I’m so happy to hear you are feeling better today! I hope you have a fantastic weekend and that the lunch goes well!
I honestly don’t think I could handle being physically ill on top of being mentally ill. I know you just have to deal with it one way or another but you sound amazing in your attitude to it, and I love how you and your husband work together in your own way, you’re so right, better times will come.I am physically ill and undergoing tests. My mental health just will not "settle", despite being on a new antidepressant for months. I don't know what to do. I've never experienced serious physical illness before so the two combined have knocked me off my feet.
My husband and I barely interact at the moment because he is depressed and anxious too. We are like ships in the night or we sit in silence. Neither of us has the brain to deal with it. I know we love each other and we still make time to hug and say I love you. I know it's all cyclical and better times will come. They have before. I need to keep telling myself.
I took for granted decent physical health. I've only ever known poor mental health so it became my normal.
The mind fog is great. I can't even concentrate on a benign TV show for some peace for my brain.
GP on Monday I think. Luckily I have a decent surgery now after spending years with a doc who left me hooked on diazepam. Still slowly weaning off that after almost 6 years
I've been on the EMDR waiting list since June 21st. They rang the other day but I'm currently too ill physically/unstable mentally to do trauma work again.
Sending my love to you all. I don't expect a response - I know everyone here is in a struggle. It just feels good to anonymously write things down.
Amitriptyline is an anti-depressant often used for treating anxiety disorders. It also helps with sleep as you take it before bed. Have a word with your doctor and together you can discuss what medication would be best for what you’re experiencing and your general health.
I'm reluctant to say "things will get better" because it used to really annoy me at times when I was feeling really bad, but I just wanted to share my experience because you sound in a really similar position to me four years ago. I was at the end of a relationship, had to move quickly and couldn't afford it, I just managed to pay a rental deposit on the last bit of my credit card but was in so much debt I couldn't afford my rent. I was being bullied by my boss and thought I'd never find anything better. All my friends were getting married and having kids and doing things and I just felt like a loser next to them all. I was so down I thought I must be the worst person to spend time with and was waiting for my mates to ditch me. I was self harming, drinking, doing too many drugs, not eating and couldn't get through a day at work without crying in the loos at work or on the bus. Every time I woke up in the morning I was furious I was still around, I felt absolutely worthless and didn't want to be around. I still had "fun" but I'd go home and just feel completely empty.
I can understand that. I find it very hard to be open in "real life". It's just so much easier when you are talking on anonymous forum. I also find you can put more thought into what you are saying and articulate yourself better than you can face to face.I’m not sure tbh. I know my university offers a session to help you find a therapist but even they are fully booked for the next couple months. Covid really hit us all hard.
I find it somewhat easy to talk about it on here but could never offline
and aw, prynhawn da!my family’s from the north near Wrecsam!
I'm the same, I feel like there is no easy medium, I just know when I'm happy, a low will come, it's always the same.I was in such a good mood yesterday, almost manic, but today I am feeling very low. I want to cry and almost feel like doing something to myself. I just hate how it’s up and down and up and then down again. I would appreciate some good thoughts being sent my way
My very best wishes to you for the interview. I'm just a stranger on tattle but I am so impressed with you and your story and your heart/care for others struggling. I'd wager they will be to. Even just building up the courage to apply for the position (and to make that step forward after a difficult time) is an achievement.TW- Substance misuse and suicide attempts.
Hi everyone, i havent posted on here for a while.
Many of you know, i have mental health issues and past substance misuse issues (i will regret the day my gp ever gave me opiates!). Since July 2020 i have been off work (im a social worker by profession). I got diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar 2, and i have been living a very sheltered life since then (i did try and kill myself and was sectioned). My partner has been brilliant, i mean i have literally been treated like a kid, had to tell my partner and family where i was going etc. Its not as bad as it sounds, they did it initially so i couldnt go and buy oxycontin which now im very grateful for. At the time i wasnt happy because if anyone knows- being dope sick is a very real thing.
Anyway, my life has literally been me not seeing anyone, i dont even have social media anymore. I get the kids up and ready for school, and some days i go back to bed until its time to pick them up. I have had no energy or motivation to do anything. Its embarrassing that im 35 and i still feel like a teenager. And the person i was 10 years ago seems like a completely different person.
Anyway, for a few weeks i have felt that im ready to do something with my life. I am sick of feeling like this, i just want a nice routine, and i want to go back and earn some money. (I get PIP for my mental health), some sick pay and Child Benefit, but its not a lot and for the first time ever i am struggling a little with money.
Last weekend i saw a job advertised for a charity. Its a "peer liaison recovery worker" for a charity, based at the police station. Part of the requirements was lived experience in either mental health, drugs and alcohol, or criminal justice. And for the first time i felt excited and feel i could support others who have gone through similar to me. Plus the fact i am actually a "professional" so i have been on both sides of services- i have been both a professional and service user. The hours are only 15 hours a week, but i think thats good because i havent been in work since June 2020. So i have talked with them and i have an interview arranged for Wednesday. They sounded really positive and think i have all the right experience (im sure they say that to everyone though!). But they said it would be really beneficial for me to share my story with the interviewers, and that is what i am scared of. What if they think i still have too many issues. I dont want to come across badly. I am scared incase it goes against me even though they said lived experience is so important to the role. I am half tempted to fuck it off even though its the first time i have felt excited about something in a long time. The money is not as good as my full time social work position, but im not even doing it for the money tbh.
I guess i am just scared as its the first time i am putting myself out there, and im trying not to get my hopes up even though i would love this opportunity and i feel i would have a lot to offer (based on both my professional and my personal experience). My partner said its up to me, in the past when i have talked about going back to work he said it was a bad idea, but even he can see the positives of this. For years i worked non stop as a social worker, working every day until midnight, it was very demanding and i burnt out. Whereas this position- i wont have the same level of responsibility, its not as good money wise (although if you actually break down the exact amount of hours i actually worked as a social worker it ended up about £2 per hour regardless of the decent salary!). But it would get me out of the house a couple of days a week, it will get me into a nice little routine, and i hope it will transfer some motivation into other aspects of my life.
I know there is no guarentee i will even get the job, and im trying not to get my hopes up, but im worried that if i talk about my suicide attempt then they will think i have too much lived experience, if that makes sense! I dont want to come across badly, and they said they want me to share my story. I dunno, im probably over thinking it all.
Sorry for waffling on, i havent told anyone about this and i figured this was the best place.
Medication and therapy saved my life.
Thank you, that's very kind. I have been feeling a bit better since my last post, just been trying to keep myself busy.
Hi I’ve just found this thread and feel the same. I’m supposed to be in work but have called in sick until next Monday. I’m hoping my Gp will be sympathetic but who knows. Either way, broke or not, I’m going to have to hand in my notice. I’m diagnosed with ASD as well as depression, and the overwhelm is ridiculous. What am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? I’m not prepared to be at rock bottom to please a bunch of people who couldn’t give a toss. I wish everyone the very very best - I’m not prepared to sacrifice my life for people who don’t care - if I have to buy a tent and sod off to the woods then I will. I’d rather be alive, de stressed and happy than sitting in an office, stressed out of my mind.
Oh definitely feel a little better. Less emotional for sure. Bit dehydrated though so gotta fix that.
I’ve found someone local who is a lot cheaper than the ones I’d seen, she seems great and covers the areas I want to work on. But now I’m skint so will have to do it in a few months. Got my last session with the NHS this evening 