The Depression Thread

[Moongirl69]

I've been off work dealing with some stuff which has had a real impact on my mood for the first time in a while. Sending positive thoughts to everyone who is struggling.

 

[Gem_woody]

I've felt myself spiralling downwards for a while and have tried really hard to keep it together, but am struggling big time today, all I want to do is sleep, and not wake up, I've been there before, along time ago, the meds have helped me, but that feeling is consuming me, fuckin hate this shit.

I know what you mean, I'd love to just sleep forever x

 

[Jmx]

I’m really struggling with a breakup, I can’t eat or sleep and really don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with this. I don’t know if I’m depressed or just anxious but i need to try and speak to a doctor next week.

 

[LittleMy]

I’ve been wanting to talk to my GP or a therapist for a long time because I’m worried I might have a form of depression (or that something’s not right with my thyroid, as some symptoms are very similar).
However, at the moment people keep telling me it’s “normal” to feel bad because we’re in the middle of a pandemic. So, I’ve been putting it off, and only have a look at some therapists every now and then but whenever I see someone who I think looks “nice” (for lack of a better word) they usually don’t offer any appointments within the next 6 months

It’s not normal to feel bad to the point that it’s affecting your daily life. Please don’t put it off, it’s always best to seek help if you feel you’re not coping.

 

[lemonlime]

I was in such a good mood yesterday, almost manic, but today I am feeling very low. I want to cry and almost feel like doing something to myself. I just hate how it’s up and down and up and then down again. I would appreciate some good thoughts being sent my way

Sending you all of them

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Does anybody else keep on purposefully pulling their triggers? I know it does not make sense but it’s almost satisfying in some odd way, like picking scabs. My trigger is a certain person who (through no fault of her own, I must admit) fucked me up pretty badly. Yet I often feel the urge to look her up, check her social media, etc. Anybody does the same?

Yes, I’m struggling with that at the moment. It really sucks and I’m so sorry it’s happening to you too. It’s hard when you know what you’re doing, but it’s kind of overpowering. Anyone who doesn’t understand would just say, “don’t look her up then”, but it’s not that simple when it’s connected to a mental illness.

I think because I’m pretty depressed at the moment (and have just had a rough week of PMT), certain vulnerabilities come back from something I used to struggle with.

I wish I could offer some advice @Raymond Luxury-Yacht , I‘m sending solidarity though. I’m going to wash my hair, lose myself in a movie and see if that will help. Take care of yourself lovely, you deserve it. That goes for everyone here too x

 

[Penguin86]

I haven't taken my meds in a week

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

It’s so brave that you’ve made the appointment, I don’t say that lightly. I had a gp appointment where I was terrified to explain what was going on, so I just wrote down what I wanted to say. I know it sounds so obvious, but it helped me at the time.

Thank you. To be clear, I hadn’t made the call yet but I did today. The dr will do a phone appointment tomorrow afternoon. I feel the hardest part was picking up the phone today.

Spoiler: TW maybe

/I don’t feel relief or anything, I just need sleep and to get through the day without multiple panic attacks. I keep it together when my kids are around or I’m busy but the minute I let my thoughts drift, or in the middle of the night unexpectedly, I start to lose control all over. I’m glad I called. She did say if I felt I needed it, to walk into the hospital and they would help me immediately. And they did offer in person but I don’t trust myself to drive right now being so tired .

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Does anyone feel like they take one step forward for steps back? I had a good run with my anti-depressants but I’ve realised it doesn’t take much for me to be right at the edge again.

I don’t think I can keep doing this. I come on here and get lost in Tattle because it’s an escape and I log off and my heart sinks because I’m so unhappy and I don’t know what to do.

 

[Maid22]

@Pollyanna263 I think we can all understand coming out of that really low place, then trying to be 'normal', whatever that is.
Not being nosey , but can you not get any help, so you can take some time for yourself?

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I’m in such a horrible place right now. And I went to stay with my friend for the weekend and forgot all of my medication (antidepressants and some others) at home. I know I’m going to feel worse now and I’m already really down. Do you think missing two days will ruin the effect? I don’t even know how to explain it to my friend, she is healthy and does not take any meds.

 

[Elisha97]

I’m writing this because I’m not sure where else to go. I’ve done years and every kind of CBT, counselling, medications, seen a psychiatrist, a psychologist, doctors, specialised mental health treatment and nothing helps. I just want 10 minutes to be free from my own mind. I’ve been mentally unwell since I was 4 and depressed with an eating disorder since I was about 7 and I’m just not sure at this point what else I can do. Does anyone have anything that brings them distraction or peace or clarity?

