings and being down is ok too but things will get better please don’t feel like you have to pay for your feelings life is hard sometimes but no matter what we all deserve happiness!

 

[Whatevesmate]

I’m done with living. I’m so fucking sick of waking up every single day. I literally have nothing worth living for. Apparently my mental health issues are a joke, and it’s my own fault I can’t keep friends. No one knows what I’ve been through and what’s happened in my life.
No one cares, not even my doctor. So I just think it would be better if I gave up trying to care for myself anymore.

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful. Have you tried calling the Samaritans? You sound pretty desperate and they are there to listen. Please give them a call. You sound like you need to talk to someone. Don't give up. Things won't always be this bad. Hope you get some support soon. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Libbylulu]

Help!
im new to this forum I have just Made my account and this is my first post.
I’m searching for help because I am too scared to talk to anyone about how I feel face to face. I’m having a really hard time and I cannot control my thoughts some days I can think things are getting better and the next days are the lowest of low. Some back story throughout my childhood it was never good in school I used to get bullied for the way I looked and I always tried to fit in however a few years later at the 16 age I starting getting some attention i liked but I was way out of my league and then had a traumatic accident 2 years ago and was burnt and left alone (I think this is where my trauma lies I’m not sure I’m over it) I lost all my confidence and had to return to school all my friends knowing what happened and had massive burn patches on the side of my face. At the time this didn’t fase me at all I thought it wouldn’t affect me (it has now I think it is because I never processed it) 3 years after I now dropped out of college no job no friends because of anxiety and depression (not diagnosed) I get flashbacks of what happened I’m too scared to admit my feelings because I have no one to talk to and the people I know we don’t have that kind of open relationship or don’t take me seriously. I want to change my life so bad I want to get back into education a job and new friends I have missed out on so much the fire took so much away from me and during the lockdown I think is when I processed what had happened and that’s when it all hit me I didn’t leave the house for months gave up on things I enjoyed and lost myself. How can I change things to make things better and get a better life?

I’m so sorry that things have been so tough and difficult. I know you say you’re too scared to talk to someone face to face but sometimes finding a good counselor can be a blessing. It took me ages to agree to see someone but when I found the right person it helped me organize my thoughts, voice things out loud, make a plan, even just baby steps to start. Sometimes it’s good to have someone to talk to even if it’s an effort to start. 🫂 xxx

 

[emm]

Sorry I am jumping on this thread, I was wondering ( I assume a lot of you have) done this I basicallyhave been advised to go on anti depressants, but I have heard SO many negatives from so many kinds... does anyone have any advice? (I am going to a private doctor so I canask for a specific brand)

 

[rainbowlemon]

Guess who is not sleeping again

Sending you love. My mother got a prescription for sleeping medication which helped after struggling with it for so long.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Not exercising, hardly eating, and my flat is just a mess. Rather than dealing with it, I just spend hours staring at the TV and trying to get some escapism.

The cleaning can honestly wait until later.

I do the same. Watching Youtube videos really brings relief.

I would recommend buying protein shakes or bars, simple minimal fuss needed foods or can you get some ready meals instead?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you too, I managed an hours sleep, would love to be able to have a proper nights sleep, really doesn't help my mh issues.
Hope you're feeling better today? I really enjoyed chatting to you last night, makes me feel that I'm not alone, if that makes sense?

Oh my gosh, that’s hard-going. I really hope you can take it easy day, getting by on just one hours sleep is SO hard, physically and mentally. I had a really bad period of insomnia years ago, and the only thing that helped in the end was Tesco’s own version of Nytol, but I know different things work for different people.

I am thank you, I’m lucky it’s the weekend and I can just hide from the world. I know that’s not very helpful to do, but hey.
I enjoyed it too, and yes, that totally makes sense. It’s such a cruel effect of MH problems, that even when you rationally know otherwise, you feel so alone. Chatting about it in a honest way helps me realise I’m just a normal person who’s unwell at the moment.

 

[altgirl]

@altgirl I am sorry you had that experience of therapy. It actually makes me quite angry on your behalf and sums up why I find CBT as a stand-alone totally unsuitable for many issues. Of course, the future is important but just dismissing and not exploring what’s happened to get you to therapy in the first place is so damaging, imho.

I absolutely, 1000% believe it would be incredibly beneficial to talk through what happened.

Fully agree with what @no-no, @mindlessness and @Raymond Luxury-Yacht said about CBT vs more psycho-analysis focused therapy.

Thank you all for your replies. I will try and look into counselling near me and possibly reach out to a friend who didn’t know him in the meantime.

 

[Cocoflowers]

It's okay to post here. Break ups are super tough. How long were you together?

I hope you can be honest with your family. Sometimes there are no words but having someone else if they just sit there can help.

We was together from 2013 to 2016 then got back to 2018 to last year but ive known him since 2007 we've been best friend for years but he always seem to let me go and just ghost me but this is the time where i think he will never ever speak to me again.

The mental health team is coming over tomorrow to talk to my brother and i will be in the house at the time. I take st johns worts when im at work now i might start to take calms daily and see how i get on. I've been helping my family but they dont think im helping it feels like. X

I’m so sorry lovely! You are definitely not alone. I hope you can get your family to listen to you and understand your struggles, and I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, too Sending you virtual hugs!

Thank you lovely i know i see you on other threads im always here for you to talk to! Sending lots of love and hugs

I did curl my hair and put make up on for the first time in a month and took few selfies and i just wiped it all off and now sitting in my pjs

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I suffer from fatigue too. Do you avoid mirrors? I do.

I try to. My mother’s house has mirrors in every room and it’s such a torture visiting her when I feel especially bad about myself. I somewhat try to fix the situation with make up and piercings but it doesn’t always help.

 

[Penguin86]

I went up to 150mg Sertraline as 100 was ineffective and now I am trembling inside constantly and can't use my hands steadily. I don't know what to do.

How long have you been up? It takes a while to adjust