 

[mindlessness]

Therapy can definitely be hard when it breaks down your defenses/coping strategies @whatktdid. At least in my experience it has been!
I promise it gets better. Well done for taking the first step and starting CBT.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I still have my ups and downs. Just trying to take it moment by moment as cliched as that sounds. I just came back from my evening walk so feeling pretty okay. I felt my best when I was doing gym 6 days a week but I'm nowhere near my old fitness level so just starting with more walking.

I think maybe reframing it would work. Everytime you look her up maybe you just want connection.

If it was a toxic relationship there are things such as trauma bonds which make it hard to give someone up.

Being and feeling jealous doesn't make you pathetic They are just feelings and adding more shame and guilt on top doesn't help us. I say this all the time but journaling will help you understand your why.

" I’m always expecting something to go wrong,"

This reads as classic hypervigillence for me. I grew up in a home with a lot of domestic violence. I never really felt safe because It wasn't. Learning to calm your nervous system will help with this. What small things can you do to make yourself feel safer? It was having a thick blanket and candles when I was over sitimulated.

I still struggle with not feeling like I have any selfworth- I've been trying to work on myself esteem. It might sound woo, but I bought a new one line a day journal which arrived this week. Just writing one positive affirmation and things I'm grateful for. I also listen to self esteem affirmations on youtube (on day 3). The thing is if you hear something over and over again you will start to believe it.

I think you were quoting me, thank you so much for this thoughtful reply You sound so wise! Every post of yours gives me so much food for thought. I have been considering journaling for a while, maybe be the time I gave it a

I’ve never heard of hypervigillence but just a quick google shows it can stem from trauma. I had an okay childhood, especially compared to other people, and it’s a bit strange to think I might have been traumatised as a child…I’m sorry you were exposed to domestic violence at such a young age, it’s a horrible thing to go through, but especially so for young children. You are truly a hero and fighter


How is everyone doing today? Hope you are being kind to yourself and have a nice, calm weekend all!

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to the GP on Monday to do the same! First time for me and I am weirdly relieved now that I’ve finally decided to do it. I know there are no guarantees and it’s no picnic but it’s so nice to think that there might be something that will take the edge off and let me enjoy life a bit more. Even a tiny bit!

Sorry to quote myself but quick update on this, was prescribed sertraline today. Doctor was incredibly lovely. Was feeling positive about it and then a well-meaning friend told me alllll about alllllll the side effects in the first two weeks. But another friend said the only thing they experienced was weird dreams. I think I’m just going to start them tomorrow and not overthink it!

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Has anybody ever tried a CBT book? I don’t dare do CBT yet so would like to try a book myself perhaps.

I am struggling at the moment and feel embarrassed and almost ashamed to admit it. Today we got a puppy. A puppy i have wanted for years. We’ve spent ages researching it and I’ve been so excited all week to pick him up. Today came and I’ve spent it in tears worrying I’ve made a mistake and regretting it. I am embarrassed of my thought process, I do this for so many situations. I’ve spent what should have been a happy day, in tears all day. It’s like a sign I need to sort myself out now.

 

[lemonlime]

I'd forgotten the physical exhaustion side of this whole mess, I've been okayish for a while. This is ridiculous, I don't even do much physically but I just want to sleep 18 hours a day. I'll up my vitamin D intake and hopefully avoid falling into a pit yet again. I really can't afford it, office work being back and all. It was so easy to be miserable in peace when I was WFH, they look down on being miserable at work, even if you get your job done.

 

[flutternutter]

First day back at work. Trying to keep myself calm, even with an inbox full and countless meetings which have been put in while I have been off.

I am still fed up. Still cba to do anything. My husband keeps telling me i need a hobby but i feel like i try something then just give up.

I definitely think my depression is half chemical half habit. I am so used to feeling low I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I dont mean this for sympathy or anything just straight facts. I have worked on myself and I can pick myself up but I cant seem to get above this bar of constant sadness

 

[Tanne1999]

Following the chat about being a homebody, my boyfriend has decided even more so that cleaning up around the house isn’t something he’d like to partake in. I spent the last two days deep cleaning the house, and it’s a fucking tip already.

Sick to the back teeth of it. I don’t even know how he manages to get it in such a mess. I cook dinner and yet somehow he manages to turn the kitchen upside down. I find his socks in the most bizarre places. He’s incapable of hoovering. There’s rubbish piled up (his only job) and he just blindly ignores it. There’s stuff in the living room he swore he was going to take to the tip months ago.

I know full well he’s a clean freak at work and keeps everything clean and tidy. Why he can’t do the absolute basics at home is beyond me.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Anyone else ready to yeet them self out the window



i do this too - I’m fine during the day then the evenings when I’m alone I can’t cope. Also compare my life to everyone else’s.

I know what you mean
I always think of the line from an Emeli Sandé song, “I wake with good intentions, but the day it always lasts too long”.